


Puppet

by GenerationAlchemist



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Original Character(s), Psychological Trauma, Sexual Assault, Slow Burn, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2018-04-29 10:28:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 119,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5124188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenerationAlchemist/pseuds/GenerationAlchemist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years after the Promised Day, Edward is living life comfortably as a teacher, awaiting his brother's return from Xing. Everything seems peaceful until things explode out of control. Imprisoned by a man with a strange, foreign alchemy, Ed can only watch as inhumane acts of evil are committed before his eyes, with no way to stop them. And the man's odd religious adoration of him doesn't make matters any easier.</p>
<p>He has to break free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Chapter One

Sunlight peeked through the steely dawn, rays reflecting off precipitation-damp cobblestones as the city began to awake. A deep, resounding chime rang through empty doorways and off stone walls to signify the beginning of yet another peaceful day in Central City. The same exact way it had rung for the past two years.

Today, though, the morning was disturbed by a flash of gold and black that whipped through the streets, crashing into walls before ricocheting the other way, loud voice muttering and cursing in panic.

'Better hurry, Mr. Elric!' 'Late again, Fullmetal?' These amused calls followed the blonde and other than growling in annoyance, he didn't bother answering.

The final toll of the bell rolled over him and he hung his head even as he continued sprinting. Late for the third time this week. He was never going to live this down. He just prayed Mustang wouldn't hear about this. He could already imagine the bastard's smug smirk,

_'What was that, Fullmetal? You were late how many times? I understand that without a normal stride it may be harder to get places on time, but...'_  or  _'Show yourself some SMALL amount of respect and be on time, at least,'_  or the worst, which he'd gotten once or twice before...  _'Don't worry, Fullmetal. It's not like they actually noticed you were absent- they probably can't even see you over your desk.'_

Edward Elric's jaw clenched at the memory. General Mustang had received a broken nose that day, but still Ed had been fuming as he left the pub. It wasn't any of that asshole's business anyway. Ed had been separate from the military for nearly a year and a half now, Mustang had no control over him. Or so he liked to imagine. Ed still returned to do an assignment if the general requested him, it didn't matter if he was no longer a military dog. He had a special arrangement, that, after his service and in helping with the Promised Day, no one would refuse.

He was still in the military, but could accept or refuse whichever assignment they wanted to give him, and usually they only requested him if it was something serious that he was really needed on. So usually he was only officially dealing with the military once every couple of months.

In the evening hours, however, he had formed a sort of ritual in joining Mustang or other members of his team in a relaxed night at the bars of Central.

Sometimes he would kick back with Hawkeye, which he tended to enjoy the most, as she was relaxed and calm and they could talk and reflect in a haze of reminiscence. Other times he found himself trapped with Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery, which he didn't mind that much but was a little too much excitement at times. Most of the time, though, he found himself with Mustang. Who he'd grown to respect and even consider as a friend. That didn't mean the bastard wasn't still insufferable at times. Like the teasing, which hadn't even begun to slow down, even though Edward was now nineteen and obviously no longer a child. Or the strict reprimands, even though Ed wasn't at his beck and call anymore, and wouldn't reflect badly on the General. Hopefully.

The slight, grimacing smiles were the thing that got to the blonde the most though. They would be talking, and Ed would say something uncharacteristically serious or profound, and Mustang would fall silent, dark eyes simmering with some kind of dangerous look. That smile would twist his lips gently, the air would turn dense and suffocating, and Ed wouldn't be able to break away from Mustang's smoky gaze.

Shaking himself from the reverie and looking up with a flushed face, Ed realized he'd reached his destination.

Central University rose above him, monolithic and rivaling even the enormity of Central Command. His gloved hands clenched into fists as his breathing leveled out and he lost himself in the sight.

_I'm just a man..._

Smiling faintly at the reminder, he made his way through the front gate and onto the campus, heading straight for the building on the left. As he made his way through the halls, his smile remained while he listened to the bustling sound of classes commencing behind the doorways he passed. All was right in the world, and especially here, where futures shined brightly and full of promise. It was one of the biggest things that kept him here- this environment so filled to the brim with hope. Not even he could be pessimistic on even the most miserable days when his automail twanged and ached and his heart yearned for his brother.

Reaching a classroom near the middle, he stopped outside the door and listened in, insecurities fading when an uneasy chorus of mumbles reached his ears.

'Where do you think he is? He went out with the General again didn't he?' 'Yeah, maybe they had a fight!' 'Doubt it, that would have been the word on the street this morning.' 'Well maybe he drank too much and got hung-over.' 'This is the Fullmetal Alchemist we're talking about. You know that, right?'

Shaping his features into something a little less gleeful, Edward cleared his throat and entered the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

'Who didn't do the assignment?' he asked immediately, ignoring the bright calls of "Good morning!".

A few miserable-looking students raised their hands and Edward grinned, making the class wince sympathetically.

'Great! Come on down to the front of the room, will you?'

Despite three of the four students being older than Edward- which was an accurate representation of the age range of the rest of the class as well-, they all looked like scolded children, already humiliated before punishment even began. The rest of the class was practically climbing up on their desks to get a good view of the show, which was a needless action considering the room was arranged in pantheon seating.

Ed turned his back to the class, finally having a moment to string his long, waist-length hair up into a golden ponytail. He then stripped off the large black overcoat and lay it over the back of his chair, aware of the eyes tracking his movements as he rolled up the sleeves of his dark crimson dress shirt, revealing his automail. Glancing up to confirm the wrong-doers were now waiting glumly near his desk, Ed retrieved a piece of chalk from the top drawer of his desk before moving to the side of the room nearest the window, to the right of his desk.

There was a large slab of blackboard that covered the floor here, stretching the thirty feet from the side of his desk to the windows, and the fifteen feet width from the edge of the students' seats to the blackboard on the wall. This was the first thing that Ed had asked for upon reluctantly accepting this teaching position over a year ago. He was more comfortable with drawing arrays and transmutation circles on the ground, and if he was going to be able to teach these people anything, he knew he needed to find his own comfort zone.

He knelt down, his students leaning forward excitedly as he quickly sketched four circles along the blackboard's length, filling in the different arrays with symbols and ancient words. By the time he stood back, his black pants were covered in white smudges and there was a streak of dust across his cheek but he didn't seem to even notice as he turned to the four students standing and staring down at the arrays in amazement.

'Each of you pick an array,' the blonde said and glanced up at the rest of the class, who obviously knew the meanings of the symbols on each of the arrays, if not the use of the array itself.

Each of the four students chose an array, confusion written on their faces.

'Jennings, Stevens, Brown, Nyuhen. Do you recognize what your specific array does?'

The three young men shook their heads but the one girl of the group squinted down at hers, eyes locked onto one of the symbols, 'Is it... that means magnet, doesn't it?'

She pointed at a symbol of something that looked like an arrowhead with a thick, blunt edge opposite the point.

'That's right, Nyuhen. So based on where that symbol is in the array, and what I place in the center-' Ed stepped forward and dropped a small cube of iron in the center, letting the sharp, metallic cling speak for itself as he backed away, 'what do you figure this array does?'

'It... makes that into a magnet?'

Ed smirked, 'We'll see!'

He then placed a glass cup full of murky water in the first array, a larger cube of iron in the second, and left the third empty.

Grinning cheerfully, he backed away several paces towards his desk, 'Alright! Go ahead and activate your transmutations!'

Four pairs of fearful eyes snapped to him in disbelief.

'We can't activate an array without knowing what it does!'

Ed's expression abruptly pinched into something feral, yet he was still smiling, 'I guess you should have done your assignment then, huh? If you had, you'd know what these do. Activate the arrays or leave this class.'

'But sir, that's dangerous...'

The smile faded and searing gold eyes narrowed, 'Alchemy is dangerous. It's not a game or something you can do just because you can. It takes discipline and knowledge, and passion- without which you can never become a great alchemist. Without these traits, you're like an artist without paint or the will to create. Nothing. So,' he put his hands on his hips, his automail clinking ominously, 'if you don't have what it takes, and you'll know, leave. Don't waste my time.'

Silence settled over the classroom like the hush at a funeral, somber and thick, as the Fullmetal Alchemist, for all his reputation of having a short stature, loomed over the prospective alchemists in judgment.

Nyuhen was the first to kneel on the floor and touch her hands to the edges of her array, confidence and determination written across her features.

The men soon followed her, all varying degrees of nervous.

White and blue light crackled around the room as the transmutations sprung to life. The air became tinged with the scent of burning metal that seemed to coat everyone's mouths with the taste of copper. This was just a ghost of what Ed was used to using though, so he only realized the alchemic energy was affecting his students by the twisted and awed expressions on their faces.

Seconds passed before the transmutations faded away and the light dissipated, leaving a glass of clear water in the first array, a melted blob of what used to be metal in the second, a mound of blackboard that had grown into a tiny mountain in the third, and no apparent change to the cube of iron in Nyuhen's circle.

Edward crossed in front of the four students, eyeing each product and nodding in approval, 'Very good,' he murmured and stuck his hands in his pockets, 'these look decent. Do you know what your transmutations are used for now?'

Jennings nudged his foot towards the cup of now clear water, 'This was a purification transmutation.'

'Do you know which symbol is used to purify?'

The man hesitantly pointed towards an image that depicted a spear with a line that weaved around it in a looping caress.

'That's right,' Ed moved on to the second array, 'Stevens?'

'It's an array used for melting,' the brunette motioned toward the melted iron and then a symbol of two circles stacked with a horizontal line attached at the top, 'that's the symbol for melting, which is attached to the center and surrounded by energy inhibitors to restrict the alchemic reaction to the object in the center of the circle.'

Ed didn't have to respond, just gave an agreeable nod and moved onto the third. Brown explained how the transmutation caused the floor to rise by thinning the material of the blackboard around it. Nyuhen picked up the cube of iron and used her thin steel bracelet to show how it was now magnetic. Ed sent them back to their seats after they cleaned up their arrays and took his place at the front board, drawing a large circle and labeling each part of the array.

'Today we'll be learning about the mechanics of a transmutation circle. You've learned about the symbols and grounding the alchemic power, but how do these things actually work after being added all together in the circle?'

The nineteen year old continued the lesson, surprised at how difficult it was to go back through every tiny function of a circle. He'd learned this so long ago and it had become so natural to visualize the hundreds of different transmutations that it was refreshing to go back through the actual science. When broken down, it seemed less like the magic many people confused it for, and more like the complex, headache-inducing science it was.

When there was ten minutes before the hour and a half long class ended, Ed put down his piece of chalk and stared out of the class of nearly forty students, watching as a few hurried and completed their scribbled notes.

'Your assignment tonight will be to go over what we talked about in class today, and to think about the significance of placement inside the circle. Because, like I said earlier, if one tiny detail is out of place, the transmutation will backfire. We'll be talking more about backlash tomorrow.'

'Have you ever been hit with backlash before, Ed?' a voice called from near the back of the room.

Golden eyes locked onto the speaker and Ed smiled smugly, 'Of course not. Good alchemists never allow a single mistake in their work.'

Another voice rose up near the middle, 'Will you tell us more about your journey?'

It's something Ed had been doing for the past few months of teaching- steadily telling the tale of him and his brother that had led up to the Promised Day. It had begun when he caved after being harassed by these people for months about his participation in the whole event. Rumors were all over the country of course, and the legend of the Elric brothers were spread wide. Unfortunately, some of those rumors were so ridiculous that Ed finally just decided to tell them all the tale and set the facts straight. There was no harm in the truth anymore, after all.

Before, he had skirted around how Al had gotten into a suit of armor, but, as Mustang had pointed it out to him just last night- the new Fuhrer had granted him an official pardon for all the actions of his past. The dark-haired General had also thrown his own words back at him-  _"Knowledge is power- the more people know about the consequences of such horrendous things, the fewer will attempt._ " Ed had grumbled his hatred for the bastard General while Mustang just smirked at him kindly.

' "Like Achilles, the hero who forgot his heel, or like Icarus who, flying close to the sun, forgot that his wings were made of wax, we should be wary when triumphant ideas seem unassailable, for then there is all the more reason to predict their downfall." '

Ed bowed his head for a moment before looking up at his class, scanning their eager and curious faces, 'I think you guys are ready to hear how all this started with me, huh? Well, I grew up in Resembool, as I'm sure a lot of you know, with my brother Al...'

He continued on, describing how they began to learn alchemy almost as soon as they could read, and the bell tolled, ending the class, right as Ed was reliving the death of his mother.

Stopping, he began to wipe the board clean, only to realize none of his class had risen to leave for their next class yet. He huffed a sigh and gave a small smile, 'Listen, guys, I'll tell more tomorrow, but class is over. Go on, now.'

The students reluctantly stood and filtered out of the room, frustration like a virus that swept over their faces, spreading from one to the next. They whispered to one another and the next class battled their way in, baffled by the other peoples' low, troubled voices.

Ed smiled and stood in front of his second class, ready to repeat the previous hour all over again.

The day passed much like this, second and third classes going without a hitch. Well, except for a man in his third class that Ed didn't recognize. He wouldn't have even noticed the man, except for the fact that the guy was grinning widely when Ed forced the students who hadn't completed their assignments to perform alchemy.

He had dark red hair and sharp blue eyes and he was wearing military uniform, which unnerved Ed at first. The blonde expected him to get up and intervene, but he quietly sat with his arms crossed at the back of the room and got up after the end of the lecture, leaving with the rest of the students without comment.

The strange appearance was still preying on Ed's mind as the alchemist stepped out for lunch.

Was there some kind of military detail on him now that he wasn't aware of? Had he met the man before? Was the guy an alchemist?

He was so intent on his thoughts that he almost missed the figure standing at the gate, only awakening from his mind when a gloved hand wrapped around his automail arm.

* * *

**AN: To be continued. I already have eighteen chapters of this story written so I shall be updating frequently until I catch up to where I am presently at. I hope you enjoyed so far!**

 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

_The strange appearance was still preying on Ed's mind as the alchemist stepped out for lunch._

_Was there some kind of military detail on him now that he wasn't aware of? Had he met the man before? Was the guy an alchemist?_

_He was so intent on his thoughts that he almost missed the figure standing at the gate, only awakening from his mind when a gloved hand wrapped around his automail arm._

Ed jumped, only to growl low in his throat when he realized who the hand belonged to. The dark red arrays ingrained into the fabric of the gloves spoke for themselves.

'Fullmetal. Care to join me for lunch?' Mustang smirked down at him- the bastard was still a foot taller than him despite his growth spurt over the years- and hitched a dark brow curiously when Ed just shrugged.

'Sure, tag along if you want.'

The General fell into step with him and a comfortable silence descended, only broken after they reached a small café just off campus and ordered some sandwiches and coffee.

'Something bothering you, Fullmetal?'

Ed glanced up from his hands at the General and huffed a breath before leaning back in his chair, 'I dunno, that depends. Are you sending your guys to come spy on me?'

Mustang's expression darkened some, 'No. Why? Are military personnel bothering you?'

'Not exactly,' Ed explained about the man in his class and Mustang rested his chin on his folded hands.

'Hm... I see. Sounds like a fan of yours. I don't think it's anything to worry yourself over.'

Ed shrugged uncomfortably, still having his doubts but not wanting to appear insecure in front of his CO. Mustang had seen him vulnerable way too many times already in the time they'd known each other, 'Well, what about you? You don't usually visit me during work.'

The younger alchemist tensed when Mustang's demeanor shifted from faintly amused to cold and serious in the blink of an eye.

'You've heard of the tensions between Amestris and Drachma?'

'Yeah. What about it?' Everyone had heard about the ominous risings of conflict between Amestris and Drachma-it was in the newspapers and gossiping whispers all over town. Although Amestris had mended relations with Xing, Aerugo, and Creta after the downfall of Fuhrer Bradley, Drachmans remained suspicious and as the trade between the two countries began dwindling due to Amestrians' new allies heading the supply and demand of the country, anger began arising in their largest neighbor.

'Well, the Fuhrer just returned from a meeting with the Drachman king earlier this morning... it doesn't look good. War looks like a likely thing on our horizon, at this point.'

A waitress stopped by long enough to drop their respective orders in front of them before retreating with a kind smile. The conversation paused long enough for the men to consume their sandwiches and sip on their coffee for a minute or two, before their eyes met.

Ed sighed and crossed his arms, smiling sardonically at the man across from him, 'Well, we got two years, right? That's the most peace our country's got since the beginning.'

The General just grunted, 'Fuhrer Grumman's confidence is concerning. He doesn't bother mending relations with Drachma because he puts so much faith in the soldiers at Fort Briggs in the north. He doesn't believe anyone could break through the wall before reinforcements arrived, if Drachmans were to attempt to attack us.'

'I stayed at Fort Briggs for a while,' Ed reminded him after a beat or two, 'I think the Fuhrer's faith is well-placed.'

'Of course you do, Edward. You've never been to war before, you don't know the damage an entire army can do. And it's just a wall. They're meant to be torn down, whether tomorrow or two hundred years from now, that wall can't protect us forever.'

There was a smile on the dark haired man's face but it seemed to be directed inward. Ed was quiet a moment, gathering his thoughts, before turning a glare on his commanding officer,

'So why are you telling me this? Planning on finally trying to use me as your living weapon?'

Mustang's expression hardened, glassing over into the icy mask he was so good at using.

'All I wanted, Fullmetal, is to prepare you. There will be war in Amestris, and being a General now, I'm going to be in the middle of it. As one of my most prized men, I'd like you by my side if possible,' his expression softened just the slightest bit at Ed's incredulous look, 'Even if you choose not to fight, which might not even be a choice for you, I at least want your mind, Ed. That's all I'm asking.'

They stared at one another for a few very long moments, before the teenager rolled his eyes, 'Whatever, Mustang. Stop being so human. It's not a good look for you,' Ed lied, trying to force down the blush when Mustang's deep, sincere laughter echoed around the café.

'I'll keep that in mind, Fullmetal,' the man swallowed the last of his coffee and dropped a few bills on the table before climbing to his feet, 'well, shall I escort you back to the campus?'

Ed eyed the bills on the table before getting up and emptying his own cup, 'What, you're paying too? Are you feeling okay today, General Bastard? No, seriously, are you sick?'

Mustang snorted and led the way outside and into the bustling streets of mid-day Central, 'You paid for drinks last night, I figured this is a good repayment. Equivalent Exchange.'

'I paid for your drinks last night?'

'What, you don't remember?'

No. No he did not, but Ed just shrugged. No point in arguing about it.

Mustang was smirking, as if there was some kind of secret inside joke that Ed was missing, but the blonde ignored it and raised his chin.

They made it back to the campus within a few minutes and paused outside the gate, Ed finally looking at Mustang.

'Thanks for lunch, Mustang. Guess I'll see you tomorrow night.'

'Do you enjoy this, Ed?'

The blonde started, taking in Mustang's unreadable expression that seemed to be a mix of several emotions. This was so out of left-field for the General. What had they talked about last night, again? Had he somehow worried the man?

'What- teaching? Yeah... I guess so...' at the disbelief in those smoldering dark eyes, Ed gave a strained smile and conceded, 'Well, it is pretty surreal, you know? Most of my life so far has been spent fighting, battling against so many different enemies, being worn out and broken down and building myself and Al up again... it's just a little... strange, being so stationary,' the smile faded into something softer and more real as his eyes fell to the cobblestones at his feet, 'even after a year, I'm still itching to be out there and moving around. Sometimes I wish I had gone to Xing with Al. Sometimes I wish I'd stayed in the military full-time. Sometimes I just wish...'

He trailed off and Mustang could only stand there, looking down at him empathetically, 'So why did you stay?' he questioned softly.

'Because I needed to... I know I need this... this stability. I've never had it before, since I was a kid, so...'

Ed knew he still sounded unsure when a heavy hand fell on his shoulder. He looked up at the General to see a too-real smile on the man's face.

'You'll figure it out, Ed. You're the strongest person I know. You can do whatever you want and everyone will support you.'

'Thanks...'

His face was definitely flushed now. The blonde turned on his heel and stepped through the gate, not looking up even as Mustang's farewell echoed after him,

'I'll see you later, Fullmetal. Be careful.'

It was an odd goodbye, but Ed thought nothing of it as he returned to his duties. The day passed quickly after that, with Mustang to think about, and the man's words filling his mind like an inescapable fog. When it was time to go home, he forewent the usual bar and headed to his apartment located near Central Command.

Barely taking the time to shower and change into an old top and his boxers, he crawled into bed, ignorant of the fact that the sun was still shining outside. He just wanted to sleep off the stress, escape from the questions and the restlessness of his mind and body. But just as he closed his eyes, there was a knock on his door.

At first he ignored it, burying himself deeper in the soft comfort of his bed, but the bastard was persistent.

After nearly a whole minute of intermittent knocks, Ed threw back his covers and strode to the door, grumbling to himself before yanking open the front door.

'What the fuck do-'

He stopped when he realized it was one of his younger students from his fifth period class. The fifteen year old stared up at him with wide brown eyes, reminding Ed briefly of Al. James always had been like a mini version of Ed's younger brother, with his kindness and his dutiful passion towards alchemy. He was a kid that had all the answers, and would blurt them out as soon as he could, perhaps to impress Ed.

'Yes, James?' Ed sighed, leaning against his door frame, 'You do realize classes are over, right? That this is my personal time?'

He almost winced when the kid's expression wilted with guilt and disappointment, 'I, I just wanted to ask you about something you talked about in class today...'

'Then consult your notes. Yours are always the best out of anybody else's.'

The brunette preened at the compliment before fading once again into a nervous wreck, 'I, well, see, it's just-'

Ed let out a loud sigh and hung his head. There would be no rest for the wicked this afternoon it seemed. He stepped aside and motioned the boy in, 'Come on in and we'll figure it out.'

Practically vibrating with excitement, the younger teenager walked into Edward Elric's domain, then quickly tilted his head in confusion while standing in the middle of the living room.

'You have... one couch.'

'Uh-huh.'

'That's it.'

'Yeah, what about it?'

'Why's everything else in boxes?' the boy wore a disgruntled look on his face as he peered around, 'Haven't you lived here for a while?'

Ed passed him and plopped down on the couch, holding his hand out for the notebook that James held tightly in his arms. The boy gave it up immediately and Ed set it down on top of one of the four boxes that made up his coffee table, flipping it open to the present date and scanning through the four pages of notes,

'Well, I don't like unpacking. Sit down. What are you having trouble with?'

'This,' James sat beside Ed, giving a respectful distance and pointing at one of the perfectly scrawled arrays that dotted the face of the page, 'how do you tell that this is the correct vertices of the intersecting triangle to place the symbol?'

Ed chuckled a bit and began to explain, pointing out the different triangles and different placements, 'Technically you can place it in any of the areas here, here, or here. Just don't place it somewhere that the grounding symbols will be made ineffective, like here...'

They continued debating back and forth, and Ed veritably explained the need for every tiny place in the circle, only pausing to flip on the lights when the world outside the window began to darken. Despite himself and his feigned annoyance, Ed found himself enjoying this one-on-one time with one of his favorite students.

After a lengthy debate about the differences between an array with few triangles and a circle containing several angles, Ed sat back with a small smile.

'Well, kid, it's getting late. Shouldn't you get going? Your family's probably getting worried.'

The boy shrugged as he leaned against the arm of the couch, 'Not really. My family is back in East City. They do send me enough money every now and then to pay for my apartment near Central University, but other than that I have total freedom.'

'That so. So you're alone here, huh?'

He gave a small smile and shrugged yet again, 'It's not so bad. My big sister visits me every couple of weeks and keeps me company a few days.'

Ed's heart twisted at the thought of this kid being all alone here in Central City. At least the blonde had his little brother to keep him company during those hard years. James just seemed too young and soft to be on his own.

'Well, I'll walk you home. Can't have a half-pint like you getting kidnapped on my watch,' Ed teased, getting to his feet and heading to his bedroom to pull a pair of his older leather pants on over his boxers, unconsciously grabbing his red, flamel-branded coat as well.

Because the action was so self-ingrained, he was surprised by the look of utter hero-worship blossoming across James' features when he re-entered the living room with his old outfit on.

'Wow. You know, I somehow forget that you're really the actual Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People. I see you everyday, too. I'm so lucky.'

Ed shifted uncomfortably, settling for shutting off the lights and grabbing the notebook from the table of boxes just to shove it into the younger man's chest, 'I'd prefer if you forgot it. Come on, let's get going. I need sleep.'

'Right, sorry, sir.'

The blonde locked the door behind them and gave James an exasperated look, 'I told you to call me Ed.'

'Sorry, Ed.'

Ed shook his head with a laugh and motioned for James to lead the way.

It was just past dusk, the sky turning darker and darker with every passing second, until the only light was from the streetlamps. The cobblestones of the street was bathed in the warm glow, creating a path of gold for them to walk upon. The air was warm but a passing breeze caused goose bumps to jump on Ed's flesh arm, and he was reminded that winter was just around the corner. He thought of the snowy lands in the north and remembered Mustang's words with a slight grimace. If war was inevitable there was no point in worrying over it. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and glimpsed James closing his eyes and lifting his face to the wind with a peaceful smile.

The kid really was too innocent. Too perfect and whole and unmarred by tragedy.

_That should have been me_ , a voice whispered inside the blonde's mind regretfully,  _if I'd only been less of a righteous idiot._

_It was worth it to save the nation_ , argued a voice that sounded like Mustang,  _your tragedy led to this country's salvation. Don't be so goddamn self-pitying._

They could have saved everyone without Edward's help... right?

'I know you don't feel like it, but you really are a hero,' James suddenly muttered, seeming to read Ed's thoughts. The blonde looked at him sharply, 'you're  _my_  hero, at least. I know a lot of other people feel the same way. There is such a thing as being too humble, y'know.'

Ed laughed and punched the boy's shoulder with his left fist playfully, 'Whatever you say, kid. Just wait until  _you're_  famous someday and talk to me then.'

Red heated the boy's face and he smiled awkwardly. Ed just grinned.

They were nearing the apartments next to the University when Ed's steps faltered. He stopped under a streetlight, glancing back over his shoulder with narrowed eyes. He could have sworn he heard footsteps behind them, in the shadows of the alley less than a dozen feet away. James continued on, oblivious to Ed's sudden suspicions.

'James, hold on a second,' he called without moving his eyes from the shadows. There was definitely something moving in them.

'What's up?' the young teenager loped back over to his side and followed his eyes, 'It's probably just a cat, there are plenty of strays running around this part of Central.'

Ed didn't answer, blinking to try and better his vision. But the streets remained eerily empty and dark- hollow, lifeless. A chill crept up his spine and faint panic clawed at his chest, trying to burrow into his heart even as he forced it away. There wasn't anything alchemic there, he was sure of it. But he couldn't ignore his instincts. They're the reason he was alive today.

'James, go on ahead, okay? I'll be right behind you.'

The sound of James' uneasy retreat echoed through the dense shadows as his student obeyed without comment.

Ed remained standing stiffly and stared into the shadows for many more long seconds before slowly turning and beginning to follow the brunette. Just as he was relaxing and beginning to doubt himself, a flurry of sound had him whipping back around, barely having the time to throw up his automail arm as the butt of a pistol came crashing down- aimed at his head. He sneered and wrenched the weapon away easily, pivoting on his heel when the man followed the motion in an attempt to wrestle him to the ground.

The guy was muscled and definitely knew how to fight by the way he immediately sprang back up and shifted into a defensive stance. Ed opened his mouth, words not even having a chance to leave his tongue before the man was lunging at him again, this time getting a hold of his right arm and twisting behind the small blonde. Grunting at the strain on his automail port, Ed dove forward and sent a kick backward, connecting with a satisfying thud, but still the man followed him to the asphalt without flinching. His arms were pinned to the small of his back and the cold bite of metal circled his left wrist at the same time a small click sounded.

Was this guy seriously handcuffing him?

He touched his palms together and the man fell back with a muffled shout of surprise when a blade erected from Ed's automail, slashing the man's fingers in the process.

One more clap and the alchemist's hands were free, particles of metal raining like sand between his fingers as he began to climb to his feet.

'Don't move, Fullmetal Alchemist,' the man's voice was deep and obviously accented, and followed by the clink of a bullet being chambered.

Ed froze and peered over his shoulder. The man stood behind him confidently, revolver grasped in his hand and pointed at the blonde's chest, a finger already hovering over the trigger. Green eyes glittered fiercely in the dull light, and the snarl of teeth was twisted into a cold smirk.

'Spread your arms to your sides and turn around slowly.'

Of course. The accent clicked in Ed's mind as soon as the command was given. Of course this guy was a Drachman. Man, Mustang was going to have a field day when he found out about this. As long as Ed survived it, of course.

_Fucking fantastic._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Obediently, Ed pivoted his body and held his hands far apart, mind racing to come up with escape routes. What the hell did this fucker want anyway?

Ed hadn't made any enemies in the past two years, was a freaking hero, like James said. Who had a grudge against him now?

A conversation with Mustang from a few weeks ago came to mind, deepening Ed's grimace.

_'You've become far too famous and infamous for your own good, Fullmetal. Everyone knows your name, and your game. Soon enough someone's going to become so obsessed with you that they'll come after you. You know how tortured regular celebrities are- imagine all of the people that are going to want a piece of you. You have to be careful.'_

The man approached Ed cautiously and began tinkering with his automail, causing a sick, uneasy feeling to grow in the alchemist's stomach. Before Ed could even attempt to break free, his arm had been detached and the sound of metal hitting the concrete was louder than a gunshot as it rang through the night.

'Now then. Without two hands to transmute, you're pretty much like any other runt, right?' the man sneered down at him and grabbed a handful of blonde hair, wrenching the teenager's head up to meet his eyes, 'If you try anything stupid like that again, I'll put a bullet through your head, understand?'

'You're Drachman,' Ed responded with narrowed eyes, 'what the hell do you want with me? This isn't about the military, is it? 'Cause I'm a teacher now.'

'If that's true, then why do you still have the watch, dog?' the man closed his hand around the silver oval in Ed's coat pocket and brought it out to inspect it closer, before yanking it to break the chain. He pocketed it without another word and Ed's eyes followed the State Alchemist watch for just a moment before flickering back up to the bastard, who was tightening his grip painfully in the teenager's hair.

'Now you're going to be a good boy and come along, or else we'll have to do something mean to your little friend.'

_We're?_

The sound of gasping pleas reached his ears a moment before James was dragged into sight by another man, clothed completely in black- just like his counterpart. Ed's lips drew back in a snarl and he glared at the men,

'If you have me, you can let him go!'

The man that had him by the hair laughed in disbelief, 'Right. As soon as we let the kid go you're going to try and escape. I don't think so. He's coming with us. Don't worry- he'll be released just as soon as we reach the border.'

It was Ed's turn to cast a look of incredulity at him, 'You seriously think you're going to make it to the border with two hostages? Ones that will be noticed as missing before even a half a day has passed? You're shitting me right now, right?'

The men both smirked at that, 'By tomorrow, your country will have more to worry about than two little kids going missing. They won't come looking. Not until it's too late, at least.'

Ed's eyes flickered over to James- the boy was calming down but tears were still in his eyes and blood was streaming down his forehead from a probable head wound. Lips parting in a silent snarl, Ed could only hang his head. This was way too surreal. His body was tensing and aching for battle as if those two years had never happened.

He was the Fullmetal Alchemist once again, but had absolutely no power to save himself or this boy. At the moment. Ed swore to himself he would get James out of this. Whatever would happen to him would happen, but he wasn't just about to stand by and let another kid get killed.

'Listen, I promise I'll do whatever you say, just... let the kid go. He has nothing to do with this. I'm... please.' Some part of his soul wanted to wither and die at having to beg, but despite his change of character the men just seemed more sadistically happy as they dragged them out of the street and into the shadows of the alleys.

'I don't think so, alchemist. Like I said, we'll let him go just as soon as we reach the border. If you're a good boy until then, nothing bad will happen to the kid.'

After a short walk through the darkest shadows of Central, they turned a corner to find a car revved and waiting for them patiently on the curb. Yet another man- this one younger and apparently weaker with midnight black hair- leaned against the sleek vehicle, smoking a cigarette as he waited. The scent of the nicotine swam through Ed's head, reminding him of Havoc, a moment before the man stubbed out the fag and helped the other men bundle the two alchemists into the back of the car. The first man that had attacked Ed- with dark skin and emerald eyes- slid in beside the blonde, effectively trapping him in the middle while grinning faintly as he turned the automail arm over in his hands.

Ed could only be glad the idiot had actually brought it along. That would make escaping a whole load easier.

The car pulled away from the curb and they were gliding along Central's empty streets innocently, the only thing disturbing the midnight hour being the scrape of tires against the road. It wasn't long until the vehicle had passed the train station and making its way out of the city without a hitch.

Ed refused to say a word, no matter what the Drachmans said or James whispered fearfully. He wasn't bowing to their level any longer. Not until they reached the border and it was time to let James go- he would not say a word.

This demeanor obviously made the Drachmans nervous but they thankfully didn't try to strong-arm him into talking or anything like that.

All the blonde could do was go over the day in his head, wondering where the hell everything went wrong. Everything had been pretty normal that day, other than the guy appearing in his class and the ominous warning from Mustang. It just had to be tonight of all nights that one of his students followed him home to get a further lesson. Why tonight?

Why were the Drachmans taking him, anyway? They said that the country would have more to worry about tomorrow than two missing alchemists... did that mean they were totally confident that Drachma would be able to get through the Briggs Wall? How the hell had they sneaked into Amestris in the first place? Well, three people were fairly easy to sneak in, he was sure. But a whole army? No. Impossible.

Unless they had crept in individually, few by few, the past few months, or even years. How long had they been planning this?

His mind whirled and his left hand curled into a tight fist. If only he could get free and warn Mustang. That's what he needed to do. There was still time- the country was still quiet and undisturbed so obviously whatever the Drachmans' plan was, it hadn't been enacted as of yet. Maybe he would still have time... he just needed to get James to safety first.

So. Let the bastards take him to the border, and as soon as James was free, make an escape. Easier said than done, he snorted to himself. But he would come up with something. He always did. And as soon as he was free he would warn the military. But what if it was too late by then? And this only hinged on trusting that these terrorists would keep their word and let his student go.

Jaw aching, Ed attempted to stop his teeth from gritting together in stress but he was like a wire pulled taut, vibrating and humming with the urge to snap. He just... he couldn't think! Had he been out of commission for so long that he couldn't even figure a way out of this situation? Or was it really that hopeless that he was trapped, backed into a corner, with no way out?

He eyed his automail arm longingly where the dark-skinned guy had it in his hands, still analyzing it curiously. Ed was almost nauseated at the way those large hands would caress the metal, those wretched fingers dancing on the sleek, layered plates. After leaving the military, Ed had decided to keep the upgrade of northern automail, preferring speed over force as he got older and didn't have to fight as much, but no amount of speed with or without the arm would stop these men from putting a bullet in either James or him before he could reattach it. And there would be those few seconds of blinding agony of his nerves reattaching...

Shit. He really was stuck, wasn't he?

Hours passed, and the packed and enclosed space was becoming more and more claustrophobic as the car rumbled through the countryside toward the west, not stopping once as the miles passed under them. Ed's breathing was becoming faster with each town that sped by them, the tension in his muscles tightening further and further, chest constricting with a mixture of something like panic and impatience.

Apparently James was suffering something similar because nearly ten hours into the drive, he finally began panting and gasping, 'I can't, I can't! Please let me out a moment, please...'

The three Drachmans shared a look and the driver shrugged before pulling the car over. They were in the middle of nowhere between towns, just fields upon fields of grains and the smoke of an engine chugging in the distance being the only companion to the gently sloping horizon. James scrambled out of the vehicle, collapsing on his hands and knees and breath sawing in and out of his body like the gusts of a particularly vicious wind. Ed climbed after him, shoving off the hand that tried to grab at his shoulder from the man holding his automail captive, and put a hand on the student's back gently.

So much for keeping his silence.

'Breathe, James. Calm down and try to breathe through your nose.'

'I- I can't, I-'

Ed grabbed the boy's shoulder and shook once, roughly, 'Yes you can just calm down.'

'What's wrong with him?' the driver questioned with something like concern as the man got on his knees next to Ed.

Golden eyes regarded him coldly before Ed turned back to James, 'It's a panic attack. It-' Ed cut himself off. He had been just about to say that it would pass soon and that James would be fine, but he could use this to his advantage, 'it looks pretty bad. He might need medical attention.'

'A panic attack?' the green-eyed demon holding his right arm rolled his eyes, 'It's nothing. The kid will be fine in no time. Come on, Axel, get back in the car. We need to keep going.'

Damn it.

The driver obeyed only hesitantly, shooting an apologetic look to Ed before rising and getting back behind the wheel of the car. Ed closed his eyes, feeling the stress and panic that was radiating from the young brunette in waves, and sighed.

'He's gonna need a few more minutes to calm down. Unless you want a screaming, panicking kid in the car when we go through West City? That won't be suspicious at all.'

The leader glared at him, 'How the hell did you know where we're headed.'

Ed just laughed, 'C'mon, man. I've been all over this country ten times over. I know the route to West City. I bet you're going to try and sneak through the north-western border to Drachma. Too scared to try for the north wall, right?'

Pain exploded on the side of Ed's head, so quick that he barely saw the fist coming before it connected. His back hit the ground hard and all his breath flew out of his lungs. Before he could gasp in more air, a heavy forearm pressed down on his throat in warning, making his flesh hand come up instinctively and grasp at the coiled muscles under dark skin. Ed was faintly aware of James screaming and sobbing in the background but dark blotches were already dancing across his vision.

'We are not scared of you pathetic Amestrians,' the accented voice hissed in his ear, 'now take a nap you stupid alchemist.'

The pressure on his windpipe tightened and Ed's skull and lungs were roaring in pain at the lack of oxygen. Within moments the blackness had enveloped the horizons of his vision and he wasn't even aware when his arm fell away weakly. The last thing he could fathom was James' voice, strangled with tears, begging and pleading at their kidnappers.

_Al..._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Before even climbing out of bed, Roy Mustang knew it was going to be a horrendous day. His head was already aching and the sunlight that streamed through the thick curtains of his room were far to powerful and bright to be from the dawn. Was he late? Passing a weary hand over his eyes, he stared at the clock that ticked away across the room. Yes. In fact, he was over an hour late. Why in the world hadn't anyone come and woken him? Usually Hawkeye would be at his door if it was ten minutes past eight o'clock, when he was supposed to be in. It was nearing nine thirty now.

He threw himself out of bed and quickly donned his uniform, forgoing a shower and hastily running his hands through his hair after splashing water on his face. Within ten minutes he was tugging on his boots and smoothing out the wrinkles on his uniform before stepping out the door.

Only to freeze when the uproar in the streets finally hit him like a battering ram. There were shouts and people were rushing all over the place, questioning and answering and panicking. Roy reached out and snagged the collar of a passing police officer.

'What in the hell is going on?' the General demanded with a growl.

The young officer stared at him, eyes catching on the stars on Mustang's shoulders before swallowing tightly, 'We're not sure, General, sir. Something about the Briggs Wall being decimated and reported kidnappings all over Central. I'm not sure if that's true, it's just the rumor...'

Mustang's chest filled with ice. He knew that wall was coming down. He knew it. Why hadn't Grumman listened to him?

'What kidnappings? Who was taken?'

'I'm honestly not sure, sir. You'd have to go to Central Command to find out the details.'

Without another word, Mustang turned on his heel and visibly forced himself not to sprint as he headed toward the looming building just a few blocks away. As he marched along confidently, he watched the civilians that passed him by, reminded of the Promised Day once again for the hundredth time in the past few days. Their panic and confusion was visceral, a thing that clouded the air like a fog and spread to coat everyone's veins with unease and worked their tongues with suspicion. Words drifted to his ears, questioning if this was another military action disguised as blame against another country.

With all that had happened, Roy thought ruefully, he couldn't blame them.

But this was definitely not the Amestrian military, this time. They had made strides so large in the past two years that they surpassed all the growth since the beginning of this country. For once, Amestris was concerned only with its own people. That's all they could care about in the years following Bradley, or else this country would have fallen apart instantly. All the corruption of before had caused its own citizens to be wary and distrustful of its government, and the military was doing all that was possible to right the wrongs.

Trust, honesty, openness. It had all been integrated into regular Amestrian society in the form of constant news bulletins put out by the military itself, and regular interviews between the Fuhrer and the press. Roy, himself, had been in dozens and dozens of reports with the media in just this past year alone. He had been the figure to bite the bullet and come out to Amestrians about the unrest between their country and Drachma.

If something truly horrible happened, and Amestrians solidified their doubts of the military, his head would be the first on the cutting block.

Already he could see the blame and hostility in the stares that followed him, but he was safe from physical judgment. For now. He needed to get this situation under control and find out what the hell was going on.

The fleeting thought of going to the University to gather Ed was like a needle among the blades in the haystack of his mind. He wanted to have the blonde by his side in this, but right now there was just no time to pause and change direction. War was having the upper hand. If they'd already lost that, then a quick reaction was the only thing that could save them. Hopefully the other idiot generals at Central Command had already rallied up a response team to whatever situation was upon them- he could only pray that they had made the right first steps before taking over command of the forces.

If the streets of Central City were panicked, Central Headquarters was in pieces as military personnel of all types sprinted through the halls to and fro, creating an uproarious racket that echoed through the corridors.

Roy Mustang could only stand there a moment, surveying the chaos with critical eyes before stepping forward,

'ENOUGH!' the entrance hall of the command center froze and fell silent, hundreds of pairs of eyes snapping to the General now striding to the middle of the room, 'Everyone calm down and make your way to your designated offices quietly! There is no excuse for such hysteria in the center of our nation! You are the representations of our country- you will remain calm while we see our way through this hurdle. Do I make myself clear, soldiers?'

A chorus of, 'Yes, Sir!' followed as he marched away, heading for his own offices. When he arrived, a similar frantic aura hit him and he scowled at his men as they paced around the office, digging through papers and talking heatedly over headsets.

'The city of Monmort and Datepus have both been confirmed as over-run! Elxomir is asking for soldiers as well!' Fuery shouted out, hand covering the mic on his headset.

'Damn it!' Havoc threw down his own headset and raked a hand through his hair, 'We've lost contact with Pefesy in the north-east and North City will not send its reserved troops outside the city walls until more soldiers are provided to them. We're losing ground fast!'

Hawkeye was standing in the middle of this, calmly commanding Mustang's men to get back on the radios and try to keep up with the events. She turned just in time to see Mustang closing the door to the office behind himself.

'Lieutenant. What the hell is going on out there?' Mustang demanded immediately.

Hawkeye's frazzled appearance did little to comfort him and the relieved smile she gave just made his heart darken with further worry.

'General, it's good to see you. We thought you had been taken as well. The northern Wall of Briggs has been destroyed. General Armstrong's soldiers attempted to fight off invading Drachman forces but were forced to retreat. The Drachmans have been steadily stealing the north for the past six hours now- it looks like they have an army of over two thousand men right now. Reports aren't completely accurate, though, so we're not completely sure.'

Roy's chest felt suddenly hollow and cold. Two thousand men? Surely Amestrian soldiers should have beaten back these forces by now? Facts first.

'How much aide has been dispatched to the north?'

Hawkeye grimaced, 'Lieutenant General Nelson just sent five hundred soldiers to North City to set up a command center. He's one of the few Generals that are still here in Central so he wants to take command.'

Mustang cursed quietly under his breath before narrowing his eyes at his loyal subordinate, 'You said you'd thought I'd been taken. And there should have been at least two Generals of higher rank than Nelson here right now.'

'General Hakuro and General Mann have been reported missing since early this morning, sir,' Hawkeye responded carefully, her chocolate eyes studying the minuscule twitches of the General's facade, 'a Major General, a Colonel, and Lieutenant Colonel are missing as well, sir. A few state alchemists have also not reported for duty.'

Roy found the nearest chair and sunk into it, steepling his gently quaking hands under his chin as he absorbed this. What in the holy hell was going on? How was it possible that the Drachmans had abducted several leading military officials without anyone noticing until everything descended into rubble? It was obvious what these terrorists were doing- trying to collapse their country under their feet by taking away the prime officials and attacking simultaneously. They were expecting this panic, the abundant caution.

Within moments Mustang knew what had to be done.

Fiery dark eyes snapped back up to Hawkeye, who was giving another command out to Havoc and sending Falman out the door with a detailed report of their current circumstances.

'Falman, wait,' when the man paused, Mustang got back to his feet, straightening his uniform and meeting the eyes of each of his men, 'the Fuhrer is safe, correct?' Hawkeye nodded briskly. 'Good. I must speak with him.'

'What are we going to do, General?' Havoc asked.

Mustang read the lines in the young man's features, the solidity of stress-ridden shoulders, the circles beneath eyes that had only just woken up to this new world a few hours ago. The General gave a small smile of confidence, 'The only way we're going to beat these bastards without losing any more ground to them is to send most of our forces to the north immediately. I want at least five thousand men in the north by this evening, so we're going to have to call a state of emergency,' at his men's' shocked guffaws, Roy simply glared them into silence and once again turned to the only female present in the room, 'Hawkeye, get Havoc in touch with East Headquarters and Fuery with the West Command. You contact South HQ. Tell them it is commanded by Fuhrer Grumman that we get these forces to the north, yesterday. Any questions will be directed to me, after all this is over. We need to act now. Understood?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Good,' Mustang hesitated before shaking his head with a quickly exhaled breath, 'Lieutenant... get someone to pick up Fullmetal from the University. Have him transported here, and notify me once he has arrived. If I'm not with the Fuhrer at that time, you'll find me at Intelligence. Get to work, men.'

Without waiting for the flood of further questions to be voiced, the state alchemist turned on his heel and exited, intent on getting to the Fuhrer's office and resolutely ignoring all the little voices shouting and fighting in his mind. Worry would not help their country right now- action would. There was no time to lose in this already failing struggle. Roy Mustang would not stand by and allow their country to be defeated so easily.

His face smoothed out into a frozen mask as he strode past the panic and stress of Central Headquarters.

_He_  would not be defeated so easily.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The abrupt halt of a comforting, rumbling rhythm under his cheek roused Ed slowly from the vestiges of darkness clouding his mind. It wasn't exactly like a switch had been turned, rather he was brought near enough to the surface to claw at the slippery edge of reality.

A voice floated through the darkness, smooth and inconspicuous as it seemed to respond to some unheard question,

'These are my sons. We're just heading back to Espuzanza after vacationing in the South. These are my brothers Monty and Axel.'

A voice that seemed too far away asked another muffled inquiry. The same voice- that familiar, dark, green-eyed rasp, smiled coolly,

'The trip exhausted them, indeed. What? No, I didn't know there was anything going on in the north... yes, sir... of course. We'll be careful, thank you for the warning.'

Realization sparked in Ed's mind and he fought his way farther into wakefulness. Idiots. Didn't they notice the strange accent? What was happening in the North? Had Ed been wrong and they'd broken through the Briggs fortress...?

The rumbling vibration returned, shaking through his skull and startling his eyes open like a final push into reawakening. By the time he struggled into an exhausted lean against the backseat, their surroundings were once again fields, with the tops of houses retreating in the distance.

'Where are we?' Ed grumbled, glaring at the leader, who had apparently hidden his automail out of sight.

The man scowled back at him without a single trace of sympathy.

'Nearing Pendleton. We'll drop the brat there. Don't worry, stupid alchemist. We're almost there.'

Ed sat back and watched James, who appeared to be sleeping. Not unconscious by force at least. The boy looked peaceful, the type of death-sleep that occurs after a bout of extreme stress. The blonde smiled faintly and put a hand on the boy's shoulder, wanting- needing some kind of contact with his student. Not even his touch woke the boy and he sighed regretfully.

This was all Ed's fault. James should be in class right now, smiling and learning and blissfully unaware of such stress at his age. It was just unfair to the boy. Ed should have done the right but cruel thing and turned him away as soon as he showed up at the teacher's door. He should have just ignored the knocking. James would have gone away eventually.

Pendleton. Ed had never been there but he hoped they had a direct line to Central. They had to have one, being so close to the border and all, right?

Minutes passed as the car sped along and the sick, pounding glaze over Ed's brain slowly dissipated. The sky began turning into rosy shades of orange with dusk as the shadow of a town appeared on the horizon; the sharp, pointed roofs silhouetted by the still, warm sky.

They couldn't have been more than a mile outside the town when the roar of the engine began to steadily keen louder, so slowly that the occupants of the vehicle nearly missed the minute change. The buzz rose and rose, until the Drachmans shared a baffled look. When the driver- Axel- slowed the car to a stop, the noise got so loud that James moaned quietly and squinted his eyes open, tired hands pressing to his ears.

Ed climbed up onto his knees to peer out the small back window, squeezing James' shoulder briefly before gold eyes blew wide. He shoved James towards the door with bruising force,

'Everyone out NOW!'

It took less than three seconds for James and the Drachmans to be out of the car, and Ed had barely made it two steps away from the metal machine before another vehicle crashed into the back of it. Heat instantly consumed Ed and knocked him head over heels as the force of the collision caused the Drachmans' vehicle to practically explode, throwing metal shards in a dozen different directions as fire belched into the sky, already thick with onyx smoke.

Pain blossomed all over, enveloping Ed in a swathe of flames and sharp agony. Curling in on himself, he barely noticed shouts and the feel of a liquid, blistering sensation licking at his flesh, until a pair of tender hands covered him with some kind of cloth. Choked sounds died before they left his mouth. The taste of metal coated his tongue and the sky reeled above his eyes in a smog-darkened haze.

A sharp wail broke from him finally when his shock-dampened senses fled abruptly as those hands grasped something in his side and pulled. A wet feeling covered his skin quickly and he blinked once, hard.

'Ed!'

James' voice screamed from somewhere nearby, even as the bark of gunfire lit the air alongside the roar of flames.

Ed gritted his teeth and forced his eyes to focus, ignoring the aching of his wounded bones as he straightened himself out, one limb at a time. Nothing seemed broken, at least. Just bruised as fuck.

A kind hand grasped his flesh shoulder and carefully levered him into a sitting position.

'Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist.'

Pain-glazed eyes blinked at the man in Amestrian uniform that smiled down at him strangely. Red hair, clear gray-blue eyes... Ed recognized him almost immediately. This was the soldier that had sat in on his class yesterday. Or was it the day before yesterday now? How long had passed since they had been taken? Ed's mind wandered even as he stared up at the man, eyes flickering-sightless- over the silver chain of a pocket watch hanging from the soldier's belt.

He abruptly remembered the shots he had heard earlier and jerked his head around, jaw dropping open at the ruin that spread across the field beside the road. The car he and James had been transported in was completely demolished, but the other vehicle was fine other than an ugly dent in the front. The Drachmans were all apparently dead, their bodies sprawled over the crippled yellow grass and stained with red and dark bullet holes. Eyes stared blankly in Ed's direction and the blonde winced.

They had been bastards, but no one deserved to die so quickly, so pointlessly.

Heart stuttering, Ed spotted James. The boy was standing amid the carnage, face as white as chalk and apparently frozen in place. The Fullmetal Alchemist followed the boy's eyes back to the auburn-haired man's right hand, where a military-issue rifle was hanging loosely but dangerously in his relaxed fingers.

Ed met the man's eyes once again.

'You were in my class, that day,' he murmured, thoughts still too jumbled to organize a useful sentence or question.

The man's grin just widened, a pleased look lighting in his eyes, 'Of course, dear Edward. And many of your classes before that. But I don't blame you for not noticing me then, don't worry. I am only seen when I allow myself to be seen.'

Confusion just added another layer of fog over the blonde's mind, making him dizzy as he muddled through the thick of his feelings. It was just too hard, and the man was distracting him by pulling off his coat and cautiously lifting his shirt. The familiar feel of sticky blood coming free with the material made Ed look down at himself. He couldn't see past the man's hands though, and could only watch uselessly as the soldier assessed the wound. His eyes strayed to a large scrap of metal that must have come from the Drachman's vehicle when it exploded, and the blood that covered it.

So. That's probably what had impaled him when he went flying. No wonder his thoughts were so mixed and he couldn't really feel anything- he was in shock, and losing blood fast.

'Hey, kid, get over here.'

At the soldier's command, James finally seemed to reawaken to the cruel world, his movements jerky as he approached.

'Ed...'

'Give me your jacket or shirt or something. His wound needs to be dressed,' the man set the gun down finally and took the jacket that James stripped off obediently. In a few practiced motions, the clothing had been ripped into several long strips that the man began to wind around Ed's abdomen carefully.

The blonde groaned and growled as the pressure on the wound sent needles of white-hot agony through his chest but he just dug his fingernails into his palm and was slightly comforted by James' steadying arm around his shoulders.

'Ed,' his student murmured in his ear as the man in uniform worked efficiently on the bandaging job, voice almost drowned by the crackling of flames behind them, 'this is the only soldier here... and he just gunned down those Drachmans without batting an eye. He almost killed us when he crashed into us... who is this guy?'

Ed's eyes narrowed at the man's pale profile, at the look of utter concentration and peace in his stormy gaze. This soldier had come after them alone? How had he even tracked the Drachmans here? And why crash into them? Ed and James easily could have died if they hadn't gotten out of that car in time... And to just murder their kidnappers without a trial or a chance...

'You almost killed us,' the blonde stiffened when the hand on his side squeezed unconsciously in response, 'who are you? What's your name, Major?'

The redhead smiled approvingly at Ed, making the man of thirty some years appear young and childlike with his troubling delight. The soldier lifted a hand to ruffle through Ed's hair, and the blonde was completely helpless to stop him in his weakened state.

'My dearest Edward... I had faith in you to get out in time. I would never do something if I didn't think you wouldn't survive it. Remember that, will you? It's important,' his words caused a sinking dread in Ed as those hands caressed his hair in a twisted placating gesture, 'And my name is Artabanus.'

Ed began to ask another question, except... he didn't. His mouth hadn't moved and the words were caught deep within him. His brow wanted to furrow, but it couldn't. His whole body felt paralyzed in every way possible. It wasn't the shock this time. It was something else- something that fizzled under his skin and infected one nerve at a time, sending tiny vibrations through his veins as his entire body became both immobile and speechless.

Why the hell couldn't he  _move_?!

Beside him, James said something, but panic deafened the blonde's ears as he was trapped in Artabanus' stare.

_What the fuck is going on!_

 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_What the fuck is going on?_

Ed's eyes were lost in Artabanus', his entire being quaking as he tried to break from this weird paralysis. What could be causing it? He knew the shock hadn't grasped him so hard to be completely unable to function. It was impossible.  _This_  was impossible.

Why couldn't he move?!

'Sorry,' Artabanus shifted his palm slightly- Ed could feel it on the top of his head, two of the man's fingers removing themselves from contact. The blonde hadn't even noticed when the soldier had removed his glove- probably so he could attend to his wound without hassle- but now Ed's stomach flipped in fear as his voice came back to him.

'What the  _fuck_ was  _that_?'

'I said I was sorry, Edward. I meant to warn you before I used my alchemy on you, but I couldn't help myself from touching you... you're so beautiful...'

Nausea rose and a cold sweat broke over Ed's skin. He still couldn't move, but he could speak, and some kind of veil had been lifted from his thoughts, making everything a bit more clear. This guy was an alchemist, of course! But what the hell kind of alchemy was this? There wasn't any transmutation that could paralyze a person like this... not do it and keep them conscious at least, as far as he knew.

This wasn't good.

And Artabanus was still just smiling at him calmly, barely any emotion in those warm blue eyes. It was like his face was a perfect mask, so conformed to his skin that his features were clear without giving an inkling of the soul behind them. Eyes were the doorways to the soul. If that was the case, this alchemist was either lacking in that area or he was a master at hiding himself. Better than Mustang, even. At least Ed could read the emotions in his General's eyes if he tried hard enough.

'James, run!' Ed tried to turn his head but, as he expected, he could only turn his eyes in the young teenager's direction, watching the boy's eyes widen, 'Go NOW!'

Artabanus clicked his tongue disapprovingly and all it took was a second for him to retrieve the rifle from the grass, his other hand still laid gently upon Edward's head. The blonde was faced with the cold, dark barrel of the weapon and was powerless to try to move or knock it away.

Rage rose like a dark, angry beast in Ed's chest, rivaled only by the shame and humiliation that was sinking into his heart. The different emotions battled within him as he listened to this alchemist order James to get into the slightly battered car. Over and over, he was shown just how weak and powerless he was. Why was this happening? It wasn't fair- he just needed a fighting chance,  _damn_  it!

He was shocked out of his internal war by the feel of his legs tensing under him, his own left arm betraying him and reaching for the soldier- was he even a soldier or was this all a lie?- his fingertips catching in the rough material of the navy blue uniform jacket. Just as he couldn't move before, he couldn't stop himself from these actions, and the reality of the situation seemed miles away from him at the moment. He just couldn't wrap his head around it even as his arm wound around Artabanus' waist possessively. But he could still feel the barrel of the rifle against his temple, the only sobering feeling in the midst of this confusion.

'That's right, Edward. You're alright now, I've got you. How about we find your automail, huh? It has to be uncomfortable, missing an arm. And I rather like the trinket. Just hang on to me, I'll search for it, dearest.'

_This guy is a fucking psycho._

Ed's arm, against his will, was locked around the man's waist as Artabanus began to scour the wreckage for the missing arm. Minutes passed and Ed wished James would just run for it, but the blonde knew his student wouldn't leave while there was a hostage at stake. Ed. He couldn't believe it. How many times would he be taken hostage in his life? This was just so unfair- he never wanted this sort of attention!

He internally shook himself. There wasn't time to be so self-pitying, he needed to find out what kind of alchemy this psychopath was using!

Because there was now no doubt in Ed's mind that this was some form of alchemy he'd never encountered before. The tingle under his skin and swarming through his veins was his biggest clue- it was almost as if there were hundreds of tiny transmutations being activated underneath his flesh, sparking along his nerves and muscles with every second. It took a lot of skill to be able to control so many arrays at once, practically unheard of. This guy was good. Add insanity to the mix and Ed was facing another, more fucked up version, of Shou Tucker.

While his feet moved without his command, he turned himself inward, mind going back four years- to the time he and Al had focused so much on their alchemy research. The pages spread themselves obediently, giving up their scrawling secrets to him. He scanned through them so briskly that the words sped past his eyes in an incoherent jumble. Picking through them one by one would take too long, and he didn't completely remember all of them, despite his "genius", so it could take ages to pick out the right information. If it was even there.

Alkahestry. Human transmutation. The Philosopher's Stone. The facts whirled through him, the hundreds upon hundreds of arrays that had become second nature to him. Yet nothing was of use. There was no counter to this, not when he couldn't even urge his hands to return to his control.

'A-ha! Here it is, Edward,' Artabanus carefully reached down between two pieces of scorched wreckage, pulling a smoke-blackened automail arm free. It wasn't even damaged, thanks to the mixed alloys of Northern crafters. Still, Winry was going to kill him if she ever found out. 'Now that that's dealt with, how about we get going? We're probably still a day ahead of any military that might come after us, but it's better safe than sorry, right, Edward?'

'Why are you doing this?' Ed could only ask wretchedly, unable to even lower his head. In fact, his muscles moved his chin upward so that he was facing the redhead, who stood a horrible foot and a half taller than himself. But he forced his eyes to the side, unwilling to meet the bastard's eager stare.

'Because I need you, Edward,' it was barely a whisper but it shot through Ed like a lightning strike, causing a swell of nausea to jump into his throat. That tone... it was one Ed was familiar with personally. Obsession. 'Those men thought they could take you away from me... they must have been crazy. You are mine now, dearest.'

Artabanus and Ed- in extension- stepped over debris and toward the surviving vehicle, where James was nestled in the backseat with a terrified expression clouding his features. Of course, he knew even less about what was going on than even Ed. He was just seeing his teacher being toted around like an obedient dog at this alchemist's heel.

The warm palm had moved from Ed's hair to the back of his neck, just three fingers clenching his skin. What was the significance of that? Ed knew before, when he was fully paralyzed- mouth and all- all the fingers of that hand had been touching him... right? The pain and shock was muddling his perception, though, so could he be sure? Was he even being controlled, or was he really just following this bastard around of his own will?

The anxiety that thought induced had him once again pulling at his invisible and intangible restraints, but of course he was rewarded with no change.

He came back to himself when his hand was reaching out and yanking the driver's side door of Artabanus' car open. The man's hand slid down his shoulder and continued downward to catch Ed's flesh hand and wind their fingers together tightly.

'Alright, Edward, climb in,' he needn't have said anything- the blonde's body was already moving itself, sliding in and scooting over the benchseat to the passenger side, the two alchemists' skin locked in contact the entire time.

Heat flared in Ed's side but he ignored it, wanting with all his being to turn and look at James, but he could only reassure him vocally.

'It's going to be alright, James. I don't want you to worry, okay? I'll make sure you get back to your family safe and sound. I promise.'

'I know you will, Ed,' the confidence and trust in the boy's voice calmed the fear that was lighting Ed's veins in cold fire, and iron determination began to slowly return.

It had been so long since he was ever in a situation like this, and he supposed the universe was throwing its all at him to make up for lost time. Equivalent Exchange. He had been living too peacefully these past couple of years and this was his punishment.

Well, fuck it. He would get through this like he had everything else. He was just glad that Alphonse didn't have to go through this as well, even if James was a pretty ironic substitute.

His left hand, still trapped in Artabanus', stretched itself across the seats to lie comfortably on the man's thigh as the redhead started the vehicle and pulled back onto the road with one hand, apparently completely oblivious to the crunch and shriek of chunks of metal flying off the roof of the car as he began speeding down the road.

Ed wished he could shift his body into a slouch, but he didn't even have that small comfort. For whatever reason, his back was held painfully straight and his legs crossed over themselves, chin tilted upward. He felt so... conceited, in this position.

'You only want me, right? So you'll let James off in Pendleton.'

He said it casually, but the silent acknowledgement that he was a captive still put a bitter taste in his mouth.

Artabanus smirked at him out of the corner of his eye, and Ed felt the last two fingers of the guy's right hand curl around his own. Once again the blonde was seized with the sensation of total paralysis as his teeth closed completely and his tongue turned into a thousand ton weight in his mouth.

'Hush now, Edward. You shouldn't concern yourself with such silly questions. Just relax, my dearest.'

As if he had a choice. Ed tried to retort but he was frozen now, watching the scenery passing by with a placid expression. Something was moving from his muscles and creeping into his chest and brain, calming him against his will. Soon he couldn't even bother to worry about James.

Everything was alright.

Until his mouth moved and his voice echoed in the car, so gently he almost didn't even notice that his own vocal cords were being used against his will.

'Yes, I understand.' The tone was apologetic, and so soft that it didn't even really sound like Ed's voice- but it was. Without a doubt.

The blonde felt positively ill, but was powerless to stop it, or to even physically show his disgust.

It may not be a bullet through him, but he was being mutilated in ways he could never have even imagined, and for some irrational reason not all of the loathing was directed toward the alchemist causing this- no, he felt sick at himself as well. For letting himself be put in this position. It was ridiculous and shameful.

And until he figured out what the hell kind of alchemy was being used, he might be trapped like this.

_That_  was a terrifying thought.

Less than an hour passed and the town of Pendleton grew larger and larger in front of them, but just when they were about five minutes away from entering the town, Artabanus proved again that this was no ordinary vehicle by taking a slight turn that had them bouncing and riding over the uneven turf of the fields, no change in acceleration at all.

James let out a nervous grunt and even though Ed couldn't turn his head he knew his student would be white-knuckled in grabbing any steady surface around him. He felt for the boy, but knew he would be alright. Just like Ed, James had probably traveled on plenty of trains already in his short life, being that his family was in the East.

They continued on this off-road path for several hours, Ed's eyes scanning the area around them with determination, memorizing every landmark they passed. It was only until they passed a rather large-looking city to their right that Ed finally realized they were moving further south.

Any lingering beliefs that Artabanus was a Drachman evaporated, and the blonde wasn't sure whether to be glad, or more worried. They didn't seem to be heading to the border, rather they were moving a bit more inward. No matter how much the young alchemist tried to wrap his head around the man's actions though, he just couldn't figure out their destination.

They came across a forest, and the vehicle was directed smoothly onto a well-traveled footpath, just wide enough for the metal monstrosity to fit through the trees. A few hundred meters in, Artabanus finally began to press on the breaks, and a silence descended over the occupants in the car as the man looked at Ed, and Ed was forced to look back. He mustered up as much defiance as he was able, but was thrown for a loop at the red-haired man's next words.

'I'm going to reattach your automail now, alright Edward? Can you tell your friend here to help me?'

As if.

But again, his voice came, and it was decidedly the oddest fucking thing in the world to feel his tongue move in his own mouth, and his vocal cords hum, when he wasn't the one forcing out the words.

'James, do you mind?'

'Of course not, Ed,' James shuffled around the backseat, opening the door only to open Ed's door a moment later.

The boy's face was drawn and pale, dark circles under his eyes and a gaunt look to his appearance.

Now that Ed thought about it, he himself was starving. When's the last time either of them had eaten anything? Or gotten any amount of actual sleep? Night had fallen already, but with the tops of the trees looming overhead, Ed had no gauge at what time it might be. Probably around midnight again. So that was over twenty-four hours since they'd been abducted. And before that, all Ed had eaten was that lunch he had with Mustang. The thought that they might very well starve to death made him feel a bit ill. He wasn't feeling the effects of lack of food and sleep yet due to the adrenaline and stress of the situation, but it was obvious James was.

The only thing that cut through the darkness was the headlights of the car, until another light sprang up from within, the hiss of fire making Ed's chest clench with momentary fear. His eyes turned back to Artabanus, who was lighting a lantern he had apparently procured from a metal chest on the floor between the two of them, and set the singular light source on the wide dashboard of the car.

'What should I do?' James asked, obviously nervous as he looked from Ed to the automail arm that was now held lovingly in their captor's hands.

'You reattach the limb while I hold him still, but first help me get his jacket and shirt off,' Artabanus commanded, still keeping one hand clenched in Ed's, and the blonde faintly thought that it must be really inconvenient.

But Ed wasn't so blind to not know the significance of the contact. This, whatever it was, needed Artabanus to be touching Ed in some way to work. Ed wished he could convey this to James, but he wouldn't be able to do anything without his arm anyway. Didn't have time to draw an array, and he didn't trust his weakened state to be able to get a solid punch on the bastard that would lead to their escape.

It was a bit awkward, the two people struggling to get his clothes off while he winced in pain from the sharp agony that still speared his side at every movement, but he couldn't voice the discomfort as his one arm rose above his head to help in the disrobing process. He felt so used... never before had he felt so much like a dog on a leash.

Mustang's control over him had nothing on this. This was so degrading, so deaf to his protests, so careless of his free will.

After what felt like ages of horrible, tight pain and face-burning humiliation, he was finally devoid of his shirt and jacket. Artabanus was already analyzing the automail port, having turned Ed's body physically with the hand not already trapped by the blonde's.

'This looks fairly simple,' the man murmured, eyes flickering to Ed's for just a moment.

_Oh, you better not fuck this up you cocky son of a bitch._

Artabanus' pointer finger disentangled itself from Ed's grip, and Ed could feel his mouth come back under his control. He couldn't really explain the feeling, just that he had a tiny sliver of his pride returning to him.

He almost immediately started spouting curses and attacking Artabanus in the only way he could, but he bit his tongue as the older alchemist spoke.

'I see where the wires connect to the nerve conductors of the port, and where the supports clasp, but is there anything else I should be aware of?'

Again, Ed was tempted to spit his rage at the man, but reigned in his legendary temper. This might be his only chance to get his arm back. He couldn't fuck it up.

He let a long, hard sigh blow through his teeth and glared at the man, 'There's a lever that pops up on the arm- at the end that connects to the port. There's a small groove there. Just press it on both ends and pull.'

It took mere moments for the man to locate and pop up the six inch long lever. A brief look of surprise crossed the man's face when small, two-inch long metal poles extended from the end of the automail that would sink into the port for further steadying of the limb when attached.

Ed swallowed tightly in apprehension, 'So just place the wires in the main conductors carefully, and when everything's aligned you're going to push as hard as you can and pull that lever downward at the same time, until it snaps back into place. You got that, James?' He turned his gaze to his student, who looked even paler as he assessed the intricacies of the fake appendage.

'I-I'm not sure I...'

'You can do it,' the blonde encouraged, smiling confidently, 'trust me, James, it's easier than anything you've learned in my class. It'll be a breeze.'

And then he felt his little freedom being swept away once again as Artabanus entwined all his fingers with Ed's once again.

'You ready?' Artabanus looked at James, which pissed Ed off to no end, but his student simply nodded, taking the automail arm from the man and aligning it with the port.

The soldier moved his hands to Ed's shoulders and pressed him back into the seat.

It figured. The man wasn't ignorant to automail procedures at least, and knew that even with his control over Ed, nothing could control the pain-wracked spasms that reattaching the nerves caused.

Before long Artabanus was nodding over Ed's head at James, and there were several tense heartbeats that passed before he saw a flash of movement in the corner of his eye to the right.

Lightning, hot and scorching and shocking, ran down his side and sparked in his right shoulder. The pain enveloped all else, and his body immediately thrashed even as his hands gripped Artabanus' shoulders in tightly curled claws. Because he had no control over his mouth to clench his teeth or bite his tongue until blood filled the cavern, his shrieks ripped from him, loud and agonized and shocking even to his own ears.

His heart beat wildly in his chest, painfully hard against his rib cage. He was screaming so much he couldn't breathe, and that was the most painful sensation- more so than the lightning that was his nerves reattaching themselves, which he was more or less used to after half a dozen similar occurrences.

Finally, the overwhelming sensations began to fade dully and his voice cut off abruptly as he began to pant for air. Sweat was dripping down his face in thick lines, and everything had turned dark. He hadn't even noticed when his eyes had forced themselves closed.

Several long minutes passed in total silence, before his eyes slowly began to open of their own accord.

'Are you feeling any better, Edward?' the deep tenor was soft and tender, and Ed blinked at the blue eyes that stared into his with pure concern.

'Fuck... you...' Ed gasped, and turned his face away- toward James- not even aware through the draining agony that he had motor control back, 'You did good, James, thank you.'

He smiled down at his right arm, where it was connected, and weakly raised it for just a moment before it fell back at his side. Artabanus had taken his hand and was stroking the rough pad of his thumb over the back of Ed's flesh hand.

'Get back in the back, James,' Artabanus smiled gently at the boy, who hesitantly obeyed after a long moment of staring at Ed.

Ed's automail hand reached over and yanked his door shut after the brunette's departure.

'Are we all ready?' Artabanus asked kindly, starting up the engine again, 'It should only be a couple more hours before we get home, and then we can get some food in you guys and get some rest. How does that sound?'

'That sounds great,' James sighed gratefully from the backseat.

'Yeah,' Ed's voice agreed for him.

And despite the trepidation and his suspicions about Artabanus, he would give just about anything for a good place to rest right now. Exhaustion was catching up with him.

Artabanus tangled their hands together on top of the man's navy-clad knee, and Ed stared at his small honey-colored hand in the man's larger, pale-skinned one. That hand was roughened through hard work, he could feel the tiny rivets of scars and the thickness of the skin that spoke of past callouses.

It made Ed uncomfortable, the sight of the union of their digits. It was like a silent promise of some sort, of something that the blonde couldn't yet comprehend.

And he felt sick with himself, but he couldn't help but wish that that pale hand belonged to someone he'd known for the better part of his life. A man that had been there through all the terrors of the blonde's past, who had paved the road that led Ed to returning his brother back to normal. A man that had become more than just an arrogant son of a bitch- had become someone that Ed could talk with, even as they traded insults that had lost their heat over the past few years.

But the blonde shook his head. No. It made since he would rather be in the company of that man than this stranger. It wasn't an inappropriate wish that his fingers would rather be intertwined with that man, than this creep.

He just wished...

He was supposed to be in their pub right now, sitting at that man's side and conversing quietly over glasses of amber liquid, discussing alchemy and warfare and the past.

Ed's last thought before drifting into pain and stress-induced unconsciousness was to wonder what Mustang was doing right at that moment.

_Mustang... I'm such a fucking idiot._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay in updating- my internet has been out for a few days and it just came back up yesterday evening. 
> 
> ALSO. As you could probably tell by the warnings on this story, there will be graphic and dark psychological content. That begins this chapter. So if you're uneasy about such content, I suggest you put down this story now, please. 
> 
> For the rest of you guys, I hope you enjoy! This is where Puppet really begins to kick off.

Chapter Seven

Lights, voices, darkness, silence...

It all passed him like a twisting kaleidoscope, swirling reality in with dreams.

A smiling face stared up at him radiantly, wind catching in brown locks and casting a giggle like sunlight into the wind, captured by the endlessness of eternity but removing itself from the world of hearing in just fleeting moments.

_Nina... I'm so sorry..._

A human scream coated in a metallic candor as the copper scent of blood perforated the air. The tangible feel of hopelessness and guilt and panic suffocating, yet freeing. The strength and power emanating from a hand pressed to his forehead, just moments away from destroying everything that was and ever would be. A voice pleading with him, yelling at him, anger and agony and desperation.

_Al... I disappointed you... I scared you... didn't I? I'm sorry, Al._

The momentary grin on lips that seemed to have bipolar tendencies, a photograph shoved in his face and adoration coating the man's every breathing word. A photo of a little girl that looked a lot like another... the fear in him that anything should happen to such a beautiful life. The man, smiling faintly and waving from a train station's platform. Green eyes glimmering with hope and peace, guilt and regret.

_Hues... I couldn't save you... forgive me. Elysia has grown so big, so strong, just like her dad._

A woman with shimmering brunette hair and calm eyes, a basket on her hip. Light, happiness, anger. The woman laying in bed, sweat beading her brow, yet her eyes were stuck on him with a look of pure love and tinged with sorrow. Hushed words falling from gentle lips. Grief. Terror. Helplessness. Guilt.

_Mom..._

Flames, scorching heat and fiery grins. Wind whipping past his agile form as he sprinted at a stationary man who held a hand out confidently, mockingly. Snide comments falling from a sweetly poisonous tongue. Terror and guilt in dark eyes during a moment of hesitation. A deep, smooth voice turned ragged as his name was called, urging him to victory. Countless nights spent side by side on stools, quiet murmuring cut by the occasional heated arguement. Witty remarks fell from his mouth, silenced only by the proud, oddly affectionate smile on pale lips, and something deeper, something dangerous, in onyx eyes that he could fall into like the night. A meaningful farewell masked in common words, turning over and over in his mind like some foreign coin that has his attention transfixed.

The transition of images switched suddenly from people to past events- the most horrific memories side by side with his most cherished ones, leaving an unsettling feeling of disorientation to back him into a corner in his own mind.

An alchemy-scorched floor in near utter darkness, the sickening glisten of white jutting up from the cold floor in uneven, broken rows. Blood pooling all around and pouring from his own body like a gruesome fountain. An empty set of clothes, laid out neatly as if awaiting their owner. The guttural gasps and chokes of a creature that wasn't supposed to have ever seen this plane of existence, a clawed hand reaching out to him, only to fall with a grotesque squelch into the pool of ever-expanding red. The deathly silence, only a beat or two long, before he was springing into action, begging and pleading and calling for his brother to come back. It had been that moment that he realized that their mom... she was gone forever. But he wouldn't accept that his brother had to go through the same fate.

_'He's my little brother, damn it! Give him back! He's all I have left!'_

Squeals and panic sliding into relief and amazement as a woman ceases her screaming and holds a bundle in her arms. The warmth like a loving cocoon wrapped around him and everyone else. Smiles, awe, and laughter.

_Humans are amazing things. Even without alchemy, there are miracles in this world that we are all privileged to glimpse- in moments like these..._

Fear and shock as he stumbles through a room coated in frost and the stench of death and blood nauseatingly solid within the stone walls. He falls and can't catch himself without the aid of his automail arm, barely able to dodge the vicious slice of a cleaver aimed at his head. Horror and dread was like some kind of terrible illness, infecting him quickly and making his body shake- and it only grew with every passing breath. Death was on the horizon, and then his brother's voice- metallic and low- brought a feather of hope back. Still, he wept on the stone steps as he watched the maniac serial killer being carted away. He turned his face down and as he spoke he tried to ignore the feel of dark, shielded eyes burrowing into him from several yards away.

_'We aren't gods... we're human... who couldn't even save a little girl...'_

The memories made his teeth clench and brow furrow, and as he began to break away from their hold, he noted that his body was shaking almost violently. Chills wracked his frame and icy sweat coated every inch of his flesh. He tried reaching beyond himself and was distantly tuning into the strangest sounds going on.

They were muffled, seemingly in an entirely different room from the one he was in. He knew he was lying down, and his arms felt stiff and painful but he paid it no mind as he focused more on the noises so far yet so close to him.

There were voices, and shuffling, and thumps every now and then. But they were such mundane sounds that Ed had no idea how to interpret them. He made the final leap out of the drifting state he was in and forced his eyes open slightly, immediately relieved that there was no stinging, bright light to greet him. There was just the faintest glow of orange to his right- a candle set in a metal dish atop what looked like a nightstand. The room appeared to be made entirely of stone- walls, floors, ceiling, everything. Only a burgundy rug laid across the floor that disappeared partially under the bed that Ed was lying on gave the room any appearance of warmth.

Ed's eyes turned down to himself. He was propped into a half-sitting, half-lying position and could see that the sheets on this bed were dark red- almost black in the shadows of the candlelight. Testing his muscles, he moved first his toes and tensed his way up his body, until reaching his abdomen where he winced instantly as pain tore through his side. He quickly relaxed those muscles and skipped to his arms, which felt fine.

Other than being restrained so that his elbows formed right angles and his hands were level with his head. Through bleary eyes he analyzed the restraints and was slightly shocked when he realized their extent. Somebody must have worked hard on these, and had taken every precaution that came with having an alchemist in custody. The tight manacles holding his wrists firmly in place were extended from the wall by five different, tiny rods that were half a foot long, keeping his fingertips out of reach from the flat surface. He pulled his hand in every which way, but the rods gave no indication of bending or breaking. They must have been made of some strong mix of dark metals that were obviously not going to give easy. He could barely move his arms at all due to the tension around his wrists, and gritted his teeth in pain every time he moved them, trying with all his might to ignore the grinding of his bone against the metal cuffs.

Trying to curl his legs so that he could try and yank at the restraints from a different position, he then realized that his ankles were also trapped to the bed. At least those weren't so severely confining, being wrapped in rope that apparently wound around the circumference of the mattress.

_What the fuck kind of freak show am I in now?_ He thought wearily, searching fruitlessly for James. But he was alone, not even the psychotic bastard was in sight.

His eyes fell on the two doors on the opposite end of the room, one on the left wall and one directly across it on the right. The blonde shifted as much as was possible, uncomfortable at the sight of a mirror covering the wall from floor to ceiling on the wall in front of the bed. Staring at himself, he couldn't help but feel that curl of intense fear rising in his chest.

_What the fuck..._

Golden eyes stared back, reflecting the dread clearly on his face. He was never good at masking his emotions- that was Mustang's forte- but he truly despised himself in that moment for being such an open book. Swallowing it back and fixing a firmly apathetic expression on, he noted that his shirt and jacket had apparently been cleansed of blood and grime and had been put back on him at some point, which was a comfort. He was fully clothed and clean, and it was only mildly disturbing that, from the way his hair shimmered in a clean way, someone had probably bathed him while he was unconscious.

He moved his attention away from his reflection and glanced around the room once more, but there wasn't much else to see. Everything looked tidy and clean, nothing misplaced, not even cobwebs littered the stone corners of the room. It was a little eerie.

Minutes passed and, with nothing else to do, Ed continued to fight against his confinement, forcing himself to keep pushing despite the deep burn in his arm and the sting in his wrists. Before half an hour had passed, he could feel liquid warmth begin to trickle down his left arm from where the metal had bitten through his skin. Finally he slumped back, panting lightly. Not even the strength of his automail had caused any change.

_Shit. Not good._

Letting his eyes fall shut, he focused inward and tried to relax the panicky spasms that were traveling along his nerves in response to his fear. He took deep breaths and thought about Al, and imagined his little brother traveling in Xing and Creta in the quest for knowledge of different forms of alchemy. He smiled serenely, envisioning the chaos that his brother could be causing. Or maybe not. Al had always been the more level-headed and calm out of them, always ready to jump in with a polite apology and winning smile. Smile... Ed's own lips twitched when he remembered the moment when Al had smiled for the first time in almost six years after getting his body back. The boy's dark amber eyes had lit up at all the different sensations, even though it must have been uncomfortable, having returned from the gate malnourished and near-death. From that moment on, Al was always smiling, at every little thing that happened.

Why wouldn't he smile? They'd done the impossible and he'd gotten back a life that had been robbed from him so long ago. It hadn't even mattered to Ed when he realized his own limbs hadn't been returned. Being able to see his brother's smiling face again, for the rest of his life, was more than an equivalent exchange. It was a gift and a miracle, and Ed wouldn't change that for the world. Fortunately, the younger Elric didn't push too hard about getting Ed's limbs back- not when it was obvious how happy Ed was.

And when Al mentioned traveling to Xing, and to Creta and Aerugo, Ed had considered joining him. But there were responsibilities Ed had in Central, had a promise to keep to a certain Colonel-turned-General. And after everything, Al and Ed both knew that the older blonde needed time to unwind, just as Al needed time to go off on his own and find himself after having finally escaped Ed's shadow.

Ed pictured the last time he'd seen Al- the younger alchemist had just shown the border officers his travel visa and had turned. His lips had been stretched into a grin, dirty blonde hair ruffling in the dry breeze. The boy's hand had come up in a wave and Ed had stared at the appendage for too long before raising his own flesh arm to mirror the gesture.

_'I'll see you soon! Don't work too hard, I'm going to need your brain when I get back, to help me go through all my research!'_

Al's bright eyes had turned to Winry, who was standing a little behind Ed at the time, and the younger brother had smiled more gently,

_'Take care of each other, alright? I love you both and I'll be home before you know it.'_

With those final words, the train's whistle had squealed sharply, urging Al up the steps and into the metal contraption. He had gone to the very back and had held his head and arm out the window to wave at them, before disappearing into the distant sand too swiftly for the two remaining blondes' liking. Ed and Winry had stood there for much longer than necessary, hands held into the air, when the girl let out a soft sigh.

_'You boys, always running off and leaving me behind.'_

_'Hey, I'm right here with you this time, Winry, remember?'_ Ed's smile had been strained, and fell completely when his childhood friend threw her arms out and clung to him tightly. His hands had gone to her shoulders and he tried to swallow back his own pain, eyes rising to stare off after the train one last time, before coaxing their friend away from the platform.

Al called them every now and then, at least twice a month, to update them on where he was, and what he'd seen. He always sounded so excited, but the sound of his voice over the phone made Ed anxious with its tinny static and occasional cut-off. The blonde would just be happier when Al was back in Amestris, back to a place where Ed could at least visit him easily. Sometimes it was still hard to believe that Al had gotten his body back. The nightmares still haunted Ed even after two years had passed. He just couldn't help it.

Over an hour must have passed before approaching footsteps tore Ed from his memories. He blinked his eyes open and fixed them on the door to the right. Moments later the sound of a key being forced into a lock and the clicking of it releasing was followed by the door swinging open. Ed groaned out loud and let his head fall back against the wall.

Artabanus simply smiled back at him, pocketing an ancient-looking iron key. It took Edward a millisecond to notice that the man wasn't in uniform anymore, was wearing a simple royal blue button-down shirt over charcoal-gray slacks.

'Edward, it's good to see you finally awake. How are you feeling?'

'Fucking fantastic. Where's James? Where the hell are we? And why am I tied up like a fucking dog?'

The man hummed to himself and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. He was silent for a short while, just looking at Ed with a blank face, before smiling again, reaching out and running his knuckles along Ed's jawline. The blonde tilted his head away furiously, a venomous reprimand on his tongue, but Artabanus spoke first, as usual. It was like the man knew what his actions were about to cause, and had the perfect timing before Ed could explode.

'James is resting in another room. He's alright, my dear, no need to worry. And we're underneath Helltem,' at Ed's confused look, Artabanus chuckled, 'it's the ruins of a town destroyed during the border wars with Creta two centuries ago. It was left abandoned, but about a century ago a small group of foreigners decided to build a town under the ruins. Basically we're in one tiny room among dozens in an enormous network of underground tunnels. It's out of the way and the military doesn't know about it so it's the perfect spot to live.'

'The perfect spot to hide, you mean,' Ed glared pointedly at his restraints, then jerked backward when Artabanus suddenly leaned way too close to him, hot breath fanning over the blonde's cheek along with the sharp scent of peppermint. Fingers grabbed Ed's chin and his control once again melted away as his body froze in response to the contact.

Blue eyes bored into his gold ones, but they were empty. Ed couldn't identify one freaking emotion from this guy, 'Edward... I'm doing this to protect you, don't you see? You were in too much danger, being the military's shiniest toy. Everyone knows who you are, where you are, what you do. Edward, I couldn't let anyone hurt you. So that's why I've brought you here- where you'll be safe. And maybe it might be a little selfish on my part, but it's for your own good, my dearest.'

'Would you stop fucking calling me that you sick, twisted,  _son of a bitch_!' Ed finally exploded, eyes glittering hatefully and lips curled into a snarl.

A stillness fell over Artabanus, and the smile slowly faded from the man's otherwise blank expression. It felt like an hour passed in the resounding silence, but it was probably only a minute or so, before the man stood, letting his hand fall away from Ed's face. Ed didn't move once he had control back, stayed defiantly in place as he continued to glare at the man.

The muffled sounds that continued without pause outside of the room was the only sound as the two alchemists assessed each other.

Finally, Artabanus' hand struck out- so fast that Ed didn't even see the blow coming until fire lit on his cheek and his head whipped to the side. He stared in the direction he was now facing, only a little shocked at being slapped.

'Apologize,' was the curt demand, and that had Ed turning his head back around in furious disbelief, but Artabanus just continued, 'your words hurt me deeply, Edward, now please apologize to me.'

_This guy is fucking insane if he thinks I'm doing that. Hell no. Psycho deserves far worse than some mean words._

'Fuck you.'

'Just do it, Edward, and we can move on from this little indiscretion.'

'What part of 'fuck you' don't you understand you egotistical jackass?'

The strike across his face this time caused his teeth to cut his lip, and blood beaded in his mouth. He licked his lips while turning back to the man, and was further disgusted when the redhead followed his mouth with a strange, unreadable look in those slate blue eyes. It was several seconds until Artabanus once again returned his gaze to Ed's own.

'You're being difficult, Edward. Apologize or I will  _make_  you apologize. You know I have that power.'

Artabanus raised one of his hands, and Ed was immediately transfixed by what he saw, his jaw loosening and almost falling open.

Tiny arrays were tattooed into each of the man's fingertips- even the thumb had a slightly larger array on it, and they were all different. Ed barely had time to recognize a few different symbols in the exotic arrays before the man was lowering his hand again. But Ed knew what he had seen; an anti-alchemy array on the pinkie, the symbol for speech on the index finger, and some kind of odd, organic symbol on the thumb and middle finger- although those two arrays still weren't the same. Everything else was foreign to Ed- he had never before seen the other symbols and the way the arrays were arranged were just completely strange. There was no center to them, they just sort of wound into themselves like webs, catching the symbols within the intricate lines, and instead of solid circles or triangles that would ground the energy of the transmutation, there was no evident grounding tool in those arrays. Not that Ed had seen, at least.

The sight of those arrays left a bad taste in the blonde's mouth and his heartbeat ratcheted up a notch. He had no fucking clue what he was dealing with, and that terrified him.

'Edward?'

Swallowing, Ed shook his head. No matter how scared he might be, Edward Elric did not just  _apologize_  on command.

That hand came back up and Ed could only try and lean away from the older man in a pitiful attempt to avoid the inevitable. Artabanus laid his hand on Ed's sweltering cheek and smiled gently once more, something like joy crossing the man's features.

'Is there something you wanted to tell me, Edward?' he asked lightly, almost playfully.

It took a beat or two, but Ed's voice finally came, a little awkward but perfectly audible nonetheless, 'I'm sorry, Artabanus. I did not mean to upset you. You did not deserve that.'

'Thank you, Edward.'

Something like defeat and humiliation mixed in Ed's gut, keeping him silent even after the man took away his hand. They were silent a few moments longer before Ed moved his hands a bit.

'Hey, can you take these off? I want to see James.'

Artabanus smiled, 'Of course, Edward, let me take you to him.'

It was a tedious process- Artabanus keeping one hand on Ed at all times as he worked on releasing Ed's limbs. It took maybe twenty minutes until the blonde was totally free. Physically speaking, of course. He was once again trapped inside his own body and could only watch himself climb to his feet and settled his left arm around Artabanus' waist while the man settled his hand on the right side of Ed's neck, just above the border of his automail.

They moved to the door and Ed caught just a glimpse of them in the mirror and wanted to cringe violently. The way Artabanus positioned them made them look like some kind of star-struck lovers. It was awful and disgusting and Ed wanted to curl into himself and disappear from this place, but he could only glare at himself for a brief moment. The next moment and they were out the door, striding down a somewhat narrow corridor made of the same stone. Lanterns were places periodically along the walls, suspended by neat little hooks, and if Ed didn't know better he'd think they were in some kind of castle. The stone had been chiseled so smoothly to make these square tunnels, but only maybe five people could walk side by side comfortably.

Again, everything appeared too pristine, too devoid of dust. The only thing that found its messy way to the floor was the occasional drip of oil from the lanterns. Ed glanced up at Artabanus' profile from the corner of his eye and watched the man as he just stared forward, head held high and steps confident.

It was then that Ed realized that Artabanus had to have been a soldier at one point at least, if he wasn't currently. The way his steps were measured and stiff was the shadow of a march. He was like one of the soldiers that Ed had seen off-duty, walking about normally yet still having that strict march in their step after having it drilled into them for so long.

The blonde contemplated this as they passed the occasional closed door, from which the noises from before emerged faintly. Whispers, conversations, arguments. Cursing and the sound of something smashing to the ground. They weren't overly comforting as far as atmosphere went, but Ed couldn't care less. He just wanted to make sure James was alright.

The question of why they were here once again entered his mind. Okay, so Artabanus was a nut job that thought he was protecting Ed by capturing and restraining him, he could kind of understand that. Insanity was strange and unpredictable, and if Ed was the object of the man's fascination, there was no telling what was running through his mind. But why keep James? What was the story behind this place? He'd said foreigners created this place- did he mean Drachmans or Cretans or someone else? What were all these people doing here, just finding a place to live, like Artabanus apparently had? It just didn't make sense.

After several twists and turns in the corridor, Artabanus took one final right and almost immediately stopped at a door on the left side of the hallway. Ed blinked in surprise at the tall, bulky man that was leaning against the door as if guarding it. This man had hair more orange than red and skin just as pale as Artabanus'. Washed-out green eyes glared at them silently but Artabanus didn't seem unnerved at all.

'Hello there, Troy. We're just here to check in on that child I brought back yesterday. So if you don't mind...'

The man- Troy- looked at them closer, his eyes lingering on Ed for just a moment before he turned back to Artabanus and stepped out of the way. Artabanus gave his polite gratitude and opened the door. Before he could close the door behind him, though, Troy finally muttered something so low that the blonde almost missed it.

'Just don't kill this one.'

Icy shock trickled through Ed's veins as Artabanus shut the door tightly behind them, serene yet manic smile still firmly in place. In front of them lay a room about ten times as large as the one Ed woke up in, with small bunks scattered all around the room. There were at least a dozen cots, sometimes without even a foot of space between them, with children and young adults scattered around the room. Some cots had more than one occupant, and Ed could only glance around, stunned at the sight. Most of the children were males, but there were more than five girls huddled in one of the corners. All of them looked terrified, but were clean and healthy-looking. One older man with graying hair was surveying the room, leaning against the wall beside the door, and barely gave them a glance before pointing towards the middle of the room.

Relief surged through Ed at the sight of James sitting at the end of one of the beds, talking quietly with a boy that couldn't be more than eight years old. At their entrance, James' eyes lit up for a moment and Ed could see his reassurance being echoed. The blonde longed to stride over to his student's side but was stuck in place while Artabanus murmured something quietly with the guard.

After a long minute they were finally moving through the crowd of adolescents, sometimes having to squeeze sideways to get between the beds. Once they reached James, Ed could see that a small part of the back portion of the room had been converted to some kind of medical area. In that space, the floor glistened with white tiles and there were steel chests with padlocks adorning the drawers lining the wall. A hospital bed sat in the middle of the tiles there, one of those types that can fold up into a chair and had many different options for angles.

Ed turned his eyes back to his student, who was smiling shakily up at him, 'Ed, sir... are you alright? Have you healed?'

One of Artabanus' fingers drew away from his neck and he smiled back, 'Yeah, James, I'm fine. Have they hurt you in any way? What's going on here?'

'They haven't hurt me, no...' the brunette hesitated, glancing up at Artabanus as if for permission. The older alchemist just gave a small shrug, and that seemed to be all the encouragement the boy needed, 'They uh... this is... they sell these people.'

Ed's eyes widened and he stared around the room again, as much as his limited mobility offered, 'They... sell? You mean this is a human trafficking ring?' His stomach was sinking and he was feeling horribly ill all of a sudden. The fact that James was among these children did not bode well for them.

Not at all.

'You have to understand, Edward,' Artabanus tightened his hold on the blonde's neck, making Ed wince slightly, 'there are people here that need to make a living just as much as you or I. Don't insult them. All these men here are from my homeland, Ukreyt, just beyond Creta to the west. We have different customs and traditions there, and these children will become more than  _slaves_. They will be divine beings that my people will worship. You Amestrians have always held divinity beyond that of our own people,' at this, Artabanus' other hand moved up to sift through Ed's hair, his fingertips brushing the blonde's face tenderly, 'your blonde hair and dark eyes, you are all so beautiful and pure.'

All of the children in the room had differing shades of blonde hair, except for James, and their eyes were either brown or hazel.

So these people had specific details they looked for in their victims.

'You're wrong,' Ed found himself saying, even though he hadn't even taken a moment to collect his thoughts, 'Amestrians aren't better than your people. You're ignorant to say that. Just because we look different from your country's people doesn't mean we're different when it comes down to spirituality or "purity".'

An affectionate chuckle sounded, 'Of course you would think that, Edward. You're one of the purest of all. You have only the brightest, the most selfless thoughts. Your intelligence, your golden eyes and hair, you are truly a wonder, child of Xerxes and Amestris.'

Not knowing how to respond, Ed stayed quiet for a moment, meeting James' fearful, confused eyes. The children around them weren't so subtle in listening in, but none had interrupted and Artabanus didn't even seem to notice them. It was like they were invisible to him as he stared down at Ed and kept running his fingers through the teenager's hair.

'Well, why did you bring James here?' Ed asked, letting a fraction of his anger slip into his voice, 'It's not like he has blonde hair. He might have dark eyes but other than that he doesn't fit your criteria. Are you just holding him here temporarily, or do you plan on selling him off with the rest of these poor kids?'

There was danger in his voice, and the silence afterward was heavy and ripe with that darkness. Artabanus didn't pause in his ministrations, and seemed to be seriously considering what Ed had said.

'Well, I haven't really decided what we're going to do with James here, yet. It all depends if he survives the procedure, after all. If he does, we might keep him as a holy denizen here. We already have a few other boys that act in the same manner but one more would not hurt. I guess we'll have to put it up to a vote. But you're right, Edward. He wouldn't catch a fair price back in my country because of his hair.'

Artabanus glared at James as if that was his fault and the boy shrunk back on the edge of the bed, but all Ed could think about was the word 'procedure'. If he survived... that didn't sound good. Ed couldn't see any physical disfigurement in the other children, though. A few of the boys looked a little... strange, but Ed couldn't pinpoint the reason why.

'They're all eunuchs,' James whispered brokenly, and Ed's eyes shot back to him to see the boy's face paling rapidly, 'every one of these boys has been castrated.'

Horror consumed the blonde once again and he looked at the eight-year old that James had been talking to, who was sitting on the cot next to his student's and swinging his legs back and forth. There was no obvious signs, of course, but the boy's expression did seem a little glassy, a little pained.

'Henry is still healing,' the more James spoke, the softer his voice went, and the tighter the vice around Ed's chest became.

_This is not happening. This has got to be some kind of twisted nightmare. There's no way..._

'I think now would be a good time as any, don't you?' Artabanus' voice was just as soft as the fifteen year old's, and there was a hint of sympathy, or maybe compassion, lacing the words.

But Ed just became infuriated.

'NO YOU DON'T FUCKING DARE, YOU SICK, HEARTLESS MOTHERFU-!'

Ed's voice disappeared as all of Artabanus' fingers dug deep into his collarbone, almost making the blonde's knees buckle at the force and the pain of the action.

'Just for that, Edward, you're going to be assisting me with the operation. I can't very well do it with one hand, anyway, now can I?'

Everything became too sharp and clear as Artabanus carted the two Amestrians to the medical area- Ed could smell the fear that was soaking his student in a cold sweat, and could see every new tear that shimmered over the boy's brown eyes. The scent of the medical area hit him like a fist to his stomach- clean, sterile chemicals that seeped into the tiles and practically radiated from the dull plastic covering on the table. The kind tenor of the older alchemist's voice ordering James onto the contraption. The tiny click of the gears rotating when Artabanus stepped on a pedal to lever the table down some. Children that had been nearby began rising and moving as far away from them as possible, escaping what was sure to be a traumatic sight.

Ed was still in shock, still couldn't wrap his head around what was happening, until his hands were reaching forward and removing his student's belt, and then pants. Then it was like a bucket of ice water had been thrown in his face and he looked into the boy's brown eyes.

He couldn't even open his mouth to apologize.

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, God, I'm so sorry, I can't stop why can't I fucking STOP I can't do this, I would never do this, fucking animals, I can't, I'm so sorry-_

He fought harder than ever against Artabanus' hold on him, trying to imagine his will as a physical force that pushed against the strange alchemy holding his body hostage. He envisioned and pushed and screamed in his mind, beating at the barrier until his head began to throb fiercely. But even then, even when he could feel blood pulsing and trickling from his ears, from his nose, he kept fighting.

'You shouldn't fight it, Edward, you'll just hurt yourself,' Artabanus murmured, firmly placing both hands on Ed's waist, 'let me show you just what I can do,' and then, added almost teasingly, 'just don't think of your transmutation array that changes the form of something.'

Of course the fucking array captured itself in Ed's mind, and the next moment his hands were coming together and his left hand passed over his right arm, the automail shifting into something that looked like a large cleaver.

His heart and stomach sank, and the blade came down so fast he didn't even have time to hold his breath. Blood spattered his face, sending him to some place far away from the room full of children and monsters.

He was aware of the screams, of course, and the guard that had been by the door brought over some kind of cauterization tool.

Artabanus began talking, explaining the process and how much time it would take for James to heal, and how they would have to take care of the brunette in certain ways for a while, how it was a fifty-fifty chance the boy would survive, but Ed was deaf to this.

He was deaf to words. He was blind to the crimson that began to drip steadily to the floor. He was ignorant to the demonic transgressions that had just occured- were occuring- around him.

Except he wasn't.

And for the first time in a very long time, Edward Elric wished with all his being- heart, soul, and mind- that he had died that fateful rainy night.

_This should not have happened. It's all my fault. All my fault. God, I'm so sorry. Somebody just end this._

Of course there was no response, and Ed just stood, frozen for more reasons than one, and stared down at his unconscious student.

'You did good, Edward,' Artabanus praised cheerfully, wrapping his arms around Ed and pulling the blonde close.

Ed stared through him, through the wall, through everything.

'Thank you,' his voice said.

Not him. His body. After all, with just a soul and a mind under his own control, Ed was now nothing more than a puppet.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

The office was held in a suspended, palpable silence as men looked to one another, then to the floor, or to the table. Second Lieutenant Havoc kept narrowed eyes fixed on the sunlight streaming in through the large bay window that looked out onto the parade ground, while Sergeants Breda and Fuery glanced at each other then around the room randomly. Warrant Officer Falman had his head hung, facing his boots in a gesture that seemed too defeated. First Lieutenant Hawkeye's heavy gaze was the only one locked on their superior.

And Mustang... he could only examine his men with eyes that weren't completely clear. His mind was tumbling over itself in a hundred different directions as he sat behind his desk with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. After being in this position for over a few minutes he was becoming annoyed by the scratch of his uniform on his wired skin, which just caused more tension to leak into his wound muscles. He felt like he might explode soon if there wasn't some kind of change. He mentally urged one of his men, someone, to say something to break the silence.

For what seemed like the hundredth time he trained his vision on the sunlight that fell across the floor, the shadows lengthy and the light having a reddish tinge that introduced the oncoming sunset.

It had been five days since the Drachmans attacked.

Amestrian forces were doing their best to beat back the invading army, and they were near victory, Mustang could feel it. His tactic had been correct- the Drachmans hadn't expected Central to gather themselves so quickly, and when five thousand troops had arrived in the north the very evening of the attack, it was like snuffing out the flame of a candle. Or so that's how it felt at first. The Drachmans were numerous, yes, but didn't have nearly the sufficient training or weaponry that Amestrian soldiers were provided. Before two days had passed, most of the enemy soldiers were either dead or had surrendered and were being held in the cold cells at Northern Command.

But still, Drachmans continued pouring through from the decimated remains of the Wall of Briggs. Several attempts had been made to set up a barrier, but the Amestrians were being overwhelmed in that place.

On the morning of the fifth day, they had finally made some ground with over three thousand men stationed at the wall itself, and several thousand more scattered around the Northern landscape. Drachman terrorists still cropped up and attacked a few times a day, but they were dwindling in number, and the king of their country had called a meeting with Fuhrer Grumman, who had refused the summons at the insistence of his advisors and Roy Mustang himself.

It may lead to all-out war instead of these little skirmishes, but Mustang wasn't going to allow their leader to put himself in such an endangering position. Of course his words and opinion had surprised the Fuhrer, and Grumman even had the nerve to suggest that if he was assassinated, Mustang was that much closer to the top.

In which the Flame Alchemist responded with an amused huff, ' _Sir, my Fuhrer you may be, but you were and are one of my closest allies, first and foremost_.'

The old man had peered over his glasses with a smirk, ' _Well, Mustang, it's good to see that you've kept your ambitions and your upstanding character throughout your rise through the ranks. You'll make a good Fuhrer one day_.'

' _But not today, sir. Just stay alive and let your Generals handle this for now_.'

Mustang sighed and uncrossed his arms, dragging a palm over his face to smoothe out the kinks he could feel forming in his brow.

What a mess.

'Sir.'

Dark eyes rimmed with shadows looked up to see a young officer standing in the doorway of his office, the young man's eyes were scanning Mustang's team with something akin to pity.

'What is it, Major Wright?'

The Major straightened and met his gaze, approaching the General's desk and extending a manila folder. Mustang hesitated but took it, not needing to even open the file before Wright began to give him the run-down.

'Investigations has located General Hakuro and his family, along with Colonel Stevens and State Alchemists Timber and Willington. They were being held in one of the Drachman camps in the West, just past the border. Investigations is searching the area further and is in the process of interrogating a few of the prisoners they captured in the camp.'

Roy opened up the file and let his eyes run over the words but gave up when the ink letters just squirmed like little bugs on the pages. He'd read and signed and written so much over the past few days he was physically sick with seeing their language on paper, 'And what of the Fullmetal Alchemist?'

The Major seemed to hesitate a moment before steeling himself, 'No concrete word as of yet, sir. One of our prisoners did reveal that a group of theirs never made it to their compound, and said that those men were supposed to have been transporting a "special" State Alchemist, but they don't know any more than that. And... it may be unrelated, but there was a vehicular crash between West City and Pendleton, on one of the small roads that is rarely travelled. Three bodies were recovered of men in their late thirties to early fifties, all having been shot from a range of at least twenty feet with what appears to be a standard-issue rifle. Investigations is currently collecting the morgue photos of these men to get a verification from the prisoners that they're Drachman.'

Absorbing this, the Flame Alchemist watched his men rouse from their differing states of stress and exhaustion at the news, and he didn't miss the smile that Fuery flashed Breda. Hope was a powerful thing, but just as dangerous.

'So in the end there's still no conclusive news of Edward Elric,' Mustang stated, his voice level and cold in a way that made his men cringe- except for Hawkeye, who just pressed her lips tighter together.

The Major deflated, 'Not at this time, sir.'

'Thank you, Major Wright, you're dismissed.'

With a quick salute, the young man left the office and the silence returned for just a few moments before Havoc ticked his tongue and stood up from one of the couches, 'Sir, I want to go to West City and search for the chief. If there was a crash and he escaped, the first thing he would do is look for medical attention! He might be in a hospital in one of the surrounding cities, so we should-'

'No.'

Havoc regarded him incredulously, 'But sir, Ed could be hurt! And we need him here! He should be our top priority! Let me go alone, I can find him!'

'I said no, Second Lieutenant,' Mustang's eyes narrowed and he stood up behind his desk, crossing his arms behind his back as he turned to look out the window at the soldiers milling around the parade ground below, 'I need you here. As much as I wish I knew where Fullmetal is, we can't spend resources to go out and search for him. That's Investigations' job.'

'But sir-!'

'Havoc,' The blonde cringed when Hawkeye's cool brown eyes settled on him, 'If we were to go out searching for Edward, that would appear as favoritism. What if we did find him, and in that time the Lieutenant Colonel and Major General were killed? What if all the other Majors were disposed of? And we had only gone out looking for Edward. It would not only look bad on us, but the General's character would be called into question as well. There are those in the military already wondering if the General is loyal to the many, or to his few selected favorites. We can't allow those suspicions to fester any more than they already have.'

Mustang's jaw twitched but he kept his back to his men, able to feel their disappointment and frustration without having to see their faces. Hawkeye was right, of course, and was able to say the words that he never could.

How could he tell his men that the only thing he wanted to do right now was throw caution to the wind and go search for Fullmetal himself? How could he then tell them that there was no way he would? There was no sugar-coating the fact that his own ascension in this government was more important than spending all their manpower searching for one of their own.

The first day when this all began, Mustang had been in the Investigations office, speaking to the Colonel now in charge of the department after Archer was killed, when Hawkeye had entered with barely a knock to the door. His First Lieutenant had appeared frazzled and worn-down, and her eyes when they sought his were all he needed to see to know that something was terribly, horribly wrong.

' _Edward is not at the University and is not at home, sir. A neighbor of his said she saw him leave his home last night with a boy she thinks was his student, but he never returned. We're trying to find out who the boy he was with is, and if Edward maybe is still with him at the moment_.'

But there had been doubt in her words, and confusion had come over Roy. Was Fullmetal teaching private lessons in his own home now? As far as the General knew, Ed had never once mentioned a student ever being in his house. It might be seen as inappropriate, if not unfair to the other men and women in Ed's classes.

Then his mind began to broach the idea that maybe it wasn't Ed's student, but a lover? That thought made his heart twinge in the strangest way, but he smoothed over that tiny sting with ease. After all Mustang had been through, numbness came easily, even if he didn't quite understand what he was covering. So what if it was a lover? Did that mean that Ed was staying at the boy's house now? If so, why would he not be there to teach his classes the next day? Edward as a child had been irresponsible, yes, but the blonde was now unquestionably an adult, and took his work with his pupils seriously.

Ed would not have just abandoned his students for a romp with a teenager.

Mustang's doubts had been eased on the third day of the skirmishes with Drachma when Hawkeye had entered his office while he was filling out a status report for the head General at South HQ. She had closed the door quietly behind her and approached his desk, gave a quick salute, and updated him with practical swiftness, keeping any emotion from her voice.

' _Edward has been confirmed as abducted, sir. The teenager he left his home with three nights ago was a student of his- a James Yankovy. There was a small amount of blood found near the apartments beside the University, enough to show that there was some kind of a struggle, and residents nearby admitted to hearing a racket at a few hours to midnight. As of now, James Yankovy has been pronounced missing by an advisor that he sees every day there at the University, since he's a minor. Yankovy's family in East City haven't heard from him in nearly a month now. And there have been no sightings of Edward at all since that night_.'

Mustang had stared through her, disbelief being the strongest emotion he was feeling. After all, this was punch-first-ask-questions-later Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, who could easily pummel Roy into the ground at hand-to-hand combat. How could he get taken so easily?

But he was with one of his students, his mind had reminded him, and Ed was easy to manipulate when there was someone he needed to protect involved.

Roy was guilty at the brief relief he had felt at the revelation that the two weren't lovers.

Because it was illegal, he pointed out to himself almost defensively, Edward was an adult now and to have relations with a young teenager was against the law and could land him in trouble.

_You're such a fucking hypocrite._

Shaking himself, he finally turned back to his men and took in their helpless expressions.

'I put my trust in the Investigations department, as should all of you. I'm just as worried about Fullmetal, but we can't allow that to distract us. Drachma is our main concern right now, so let's get back to work. We're useless if we just sit here and worry all night.'

His men snapped ready salutes and rose to their feet, filtering away into the outer office while Hawkeye remained behind for just a few moments, long enough to step the last remaining feet to his desk and lean towards him slightly.

'Edward will be okay, sir. They'll find him.'

The warmth and sympathy in her voice had him glaring at her without any real heat.

_Curse Hawkeye and her perceptiveness._

Once she had exited, he turned back to the window.

Now, the information that was coming in to him was just getting stranger and stranger. So Fullmetal had been abducted along with his student. Had Ed been the one to cause the car crash and somehow shot their captors afterward? Or had they escaped before then? And if Ed and Yankovy had escaped, why had Roy not been contacted already? If they had gone into any of the adjoining towns or cities there would have been phones and military personnel. In fact there were checkpoints set up all along those roads. No doubt Investigations was already tracking down soldiers at those posts for questioning about the now dead men. But apparently no one had seen Fullmetal or the boy with him. If it was a rifle that had gunned down the men... could it have been soldiers that had caused the wreck? If it was, Ed would have been transported to Central by now, though. There was no way the military had done that. But if not... then who? What the hell was going on and where the hell was his subordinate?

Agitation gripped his chest once again, and this time it was harder to force away. All he could see was a young Edward Elric, weeping on a set of stone steps in the rain, fear and depression consuming the boy with such a passion that Roy's heart had yearned to reach out to the blonde.

No, it was much too difficult to bury the unsettling anxiety that was building in him with every passing day that he didn't see those fierce golden eyes that were always sparking with an incredible intelligence, yet were so open and easily read. He wouldn't be able to relax until he had Ed by his side once again.

_You better be alright out there, Fullmetal._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Time is a meaningless thing when one has neither the sun's position to analyze or the steady hands of a clock to read. It could have been hours or days or weeks, but nevertheless the dragging eternity that Ed found himself drudging through felt so slow. It was like every time he tried to count the minutes, they passed like years.

Sometimes he blamed the water that he now gazed down at- shimmering with an undefinable color and spilling wisps of dancing steam into the cool air of the stone bathroom. The weightless, heavy liquid was like time itself. Always moving, never truly disposed of. The blonde could practically see the molecules of the H2O sliding against one another in a frantic cacophony of movement, and when a large, pale hand skimmed the surface of the deep pool in the decadent basin, his eyes locked onto the tiny ripples cast out from the motion. Ripples in time, the only thing that interrupted the blank nothingness of eternity. That's where Ed was right now- trapped in that surrounding, placid state while wishing he could just move as one of those transparent undulations.

He wanted meaning, again. He wanted to go back to before. But now he was snared and at the whims of a delusional alchemist that never seemed to tire of his own games.

_How long has it been? How long will I be here?_

He watched as Artabanus helped his body disrobe and sink into the steaming bath, just like so many times before. The motions were now familiar, and Ed barely gave a thought to it anymore. Baths were frequent and Ed was sure that he took more than one per day. It seemed like a luxury being wasted here, as water had to be toted across the underground complex from the single well, and then heated alchemically. The children he had a glimpse of every now and then certainly appeared like they needed a quick soak.

The blonde closed his eyes as Artabanus raised his automail arm and began to carefully wash each centimeter of metal. Oil usually came once a day at some point, and that was really the only thing left random, Ed reflected. He let his mind detach itself from the present and ran through the past few days- week?- cataloging each event in order to himself while the redhead's rough fingertips ran over metal and flesh alike, leaving goosebumps and a faint trail of weary revulsion in their wake.

At least his sick, deranged captor kept to an oddly specific schedule. Wake up, take a bath, eat breakfast, sit and read- for Artabanus at least. Ed was usually stuck sitting across from the man and just staring at him while he read, unable to do anything other than catalog the man's always pristine appearance. Then it was chore time. Which usually meant that Ed would walk around the complex with Artabanus' hand set firmly on his hip while the blonde performed several transmutations. Heating water, fixing broken dishes, expanding rooms and tunnels, creating shelves, that sort of thing. Once he had even been requested to use alchemy to bury the body of one of the children who hadn't survived the trauma of "the procedure". At Ed's angry outburst, which was quickly stifled, Artabanus had smiled thinly, ' _It's eternal baptism through fire, Edward. Not everyone is accepted by God as a holy child, you understand_.'

He didn't. And he never wanted to. Fucking animals with a warped sense of religion was all these people were.

After chores, Artabanus took a few hours to himself to do fuck knows what, and Ed was left chained to the bed with only candle light as a companion. He treasured these few hours of peace the most. It was the only time during the day that he actually had full control over himself, and the constant panic dimmed just the slightest bit, allowing him to breathe and contemplate instead of drifting on the emotional, mind-numbing haze of fear. Sometimes it wasn't so great, though. At least when Artabanus was latched to his side like some kind of haunting spirit he was distracted from his own thoughts.

When he was alone and in the silence he couldn't stop thinking about the Drachmans, the war that might be going on above these stone walls, about his brother, about Mustang and his men... but the one thing he agonized over the most was James. He had ruined the boy, destroyed him physically for the rest of his life. He was supposed to be the boy's teacher, someone trusted that would never hurt him, yet Ed had. There was no taking that back and Ed could still hear the brunette's screams- they followed him and rang loud and clear every moment that the blonde was alone, making his chest stutter and clench so violently he would swear he was close to having some sort of heart attack.

Sometimes when he was alone, Ed relived that moment. Once he couldn't hold himself back and actually wretched over the side of the bed. Artabanus had acted exasperated and worried when he'd returned, but Ed refused to answer any of the man's concerned questions. Fuck that son of a bitch and whatever the hell was going on in his murderous head.

When Artabanus returned, it was then time for another bath. After that it was another meal- dinner, Ed figured, followed by drinking tea in the dining hall. This was where Ed sometimes glimpsed the children.

The dining hall was an enormous room, probably the largest one amid the tunnels, that was formed in a giant circle. There were four doorways, spaced evenly around the circumference of the room, and each was labeled with a letter- N,S,E,W, like on the face of a compass. Ed and Artabanus always entered from the west wing, but from wandering around and doing chores, Ed knew that each wing had a generally specific purpose. The north wing was like a preparation sort of area. There were rooms there dedicated to food preparation, clothing supplies, wheelbarrows to collect water on- as this was also the wing where the well was located-, and even an armory. The east wing was the medical wing, but Ed hadn't been able to explore much of that yet. The south wing was still a complete mystery to him, as apparently it was off-limits to most everyone. Artabanus had confided in Ed once that the man went there sometimes, but liked to avoid it. He'd never expanded upon that.

And of course the west wing was the largest of all the areas, being the one that housed all the living rooms, with each room having its own bathroom attached. The rooms seemed to vary in size but from what Ed had seen, his was one of the ones on the larger scale. Even his bed was more than twice as large as most. It definitely made him uncomfortable and his heart beat a little faster when he wondered why the hell he was getting such special treatment. Extra baths, better living space, meals twice a day... he was practically living in luxury here.

He couldn't help but feel like he was a hog being fattened and prepared for slaughter.

He had yet to see James after the procedure, but he did see the little eight-year old that he'd first seen James talking to- Henry- during dinner time once. He had wanted to call out to the child, but Artabanus was apparently a mind-reader because he'd quickly cut off his ability to talk with a casual press of his index finger to Ed's hand. Artabanus spoke occasionally with the other men that manned the underground town, but usually he sat and rambled on about everything and nothing to a silent Ed.

The blonde had noticed that he'd become a dumping ground for the older alchemist's every meaningless thought. The man mostly wondered about the sky- about the stars and the sun and the moon. Sometimes he talked about the clouds, and rain, and snow. Ed admitted that sometimes the man's conversation was interesting, but he never added in to anything the man said. He was too proud for that, no matter how the man's theories piqued his interest. It also gave a window in to show just how educated the redhead was. He was quick to quote several different philosophers and even recited the lengthy work of some famous astrologist once. The subject of alchemy was never broached, and Ed spoke to the man as little as possible so he didn't ever ask about it, no matter how tempted he was. He heard enough of the psycho's voice already, he figured.

After "tea time", Ed was dragged back to "his" room for the night. Artabanus would fasten his restraints and sit with him for about half an hour before leaving Ed to sleep. Oddly enough, Ed was always quick to fall into the onyx depths of unconsciousness and sometimes was out before Artabanus even left the room.

This routine had recycled five times already since the day he'd mutilated James. So Ed figured it was now the seventh day that he'd been in the compound, because apparently he'd been unconscious from blood loss for a full day upon arrival.

In any case, it already felt like a month had gone by in this place. And he was only on the first bath of the day.

He tuned back into reality when Artabanus began humming some exotic tune softly while the man's hand ran a scratchy cloth over Ed's honeyed skin. The pungent scent of lavender and mint had Ed's nose curling at the strength of the aroma. The redhead always had some new soaps to try on Ed every time he was brought to the bathroom. If nothing else about this man was fucking weird, there was this weird obsession with cleanliness.

'Cleanliness is next to godliness, you know,' Artabanus murmured after the song faded from his lips. Ed glanced up at him from where he had been tracking the movement of the rag over his left arm and met the man's warm blue eyes, 'I know you don't love bathing like I do, but it's for your best interest, Edward. It just adds to your infinite purity and beauty, my dearest.'

Ed's lips twisted downward and he looked away, closing his eyes once more. This had become one of the only things he could do to make his displeasure known when he couldn't speak. And even when he _could_  speak, like at that moment, he found himself with no words to express what he wanted to.

He felt like he should be embarrassed, or upset, that he was sitting here naked and another man was washing him like he was some kind of toddler, but he'd just become so numb to it all by now. He honestly didn't care what the fucker thought about him. He was still irritated by the way he was addressed and the mentions of his "pureness" but he didn't bother and try to correct the man anymore.

By nature, alchemists were selfish and proud creatures that- once their minds were made up about something or other- never strayed from their own ideals. Add whatever form of unstable fixation the older alchemist was suffering from, and a wall of pure diamond was created. Basically, Ed knew it was impossible to convince Artabanus that he wasn't something to be in awe over.

_But still..._

'Purity, huh?' he scoffed quietly, still watching the man's gentle hands pass over his skin, 'So when are you going to cut  _my_ dick off, then? That's the ultimate idea of pure to you, right?'

He almost regretted the question, but he wanted to be ready when the time came for him to be further disfigured. In a brief second of dark, morbid humor, Ed wondered if Winry could make automail for that.

But Artabanus became extremely serious and took Ed's chin in his hand. Not that he needed to. But the blonde was sure the man took just about every excuse to touch him in some way. Now forced to look at his captor, Ed tried for the hundredth time to decipher any sort of readable emotion in those steely pools. Something almost looked like regret, but it could also be joy, or frustration. Fuck, Ed didn't know. It was just insanity.

'Edward, you just don't see it, do you? I love you too much for that. You're perfect just the way you are- nothing could make you better than who you are right now.'

At that moment, if felt like something inside the blonde had snapped. There was no warning, no indication of the break before his heart swelled and shivered with a dark force he'd never felt before. Ed would have recognized the bubbling acid rising in him as hysteria, if he bothered to pay it any attention, but he was already deep in its grasp and a helpless laugh stuttered from his trembling lips.

'Love?  _Love_? Who the fuck do you think you're fooling?' the laugh trickled off and formed into a yell midway, which was more emotion than he'd shown since James, but he couldn't care less at the moment, 'You're fucking  _sick_ , do you get that? Killing people without a thought, castrating  _children_ , abducting people and playing with them like they're your fucking  _dolls_! Don't you see how crazy that is? Do you even care? Is everyone just a  _puppet_  to you- something to be moved and manipulated at will? We're not your playthings! We are human beings just like you, you bastard!' Artabanus' hand moved to cup Ed's cheek and the man's face crumpled with something that could either be hurt, anger, or confusion. The blonde closed his eyes tightly and a sob tore from him suddenly, 'Why won't you just leave me the hell  _alone_!'

Silence followed his words, except for tiny, hiccuping noises that slid, unbidden, from his lips. Liquid warmth trickling down his face to trace over Artabanus' hand and Ed's sinuses burned from the sodium rising from his pores in reaction. It took nearly a minute in his delirious state to realize that he was crying. And now that he'd started, there was no stopping the waves of agony that scorched in his chest and radiated outward. He wanted to curl in on himself but he could only stare upward as his eyes burned with each tide of new tears.

_Fuck. This is so fucking stupid. I'm not a freaking kid anymore, why the hell am I crying?_

Besides a low sigh, Artabanus was oddly speechless as he continued to wash Ed's body. The minutes passed in silence while the blonde fought a losing battle in trying to gain control over his emotions. Every time he thought he was reigning in the spasms of heart-strangling feelings, an image of James tilting his face to a biting wind, or Al in the suit of armor, or all the lost people of his past would send him tumbling back over the edge into that dark whirlpool of sorrow.

Maybe it was just stress, but Ed was just as powerless to stop it as he was in moving by his own will.

'I fucking hate you,' Ed spat through the tears, turning his eyes to glare at Artabanus, who met them sadly.

'I know you do, Edward. But I'm confident I can change that. I can take care of you, protect you. You will love me, dearest. We're meant to be, after all. No one could ever love you like I do.'

The man's hand stroked Ed's hair tenderly for a few moments longer before he sighed and stood up, Ed's body immediately following. A large towel was quickly wrapped around the slender blonde and Artabanus took a long moment to consider him. Those calloused fingers trailed up the teenager's arms to his flesh and automail shoulders, leaving phantom touches that would remain long after he'd stopped. Every single piece of contact the man made with him was remembered by Ed, who would spend hours agonizing over each and every instance. It was worse because the younger alchemist was nearly always being touched by the bastard, and so he was constantly followed by those touches, even when they were mere shadows.

Disgust had been one of the most common things Ed was feeling these days, unfortunately.

'Why don't you stay in bed and rest today, Edward? I need to run to town for supplies and I think you need some time alone. What do you say?'

Artabanus smiled at him kindly. Ed didn't respond, his body already drying itself and reaching for a set of black clothing that hung on a hook by the tub. His hands pulled the soft black trousers up to his hips and tightened the string before hoisting the shirt over his head with the older alchemist's help. That was another thing that irked the hell out of Ed. He was never allowed to do anything on his own- bathing, dressing, pissing, eating- he was always being  _helped_ , and his blood boiled every single time.

'Alright, then,' Artabanus said, acting as if Ed had agreed to the proposition, 'let's get you back in bed and I'll bring you something to eat before I go.'

The whole process of restraining Ed against the bed was getting faster each time they went through it. At first it took Artabanus nearly a half hour every time Ed was being moved from and to the bed, but now everything was locked up tight before ten minutes passed and Ed was left staring blankly at his reflection in the mirror while waiting for the redhead to return.

He was still struggling to cease the rampant emotions that were attempting to drown him, but a steady, icy numbness was finally trickling into his veins. It was like a drug- that numbness. It could take him places.

Just like when he'd attempted to bring their mother back and Al had lost his body- the months following that had been spent in a mindless numbing haze, where time had no meaning and every day was the same. He drudged through that darkness, through the desensitized state, without a thought or care. Until one Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang had broken him out of the stupor with heated words and promises of a future.

He almost wished he could allow himself to fall back in that kind of trance. Mustang wasn't here now, and probably wouldn't be finding him anytime soon. But Ed just couldn't. Not when he had to await the precise moment, for the perfect opportunity, to escape. It wasn't just about him this time. He had a responsibility to the other people trapped here- to all those children and to James. He would get them all out of here safely, that was his mission now, the one thing he had to focus on no matter what. Maybe he had failed James already, but he could still salvage some kind of life for the boy if he could just get them back to freedom. Ed knew he might never be forgiven, and that was alright. He was never going to forgive himself anyway. He just wanted his student to live through this.

Artabanus reappeared with an apple and a mug of dark liquid. The heady aroma that filled the air had Ed snapping back to reality with hopeful surprise. Yeah, there was no mistaking it. That was coffee.

_Finally this asshole gets a fucking clue._

Ed almost showed his gratitude in a smile or a relieved sigh but remembered that said asshole didn't deserve it.

Artabanus gave the blonde a smile despite the blank look in response and sat at the edge of the bed, placing the mug on the nightstand and withdrawing a small knife from the drawer of the small bureau. The blonde idly wondered why the hell there was a knife in that drawer as the man began slicing small pieces from the fruit and feeding them to Ed wordlessly.

The bittersweet tang of the crisp food on his tongue had him reverting back almost completely to a relaxed state- or as calm as he could be in this situation. He remembered, as he chewed, that Granny Pinako had once said that food cured all ills. It was an odd thing to remember, and cruel jocularity reared its dark head once again.

_I guess Mom didn't get that memo... she never really ate much in the end, though..._

After the core was the only thing left, Artabanus lifted the still-steaming mug of caffeine to Ed's lips and the younger alchemist swallowed the liquid greedily, mindless of the scorching temperature of the drink. It was the good stuff, too.

_Well aren't I a lucky bastard today. Coffee_ and _skipping out on chores. Must have gotten under Psycho's skin a bit back there._

When the mug was drained, Artabanus set it aside and just looked at Ed for many long seconds before sighing, 'I know you can't understand me, Edward. Not many people can,' the man moved his eyes away from the Fullmetal Alchemist and stared at the wall as he continued, 'I was raised by the military, you know. Not by King Bradley directly, but by his close advisers. I came from Ukreyt when I was ten years old, a prodigy in my country, wanting to share our alchemy with other nations. No one else had any knowledge of the work of my people, and I wanted others to benefit from it. Since I was an orphan, I figured I had nothing to lose, and so much to gain, from traveling and teaching our ways,' he smiled wryly, eyes becoming distant, 'The military got me when I was trying to cross the border, and when they realized what exactly I had in my possession they handed me over to Bradley's advisers. They took care of me, and I explained my alchemy, just like I first set out to do. But they had different ideas for me. When I turned sixteen a State Alchemist came to assist in tutoring me- the Crimson Blood alchemist. They thought he was the best to teach me since his alchemy manipulated the materials of a person's body. But he was too limited, and even he couldn't understand my type of biological alchemy. I work with more than just the basic elements that make up a person. My alchemy is beyond that... it's spiritual, really.'

There was a pause, and Ed considered the man's words. He'd never heard any of this before and it was odd that the redhead was randomly spilling all this out, but the blonde couldn't deny his curiosity. It was no shock that the military would find and adopt someone with Artabanus' sort of skills and Kimbley was always a twisted fuck, so their having known each other so long ago didn't really surprise him that much. But again- that country's name... Ukreyt... he'd never before heard anything about it.

What did surprise him was that he'd never heard about this type of alchemy before if it had been known by the military. Usually even if there was just research about it, there would be articles and notes about it somewhere at the command center or at the Central Library. And again- that country's name... Ukreyt... he'd never before heard anything about it.

Artabanus turned back to Ed and again that blank smile fixed itself on his face.

'The alchemy I use is at its core a power made from energy in the air. The only thing I can compare it to is Xingese Alkahestry, but even then, it's still different. There are strings that connect everything, every person, every feeling and every action. It's like tectonic energy, but instead it's the energy that comes from the movements and the  _feeling_  of humans. These strings are invisible, but using our arrays I can grasp them, connect them to myself- take control of them, in a way. That's how I can manipulate a person's body, their words, their emotions... and it became a huge asset to the military once I finally formulated these five different arrays.

'One for stilling movement of the being I'm attempting to control-' he raised his thumb from his fist and let Ed examine the array there, '-one for making the being perform the movement I wish them to-' here he indicated his middle finger, '-one for speech and the control of vocal cords-' the array on the index finger, '-hormones, which can manipulate emotions-' his ring finger, '- and an anti-alchemy array which was devised from Amestrian alchemy, as a sort of fallback. You've been able to use alchemy through me as a conduit, but once I quit touching you, you are powerless for at least an hour,' his pinkie finger extended itself and now all the arrays were in clear view for Ed to examine, 'That gives me a head start if I'm trying to escape the alchemist I am controlling, or it gives me the option to re-obtain them if I wish.'

Even though they were explained to the blonde, some of the symbols wrapped in those webbing, swirling lines were still a mystery and the intellectual side of him yearned to ask questions, to learn more, but he held himself back when he realized Artabanus wasn't done talking.

_Joy. He already talks enough, and now I get his whole life story? Maybe I'm not so lucky today._

'The Crimson Alchemist wasted no time in tattooing these to my hands, and I was soon going through intensive training for covert operations. I was tortured, and their excuse was to make sure I would be able to handle interrogations in case I was captured and questioned. If I were ever to be captured by the enemy, I was told to kill myself in any possible way... I turned eighteen, and finally was sent out on my first mission- in Aerugo. I blended into their people and found my way to the home of one of their representatives in government. It took months, but I managed to manipulate the man enough to influence the trade market with Amestris significantly. My superiors were quite pleased with my work, and despite having to play as that disgusting old man's secret lover for so long, I was too. When I left, I slaughtered the entire family, even their two year old daughter.

'That's just one of the horrible things I've gone through and done, for the greater good. I was a covert alchemist for ten long years before I finally fled the military altogether, going back to my homeland and eventually making my way back into Amestris beside the people we now live with. Before I left, though, I heard about the Fullmetal Alchemist. And when I returned to Central over a year ago to look for good candidates for sell, I saw you.'

Ed swallowed tightly at the look on the man's face. He could only read that expression as some form of reverence. Ed was already overwhelmed with everything that was being shared, could hardly believe the words coming out of this guy's mouth, and was swarming in a sea of confusion, curiosity, disgust, horror... so many things that the blonde was just left feeling torn asunder. As if he had been on a ship and was left abandoned in the ocean on a tiny raft, with no idea how to navigate his way through a storm.

It was damn confusing.

The warm feel skin running across his cheek had Ed focusing back on Artabanus, who was now practically kneeling over his body on the bed, the man's blue eyes dark and thunderous with a heavy emotion that looked kind of like... hunger...

'You were so beautiful,' the redhead whispered, moving his knuckles across the blonde's skin and uncurling his hand so that his fingers could trace the younger's smooth jawline, 'I'll never forget that day. You must have been walking to the school, and it was raining so you were holding your briefcase above your head. The look on your face...' Artabanus smiled with obvious amusement, 'You were just so... real. Not like everyone else. You were real and there and I could  _see_  you. You don't have a mask like everyone else in this world. You are always out in plain sight, your soul laid bare for everyone to see. That honesty... it has broken me, my dearest Edward. You were too beautiful, too perfect, too  _real_ to be allowed to be tarnished by the evils of this world. And then those Drachman fools attempted to... they... and I... I couldn't stand aside any longer. I just couldn't. I hope one day you can understand. But like I said, I don't expect you to, not right now. But do not doubt me, Edward- I  _do_  love you.'

With that, Artabanus brought up his other hand and held Ed's face and began to lean forward.

Ed's eyes widened but even the gut reaction to flinch and pull away couldn't kick in.

_He's not seriously..._

Just as the thought was forming, though, his own neck was arching forward and up, mouth presented like an invitation.

The feel of lips covering his own was an alien sensation, and Ed clenched his eyes shut tightly at the wetness of the man's tongue entering his mouth- the only rejection he could enact. Their mouths moved together fluidly, passionately. The blonde tried to detach himself from the situation, but it was just too much to block out. His own tongue teasing at the other man's, his own teeth nipping teasingly at thin, chapped lips. It held his reluctant attention _because_  it was so odd and out of the blue. Artabanus moved one of his arms to wrap around Ed's waist and pressed their bodies closer until they were chest to chest, hip to hip.

_This isn't at all how everyone described kissing... I guess it's because I hate this stupid bastard._

With mounting disgust, the younger of the two could feel an obvious hardness against his thigh, but the revulsion quickly turned to panic when the fingers not latched to his face traveled down and reached under his shirt to stroke at his skin. A large hand molded itself around his hip and the man became more rigorous in his assault on Ed's mouth.

_Get off! What the fuck am I supposed to do here?! How can he- this is- STOP!_

Again, Ed found himself clawing at the confines of his skull desperately, shouting and yelling and growling on the inside as he was spectator to this turn of events. Pain, he could handle. Humiliation, he was used to it.

This was something completely new and terrible, and his puzzlement was giving way to horror at the thought of just  _what_  this man wanted to do to him.

Just as he was certain he would lose his mind in the new-found hysteria, Artabanus pulled away. Ed suddenly wanted nothing more than to wipe that fucking smile from that smug face- preferably with a sharpened blade made from cold, hard automail. Screw escaping, screw being the hero, he wanted to  _murder_ this motherfucker.

'As much as I would love to continue this, I must go. I'll be back soon, Edward, my dearest,' it was a promise lined with the most sultry of tones, which was feeding the flames of simmering rage in Ed even more.

This time when Artabanus leaned forward to steal a farewell kiss, the blonde's golden eyes stayed open and narrowed, hoping the bastard could feel his scathing anger through the look.

Finally,  _finally_ , the man pulled away and gathered the mug in his hand before striding towards the door.

'I'm going to kill you, you disgusting piece of shit,' Ed snarled at his retreating back, 'you just wait, I'm going to fucking KILL YOU!'

At the door, Artabanus turned and gave a cheerful wave before exiting. The sound of a padlock clicking into place was the only response Ed received.

The blonde exhaled loudly and his high-strung body fell back against the cushions with only the tiniest amount of relief. The older alchemist would be back soon, just like he said- probably within a few hours.

_There's no way I'm just going to wait around for round two. No way in hell._

Steeling himself and already having been fueled to the brim by hatred, he yanked hard on the cuffs around his wrists, thrashing his legs and struggling against his confines with a new, vehement fervor. The panic that had just begun to unwind from his mind and body returned full-force, and his voice came out in broken shouts as he fought so hard against the restraints that blood trickled down his wrist right away. But he simply gritted his teeth and renewed his efforts. No amount of pain was going to stop him from getting free.

He was sick of this place and that sadistic, perverted bastard. Sob story or not, he was a monster. Ed wasn't about to let himself become one as well.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Sweat collected like a clammy illness over straining, heated flesh as Ed again ripped his automail hand downward. An explosive sigh gusted past his lips and he tilted his head back to stare at the pale gray ceiling, eyes fixating on the spider-webbing cracks that fission through the stone like blooming vines. He wondered how those were caused. The mocking darkness of those splinters made the stone appear weak, but no matter how hard he assaulted his own restraints, the stone surrounding the rods of his cuffs didn't even vibrate with his efforts.

He couldn't tell how long Artabanus had been gone. Stress and his overall struggles with time recently made him completely clueless. It could have been minutes or hours. Based on how freaking exhausted he was, he wouldn't be surprised if it had been over an hour. But then again he had been kept practically bed-ridden for the past weak so his strength could have been weakened in that time.

Regardless, he was taking a moment to rest. His body was shivering and the muscles of his flesh arm were had gone icily numb after the intense burning gave out. At that point he figured he would focus on getting his automail arm free only- he would be able to transmute the manacle from his left hand and he would be free from there. But even his automail hadn't made any headway at all, and he had found himself once again in awe and frustrated with the workmanship of these damned restraints. Trying to slip his feet out of the tangle of ropes proved just as fruitless, and he had actually managed to cause pain to the port of his automail leg, something that hadn't happened since he'd first started using the damn thing.

Filling his chest to the brim with sweet, stale oxygen, he focused on calming himself with some of the breathing exercises Teacher had taught him and Al years ago. They'd never really been useful to him, and usually just managed to piss him off further when he realized they weren't working, but one more try didn't hurt.

As he breathed slow and deep, his thoughts whirled- going around Artabanus' story in his head, projecting the man's obvious hurt through that thick mask that the older alchemist always kept in firm place. Ed thought that's what got him the most- the fact that the man had left himself completely vulnerable before the blonde's eyes. That look of deep pain when he recounted his past was like a slap to Ed's face.

_So the crazy fucker does have feelings after all._

And then the kiss popped unbidden into Ed's mind, so abruptly and with such detail that he almost felt he was reliving it, causing the cold sweat to begin to rise to his skin once again, making him shiver violently. A cold, tight hand curled its fingers around his stomach and he swallowed tightly.

_I have to get out of here. Get free, get the kids, get out._

Then he snorted to himself and pulled weakly with his right arm. Well, easier said than done. But damn it, this should be easy for god's sake! He was the Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People, Victor of the Promised Day! This should be nothing for him.

And yet it was, and that now-familiar breed of shame crept up on him when he remembered all of the great things he'd accomplished those years travelling with his brother. Now he couldn't break his hands free of a few inches of metal. Maybe it really was Al that had been the strong one, after all... Ed's little brother was the only thing missing from this equation.

Dark lashes slid closed over damp golden eyes.

Of course. He never should have let Al go alone. They had been, and would always be, stronger together. Something like this could never have happened if Ed had gone to Xing with Al or Al had stayed by his big brother's side here in Amestris.

He needed to get out of here before Al found out what happened. The youngest Elric would come after his big brother despite any danger, there wasn't doubt about that. And if Artabanus got his hands on Alphonse... Ed couldn't even let that thought process without feeling horribly sick all of a suddenly.

_I can deal with this. I'm strong. Al... I won't let him get anywhere near this place, not when he's supposed to be enjoying the rest of his life however he wants._

Not that his brother was weak. But Ed was damned if he was going to let his little brother trip into danger because of him again.

_I just have to get out,_ he cast a distasteful frown at the metal wrapped around his left wrist, which was now covered in cold, sticky blood that still continued to drag its way down to his elbow to splash against the swathes of red cloth covering the bed,  _but maybe not this way..._

Reluctantly conceding defeat, the blonde let his head fall back against the wall and returned to examining the hairline fractures in the ceiling. His mind seemed to ebb and flow with random thoughts and images; there was no clear order to the disarray, but for some reason Hues kept coming to the forefront. He couldn't figure out why the man was sticking out so much in his mind, which just made him picture the green-eyed soldier even more. Ed wondered what Hughes would do in this situation. The guy would probably go along with his captor.

Maes Hughes had been one of the smartest people Ed knew, and the alchemist's lips twitched upward in a feeble smile. He could imagine Hughes sitting beside him on the bed with crossed arms and expectancy in his sharp eyes.

_'So why haven't you gotten out yet, shorty? I thought you were an impregnable force that couldn't be stopped?'_

Ed winced at the taunting tone to those words. Somehow he didn't expect his mind to make Hughes sound like an asshole,  _I don't know, Hughes... I'm trying..._

The brush of a ghostly sigh against his cheek had Ed whipping his head around, but of course nothing was there.

_'Come on, Ed, you're smarter than this. Concentrate. What do you know about this Artabanus character?'_

The blonde stifled his paranoia and closed his eyes once again, running everything that had happened with Artabanus through his mind. His mouth crinkled with distaste at some of the more recent memories.

_He's delusional. And random. I have no idea how to figure him out..._

_'Think about how he acts towards you, Ed.'_

_He said he loves me. He cares for me as if I'm some kind of God... or pet. But he talks to me like we're equals and wasn't hesitant to reveal his entire life's story to me-_

_'Things that would be incredibly incriminating if they ever came to light?'_

_Right. Exactly. So that means he really doesn't expect me to ever leave here._ The thought was ridiculous to Ed. Was Artabanus truly that disillusioned to believe that they would remain living down here, together, for the rest of their lives? What the hell?

_'But even more than that?'_

_He wants me to be his lover._ Just thinking the words made Ed's chest constrict anxiously.  _And he's going to get exactly what he wants. My body is already completely under his control every time he touches me. It'll be like I don't even dislike it._

_'Calm down, Ed. Go back a second. He loves you- focus on that. Love is a weakness. I know you understand that, after everything you've gone through with Alphonse. So how can you use that against Artabanus?'_

Gold eyes rolled exasperatedly,  _Well he might love me or whatever but he sure isn't afraid to hit me and completely ignore my wishes. It's not like he's going about this the traditional way._

Hughes' voice was silent in Ed's mind, but for some reason the blonde could tell he was just waiting. That's the hard thing about having conversations with yourself- once you reach the ultimate impasse, so does the other end. Still, Ed felt a swell of disappointment. After what felt like a millennium of only Artabanus as a conversation partner, this had been nice. It was almost too hard to let go of, so Ed clung to his vision of the deceased soldier one final time.

_What would you do, Hughes?_

The quiet of the room spanned on and after many long minutes Ed's mind began to wander again. He vaguely centered himself around half-assed plans and tactics that just made him shake his head each time. He was smart, sure, but he'd never been a really good tactician when it came to shit like this. Just about the only planning he was good for was in the middle of a battle, when his whip-like intelligence reacted instinctively. It was like his golden moments came only when impending death was near- when there was either success or failure and no medium between.

_'Go along with it.'_

The deep, familiar voice had Ed jumping out of his skin. His heart pounded painfully against his rib cage as his chin jerked up and he looked wildly around the room.

_'Don't make what you're doing obvious, but make him believe you're starting to return his feelings. Get him to trust you. That's the only way you're going to really be able to manipulate him.'_

Swallowing thickly, Ed considered the words and shook his head just the slightest bit. He was bad at pretending. That was a horrible idea.

_'You can do it, Fullmetal. Or do you want to be trapped down there forever?'_

_Fuck off, Mustang,_ the blonde thought miserably, beginning to wonder at his own sanity and why the fuck the General's voice was coming to him now,  _it's not that easy._

_'I'm sorry, Fullmetal, I thought you were willing to do anything to get back what you want. It was true then and I thought it was true now. And don't you want freedom? Or are you that hopeless that you can just give up without trying every option?'_

Ed gritted his teeth and turned his burning eyes downward. Fucking bastard always got to him.

_'So you're scared- so what? That never stopped you before.'_

That was true, but this was different. And why was the General scolding him anyway? It's not like he'd given up...

But even as he thought it, the weakness of his body and the violent fluctuations of his emotions had his spirits diving lower. All that resolve before, it hadn't been all that strong, had it? He finally realized it. His temper might have risen, but his heart had stayed heavy. A week of captivity had weakened his will, and he hadn't even noticed it creeping up on him.

Now it was all too evident to him as he searched himself. His heart was sunken and was smothering itself in the darkest shadows of his being.

What he'd done to James... maybe he didn't deserve to be free. Maybe he had already turned into a monster. An hour ago he had wanted nothing more than to strike Artabanus down and feel the man's blood on his skin- maybe to erase the phantom touches that followed the blonde everywhere- and though the man was sick and had probably committed evils Ed couldn't even imagine, no one man should be the judge if a person deserved to die or not.

The truth of it all had a part of Ed rising up defensively. Usually that side of him would be screaming his convictions and laughing at the very thought of breaking, but now it was dishearteningly quiet. It wavered uncertainly, not the proud and solid force it had been not even two weeks ago.

Maybe he  _had_ already given up.

_'You have.'_

_No I haven't..._

_'Prove it.'_

_I can't._

_'You're weak, Fullmetal.'_

That tone was thick with disappointment and Ed could imagine precisely the expression that would accompany those words; Mustang's lips would be pulled back in just the smallest of scowls, his dark eyes cold and heavy with a look that would convey exactly how low he thought the blonde. It was a look Ed had seen once or twice, back when he first started in the military as a headstrong little brat. It had shot straight through his core every time, and just like all those years ago he felt his very being shrink away from that disappointment.

_I'm not weak._

_'So show me you're not. You can lie and get away with it, Ed- it's easy.'_

_Maybe for you, you manipulative jerk. It's not that simple for someone that doesn't have years of experience._

_'Anyone can lie you stubborn idiot. You don't want to try, because you're scared of failure. Well get over it. If humanity always raised the white flag when things looked a little scary we'd all be dead right now. This is no different, Fullmetal. You just have to have the will to move forward.'_

_I know that, bastard._

_'No you don't, because you're not listening to me right now. And do you know why that is, Fullmetal?'_

Ed could feel his temper rising and tried with all his might to choke it down, but at the same time he was relieved by the embers being stirred in the depths of his heart. He suddenly understand why his psyche had chosen Mustang as its vessel.

_'Because you're weak.'_

'I'm not WEAK!' he snapped out loud.

A sound outside the door had his argument with his subconscious evaporating like a giant hand had swept a thick smoke from the room. He returned to the present, dazed and confused before remembering that Artabanus was due back any moment now.

And indeed, the metallic clinging of the padlock outside the door indicated such. Except... that wasn't a key turning in a lock. There was a muffled curse and Ed's hackles raised at the unfamiliar voice. Had the military found the hideout? He hadn't heard the chaos such an event would have ensued, so it was unlikely.

Just as he was about to call out to whoever was on the other side, the loud squeal of metal snapping sounded and the door swung inward.

The blonde's body stiffened as three men filed into the room. He distantly recognized one as someone Artabanus occasionally spoke with at dinner, but other than that these were strangers. Who had apparently broken in, evidenced by the heavy pair of bolt cutters held in one of the men's hand. The last one in pulled the door shut behind him and they all regarded Ed.

'So this is the famous Fullmetal Alchemist,' the somewhat familiar one- apparently the leader by the way his stance was held tall and assertive- smiled, but everything about the statement seeped with sarcasm, 'I'll be honest with you, kid. You're not quite what I expected.'

Ed schooled his features into something he hoped didn't make his alarm visible, 'Yeah, I get that a lot. What the hell do you guys want?'

The leader's smile steadily drooped into a glower and his light green eyes glinted wickedly. With a start, Ed registered that those emotions didn't seem directed at him, 'We want to end whatever Art's little fascination with you is. He was a good leader- a good soldier- before you came along, and now he's just useless. You Amestrians ruined him with your witchcraft and you're going to pay for it.'

_Shit._ Steely dread climbed up Ed's throat, 'Why me? He  _abducted_  me, in case you didn't know. Fuck, he ties me up half the time and the other times I can't help what he makes me do!'

'You can't fool us, Amestrian! You cast a spell on him! He was never like this before he saw you!' The second man- tall with coal-black hair and fiery blue eyes- stalked toward the bed to hover over Ed. The man's fists trembled with poorly concealed rage.

Against his better judgment, Ed snarled at him, pulling forward as far as possible to get in his face, 'A spell? Do you believe in magic or something you fucking idiot? Besides, I thought you dumb shits worshiped us or something! Or is that all a pretty lie so that you can feel better about selling off people like fucking cattle?'

Hands knotted themselves in the collar of Ed's shirt and slammed him back against the wall, his skull connecting solidly with the stone. Ink blots danced across his vision as the pain throbbed through his head and wet warmth crawled through his hair.

_Fuck that hurt._  But that was alright. Pain distracted him from the fear and the panic that was threatening to choke him. Fuck he was sick of being so goddamn helpless.

'Artabanus and our people back home might still be disillusioned by you devils, but we aren't!' The man still held Ed's shirt between two tight fists as he shouted, 'Once Art sees your body spread all over this room, he'll see that you're human just like us- not some fucking pet to be worshiped. Your spell will be broken and then he'll go back to normal.'

'You're just as crazy as he is,' Ed whispered through the pulsating nausea at the top of his spine. His thoughts were already scattered and he couldn't collect himself enough to make a plan, but it also stifled the fear in a way. This was something familiar. The taunting, the arguing, minus the fanatical undertones and the fact that he was totally unable to reciprocate the physical torment, this was practically like his fights a few years ago.

The man's building anger pleased the blonde to no end, and for the second time that day Ed began to question his own sanity.

'Jack, hold on,' the leader moved to the other side of the bed and stared down emotionless at the blonde. After several tense seconds, the black-haired Ukreytan stepped back obediently, 'Edward Elric. You are called the Hero of the People here, right?'

Ed didn't answer, but he didn't need to. The man didn't even pause before going on.

'Then it should be appropriate that you're the one we slaughter. You are the pure representation of your country. Your foolish ambition, your steadfast resolve in beating down anything you see as a threat, your ignorance. Your eyes and your hair... and of course I've heard the stories about your magic. How yours is one of the most powerful- this  _alchemy_  of yours. They say you can even cast it without drawing a sigil or pentagram. That makes you extremely dangerous. You have to be disposed of.'

Ed was totally shocked and floundered about for an answer, for some kind of way to explain how wrong these people were, but he couldn't come up with anything. Even if he did, he probably wouldn't have wasted his breath anyway- these assholes were resolute in their decision.

And so the alchemist said the only thing that he knew would get a reaction out of them.

'Artabanus is going to kill you if you hurt me. You know that, don't you?'

Jack growled and the leader just stared at him. The third man- the one holding the bolt cutters- finally approached the bed and cocked his scarred face as he regarded Ed, 'Once you are dead, the spell over him will be broken. He won't kill us.'

Ed's heart sank at the complete conviction in the man's words.

_Well, at least I tried,_  he thought, a moment before the bolt cutters were swung downward.

His flesh leg erupted in agony and the loud crack of bone breaking shattered the air. The blonde's body wrenched in a violent spasm and blood filled his mouth from biting his tongue, but still the muffled scream apparently thrilled the foreigners surrounding him like sharks.

_Fucking animals!_

Tears burned his eyes and he tilted his head back to drag in a shuddering breath.

_Fuck. Now would be a good time to get your ass back here, Artabanus, you fucking bastard!_

'Who's the tough guy now?' Jack taunted, then turned to the man near Ed's feet, 'Good hit, Braden. Let me have a try.'

The heavy tool traded hands and Ed snapped his eyes shut, knowing that the anticipation of the blow would be worse than the actual attack. Except it wasn't, and when a bone-crushing force smashed against his abdomen he heaved and choked and couldn't get in a full breath of air to save his life.

The terror finally broke through and into his gasping, pained sobs. He tried to ignore the laughter and leering of the men but those voices just made the heart-thundering hysteria rise. Grinding his teeth and trying to focus on anything but his leg and ribs, he made a final attempt at breathing. Thankfully, oxygen trickled in past the sharp, stinging torment in his chest.

'Fuck... fuck...' he panted, now completely uncaring if his distress leaked through.

'Come on, devil, stop being so theatrical. We haven't even gotten started yet.'

Ed flinched at the statement and opened his eyes. He was faced with the ceiling, and his vision traced those cracks in the stone, now blurry with the glaze of pain cast over his sight.

'How about we cut up his face?' One of the men- Jack, Ed dimly recognized- asked eagerly, 'Art will see how ugly he really is then.'

'Hmmm... maybe we'll get around to that here in a little bit,' the leader contemplated while taking the bolt cutters from his goon, 'for now let's just have some fun.'

The blows rained down at a near-constant pace after that, one grueling crash of heavy metal against weak flesh and tender bone after another. Ed had no time to recover after each strike and was pushed further and further into some strange, distant state as the torment built into a blinding crescendo of pain. Thoughts were a thing of the past. All that was was the hurt- all over, every muscle and every bone- that drilled through him with vicious claws, twisting and cracking and rending through his tenuous body.

And then the hurt morphed into a very real struggle to keep breathing. Every dragging, draining gasp had to be fought for and it was all Ed could center on.

Abruptly the assault ceased but Ed was beyond trying to figure out why, unable to muster even the tiniest dredge of hope that it would be over for good.

Through roaring ears, shouts and thuds reached Ed and he slowly, so slowly, came back to himself. Even after he opened his eyes, it took nearly a minute for his vision to clear and focus. His body ached so tremendously that he hadn't even realized he'd been released from his restraints at some point and was now sprawled face-down over the cold stone floor. The ground burned against his bare chest and he made a feeble attempt to raise himself onto his arms, but a flare of white-hot pain in his left shoulder had his arms buckling.

He stayed immobile for a minute or two before swallowing back all the twinges and invisible knives that dug into him. Levering himself up on his automail arm, he finally found the strength to lift his head, though it was a strain.

The first sight that greeted him was a very familiar redhead closing the mouth of the bolt cutters around one of Wade's fingers. The poor bastard must have been backed against the mirror and apparently shot in the legs based on the bloody holes covering the knees of his trousers. The menacing tool snapped closed and Ed quickly moved his eyes, but not before he saw the man's digit come clear of his hand.

Remorse for the man and, ultimately, confusion were the only things that Ed really felt at the moment. Everything else was still kind of a blur. Even the attack was a blur for him now, and he had no idea how long it had lasted.

Gazing blankly around, the young alchemist saw that the other two men were in no better state, and finally the ringing in his ears was fading enough that he could hear their pleas, their shouts. The leader of the little trio was unconscious, with his legs bent in the oddest angles where he lay in the shattered remains of the nightstand- appearing in all accounts like a doll flung from the uncaring, moody hands of a toddler. Blood covered the room like some kind of paint accident had occurred with crimson spattering the walls and the floor in surprisingly copious amounts, making Ed aware of the same drying liquid that was covering him nearly head to toe. Jack was quiet and pale-faced on the bed, where he'd been strapped in to Ed's usual restraints.

_How long ago did Artabanus get here...?_

Unwillingly, eyes of liquid gold moved back to the older alchemist, who had moved on to the screaming and crying man's other hand. The left hand was now completely devoid of fingers.

Nausea climbed up Ed's esophagus at the gruesome sight, and finally some clarity was reaching through the dark fogs of his mind.

_He's going to kill all of them if I don't stop this._

'Art... Artabanus... stop,' the blonde forced out, cringing at the shattered sound of his own voice.

Whatever else he was going to say froze on his tongue when Artabanus' head swiveled towards him slowly. Feral eyes made of burning sapphire seemed to peer  _through_  him, completely vacant except for a murderous, animal rage. Ed's mouth went dry as those eyes lingered on him, and wanted to breathe a sigh of relief when the tiniest flicker of stability returned to them.

'Edward, love. I'm so glad you're alive,' but just as soon as it was built up, Ed's optimism took a nose-dive at the mechanical tone and distance in Artabanus' words, 'just stay right there, my dear. I'll be with you in a moment.'

The ex-soldier then continued his ministrations, and the blonde closed his eyes tiredly as the screams ratcheted up a notch.

_Fuck, this has gotten so out of control. Okay, focus Ed._

Closing himself off mentally from the carnage igniting around his broken body, he wearily attempted to take inventory of his own injuries. There was no doubt he had the strength or health to get up and help the men, and Artabanus had obviously checked out, so he had to figure out how bad off he was.

_Broken leg for sure. Fuck, that hurt like a bitch. Maybe a few bruised ribs, one possibly broken. That Jack guy has a weak arm... Broken collarbone. Some cuts and bruises, but I think that's it. No organs ruptured- at least I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear._

He breathed a tiny sigh but couldn't help the moan that was immediately expelled from the dagger-like pressure it caused in his lungs. At least he would live. The wounds felt a lot worse than they were, he was sure. And based on Artabanus' reaction, they probably looked fairly awful, too.

Now that he was free from the constant battery, the pricks of hot and cold all over his skin were beginning to taper off and he felt confident enough to try and move his legs around so he could sit up and lean against the foot of the bed, which was right beside his automail foot. Snagging his teeth around his bottom lip and preparing himself for the inevitable agony, he put all his weight on his fake limbs and steadily began maneuvering his least-battered muscles into action.

Lightning ripped through him mercilessly but after several eternity-long seconds he was upright and panting shallowly, spine pressed against one of the bed's gritty wooden legs and his right hand clamped tightly on his thigh, where shooting pains were travelling up from his broken shin. He slowly let his surroundings bleed back into his reality and noticed that Artabanus had now moved on to Jack. By the man's shrieks, Ed was guiltily happy that he couldn't see what was going on.

Instead, his eyes fixed on the corpse of Wade, who Artabanus had finished off with a gory slice to the jugular. Beady gray eyes stared back at Ed, sightless.

Shouts and bangs drew the blonde's attention to the door, which was now just splinters and lumps of wood that covered the ground in front of where the doorway had been. Now there stood a flat span of stone that still let off just the tiniest wisps of steam. Under the remnants of the door Ed could see the grainy white outlines of a transmutation circle, and Ed finally recognized the metallic taint to the air that had been scraping against his throat with every breath.

_So Artabanus does know a little Amestrian alchemy after all._

A whole group of men must be on the other side of that wall, trying to get to their shrieking friend. Ed could transmute the wall back open, but that would use energy he just didn't have at the moment. The dawning realization that this would be a perfect chance to escape just filled him with a weary, swelling exasperation.

Of course his chance would come when he was too fucking weak and beaten down to do a damn thing.

He watched the shadows that danced across the floor from the orange light of the candle and listened to the tortured screams of a man approaching death with every second. It was like he had been transported into Hell- those shadows twisted and curled around one another like limbs, and Ed could almost see demonic faces in their movement. Faces that grinned and leered and laughed raucously at him where he sat, useless.

They were like the body of a monster, lit by alchemic light and revealed among a blood-stained floor and scrawled chalk lines. Glowing red eyes staring back at him, jaw moving in a gasp for life.

Anguish burned in the young alchemist and he brought his left knee up, ignoring the splitting protest of his ribs as he wrapped his right arm around his leg and set his forehead upon the bare, hard metal. He couldn't even feel the contact those two limbs made, and that just made everything worse, but he had no more will to move. He was so tired...

Finally, a silence fell, rousing Ed from the drifting daze the blonde had been lost in.

He knew without looking up that all the men were now dead or dying. He could still hear the final gurgling inhales of either Jack or the leader as they drowned in their own blood. Another minute or so passed before he could hear footsteps approaching and stopping in front of him. There was a swish of fabric and a whisper of breath rustled a few strands of his hair. He didn't even have the energy to tense up, like he usually would have, when a gentle hand ran through his hair almost cautiously.

But he didn't feel the tug of alchemy that meant he was being controlled, and he used his last vestiges of strength to lift his head. Artabanus was kneeling in front of him, carefully positioned so that Ed's injured leg was nowhere close to contact. Manic blue eyes had changed to warm ones full of pain and regret and something else so deep that the blonde really didn't want to try and investigate it.

It was strikingly difficult to meet those eyes, knowing exactly what the man had just done. Artabanus really was sick, Ed was irrevocably sure of it with every fiber of his being now. Not that there had been any doubt before, but this just settled that fact firmly within the concrete of Ed's mind. But that illness didn't excuse the fact that the older alchemist was still a wretched fiend.

Looking into that concerned stare, though, "Mustang"'s words from earlier came back to him. Maybe he had been right. Maybe Ed just needed to try out a different way of thinking to get out of this, instead of his cut and slash method. The only issue was that the manipulative plan he'd come up with earlier was going to take time to enact successfully, and Edward Elric had never claimed to be a patient person.

'Edward... are you alright? God I am so sorry, I should never have left you alone for so long. This is all my fault. Those monsters... how bad did they hurt you?'

Ed just stared back at him. And a flare of  _something_  lit inside his chest.

He wasn't patient... but he had to  _try_.

The blonde slowly let his automail leg sink back to the ground, causing Artabanus to shift closer. Ed choked on a breath but recovered quickly, masking the apprehension thrumming through his veins and playing it off as a sob. Worried, Artabanus reached a gloved hand up to Ed's cheek, and with mounting trepidation Ed leaned into the touch. Hopefully this wasn't too much too fast; the blonde couldn't decipher the look on the redhead's face in response to his action.

_Oh well. It's either all-in or fold at this point._

An automail arm came up and draped itself across the older man's shoulder, and Ed let the tentative arms wrap around him in return. The hesitance of the action surprised the blonde but he made himself take it as a good sign. Pessimism in these circumstances would only hurt him. All he had to do was be an actor. It was easy. Just pretend. Like when he and Al were younger and would act like they were princes and race each other to Granny Pinako's house to "rescue" princess Winry. He'd always been the one to convince their female friend to play the game with them. He was great at persuasion when he really wanted to be. He could put on a plausible performance, no problem.

Giving into the embrace fully and leaving no doubt of his actions, Edward Elric folded himself against Artabanus' chest. And with that, he felt the last of his strength flee him, leaving his bones hollow and his body like a lead weight that the man he clung to easily supported.

'Thank you for saving me,' Ed said it softly, trying to keep his tone grateful and relieved even as everything began to dim around him, his peripheral turning black in anticipation.

The press of lips against the top of his head was the last thing that Ed felt before the dark, swirling tides of unconsciousness pulled him under at long last.

The last thing he heard was a small, joyful yet sad sigh, 'Oh, Edward...'

_Mustang... you better be right about this._


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Weeks passed. Dwindling by like grains of sand in an hourglass, the days sifting through one moment to the next in a sluggish drag of time. Ed found himself thinking about hourglasses a lot. There used to be a set of hourglasses in Hohenheim's study when they were kids- one for a minute, one for an hour, even one that lasted a full day before the last grain of sand fell down to join its companions. That one had been enormous, and he had a vague memory of his father explaining how it worked to him, although he couldn't have been older than three at the time.

He remembered some nights after their mom had gone to bed, he and Al would sneak into Hohenheim's study, their small feet whispering soundlessly over the cold floorboards, and would sit side by side in front of the day hourglass. It was never turned over except for when their father was there, but one night he and Al sat on the floor and began to talk about alchemy, dragging over one of the old, dusty volumes from a shelf and rifled through its pages with hushed murmurs.

_'Brother, we'll get in trouble...'_ Al had been so afraid to upset their mother then.

_'It's alright, Al. We'll make her something and she'll be happy- just wait and see.'_

With chalk-covered fingertips, they performed their first transmutation. Together.

Ed remembered how the flash of static light had amazed them as it cut through the shadows of the room and lingered in every corner, he could still feel the rush of something in his chest- something hard and powerful that had burned through his very being with such a sense of right and purpose that he knew this was what he was. Pure and simple, he was an alchemist. He knew it that day, so many years ago. He'd known that he would be a great alchemist. Just like Hohenheim.

Al had been so excited, had exclaimed so loud that Ed tackled him to the floor and clasped a hand over his younger brother's mouth. Of course Ed was ecstatic too, when a little wooden blob that looked something like a person's profile stood proudly from the warped floorboards, but he contained his shock and wonder and pride.

The hourglass stood witness to that moment, and after he and Al returned the floor to normal, they both silently looked at the hourglass. For whatever reason, they finally decided to turn it over themselves, even with their father not present. They came to this joint decision without a word, as sometimes happened between the two. They spent nearly every waking moment together in those days so they were bound to have alike thinking at times. Turning the hourglass over was a bit of a struggle, even with the both of them, since they were so small and weak then. Ed could still remember the numb burning in his arms and the soft grunt Al gave out at the strain.

Afterward, they stepped back as one and grinned at each other, faces streaked with chalk and the light of that transmutation still glowing wildly in their eyes.

Ed now imagined how that hourglass had looked- its sturdy oak base smoothed over with glaze, the shimmering glass that was smudged here and there with a wandering fingerprint, the glint of the pale golden sand in its confines.

He could almost feel the smooth, cold slide of glass under his fingertips and smell the gentle, smoky aura that had surrounded his childhood home.

He inhaled deeply now, but all that assailed his senses was the damp, slightly herbal scent of these underground halls.

'Edward, dearest.'

Ed wanted to cringe at the sound of that voice, wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out, but he was kind of used to it at this point. The hard and passionate curdle of nausea didn't immediately swell in his gut. Only the faintest annoyance wound its way into his chest, constricting his ribs with barely any pressure.

He squinted open his eyes and raised his head to look over his shoulder at Artabanus. The redhead was sitting on the edge of the bed with a tray in his lap and Ed could smell the all-too familiar sweetness of maple. Maple oats, Artabanus called it, was the usual breakfast in this place since the grains weren't perishable and all that was used to make it was hot water and maple syrup. With a sigh, Ed struggled into a sitting position, rolling his shoulders and stretching out his arms in front of him.

He wasn't tied up like some kind of slave anymore at least. After that day what felt like years ago, Artabanus had never tied up Ed again- instead he'd constructed some kind of anti-alchemy manacles that he secured around the blonde's wrists, a bar in the middle so that his hands could never touch.

Not that it mattered even if he did try and make a run for it, because of the four different anti-alchemy arrays etched into the cuffs' metal. The manacles were more comfortable and Ed was actually allowed to move as he pleased now, sure, but he was still just as much of a prisoner.

He was reminded even more of this fact when a bolt of white heat shot up his body when he shifted his broken leg. There was no way he would be able to escape without the assistance of alchemy.

Grimacing deeply when he heard Artabanus' chuckle, Ed almost denied the offered platter, but gave in quickly enough. Food was one constant here that Ed was happy to take advantage of. While he ate, Artabanus began going on about the state of affairs in the compound. Troy and his goons would be making a slave run to Central soon, and Artabanus and Ed would have to watch the remaining children while they were gone. Just a week ago the slavers had transported most of the children to Ukreyt somehow. The blonde had a feeling there had to be some kind of deal between the Ukreytans and the Amestrian soldiers that guarded the border. There was no way they could get that many people through without raising alarm otherwise.

Twenty. Twenty children had been transported. That left a mere four in the compound still, and cold horror had washed through Ed's chest when he heard. He had failed those kids. He could have saved them...

Ed slowed halfway through his breakfast and reluctantly pushed the tray aside, appetite now completely ruined. For fuck sake, how could he sit here and eat like some kind of happy pet while those children were god knows where, being subjected to horror the blonde could only imagine.

And those men were going for more, probably to Central to pick out the best among the many waifs of the city streets. Ed knew a few of those kids, having lived in Central for the past two years, and always made sure they had money, food, and a place to sleep. Maybe not in his own home, but he gave them enough money to get somewhere safe for the night. Little Elizabeth, Travis, Benjamin... Ed couldn't live with himself if anything happened to them because he was too weak to help them.

'Edward, is everything alright? You haven't been eating much the past few days...'

'I'm fine,' Ed sighed, letting the man take the tray away from him so the blonde could pull the covers away from his body. It had been awkward at first, maneuvering things when his hands were trapped together at the wrists, but it had gotten easier over the- what? Five weeks? Six? Ed had no idea. All he knew was it felt like years.

He still hadn't seen James, either, although Artabanus had assured him several times that the student was still at the compound. For the first couple of weeks, visions of James had haunted Ed like some kind of a horrible spirit- images and reliving the spattering of warm, metallic blood on his face, his own arm slicing down, the nauseating feel of flesh giving under the cruel bite of automail...

But now, at times, there were hours and even days that passed that he didn't think about his student. And of course when he finally did, again, he was crushed by guilt. Artabanus was becoming more and more worried, but Ed knew he wouldn't let him or James go.

'How is your leg feeling today? Any better?'

Ed's eyes fixed on the tiny dips and curves of the wrinkles in his boxers- the only thing he really wore other than his shirt these days, since he barely ever got out of bed. If he'd thought he was being treated like some kind of pet before all this, now he was like a fat, purring cat on some prince's lap. It was fucking horrible at first, especially after his injury, to be so confined. He always hated being trapped in a hospital or having to stay immobile for long periods of time. But now... it was almost not too bad... in a way...

He thought about Mustang, the lazy bastard, and wondered if the Flame Alchemist had ever gotten a long lapse of leisure like this before. Picturing the man's relaxed slouch and loose smile when he sat behind his desk and did everything possible to avoid paperwork, it seemed very likely. But then Ed saw him when everything was tumbling downward as the Promised Day approached. And then, underneath Central Command, the look in his eyes when he burned Envy to cinders...

That fire that burned within the coals of his pupils and ash of his irises, searing out straight from his soul- the eyes of someone that had clawed their way up from hell and had lost too much along the way. No, Ed didn't think Mustang had rested much in his life.

'Edward?'

Golden eyes snapped up and Ed barely even flinched when Artabanus' face was just inches from his own, 'What?'

The man's eyebrows twitched a little bit, but other than that his face was completely placid. The eyebrows were how Ed usually tried to tell the man's emotions now- and the blonde had had a lot of time to learn how to read the tiniest of the man's expressions. Artabanus had a rather slim jawline and he was slight enough that Ed would see the occasional gritting of teeth from the man, which was how Ed knew he was getting on the redhead's nerves. It was pretty amusing and the blonde did it more than he probably should, but that little thrill of excited anxiety it caused when he saw that minute twitching in the man's jaw was completely worth the risk. Not that Artabanus would ever actually do anything to hurt him. Oddly, Artabanus' lips hardly ever showed the emotion he was feeling. If he was smiling, it was tight and almost always looked faked- plastered on like some kind of parlor makeup. If he was frowning, well... he never frowned. His mouth was either in a straight line or pulled painfully at the corners in a facade smirk. The rest of his face stayed completely motionless at all times, except for the eyebrows. Now they furrowed just the slightest, showing Ed a mix of frustration and concern.

'I asked you how your leg was feeling today, Edward. Where is your head at, boy?'

'It's...' Artabanus was so close... Ed was taken back to the first time the man kissed him. The memory burned like a falling star through his mind- how his body had so easily reciprocated the vile act. Now he couldn't really grasp any sort of feeling to the memory, just a dazed sense of confusion.

A palm flattened itself against Ed's forehead and the blonde flinched violently. His skin burned as if he'd just stuck his face against a block of ice.

The sound of Artabanus actually hissing had Ed on a whole other level of dizzied confusion. He could only stare at the panic in royal blue eyes and try to stay grounded as much as possible.

'Edward, you're burning up. This is bad. I've never felt a fever this high before...'

'Fever?' Ed squinted at him through the fuzziness that was starting to leak into his vision. What the hell was going on? He'd felt fine not twenty minutes ago, now it felt like his head was miles away and his body was buzzing with some kind of weird numbness. If he closed his eyes he could imagine himself being underwater, weighted down yet lighter than air itself. It was a feeling that caused his insides to squirm uncomfortably and his head to whirl even more.

'Lay back down, Edward. I'll get you some medicine. I'll be back in five minutes, I promise.'

Icy hands gently pushed his shoulders back and somehow Ed found himself alone and freezing, staring listlessly at the ceiling. He'd never really been sick before. Maybe a few times as a child and once or twice after he entered the military, but none so bad and sudden as this.

He shrugged to himself lightly and tried to tighten his grip on the blanket wrapped around him like a soft cocoon. It was still hundreds of times less painful than getting his automail ports installed. That process left him weak and in cold sweats for days. When getting his automail bolted through his collarbone he's been unconscious for nearly twelve hours afterward. This was nothing.

No matter how much he tried to focus and think though, his mind drifted away from his body and was horribly jumbled and random, thoughts and images mixing and falling- the puzzle of his mind being broken up into hundreds of tiny pieces. The only thing he could compare it to was the times he'd enjoyed a little too much of the liquor his frequented bar offered. It hadn't happened often, maybe a few times ever since he turned eighteen, but every one of those nights ended the same.

The first time, it had been Al to somehow drag him out of the bar and back to their apartment, and Ed only remembered the light, airy feeling of nausea washing through his stomach and the flash of his brother's darker golden eyes. The comforting feel of concerned, exasperated hands guiding him through simple processes that were never so hard before.

Then Al had gone to Xing, and of course the person Ed found himself drinking with then was Mustang, usually.

The blonde could pinpoint a few times that it was completely the General's fault that he ended up in such a state. One time, for example, Mustang had challenged him to a "drinking game" in which they tried to match each other in shots. Obviously that hadn't ended well for Ed. All he could remember from that night was the strong, warm feel of hands on his waist, guiding him through his own apartment after a corridor of the chill of the night. Quiet words whispered into his ear that he had forgotten almost as soon as he heard them, but he remembered the deep, rasping, soothing voice and the hot wave of breath against his face. Those warm hands had helped him into his bedroom, he knew, although he didn't remember that part. The last thing he knew from that night was staring up at the ceiling and blabbering on about god knows what- probably some kind of alchemic theory or other- while Mustang sat on the edge of his bed and just listened. It was strange how the man had sat there quietly, surely until Ed passed out, without saying a single word. Ed often wondered about that night- why Mustang didn't just leave after taking him home, why he sat there like some kind of silent guardian or some shit.

The next night like that, Ed remembered much more clearly, although he had played it off to Mustang as if he'd forgotten. He wished he'd forgotten.

It had been Havoc's birthday, so everyone had gone to the bar to celebrate after a nice dinner with the whole office. Ed had stood back mostly, just watching everyone celebrating and laughing and talking. Watching them, instead of bringing light and happiness like it had for everyone else apparently, transported him back to those dreadful years leading up to the Promised Day. The pain and suffering they had all been through, that Ed hadn't even been there for. Hadn't had a chance to help them at all. Maybe Havoc would never have gotten injured in the first place if Ed was there. Maybe Ed should have stayed closer to Central, helping them as much as possible. Would that have changed anything? If so, what? What would have happened if Ed hadn't been pronounced a fugitive and had stayed and fought like the rest of Mustang's men? But the sacrifices he would have had to make that work... no. It was best the way it had played out... right?

At some point, Mustang had dragged him away and to the bar, where the two of them sat and watched the General's team together. The group apparently hadn't even noticed them leaving.

'The toll that is wrought, being the ones who make the hardest decisions... it keeps us apart from the rest of the pawns, doesn't it?'

Ed had turned to Mustang with a dark glower at the man's half-mumbled words, 'Don't call them fucking pawns, you self-righteous bastard. Those are your men- your friends.'

Mustang had finally met his eyes and smiled lightly, making Ed's heart swell and shrink all at once, 'Settle down, Fullmetal. It's just something my mother told me not too long ago,' those dark pools of silver onyx sharpened on him, 'I know what you're thinking about, Ed. Stop it. I may be a hypocrite telling you this, but there's no need to worry about what happened. The past is in the past. Let your worries die there.'

Having a feeling they were about to have a long, stressful conversation, Ed had waved over the bartender and ordered a tumbler of scotch, wanting to be ready for it.

'So what, Mustang. I wasn't some kind of leader on the front lines, making hard decisions. I just went with whatever was going on.'

'That's bullshit and you know it,' Mustang's voice lowered and the man crept a little further into his space- Ed actually had to turn slightly so that he could down the liquor without touching him, 'You were the one that led us to victory, Ed. They don't call you a hero now for nothing. I can't imagine what you went through to make that happen.'

Discomfort had trickled through the blonde at that point, and he had tried to let the conversation die. But for once his own humility beat his temper, 'I didn't go through any more than you did. And you're not over there either, so turn your words back on yourself for once. There's nothing you can do now, so quit worrying.'

'It was my fault Jean and Hawkeye were so severely injured.'

'It's my fault Hughes is dead.'

A dark cloud of guilt fell over Ed and the blonde could only watch as multitudes of tortured emotions flitted over Mustang's face. They both fell deathly silent, and wordlessly called for more alcohol, apparently giving up on trying to comfort each other with words. There were no words that could soothe the wounds the two of them tried desperately to salve with any means necessary. Ed knew this, and wondered why they still tried. He knew Mustang had taken up heavy drinking after what happened in Ishval, through quiet whispers between the team. It was an accidental revelation on their part, of course, that Ed just happened to overhear. Like the day the General had come to the office- well, been dragged into the office by a serene Hawkeye- ten minutes late with dark shadows under his eyes and hell in his expression. Havoc had whispered to Breda about how Mustang had had a "flashback" the previous day. Ed had missed it since he had been on a mission, but the looks on the men's faces were worrisome. Then the second Lieutenant had made the concerned comment about how he hoped the General didn't fall back into alcoholism. It didn't sound good, and Ed had made a mental note that day to always be careful about how much he "enjoyed" at the bars.

'It wasn't your fault,' Mustang said, bringing Ed back to the present. The blonde glanced at the man, a little dizzy from turning his head and noticing that his body had already slid from fire-hot to pleasantly numb, 'Hughes was an intelligent adult that made his own choices. The only one to blame for his death was his killer. Who wasn't you.'

'Might as well have been,' Ed muttered before throwing back a shot of something that burned like acid down his throat. He then slammed the glass upside down on the bar and was fascinated by the dully sharp clang the shot glass made when meeting the lacquered wooden surface.

'It's no use trying to convince you otherwise now, is it? You're already drunk.'

'No I'm not,' Ed had denied immediately, even though Mustang's small frown was wavering horribly to his eyes, 'Why don't you just go and be with Havoc and them? It's a bad night for me, I'm just going to bring you down.'

'On the contrary, Ed, all you ever do is raise me up.'

The blonde could have sworn those words had been in his mind, and the nonchalant way Mustang returned his gaze to his own glass seemed to support that belief, but Ed just knew that Mustang actually said it. The strangest feeling swept through the younger alchemist, something indecipherable and both parts physical and emotional. It was like a dozen tiny fires igniting in his chest, both cold and hot, smothered with anxiety and excitement. It made him feel as if his chest would actually explode, especially with the crippling hope that streaked through it all. It was at that point that, bitterly, he realized he felt something different for Roy Mustang. Something other than hatred or amiable animosity or even placid friendship. The latter had never really been there in the first place, to be honest. It was always fire and biting, icy metal between the two of them- there was no room for such a fragile thing as a regular friendship.

Trying to wrap his head around that fact, Ed didn't even notice that he'd been downing more drinks until a firm hand on his wrist had him looking up at Mustang. His eyes couldn't focus properly and he ended up just hanging his head.

'I think you've had enough, Fullmetal,' the softness in that voice was almost unnatural and Ed wanted to laugh and point it out, but some dark monster was catching all those joyful little thoughts in a net and dragging them back down.

'I want to go home,' the blonde had tried to say, but wasn't even sure if it came out right. Mustang seemed to get the gist though and helped him off the stool. Ed had been so unsteady he would have fallen over if it wasn't for the strong arm that wrapped around his waist- rough but comforting.

'Damn it, Ed. Why did you drink so much? Never mind, let's get you home.'

Ed was led over to the group of soldiers that were much more sober than him, and Mustang had said farewells from the both of them. Then the coolness of Amestrian night was kissing his face and he had tilted his head back to enjoy it, suddenly feeling much better. He hadn't realized how overheated he was in that tight, condensed bar until he was outside. A little bit of reality started to trickle back in and he realized Mustang was practically carrying him down the sidewalk, Ed's left arm held over the man's broad shoulders and that arm still firmly around his waist. An odd vision had come to Ed in that moment- of them both as soldiers in a battlefield, Ed injured and Mustang helping him to safety. The strangeness of it and the power of the vision had the blonde slumping his forehead against Mustang's shoulder.

'You can leave me here, y'know. Just go.' He was completely serious, but the General had laughed in a way Ed had never heard before. It was loud, and violent, but filled with unadulterated amusement. It seemed so out of place from the darkness that fogged Ed on the inside.

'Ed, I'm taking you home. You are really out of it. Do you even know where we are?'

'Outside.'

'You know, I think you're so drunk you're not even being sarcastic. So I'm not going to comment.'

The smallest of smiles had worked its way onto the blonde's numb lips, and somehow the darkness faded back a bit, giving his lungs more room to breathe.

They walked on for what seemed like both minutes and seconds, and before Ed knew it they were standing in front of the door to his apartment and Mustang was hesitantly asking him for his keys. The man had probably asked him a few times before, according to the tone in his voice, so Ed was quick to burrow into his jacket pocket and retrieve the key. He leaned forward to unlock the door but Mustang plucked the little bronze instrument from his hand and did it for him, causing a tiny swell of annoyance to dance along the blonde's nerves. Usually Ed would rant and rave about how he was not a child and could unlock a fucking door for himself for fuck sake, but he just stayed quiet and let the bastard General lead him inside.

He didn't know why at first. Maybe it was because of the strange kind of... aura that had come over them as soon as they reached his door. Everything before that was light and easy, now there was something almost... suffocating, nerve-wracking that was laying over him like a shroud. Ed could tell that Mustang felt it too, by the way the man was silent and the thread of tension was working through the General's body. Seeing it in his jawline, in the man's eyes, his shoulders, Ed had felt almost guilty. Because for some reason he knew he was the one causing it.

They stood in Ed's sparse living room, Mustang giving an incredulous and definitely unhappy look at the box furnishings for a long minute or two, both awkwardly quiet, before Mustang sighed.

'Well, Fullmetal, let's get you to your bed before you pass out where you stand.'

'I'm not that drunk, Mustang,' Ed finally bit back, his temper dispersing the tension that was wiring him up for something.

'Sure you're not. Then walk by yourself.'

Which Ed did. Admittedly unsteadily, but he still got to his bedroom without Mustang's assistance, even though the man kept a hand on his elbow at all times. Like he was some kind of fucking piece of fragile glass or something that would break with just a nick. Removing his coat had proven a little more difficult, and Mustang had wordlessly helped with that too, and that weird pressuring air returned full force when the man's hands brushed against Ed's heated skin. Something began to burn within the blonde and he tried to quell it, confused and not liking that he didn't understand why his body was reacting that way. To Mustang. Abruptly, he wanted the General gone. Immediately. Whatever this was, Ed had wanted to deal with it without an audience.

'Listen, Mustang, you shou-'

'You know, you can call me Roy when we're outside of work.'

It was disorienting, being cut off by that out-of-the-blue comment, 'Not even Hawkeye calls you by your first name. Roy.'

A comfortingly cool hand brushed over Ed's cheek, making the blonde look up into those dark eyes helplessly. The fire inside his stomach stirred brighter to envelope Ed's chest and he was vulnerable to it. Which terrified him beyond words. He was sobering quickly and was steadily beginning to realize that this was dangerous. Mustang touching him so intimately, so freely, it just wasn't... normal.

'I want you to call me Roy, Ed. Because you're not Hawkeye or Havoc or any of my men. You're different from them to me. Separate. Special.'

Ed's hands shook, and he barely restrained himself from reaching up and actually kissing the man or some idiot thing like that. A mantra fixed itself in his mind, and his thoughts and emotions battled brutally. Mustang was his commanding officer- a bastard, manipulative, and it was no secret that he was legendary with women. But at the same time, his emotions were arguing. Mustang had proven himself an intelligent, interesting companion in conversation, they had battled side by side and were still just as ready to fight for each other again, he had seen a glimpse of the human side of Mustang and wanted to know every little thing about him. He wanted to talk to the man about more than alchemy or the past- he wanted to know about those personal details. And, with no small amount of hesitation, Ed admitted to himself that his body was definitely feeling something for the older alchemist.

And maybe Mustang did too.

Those cool hands on his face, the calming voice...

'Roy, I...'

'Who's Roy? Edward, I'm right here. Can you hear me?'

Ed stared into those dark eyes, the heat in him dying down as confusion rose to take its place completely. That voice wasn't right. It was too light, too free of command. It wasn't Mustang's voice. The blonde blinked twice, hard, and the entire world shifted away.

What the fuck?

He had just been standing, he was sure of it, but now he was laying in a cot and staring up into blue eyes.

Reality slammed back into him like a battering ram. He was sick, Artabanus had gone to get medicine...

He still felt awful, dizzy and dazed and just as drunk as he was that night nearly three months ago. Glancing around, he realized with a start that he wasn't in the compound anymore. The golden wash of sunshine across the white, tiled floor made such a strange elation blossom in him that he actually grinned, suddenly feeling hundreds of times better. It took him a little longer to notice that not only was he above ground for the first time in over a month, but that he was also in an actual hospital. The clattering of feet and murmuring of voices outside the slightly cracked door gave him a clue, but the distinct, chemical scent that saturated everything was the final piece of the puzzle, and Ed could only sit in silent astonishment. He was in an actual hospital. For actual people. Where there would be nurses and doctors that he could...

'Edward? Are you alright?'

Artabanus wasn't that stupid. He couldn't be that stupid.

'We're...'

The redhead leaned forward from where he was sitting in a chair beside the bed and settled a cautious hand on Ed's shoulder. Speech and movement immediately became impossible and the blonde wanted to cry and scream from the frustration that bubbled up inside. Of course Artabanus wasn't stupid. It had been so long that the man had actually used his alchemy on Ed that the blonde had nearly forgotten.

'Edward, you were poisoned. You've been unconscious for four days... the doctors had to do a blood transfusion. You almost didn't make it...'

The way Artabanus' voice wavered made a tightness constrict Ed's rib cage. Trying to push it away he focused himself inward and took note of how his physical condition was. His leg still ached like a motherfucker but the pain was dull- in fact, every cell in his body felt a bit numb at the edges and he guessed he was on some kind of heavy painkillers. If they did a blood transfusion...

Golden eyes flicked to his left- opposite of where Artabanus sat, and fixated resentfully on the IV bag that stood there on a metal stand, tracing the wire into his flesh.

Four days, Artabanus said. Only moments ago it felt like Ed was lying in bed under the compound. He's missed the entire ride into whatever city this was and had lapsed into some kind of coma? Poisoned...

He wanted to ask so many questions, demand answers, and fought the tiredness with all he had, but there was no way he would break through the hold of alchemy now blanketing him like a gentle vice.

'I'm not sure who did it yet, but I promise you when I find out, I will flay the flesh from their bone like the pig they are.'

Cold dread trickled lazily through the blonde's veins at those words. The scariest thing was he didn't doubt for a second that the older alchemist was being completely literal. He tried to summon up some disgust, some kind of animosity towards the man, but he was just tired... blackness dimmed the edges of his vision even as he struggled to stay awake.

He couldn't sleep now. This was his chance. Maybe Artabanus would slip, maybe someone had recognized him. He was supposedly famous, for crying out loud. Somebody here had to recognize him, right? This had to be a good-sized city for such above-average medical care. In most towns a hospital was a tiny five-room building made of wood and plaster. This place was actual painted bricks and glossy tiling.

'Just relax, Edward. We won't be going back to the main compound. I've arranged us private accommodations separate from that place now. My own countrymen are insistent on killing you for some reason so the only way to be safe is to stay away from them for the time being. I'm sure they'll realize soon how good you are. And I'll take care of whoever tries hurting you again. It'll be okay, Edward. You'll see.'

Artabanus was quickly silenced by the weary creak of the door. A graying head popped in and the friendly face spread into a smile as brown eyes fell on Ed.

'Well hello. My favorite patient is finally awake, I see. How are you feeling, Charlie?'

Charlie?

Ed's chin dipped down from a wordless command that sparked through his nerves. But he kept his eyes on the doctor, pleading with all his might through his gaze. Apparently the doctor didn't get it, as the man shifted uncomfortably before entering and closing the door behind him.

'That's right. Your uncle told me you were mute. I'd forgotten. Apologies, Charlie. So, Isaac? Does he seem to be functioning normally so far?'

Artabanus hummed contemplatively and Ed felt a hysterical mix of amusement and exasperation as he realized that the alchemist had made this into a huge charade.

'Physically he's alright I think. Not too sure about his mind, yet... you said he could have memory loss, right?'

'That's right. Hopefully not, though,' the doctor approached Ed and immediately got in his space. If Ed had control of his body he would've flinched away but he could only dwell in the discomfort of such close contact as the old man lifted his eyelids higher and squinted into the blonde's eyes, 'his pupils aren't dilated so that's a good sign. They're not unfocused... that means we did a good estimate on the anesthetic. It's always a guessing game for people with automail. So much harder to calculate proper, safe doses. Alright, Charlie, can you follow my finger with your eyes?'

The doctor took a step back and Ed breathed a small sigh of relief before obeying the command and fixing his eyes on the digit that panned back and forth to the very edges of his vision. Ed hated doctors. They were always trying to stick needles in him, which they'd already succeeded in, and treated him like a child. It was true back when he was a twelve year old adult in the military and it still stood now as the man cooed with encouragement. For the love of everything, did Ed really look that young or was every doctor just a condescending asshole?

Musky cologne radiated off the doctor and choked Ed but he tried to ignore it with all he had, focusing instead on the way that Artabanus was moving his body to follow the doctor's commands. One arm lifted, then another, then Ed's hands clenched into fists, and then they were moving on to his legs. And the doctor talked on.

It was awful. He was so clueless that Ed was a prisoner, a hostage. And Ed could do nothing other than stare hard at him, trying to convey the message by that means. Every time those brown eyes met his golden ones, a searing flash of hope burst inside the blonde. Yet every time, the doctor looked away nonchalantly, ignorantly.

After ten torturous minutes, the doctor scribbled a long list of something onto a chart and took his leave. All of the hope inside of Ed at that moment disappeared, swallowed by the darkness of despair. A comforting hand ruffled through his unrestrained hair and Artabanus' quiet voice soothed him as Ed's body lay back in the bed.

Hot, venomous tears of frustration burned Ed's eyes so he closed them tightly, unwilling to show the man just how much he was hurting.

Would Ed never be free?

How long had he been missing now?

When had he...?

Was he even really missing? Was this all some kind of twisted dream that would continue on forever? It certainly felt fake... he'd just been in a bar with Mustang, he was sure of it. So maybe this was some kind of nightmare. It would make sense- Ed hated hospitals. The doctors always treated him like a child, even now when he was clearly an adult. And they always tried to stick tubes and needles in him...

'Go to sleep, Edward.'

Artabanus hovered over him, a small, worried smile blossoming on the man's handsome face. Artabanus was here, that meant Ed was safe, right? As long as he listened to Artabanus, he would be okay...

Every fiber of his being was torn between confusion and exhaustion, but Ed didn't want to be sucked into the black hole of exhaustion. He wanted to know what was going on around him, since he was in a hospital. Those doctors were always trying to stick IV's in him or take his blood with their needles. And he had to stay awake to rage against them when they looked down on him like he was still a kid, which they always did even now.

Ed hated hospitals...

'Sleep well, Ed,' Mustang whispered, dragging the comforter over Ed's numb and intoxicated body. The blonde just stared at the man, falling silent mid-rant at the look in those dark, soft eyes.

Ed wanted to sit back up and say something, anything, to the older alchemist, but he couldn't force himself to move no matter how much he tried and pushed against his muscles. Mustang leaned over him and the blonde's body was raked with lightning when there was a warm press of lips against his forehead. Still, the shock and excitement wasn't enough to fight the losing battle against unconsciousness. The last thing Ed saw were those dark eyes in a pale face retreating, the silky shine of midnight hair catching in the searching gleam of the streetlamp outside.

Or was it bright royal blue eyes that were moving away from him regretfully?

 

* * *

 

 

The dawn was breaking. Gentle swathes of orange began to glow on the horizon, the golden giant rousing from its slumber to begin yet another day. Night fled from the purifying light, taking with it the monsters and nightmares that hid in the shadows and replacing them with reassuring amber rays.

Ed surveyed this with critical eyes, taking in every detail of the hillside that lay before him and welcoming the teasing wind of the new morning.

Everything was a cycle, even the days worked in a circle- Equivalent Exchange. The day gave way into night and night into day and the cycle continued for eternity, just like the rest of life. It was the main rule of existence, Ed had learned long ago. All is one and one is all.

Without him, what was the point of the cycle of days, and without the cycle of days, what was the point of him?

He thought about this often, and usually crept above ground to watch the beginning and end of each day as he contemplated to himself. Artabanus would wake at any moment, Ed knew, but he couldn't help himself. The sun was too much of a temptation to ignore. It seduced him with its baptizing aura, lifting him high and readying him for the day.

A voice at the back of his head was scolding him, telling him to just run now- he was already above ground, away from the reach of Artabanus.

'Shut up, Mustang,' he muttered at the voice with a measured indifference, 'I still have these stupid handcuffs on. Even if I did try to run, how far would I get before Artabanus drags me back? Not very far, I'd bet.'

Ed dropped his eyes and his fingertips just barely brushed the edges of the metal manacles, his hands aching from curling so tightly. There just wasn't a point anymore. He would never get away. He was numb to this fact, and only the tiniest of flames burned under the thick layer of indifference that was masked over his emotions.

_'You're not even going to try, are you Fullmetal,'_ the words returned in that deep, sultry voice weren't even questioning. It was a statement, just as helpless and hopeless as his own. Ed had grown tired of how Mustang's voice began to steadily mirror his own. He used to enjoy their conversations, but now they'd just turned... stale. Emotionless.

And so he didn't bother responding in any way other than relaxing his hands and turning his eyes to the sun again, letting his mind be wiped of the worry, of Mustang's voice and those dark, disappointed pools. Sometimes the memory of that man's eyes threatened to break Ed. The blonde was never really certain if he had broken or not.

How would he know? What would breaking encompass?

It was something else to use his extensive free time to ponder, and he mentally slipped it into a list of things to think about. He liked thinking most of the time. It was the one thing he could always occupy himself with when Artabanus was taking control of his body. Except for the few times- which were growing more and more frequent- when his thoughts took a sudden, inexplicable dive and he would begin to wonder...

_What was the point of my life? It doesn't make sense for everything I've done to lead to this point, to this juncture. Is this how it will be for the rest of my life? Wasting away and waiting for the moment that the Ukreytans will finally kill me? They've tried three times already, and it's only a matter of time..._ Which led him to the most disconcerting thoughts- only, he would feel the horror at himself hours or even days after thinking it-  _Just how easy would it be to end my own life?_

_'Not as easy as you would think,'_ Mustang murmured, and the blonde winced at the hollow quality of the voice.

He sat there for a while longer, watching the searing globe warm the lands with its licking fingertips as it arched into the sky. It truly looked as if some kind of monster was hoisting itself up over the land, to then hover menacingly, yet protectively, over the world.

Yet another circle, burning in the sky like the very epitome of alchemic theory, lighting the way for knowledge and life.

_'You're doing good, Fullmetal. Just remember our plan...'_

'I know that, Mustang.'

The plan. Pretending to like Artabanus, going along with whatever the man wanted to gain some kind of trust. Some plan that had turned out to be. He was just as much of a prisoner as three months ago. He played along with Artabanus, mustered up a smile every now and then, let himself become complacent and obedient, like some kind of broken horse...

The old Edward Elric would have nothing to do with this plan. He would rail against it with everything in his being and fight and scream with fiery rage and hatred. The old Edward was a stallion that could never be tamed. Now...

Ed was just so tired of fighting. After being poisoned, it had taken nearly a month to recover from that alone, and he was still struggling with walking on his broken leg. He wondered if he would ever be  _right_ again and had to wait several minutes before a reassuring voice spoke up in the back of his mind. Of course he would be alright. This was just temporary...

But was it?

It took a moment for Ed to realize his thoughts were recycling again and he closed his eyes to dispel the hot, angry shock. It had been finally going away... damn it...

'Edward?'

The blonde jerked, startled, and glanced over his shoulder. A shock of dark red hair was raising from the ground, the grating shriek of metal scraping over rock sounding as the fake boulder was slid easily aside. Artabanus pulled himself the last foot out of the ground and Ed knew that the stone stairs leading down would now be lit with lamps. Being a creature of curiosity, Ed had taught himself the way through the pitch darkness three weeks ago, shortly after they moved into this separate shelter from the compound. Artabanus always voiced his puzzlement on why in the world Ed would go traipsing through blackness just to watch a sunrise. But of course an affectionate note always rang in the man's voice.

Now, wry blue eyes regarded him in exasperation, 'Edward, here you are. I've been looking everywhere. Your breakfast is going to get cold.'

'Sorry,' the blonde murmured, climbing to his feet and trying to hide the twitch of pain that had his teeth grinding. Cold heat shot up his leg and he sighed shakily. He just wished that his leg would heal already for fuck sake.

Apparently he was horrible at hiding the physical torments that were taking their toll, for not a second later Artabanus was at his side and offering an arm around his back as support, 'See, Edward, this is why I don't like you going too far away from me. You could hurt yourself worse than you already are. Come on, now. I'll help you down.'

'Thanks.'

They moved down the staircase and into the dimness of the underground home, the older alchemist barely pausing to pull the disguised door back over the entrance. Descending in relative silence, Ed focused on the clattering of their boots on the stone. It took him back to when he and Al would arrive back at Central Command after their missions- the steady multitude of booted feet marching across the parade ground as soldiers gathered for whatever kind of drill. Ed never payed much attention to them at the time but now he recalled them in clear detail; the swarm of navy blue, the practiced synchronization of their strides, the emotionless mask of their faces. Ed could easily imagine them marching into battle like that. A tiny, traitorous part of him asked why they hadn't marched to his rescue. He scoffed to himself and ignored the confused hum that came from the man at his side.

'Nothing, sorry. Just thought something really stupid.'

'You thinking something stupid? Why, Edward, I don't believe that one bit.'

See, if Mustang had said something like that, or even Al, it would be laced with mockery and sarcasm, even if it was just out of amusement. But no, Artabanus was always so sincere and...  _flattering_.

The saddest thing was it didn't even bother Ed anymore other than the minute prickle of annoyance. He had become so used to such behavior he just passed it off as soon as it happened.

When Ed blinked, they were in the kitchen, and half of his plate was already gone. He set down his fork and looked up to Artabanus, who was reading through some text or other. That was one comparison they both inevitably shared. The intense desire for knowledge. It wasn't unusual for the man to read at every one of their meals and even in bed at night. Since moving into this underground shelter, Artabanus had suggested they share a bed to save on space, and Ed was still too out of sorts to really refuse. And so, it had been added to the routine. It wasn't all that different from the usual- again, Ed usually fell asleep right away after having evening tea and missed out on whatever Artabanus decided to do afterward- but sometimes Ed would be able to stay awake for an hour or so, and the older alchemist was always sitting up in bed and reading in the dull lamplight. During those times, though, Ed found himself more absorbed in the redhead's expression than the actual literature that was being perused. The blonde would watch the lines of the man's features subtly shift every now and then and familiarized himself with that face. The examination was usually enough to push him into a restful slumber, and when he would awaken he would find long, sinuous limbs tangled in his.

'Alchemic theory?' Ed asked with no real interest. He just wanted to break the damned silence. Always the silence.

'Philosophy, actually. There are a few philosophers that have come into light in the past few years that caught my interest. One of them- the author of this book for example-' Artabanus held up the rather modest-looking tome before continuing, '-actually are trying to disregard alchemy as a science altogether. They are claiming it's more of a matter in spirituality and the soul, making alchemy out to be some kind of magic.'

'Obviously people like him are just idiots,' leaning back in his chair, Ed crossed his arms and stared off to the side, not wanting to really look at Artabanus at the moment, 'they see alchemy at work and just immediately assume it can't be possible- has to be something completely unnatural. It's really not- just the deconstruction and reconstruction of matter.'

Artabanus hummed indifferently, as if not wanting to outright disagree with Ed, 'Well he definitely seems well-educated on alchemy and its ways. I know for a fact he must have read all the basic texts and he even goes so far as to mention chimeras and the philosopher's stone. He's undoubtedly been researching the topic. And yet he argues against the science and points out the strangest things. Like how does a transmutation work, really? The array, the sigils of power, the energy harnessed- all that is clear and understandable. Easy. But he brings up this question- just how exactly is it that such a simple thing as a circle drawn on a surface can harness energy through the earth or the air? It should be impossible, right? But then he goes on to argue with himself and his own theories. This man is amazing! This whole text is him and his internal struggles with understanding, spread out and detailed for us all to enjoy.'

Ed did pause for a moment and let his mind absorb the things Artabanus was saying. That did sound like an interesting novel. Except it would annoy Ed to no end, since he knew the answer to the main question being put to light- the Gate. Everything boils down to the Gate, especially alchemy. It connected everything, especially a human's soul to the base matter around them. It was Truth. There was no point in questioning it... that was where these philosophers were at fault.

'My alchemy's a bit different than yours, of course,' Artabanus continued thoughtfully, 'it's purely biological and all about the transference of thought into command through physical contact. I don't deconstruct or reconstruct matter, simply manipulate nerves and muscles by thought. It's strange how differently our alchemy works, isn't it, Edward?'

'It's all the same science. Just altered applications and materials. Like the Xingese alkahestry. It might look different, but it's really not,' how could Ed possibly explain to Artabanus the Truth? That all-knowing being that heralded the very nature of life itself. How could he convey everything he'd learned from the Gate? Would the man even believe him if he told him about the Gate?

Of course he would. But understanding it may be a different matter. Artabanus may be a genius, but without seeing it himself there was no way he could truly absorb what Ed knew.

The blonde looked down at his plate and remained quiet for another few minutes, pushing the piece of toast around the circular bowl of china. His eyes strayed up to Artabanus to see that the man was finally finished with his own food and was now fully intent on the book in his hands.

'Reading alchemic theory again?' he didn't really care but he was bored, and the silence was really starting to get to him. Sometimes it was just too much without someone else's voice to answer his. He was almost glad of Artabanus in a way- to have the man's soothing, light tenor answer him every time he spoke.

Blue eyes glanced up at him, a strange, muddled glimmer in them.

'No, Edward. This time it's Philosophy.'

Waiting for an expansion upon that, it took nearly a minute before Ed huffed aloud. Well that was strange. Usually when Ed asked a question, Artabanus would be talking for ages. Then, maybe out of spite or maybe out of boredom, the blonde sneered, 'All those philosophers are idiots. I don't know why in the world you're reading that. They see something they don't understand and automatically make it into some great  _enigma_  or something.'

'Indeed.'

Now completely taken aback, Ed fell silent. Had he angered Artabanus somehow? Maybe because he snuck up to the surface this morning? This just wasn't like him. The blonde analyzed the man critically while he ignorantly continued to read, but of course nothing in the man's body language gave anything away.

Not that Ed needed to worry much. The next time he blinked he was sitting in the tub in the bathroom, rubbing his wrist where the manacles had bit into and reddened his flesh during the night. Artabanus was going on about something or the other while scrubbing down the blonde mane with soap. The scent of cherries rose from the water and Ed relaxed back at the scent, closing his eyes and letting the familiar numbness take over.

'Edward, how long have we been united, now?'

At these words, Ed resurfaced to notice that they were now at the table once again, and the shock of salt on his tongue made him swallow reflexively. A mouthful of food went down and he shook himself, taking a long drink of water before finally turning to Artabanus, who was gazing at him with the most peculiar look in his eyes.

'Um. I don't know. Why?'

'Just take a guess, Edward.'

'Three months maybe? Maybe a little more.'

'Really. Is that so,' Artabanus' smile looked off- glum almost. But why? Shouldn't he be happy that Ed had been with him? Was he actually

_losing his infatuation with Ed_?

Ed didn't even want to hope. He tried to choke that tiny little sprouting of emotion but it broke through his hold and crippled his heart.

Artabanus said nothing else, however, and the next thing Ed knew he was climbing into bed, pleased at the lack of twinge in his leg. Usually getting in bed hurt like a motherfucker. It was nice to be free of that tonight. His leg was healing, then. Finally.

But a tiny nudge of warning was pressed against his mind. Something was different...

He glanced over at the redhead, who climbed in beside him, 'No tea tonight?'

A small smile was sent his way while the man leaned over to the bedside table and dimmed the lamp. That too, was different. Usually Artabanus would sit up reading for a while before actually going to sleep.

'No, Edward. No tea tonight. Tell me, Edward. How long have we been together now?'

The blonde's brow creased in confusion and he thought back over the weeks. It had already been hard as hell to measure time, did he really expect Ed to know?

'I don't know. Why?'

'Guess.'

'About three months, I think...'

'Today marks a year since the day I saved you from those Drachmans, Edward.'

Ed stared at Artabanus for a long moment, waiting for the punchline, but the redhead just gazed back, the strangest concoction of twined emotions in those blue eyes. But... it had been maybe three or four months...

But then he'd been poisoned, and he recalled how his thoughts seemed to repeat at times after that... like some kind of twisted dream.

Shock slammed into him and his breath froze in his lungs. What... there was no way...

'I'm sorry, Edward. I thought you knew. You've been forgetting things right after doing or saying them... I thought it might have been selected memory loss or something, but I just couldn't handle it anymore. And I was wrong. Shit, I should have done something sooner! I'm so  _stupid_! It must be some kind of side-effect of the poison all those months ago-'

_No. There was no way it had been a year. No fucking way._

_'He's lying, Fullmetal. Don't let him get to you, he's just-'_

_Just what?! What possible reason would Artabanus have to lie?_

_'This morning you were watching the sun rise, remember? That was this morning. He's trying to manipulate you.'_

_THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE YOU STUPID BASTARD! Artabanus loves me, why the FUCK would he try that? There's no point, anyway!_

'Edward, breathe.'

Arms were wrapped around him loosely but Ed took no comfort from them, not with the whirlwind of  _fuck is this seriously happening_  shock bleeding into panic  _there's no way nine months just passed by that quick, it can't be_ which morphed into confused horror _what if next time I wake up I'm old and on my deathbed, having forgotten my entire life_.

'It's going to be alright, my dearest, I'm taking you into town to see the doctor the next time I go for supplies. Okay? Relax. We'll fix this. I promise.'

Fingers running through his hair- past his waist now, he noticed with a choked sob of horror and anxiety- comforted him only slightly. He closed his eyes and centered on his mind on that physical touch. The gentle scrape of nails against his scalp, the soothing, occasional tug. It took a while for him to fall back down from that cloud of total panic, but he did come down, agonizingly slowly.

He screamed at himself to stay in the present and did all he could to account for the smallest things to keep his mind active- the feel of Artabanus enveloping him with his body, the smell of peppermint that the man always reeked and tasted of...

_A mouth on his, hot and demanding, his own voice moaning through means not his, his own hands grasping and tearing clothing off of... a redhead with searing blue eyes._

What the fuck is this...? No, it can't be. No...

_Hot palms scraping down his body, to places no one had ever touched before- the frenzied mix of shock and pleasure wracking his very being, overlapped with a thick layer of blood-chilling fear- the taste of peppermint, the sound of that melodic voice saying his name quietly, wretchedly._

_Fear and humiliation drenched Ed like the sweat that was already forming on his brow and he wanted nothing more than to scream and fight, but..._

_But those hands were on him and demanded his obedience._

No. Fuck, no. NO.

_A pain so fierce and so unlike any that he'd ever felt before bolted up his spine and his shout was so fast and instinctual that it actually slipped through the tight reins of control Artabanus had over him._

_'Shhh, Edward. The pain will go away soon. Just relax.'_

_But the pain wasn't going away and it made him want to thrash and yell and ESCAPE. Yet his body moved with the one joined with his as if it didn't feel an ounce of the pain that was still ricocheting through his spine and hips. It was brutal- so harsh and stunning that he lost his breath for long enough that black dots spiraled into his blurred vision._

_There was no room for thought and all Ed could focus on was the PAIN, the horror, the shock, the disbelief, the disgust, the hatred- it all curled inside of him like a vicious snake, humming and shivering its body with the need to be freed._

_He bore witness to his own body betraying him in the worst kind of way, preening at every touch the redhead gave, stroking the fucker's skin in just the ways he would like._

_The humiliation was so strong Ed almost wished the pain would kill him then and there._

_But it didn't, and like Artabanus had said, it did begin to fade, only to be replaced with a sharp throbbing._

_The whole event seemed to last for hours, but Ed knew it couldn't have been that long. It wasn't really possible, was it? Nevertheless, when the white-knuckled hands on his hips gripped with bruising strength as a sign that it was finally reaching its end, the blonde was so far into a strange state of shock that he didn't even move._

_Not even when Artabanus completely pulled away from him did he move. He stayed frozen in place for over a minute before the redhead pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him again._

_Declarations of love and promises of eternity were whispered into Ed's hair, and a hint of peppermint tickled the blonde's nose._

A great Something shattered inside of Ed, leaving him to wallow helplessly in the meager shards of his pride. And something deeper, sharper, was piercing ever-so languidly into the thin veneer of his heart, blackening the surface further with ever tiny millimeter punctured. Like some kind of twisted infection, he felt all his insides darkening, shriveling, and he could only sit and gaze dumbly at Artabanus, who still looked at him with a concerned gaze on his face, arms wrapped around Ed in an attempt at... comfort.

The blonde wanted to pull away, had the intense desire to rear back his automail fist and to feel the satisfying impact of a jaw cracking under the impact. The memory was so vivid, Ed could still feel the agony tittering up his spine in little electric bolts, lighting his cells on fire and numbing everything else.

The final realization was like a steel heel grinding into the shattered mess that was now Edward Elric.

Nine months had been lost in a split second... what else had he forgotten?

'Edward...'

Artabanus' head tilted down and Ed's lips were captured with the taste of peppermint.


	12. Chapter 12

Puppet Chapter Twelve

Dust fluttered down in thick spirals, appearing in the streaming sunlight like some kind of glittering fog. Roy gazed at the phenomena and let all the thoughts and worries that were banging against the wall of his mind disperse, eyes fixating on each little mote that rained down in front of his office window. It took him back to when he was a child... it felt like it had been centuries since he was a small, frail little wimp that would sit in the living room and scribble away on sheets of paper as he delved into whatever newest alchemy text had come out. He remembered being vaguely annoyed when the dancing blankets of dust in the sunlight appeared to cake his notes and would shift slightly to get it out of the way, only to have to continue the process over and over since he was too lazy to actually get up and move away from the sunshine. He used to be so excited back then, but so... burdened. After his parents had been killed in a train accident- their cart derailed and blunt force trauma took them and half the train- when he was very young, he'd been sent to his aunt's care. His aunt had always disapproved of his intrigue with alchemy and sought at every corner to divert his attention to things such as proper etiquette and culinary arts.

He avoided this by going to the primary institution in Central- well, going to then sneaking out of the institution to hang around the west end district of Central, where older students and alchemists hovered and observed the many places acclaimed for their educational items. Shops lined that street, full of books, antiques, and other such items that would interest any alchemist. Mustang, though, he sought the people that frequented the parts, even though he would go in and browse the selections, his eyes were on the individuals around him.

Quickly learning body language, he was soon able to ascertain if someone would be hostile or inviting if approached, and soon enough- with the help of his foster mother- he could delve into a conversation and weave a charming tapestry of words that would strike even the most bored of souls into interest. At first he talked about the politics he learned through newspapers and Madam Christmas and then eventually began to feel brave enough to breach the subject of alchemy with strangers. He was pleasantly surprised at how diverse opinions were on the science, and cataloged each individual's thoughts into a sacred place in the back of his mind.

He was like a drowning man, and knowledge of alchemy was the water that he greedily sought for.

It was through means like this, from some random, fateful coincidence, that one day a teenage Roy bumped into the loveliest young girl in some old antique shop. Her wine-dark eyes had been darting around the place constantly- a sign of either above average intelligence or some form of combat training- as she ran her fingertips along the shelves she'd passed, obviously completely oblivious to the dark haired boy sitting between the shelves analyzing an ancient doll of some sort. Roy wasn't sure why it had caught his eyes but he'd been intrigued enough to pluck it off the shelf and begin cataloging every detail into his mind. At the approach of this beautiful maiden, though, he quickly set the doll back in place and leaned back on the heels of his hands. When she still didn't notice him even as she was five steps from him, he wryly wondered if she would step right on him.

As if sensing the thought, though, those sharp eyes speared through him a moment later and the girl stopped dead. Roy was impressed with her confident, boring gaze and matched it with an equal amount of measuring intensity. Most girls her age would look away immediately and begin blushing and stammering. Yet this beautiful blonde didn't. She was as undisturbed by his presence as most men he met. The anomaly puzzled but delighted Roy, and before he knew it a small smirk had begun to stretch his lips. Just as their staring match was reaching a colossal minute in length, a strong yet wavering voice had called from the shelf over.

'Riza, where have you gone, girl? You're killing me. Come here at once.'

'Yes, Father,' the flowing curtain of starlight-blonde swirled like liquid as the girl pivoted on a precisely elegant heel.

Roy was glad that he was now facing her back when he scrambled awkwardly to his feet, 'Pardon me just a moment, Miss.'

Cool wine eyes regarded him once more and he felt something melt inside of him at their attention. This girl... there was something about her... something that sucked him into her eyes like a vacuum.

'Roy Mustang,' he held a hand out. And somehow she understood that simple gesture and took only a second or two before grasping his palm and shaking firmly.

It was something young ladies and gentlemen just did not do. The most mannered approach, Aunt Chris' voice murmured from the back of his mind, is to kiss the back of a young lady's hand when first meeting her acquaintance. A handshake was something between men, but it was the only way that Roy knew how to convey his respect, and somehow the blonde seemed to understand him perfectly, 'Riza Hawkeye.'

'A pleasure,' Roy smiled as she gave a small nod and turned back around to go to her father. The young Roy Mustang couldn't help but follow after discretely to observe them from afar. The old man was flipping through the thick pages of some ancient tome, eyes gleaming. Roy caught sight of the title; "Historia Alchimia et Alius Usus", and became further interested, daring to step out from behind the shelf and formally introduce himself to one Berthold Hawkeye.

It was then, as he discussed the book that the man held- one that Roy himself had already perused of a year earlier- that Roy knew he'd found his teacher. The man's dark hazel eyes glinted sharply at each prose that Roy quoted and the boy's own onyx irises glittered at the attention the experienced alchemist bestowed upon him.

Master Hawkeye trained him in the following years, all the way up until Roy entered the military, and even though those years were scattered with memories of sterile, chemical smells and the sight of white- because of the Master's battle with some body-consuming illness, Roy remembered the man as strong. The man was always such a profound figure in every way. He would fill doorways with his body, send rooms silent with his booming voice, quiet a fight with just a single, wholesome look. Some of Roy's fondest teenage memories are of him sitting in the man's extensive library on a worn out couch with a book open on his lap, his eyes trained on the man that strode back and forth restlessly in front of him. Words of genius poured from old, bone-dry lips and the occasional surprising profanity thrown in now and then, but Roy was enraptured all the same.

And then Roy entered the military, and was immediately shunned by both his teacher and his own foster mother and paternal aunt. From the time he was eighteen until he was twenty one, the only ones he could turn to were the men he quickly befriended among his military comrades. His master had died, Roy had gained his secrets from the lovely and layered Riza, and then the Ishval Rebellion had occurred...

The now General's memories were clouded with red, grays, and dark, deep blacks when thinking of those times, so he let his mind wander back once more to settle on Berthold Hawkeye. The old, wise, bitter intellect that spewed with rawness from a gnarled and depleted throat... it was strange for Roy to look back on it now. At the time, the man had filled the alchemist's horizons from left to right. His teacher had been everything to him. Yet now, Roy realized how severely the man had been withering even as he taught his young, sophisticated student. Those long days Roy sat beside his hospital bed, he hadn't even really thought about the man's illness, only eager for more of the gasped knowledge, clutching at every little syllable like a lifeline. The scent of chemicals and gauze became so commonplace that Roy almost  _missed_  their presence when returning to his adopted home. He supposed that's why, now, if he ventured into a hospital it almost felt like a little piece of home.

Berthold Hawkeye had been a lot like Izumi Curtis, Roy thought with bittersweet reminiscence. That woman had been a lot more... abrasive... than his master, surely, but they both contained the same form of harsh intelligence that- when they deemed one sufficient enough for the knowledge- they would forcefully beat into their pupils. The fear the Elric brothers held for their teacher had been amusing and admittedly nerve-inducing. For someone to instill fear in the resilient spitfire that was Edward Elric, they had to be quite the terrifying creature. Edward never even blinked at horrific things like battling chimeras or facing men five times his size, but just at the mention of Mrs. Curtis the boy would turn sheet white and unsteady. Mustang now wondered how much the woman had  _really_  abused the boys. Sure, they loved her, but for such terror to be ingrained they must have gone through enormous amounts of agony- both emotional and physical. He had no doubt that if the extent of it all came to light, Izumi might very well be thrown in jail for the treatment. The Elrics had just been boys then. On the other hand, Curtis went by the same philosophy that Berthold had drilled into Roy:

Once one puts their whole being into becoming an alchemist, if that is what they truly desire, they no longer are a child, a boy, a girl, or an adult. They become gender-less, ageless beings. They become alchemists, pure and simple.

It's a philosophy Roy still liked to think about as often as possible. It's that philosophy that backed his decision to encourage Edward into the military. After everything the elder Elric had gone through, and through his intelligence and skill, he was never really a child in Mustang's eyes. Except he had been.

Night falling, a blonde sitting on stone steps in the pouring rain and clutching an automail shoulder. Tears pouring freely down a beautiful, tortured face as words of gods and humans spilled bitterly from sweet lips. The terror, and agony, and self-hatred in that crippled voice had Mustang shaking inside, wanting nothing more than to go after Barry the Chopper and dismember him one limb at a time. Yet his only solace was to stand from afar and keep his eyes on the gorgeous, broken blonde, and realize that no, Edward was not a god. Nor an adult. He was a child, and he was hurting, and Roy had no idea how to fix it.

That helplessness had preyed on the then-Lieutenant Colonel's mind for a very long time. It had driven him back to memories of the war and staring into dead children's eyes, knowing that there was nothing he could do to make things right. It was a dark, heavy, hollow thing that resonated through every cell in his body, driving his minds past the brinks of emptiness and into a whirlpool of shadows that threatened to suck him down deeper.

That same beast was echoing through him now, growing larger and hungrier with every passing day, practically swallowing at him at times like this, as he looked up from his paperwork once again to the figure slumped against the back of the couch in his office. Short, dark golden hair was strewn in a thousand different directions and coal-like shadows were ringed around the young man's eyes- a far cry from the vibrant, cheerful boy that had walked into his office six months earlier after an eye-opening trip to Xing. Alphonse Elric looked like he had aged ten years in the past few months, and Roy had to admit he probably looked similar. Sighing as he shuffled aside yet another report, the boy turned back to the map that was spread over the large mahogany surface of Mustang's coffee table, eyes dully scanning its surface for the millionth time. Roy watched as ink-stained fingers fluttered over the colorful parchment helplessly, as if the boy could locate his target simply by feel alone. The bite of empathy nipped at the edge of the blackness in the General's heart and he gave up on his own work altogether in favor of standing and making his way over to the boy's side.

He placed a hand on the strong, slumped shoulder and let himself be awed for just a moment- this was Ed's doing, he'd really done it, brought back someone from beyond the Gate- before taking a seat beside the younger Elric.

'You've been here all day again, Alphonse,' Roy wasn't surprised when Al merely shrugged weakly, those dark amber eyes still locked on the sprawling map of Amestris, 'You need sleep. I'll have Havoc drive you home, okay? We're not going to find him if we're exhausted...'

'I need to keep looking,' Al shifted his hands back to the foot-high stack of reports that were still fresh off the prints, 'Those last hundred and thirty two reports were all useless, but maybe... maybe there's something in here... I'm sure there is... Ed always causes a lot of trouble wherever he goes, so this is the best way to find him.'

Roy was quiet a moment, absorbing this, and tried unsuccessfully to swallow the growing stone that settled, heavy and cold, in his throat. It had been like this for the past three weeks. Every single day the younger Elric brother had wandered into his office, demanding all the reports on any unusual alchemic activity that had come in from every edge of the country. Seeing that Al would not be deterred, Roy always was quick to give the young man whatever he asked for, and Al would spend his days side by side with Roy in that secluded office. It was painful to watch the decline of such a bright boy like Al as the days went on without any clues to be found... but Roy supposed it was better than the months before. As soon as Al had heard that Ed was missing, and especially how long his brother had been gone, Al had fled Central to begin searching the country himself. That was six months ago. Only a few weeks ago did the younger Elric reappear on his radar- walking straight into his office and dropping himself onto his couch, only to begin  _crying_. Roy encouraged him as best he could, and Al had latched onto that, which led to this new daily routine.

At least Roy could keep an eye on him and lend him a shoulder to support himself on, should Al need it. And, the General admitted guiltily to himself, it was nice to have someone else around that was feeling Ed's loss even deeper than himself.

Some days, he wondered how everyone around him was still functioning so smoothly- always the ever-rumbling and oiled machine- while he, himself, felt as if he was crumbling. There was no flash of fiery gold that burned hotter than the rawest whiskey to ignite the office around them, no gleam of sunlight-gold hair dancing from a leather binding, no wolfish flash of white against honeyed lips... there was nothing. Yet his men carried on as if nothing was wrong, as if nothing at all was missing. How did they do it? Of course Roy was attuned to their sudden silence at his appearance from his office when he eventually wandered out, and the odd looks he got around the command center, but those responses were resulted directly of him, and not of the lack of Ed.

Roy looked down at the map that Al was now scribbling on. Nearly every inch of its surface was covered in Al's own coded language that surely was connected with over two dozen different reports the boy had looked at.

All the search parties, all the time and resources put into finding Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People, and it had all boiled down to this... two quiet accomplices sitting together over a simple map and looking through hopeless leads...

The skirmishes between Amestris and Drachma had calmed after four or five months, and even though they still occurred and probably would continue for many years to come, things had gotten controlled enough due to Mustang's competent command for him to finally request official assistance in recovering the abducted military personnel. From there, it didn't take long for Amestris' most secretive Intelligence teams to track down the missing officers. Every one of them had been recovered within two months- even though they found Lieutenant Colonel Faust dead. Except for Edward Elric. One team in Intelligence was still tasked with finding him, but hope was dwindling and they didn't even bother venturing out of Central anymore.

It had been a long, hard year since Ed disappeared. The loss of the blonde alchemist was... indescribable, for Mustang. It was almost like something had been torn straight from his chest and a roiling, spiny monster had crawled into the hole that was left. He positively  _ached_  at the thought of the young man. Such incredible longing for the nights they spent pondering alchemy, the past, and life in general, suffused in him, driving him to go straight home and sit alone with a bottle of amber medicine. No more were the days of him being social. How could he go to that bar when there would be no smart-ass, backhand insult to greet him? No, he would rather sit alone than with a dozen people that weren't Edward Elric.

Except, and here his eyes flicked back over to Al, who was mumbling something or other about winter coming and Ed needing an automail upgrade, now he had someone else that occasionally came home with him to make his nights just a little bit less lonely.

Roy would have to force Al to come home with him sometimes, if just to make sure the boy actually slept and had something to eat before jumping back into the search for his brother. But Roy was a bastard in that he was grateful for the company, even if Al was just as miserable as him at times. Many a night Roy had to sit and watch Al's body fall into exhausted slumber on his couch, and he'd pulled the blanket up over the teenager's shoulders, wishing with all his heart that it was a different Elric he was looking at.

It's not that he didn't like Alphonse. In fact, in the last few weeks Roy had never appreciated and treasured the boy more. But, he just wasn't Ed.

'Do you even think he's still alive?'

The question shocked Roy out of his thoughts, and an iciness crawled through his veins at the despair in Al's shadowed eyes. The hopelessness was there- the emptiness- and the man was again reminded of how long Ed had been missing. It seemed such an insane idea, that Ed would be snuffed out of existence without some grand scene or not at the hands of some mighty, evil adversary, but...

But all the skeptics and profiles the military had to offer had written him off months ago as lost. The suspicions were only cemented further when they found the Lieutenant Colonel murdered in cold blood. To everyone but Al and himself, it appeared, Edward Elric had died months ago. He, himself, had doubted the blonde was still alive, at times...

But for even Al to question their efforts?

'What do you think?' Was all he could think to ask in return.

Al's eyes hovered on him a moment longer before flickering and going distant, 'Brother is a fighter.'

'He is,' Roy agreed readily.

'He doesn't die easily...'

'He doesn't.'

Roy wondered at what was going on behind those dark amber eyes, tried to read the spin of the wheels, but just couldn't understand what Al was thinking. The older alchemist was humble enough to admit that the Elric brothers, both Ed and most likely Al, had an extremely unique thought process that he could never imagine attempting to replicate due to its complexity.

'Brother is still alive. We've gone through so much that would have killed us... he went through the Gate and returned so many times... there's no way he would die now. He wouldn't let himself.'

No matter how much Roy wanted to agree, the reassurances dried in his throat before they could be uttered and he just sat silently for a moment. He gazed at the circles that were sketched over a few different cities on the map, lingering on the ones in the west.

'I think we need to start looking east and south. We've been scouring the north and west because of this Drachma business, but what if Ed's disappearance had nothing to do with that at all? Then whoever took him- they would want to get away from the places the military would most likely be looking, therefore moving him east. Not only is military presence alarmingly light there at the moment, there are thousands of places to easily hide away from society, especially if you're a fugitive with a kidnapped person to control. Unfortunately, it's all too easy to sneak just a few people past the checkpoints we set up on all the main roads. I figure he's already been taken east.'

Al contemplated this a moment, 'So you don't think Ed's... abductor's... motives are militaristic?'

No. Roy didn't. Not anymore at least. If Ed had been kidnapped to be taken as a hostage, there would have either been demands given for his return, or they would have found him with the rest of the officers that had been taken. But there had been nothing- no word at all. And even the prisoners they had taken denied ever seeing the blonde. Except for that one they captured the first day, who had eventually revealed that the men they'd found murdered were in charge of abducting the blonde. So apparently whoever had Ed now had no connections to the Drachmans. But this just brought up the question that caused a restless anxiety to skitter across Roy's nerves. What, then, was the motive for abducting Ed? There could be so many reasons. Ed was a brilliant alchemist, an undeniable genius, with experience in human transmutation. Plus he was gorgeous to look at, and his character was unlike any other. There were just too many reasons why someone would want to take and hold Ed for himself.

'I don't think it has anything to do with Drachma,' he finally voiced to a patient Alphonse, 'I think it's something more personal. More dangerous,' at Al's worried, frantic expression, Roy rushed to try and fix his mistake, 'But we're not helping anyone by sitting here wondering. It doesn't really matter, does it? We just need to keep searching and we'll find him.'

'Yeah...' Al sighed at the map and brought a hand down to drape over East City, 'I've actually been thinking of hiring a private investigator. Winry told me about it last week. They're these people that actually train themselves in information gathering and spend their life solving cases like this- finding lost people- for a sum of money. Apparently Mom had talked to Pinako about them at one point, when she really wanted to find Dad, and Winry overheard...'

Of course Roy had heard about private investigators. He actually had a friend that had served beside him in Ishval that had left the military to enter that field. But he doubted that one person could do any better than the military's best Intelligence officers. Still, he knew he had to stoke the hope that was slowly dying out in Alphonse. If- no,  _when_ \- Ed returned, he would be pissed if he found out Mustang had let Alphonse be crippled under the hopeless depression that had already dug its claws into the General.

And so, with a deep breath and a moment to plant his mask on tight, Mustang nodded, 'That sounds like a good idea, Alphonse. I am in the acquaintance of one such man- I can get you his number. As for paying him... I'm sure you realize that Ed named you his sole beneficiary of his accounts. Now that the military has proclaimed him... missing... you are in ownership of Ed's income. I know he has a very large sum of money in there that you will find useful in his recovery.'

'Thank you, sir,' the boy murmured quietly, beginning to drag another report off the tap of the large stack.

Roy stopped him with a gently firm hand, 'Enough of that, Al. I think it's time we both head home. I'll make us some tomato soup. How does that sound?'

'Sounds good, General.'

And with a wavering smile, the younger Elric conceded, grabbing his coat and sending one last, resentfully longing look at his work, before following Roy out of the inner office. Roy's men bid them goodnight kindly and they returned the useless gesture with equally hollow twin smiles. Hawkeye's wine-dark eyes lingered on his a long moment, conveying so many things in just the span of a few seconds, before Roy broke the connection. He was not ready to talk to her, not yet. He wouldn't give in to her concerns until he was certain of Ed's demise. Only then would he break down, and he would break down hard, and both he and Hawkeye knew that she was the one he would turn to. She had always been the one he turned to. They were like soul mates, in a familial way. They were much to similar to be anything more intimate than that, and they both knew that.

He had the strange inkling that she also knew about the intensity and depth of his feelings toward Ed...

Shrugging the niggling worry away, he led Al out of Central Command and toward his modest home just a few blocks away. His body carried on a conversation with Al- about the coolness in the air and of Elicia and Gracia's status- while his mind was whisked hundreds of miles away from himself.

Amber. All he wanted was that golden amber back. Shiny amber hair draped over honey skin. Whip-quick amber eyes glowing fiercely over a wicked, pearly grin. Dull amber liquid passing those sarcastic teeth into that confident mouth. If there was one thing Roy could describe Ed as, it would be "golden". Everything about him was bright and rich and effervescent. Should anyone remark Ed as dull, Roy would not doubt it if some higher power would strike them down for that blatant blasphemy.

And should anyone ever kill Ed as if he were some ordinary soldier...

Well, what would be punishment enough for such a horrible sin? Nothing that Roy could think of. Not a hundred years of constant burning by baptizing flames would be retribution enough.

He and Al ate quietly, occasionally voicing a remark about Ed or about the search for him, but mostly they kept to themselves which was fine with Roy. After that, the stress and constant thinking apparently caught up with Al. As soon as the boy's body stretched out on Roy's luxurious couch, he was out like a light.

Soft fondness bloomed in Roy and he watched the teenager sleep for a small while before finally taking himself to his bedroom.

Like always, his thoughts before he slipped into a restless, tortured nightmare were of Ed.

_Where are you, Ed? Come home already... I don't know how much longer I can keep Al going..._

_I don't know how much longer_ I  _can keep going..._

_I told you, didn't I? I need you by my side._

_I can't do this without you._

What "this" was, Roy didn't have time to question himself about.

Darkness overcame him, shuffling away the vision of Edward from his eyes and replacing it with dreams of towns haloed by flames and hundreds of dying screams. Sand whipped past his face, biting into his flesh like shards of glass, and the sun burned down on him mercilessly as his fingers slid together again and again, creating spark after spark, lighting the fragile town below into roaring fire. Tears burned in his eyes and he told himself it was from the heat and the sting of sand, but the aching hollowness in his heart sang a different tune.

Suddenly, hands gripped his shoulders through his uniform and he could feel them like fire on his flesh. The left, a small but firm palm that was backed with such power that Roy's mind stuttered in the face of it. The right, a chilly, hard bite of metal in the shape of a hand. Right and left like total opposites, grabbing and forcing different things into him. He was filled with such wonder at the flow of energy from the left- it was a comforting feeling that calmed him down to his toes- while the right steadied him with absolute stability. His fingers, still posed and ready to snap, loosened. Hand falling to his side, he was struck with a feeling of complete peace.

He whirled around and his arms enveloped the blonde that stood there with crumpled brows. Ed melted into his embrace with little resistance, which would have been extremely unusual, except that Mustang knew this was a dream.

_'It wasn't your fault,'_ those words in that voice had him breaking. He clutched the small form in his arms tighter, and he was able to momentarily forget the carnage and death at his back. He forgot about the red stone that gleamed viciously, murderously, on a ring around his finger, and about those dead eyes he faced every day. All he knew was amber and golden salvation.

When he awoke only four hours later to the sound of hushed sobs echoing from the living room, he felt the crack widening at this cruel reality he was now trapped in. There was no gold for him, no salvation for the monsters that cried out in his dreams from his past.

For his salvation had disappeared into thin air over a year ago.


	13. Chapter 13

Puppet Chapter Thirteen

Ed's nose burned furiously, as if he had just sniffed pure acid into each nostril and it was now searing its way to his very lungs. Coughing violently, the blonde doubled over on the edge of the bed and put a hand to his mouth while his eyes absolutely melted and blurred with hot tears in response to the sharpness under his face.

'Fuck,' he panted, pushing away the pouch of torture and ignoring the medic's strict hands that knocked his own aside to stick the bag closer, 'Get that shit away from me! Fuck, that hurts!'

'Stop whining, kid,' the man grabbed Ed's automail hand and placed the bag in none-too-gently, 'These are smelling salts. They'll help you keep in the present and maybe even regain some memory over time. So use them. It's medicine.'

'Well I don't like medicine that's going to kill me, thanks.'

Trying now to forget the smell, after an entire morning of stressing himself ragged in remembering every tiny detail of what was going on, he focused on the coolness of the metal table underneath him and the lavender oil that was wafting off of his own hair after the bath that morning. It was cool in this side of the compound. He'd forgotten how cool it was compared to the other parts, which really didn't make much sense, since most of the entrances were located in the North Wing- all of the supplies were there, after all, and there were some colossal boxes of foods and other things that needed hauled down-, so logically there should be more drafts down that way. Yet Ed was shivering and itched to wrap the long, red coat that was thrown over Artabanus' arm around himself.

The man gave him a gentle smile at the look and made the slightest hand motion which said "soon".

'Edward, are you listening to me?'

Bitter golden eyes snapped back up to the young Ukreytan medic, who was now exasperatedly holding the small, black, velvet pouch out with something akin to placid impatience. The blonde snatched the bag away and cupped it in the palm of his automail hand, a faint sneer curling his nose.

'Now you're going to be inhaling that a lot. So I want you to replenish the contents every three days. The main component is ammonium carbonate, which isn't very hard to find. I know an apothecary in Albupow that has all the ingredients. Artabanus knows the same woman so you should be set if you go there. Also,' and at this point the man turned to Artabanus, 'get Edward candy. A lot. Hard, preferably. Oral fixation does wonders for attention. You know where that shop is in the market?'

The older alchemist nodded and directed another smirk to Ed, 'So candy and chemicals? That's the best we can do?'

The medic glared hard at Artabanus now, 'He needs a real doctor. You need to take him back to the hospital as soon as possible. I cannot fathom why you didn't take him earlier with this memory loss going on. Who knows what else was affected?'

'So when we go into town we need chemicals, candy, and to go to the hospital. Is that all?'

Confusion swirled around Ed in a thin wisp, mingling with the humming panic that had been present for the past day since he learned of his own memory loss. Today Artabanus had been... irritable. Except not. He was being short tempered with everyone they came across, and sarcasm was a new feature that Ed never expected in the man- yet it was flying freely today. Maybe it was because the man was stressed but Ed wasn't sure what to think, really. And still, under the hum and the curling uncertainty, there was a hot, greasy shame and anger that covered Ed in viscous rot. But he couldn't let his mind go to that- not now. Not here.

Stay in the present, he told himself harshly, finally giving in and loosening the cord around the pouch to inhale the ammonia. Just in case. His head immediately reeled backward away from the sharp, astringent scent and his brain swam with a lightness, as if a cloud had bloomed in his very skull.

'Are you sure this isn't going to kill me? I think this is going to kill me,' Ed shakily rewound the solidified chemicals and winced at the slight throb that rang through his temples. He had to admit that the sharp scent did bring him to a focused kind of state, though, which soothed the nerve-jittering panic that had been a constant since last night.

'Short term use should be harmless, Edward. This is mostly used to reawaken a person from a faint so it's been somewhat tested over the years. However,' the medic tapped a pen on the edge of the bed to expound his words, 'you need to see a doctor to get this issue resolved. There's really no telling what these chemicals can do to your brain after an extended period of time. It is in no way a permanent solution to use these for the rest of your life. It's just the best I can do right now.'

Again, a thinly veiled hostile look was shot at Artabanus before the man helped a shaky Ed off of the metal table-bed.

They were seen out of the sterile private room and Ed could only cradle the tiny bag in his palm and feel a deep-seated dread try to make its way to the surface. But he fought back with whatever might or will he had left in his bones. That seemed to be all he was doing these days- weakly clawing inside of himself, trying to find the right things to feel and just battling himself in general. He remembered a time that he had been completely confident in himself- for the most part at least- and would forge headlong into whatever course of action he had decided upon. As a younger teenager and even as a preteen, he had had such powerful resilience to anything that opposed or questioned him. If his earlier self could see him now...

Not just his younger self, either. What would Mustang think? What would Al think?

A numb guilt writhed in his chest and he tried to ignore it by watching Artabanus' feet as they walked down the East Wing back towards the cafeteria. Al wouldn't be happy. Maybe he wouldn't be unhappy with Ed directly, but he would definitely be upset about this complete insecurity that now filled Ed like the burning flash of passion and ambition once had. But Ed was the only one to blame, really...

All of this- every single thing that had happened over the past, what? Year?- it was all his fault and there was no denying it.

He shouldn't have let James into his apartment that night. That was what led him to being captured and unwilling to fight back, for fear of injury to his beloved student. He shouldn't have put himself in the position to gain the interest of Artabanus. He never exactly tried to hide himself or appear sublime, and now he realized all of Mustang's warnings were appropriate and painfully valid. It was his inattention, his ignorance, his fault that James was now permanently disfigured, and that he himself was so fucked up internally.

Tight, cold agony burned and squeezed his heart as he followed after Artabanus with velvet caressing his fingers, wishing with every fiber in his being that there was a way to reverse all of this.

Al would be back from Xing by now, certainly. And what kind of pain would he be in to find Ed missing? Mustang would take care of Al and Winry, probably. But that still wouldn't heal their heartbreak. Winry was probably so worried about his automail right now, even though the synthetic limbs were holding up well, but there was no way she would know that. And Al... he had so much information to share with Ed. The blonde could imagine the eager spark that would be in his little brother's eyes as words of foreign knowledge spilled from overexcited lips. Ed could almost feel his brother's arms around him in the embrace that they would share upon Al's return.

Al had been gone for how many months? Nearly a year, wasn't it?

And that brought a whole new set of injuries to Ed's chest. His brother and he had never been apart for so long. It really felt like some part of him, some vital organ was missing. If he wasn't careful he would have said it felt like his shadow was missing. But Al was so much more than a simple shadow- most people just didn't seem to realize his genius. Al was always known through Ed's fame, as the Fullmetal Alchemist's little brother, Alphonse Elric. It all seemed so unfair to the blonde. Al was just as smart as him, just in different ways. Not everyone's mind worked the same, why should intelligence be based on just one thing or another?

His thoughts had wandered so much so that when he finally realized they'd stopped moving and looked up, Artabanus was staring down at him with a worriedly quirked eyebrow.

'It's going to be okay, Edward dearest. I promise. First thing tomorrow we'll head into town, okay?'

'Okay,' Ed murmured back, letting his eyes drop once more. Artabanus didn't try to correct his movement and before Ed knew it they were back in their own little bunker away from the compound. The redhead gave him a long, lingering kiss that the blonde actually managed to stomach even without Artabanus' alchemy holding him, and then left the room. Ed's burning lips twitched but he held in the roiling sickness rising in his throat, opting to go and lay on the bed, closing his eyes tightly as he prayed for sleep.

* * *

 

Rain pattered down against the glass, creating streams against the window that General Roy Mustang had the childish urge to follow with his gloved fingertips. Dark eyes narrowed at the gray, somber streets past the gates of Central Command as he allowed his thoughts to sluggishly swarm around the topic of his youngest missing subordinate. The loss was still sharp in his heart, especially when all the memories of their past came to a coalescing whirlwind in his mind.

Ed had been like some kind of not-son to him for the longest time, as Mustang was sure any other respectable officer would feel with a subordinate so young. Ed was only, what, twelve when he first joined?

Too young...

And now Mustang had failed him in the worst ways. Hands burrowed themselves in his hair as he bowed his head in a moment of weakness behind closed doors in the middle of this most solemn day. Maybe... maybe if he'd just sent Havoc out during those first weeks after Ed disappeared. Maybe if he'd just given up looking perfect in the eyes of the new Fuhrer Grumman and went to save his own man...

Maybe's, if's... he found he was questioning himself more and more lately.

Minutes passed in which his traitorous thoughts assaulted a mind writhing with indescribable guilt and loneliness. What if he and Al searched constantly for years and years and Ed never turned up? Or worse, what if they found the blonde... dead?

What would he do then?

He couldn't even imagine.

Another wave of hopelessness crashed over him.

And this was how Alphonse Elric found the famous Roy Mustang half an hour later. The young alchemist opened the door without knocking, as had become a bittersweet familiar habit he'd adopted from Ed over the last few weeks. The sight of a broken man with head in hands greeted him. The younger Elric understood completely, but something about seeing Roy Mustang of all people with those thoughts clearly illustrated in his hunched shoulders and shaking hands made something sharp and burning rise in Al.

Without a word Al slammed the door closed and took large, strong steps to the desk. Mustang obviously jumped back into an upright, ramrod-straight pose as soon as the door slammed, but Al was unforgiving as he planted his hands on the desk and towered over Mustang.

'Al...' came the guarded, cautious placation, but Al was having none of it.

Tears were already prickling the younger Elric's eyes as a thousand emotions bubbled to the surface.

'No,' Al said in a dangerously quiet voice, 'No, you're not allowed to look like that. You've always been the strong one. You can't give up now. Not on me. Not on Ed.'

The words sent a spear of guilt and anguish through the General's heart and he could only hang his head miserably, but Al slammed a fist on the hardwood, making the man jump back to attention.

'No. After we attempted transmutation, Ed was lost. He couldn't focus, couldn't be... aware of things anymore. It was like he just didn't care, like he just gave up, no matter how much I tried to get him to come back...' a strange look enveloped the prodigy's face then, 'And then you came. You talked to him... well, yelled at him. But still! After that, Brother was different. Impassioned, empowered. Whatever it is that you told him left a mark and made him move his mind forward. He started planning, and vowed to fix the wrongs that we had committed. That is the Roy Mustang I knew. The one that picked Ed up and filled him with impossible will with just words. The Roy Mustang I knew... I know... wouldn't give up now. Not now. It's not too late.'

Shocked completely speechless, Mustang could only sit there and watch as Al shakily removed his hands from the desk and stepped backwards. The younger Elric walked towards the door and gave one final backward glance before departing,

'It's not too late for my brother, General. And you know it. Ed is stronger than that. And he needs you now. So don't fuck this up.'

The door slammed closed behind the boy and Roy just sat at his desk before turning his eyes back to the rain descending on the world outside, his mind blessedly blank.

Of course, the neurons had to begin firing again at some point and so some time later, Mustang found Al's words looping through his mind, beginning to end and back again. It was a never-ending cycle that only served to deepen the man's guilt into a black hurricane of grunge inside his soul. And then the words finally seemed to sink in completely.

Roy had helped Ed back into reality after that family trauma caused by pride and alchemy. Just remembering that time was a slap in the face to the man, and he looked down quickly at his gloved hands. He almost expected the reports he singled out all those years ago to be lying at his fingertips but no. Those pages were long lost to time. They had all proclaimed the name Elric, and described a few incidents in which an alchemist had raised at least a few eyebrows with stunning transmutations. Significant enough that, as one of the military's head alchemists, the reports had found their way to Mustang.

Finally, after the third or fourth similar report came in, the Lieutenant General had found himself curious and figuring they needed a small vacation from desk work, took Hawkeye with him on the first train out to East City. From there they took the train to Resembool. The journey was light hearted and pleasant, and gave a good two or three day's rest away from Central and the paperwork always haunting his desk.

Even while walking from the station to the Elric's had been relaxed, despite the occasional glare or sneer from the locals. Mustang had seen enough of those looks in the past that he barely even noticed them then.

As soon as they reached the Elric's quaint countryside home, however, a sense of dark foreboding had fallen over Roy. Any good alchemist could sense when a large transmutation had been activated nearby, sometimes even months after it had occurred, and the Lieutenant Colonel definitely felt the chill seeping from that house. The taste of rust and copper settled on his tongue, reminding him of the time he'd been in the academy and was punched square in the face by some soldier's slighted lover. Blood had exploded in his mouth from his teeth scraping his cheek and he'd been washing red out from between his teeth days afterward.

This aura was just like that days-old blood, settling in his mouth, making him fight his gag reflex. He had surprised Hawkeye by striding up to the door and not even bothering to knock before barging into the house. He singled out the basement quickly and observed the darkened blood staining into the stone floor, taking in the enormous transmutation circle that was etched perfectly in white chalk. The darkness and chill in the air down there seemed to work their way into his very bones. If ever a place could be made unholy by events transpired there, surely this house was now a crux of bad omens.

When he left the house with a worried and confused Hawkeye at his heels, he had been seeing red. No matter what the reports said, no matter how talented this Edward Elric was, he should have known better than to try. Everybody knew better than to try. Maybe a week or so after this had all occurred, Mustang had admitted to himself the genius and artistry of the array sketched on the floor. But at that moment he was furious, blind to everything but one simple fact; this so-called "Great" alchemist had committed human transmutation. And judging by the inky black-tinted blood at the center of the dead circle, he had succeeded in bringing something back.

Everything for an hour or so after that was just a blur to Roy now. Leaving the house, storming up the stairs of the neighboring automail shop, pushing his way inside when the door was opened. The blonde boy sitting forlornly in a wheelchair. He hadn't even noticed the suit of armor until he had the blonde in the air while he yelled and demanded answers. Then a large metal hand had touched his arm while quiet apologies echoed out from a hollow helmet with an impossibly small and fragile voice. The stomach-chilling shock and pity had been a thing so strong that Mustang could feel it even now.

It was worse now, even. Now that he had the flesh and blood Alphonse to compare to the... to compare to what he had been.

It was all too much, but after a while things calmed down. Roy had made up his mind to at least offer the boys a chance. Obviously if Ed was able to perform a human transmutation and survive- and to actually bond a soul to a suit of armor- then he would be a great asset to the military. Roy made his offer, to Pinako's indignant outrage. The woman, not being able to hear any more, had stood and left the room.

Roy was finally left alone with the Elric brothers, and gave a glance at Alphonse before fixing his heated gaze on Edward.

They might have been young, they might have been foolish, but hell. With the things he'd seen in that basement, these boys were destined to be something great. Measuring the hopelessness and loss in Edward's dull golden eyes, something hot and stubborn rose in Roy. He was not going to leave until he was sure these boys listened to what he had to say. They could make their own choices after that but right here, right now... no.

'I'm not forcing you. I'm merely offering you the possibility,' at Ed's continuously blank stare, Roy continued strongly, 'Will you sit in that chair, wallowing in self-pity, or will you stand up and seize the chance the military can give you?' A glimmer of something flashed through golden eyes. Something fierce and biting, but it was gone as soon as it had come.

It wasn't enough. Roy had a line now, and if he just kept tugging...

'If you believe the possibility exists for getting your bodies back, you should seek it out. Keep moving, whatever it takes. Even if the way ahead lies through a river of mud.'

Roy remained quiet for a moment. He looked up at Al, then back down at Ed. They were both so silent. So young. So broken. Pity and anger swelled inside the Lieutenant Colonel but he schooled his features to remain placid.

'It's not too late. For you or for Alphonse. Do you understand me, Edward? But the moment you decide it's impossible, then it becomes so. Are you ready to give up everything- give up on your little brother- just because you got beaten down once? Are you really that weak, or are you strong enough to get up and keep moving forward?'

'I'm not weak,' the voice was small but it was strong, and finally, finally Edward Elric looked up and met Mustang's eyes without hesitation.

Molten, burning gold swarmed with so many emotions that Mustang felt his own chest constrict with the halt of his breath.

Roy leaned forward after a moment, pleased when the blonde's eyes stayed glued to his own in defiance, 'Then prove it.'

With that he rose and turned away without another word.

But no matter how far he journeyed away from the boy, those eyes stayed seared in his mind. Weeks later while sitting in Central, he would see a flash of gold and immediately think of Edward Elric. Eager and awaiting the day that the blonde would come to Central. It hadn't taken very long at all, Mustang now reflected, although at the time it had seemed like a lifetime passed before Ed arrived for the State Alchemy Examination. When Ed had sent word that he was leaving Resembool and heading to Central, Mustang left Eastern Command immediately so that he could observe the Examination.

He remembered how thrilled, pleased, and awed he'd been when he watched the twelve year old complete the exam with flying colors.

And then handing Ed his title...

It was all so long ago, but thinking back on it now Roy acknowledged the horror and the thrill of the time. The darkness and the light.

Will you sit and wallow in self-pity or will you stand up and move forward? His own words were like a high voltage shock and he stared out at his empty office sightlessly. What had he been doing this past year?

This was the moment he realized how much he had changed since the Promised Day. Since his promotion. He was always too afraid of stepping on toes, of stepping over boundaries now that he hadn't even moved. Not to help Ed, not to help himself. This was ridiculous.

'If you believe the possibility exists, you should seek it out. Keep moving no matter what.

Even if the way ahead lies through a river of mud.'

He scoffed to himself and stood abruptly, hands knotting into fists on top of his desk.

I haven't even been trying to do anything. I've been thinking about the loss of Edward instead of how to get him back. If I can't even listen to my own advice, who am I to try and command anyone?

'Alright, think. What is the most likely? Ed was being transported west by the Drachman rebels. The remains of the abductors and their vehicle were found very close to West City...'

Mustang continued mumbling to himself as he dragged out a map of Amestris and splayed it over the top of his desk. He remained hovering over the large paper as the hours passed, his mind racing and temples beginning to pulsate with a mild headache.

West... west... where could Ed be? If I were to abduct someone, where would I hide them? Surely not in a large, populated area like West City. Maybe a town nearby? Let's see... there's Aszamem, Ayzehep, Zoxxow... all those to the east. Maybe north or south. Oysixayxe, Bihbces, Albupow, Pendleton... there's just too many to choose from.

But still he stood and stared before digging through reports with possible correlations to Edward that he'd been hoarding in a cabinet behind his desk. Soon enough he was sweeping aside current reports and opening up every single folder, leaving his desk and floor a mess of pages.

He swept his pen across the face of several documents, dark eyes darting frantically. Al had said something a while back about thinking Ed would probably be closer to the Drachman border. Even if Ed's abductor wasn't affiliated with Drachma, Al had inferred, they would probably still keep Ed as close to the border as possible, so that the Amestrian military would be hesitant to do a mass search for him. Mustang then had agreed quietly while signing one paper after the next, firmly smothered by his grief and denial. Now that he thought about it, Al was definitely onto something.

Roy marked the folders of reports based as close to the Drachman border as possible and tossed the rest aside, causing a whole pile of papers to start gathering at his feet. Eventually he slid off his gloves so his fingers could sift through the pages easier.

There has to be something here... anything... out of hundreds of reports, at least one of them has to be valid...

Just as the thought came to him he froze and picked one report out of the rest, bringing it closer to him. It was from some months ago, first brought to the military police by a doctor. But there was something written further down the page that had him wanting to go back and strangle himself for not looking closer.

This is it. How did Al and I miss this...?

Apparently the doctor had a patient who'd had faint remnants of a potent and dangerous poison in his system. The doctor only became concerned about the entire incident a few weeks later and eventually felt it necessary to report it to the military. He'd told the patient's uncle to bring him back in every week to make sure the poison was now completely gone, and to monitor the after-effects that it might have, but the doctor never saw the boy again.

The uncle had introduced himself as Isaac, and the boy as Charlie. Isaac had told the doctor that Charlie was a mute. When asked to describe "Charlie", the doctor then told the military officials that he had golden hair and eyes.

'No fucking way,' Mustang murmured. He'd glanced at the report before but hadn't seen that description until just now.

I'm such a fucking idiot.

Cursing himself, he ripped his phone out of its cradle and dialed quickly, eyes still locked on the paper clenched in his hands as sweat beaded on his brow. The report was months-old, sure, but it was the only real lead he had. He couldn't disappoint Alphonse further. Couldn't disappoint himself further.

After many long, stressful seconds the line connected. A polite voice answered but was cut off after a moment, 'This is General Roy Mustang calling from Central Command. I need to speak with General Tulson immediately. I don't care what it takes or who you have to go through. I want Tulson on this phone NOW.'

Within a couple minutes the desired man was on the line.

Mustang braced himself against his desk, scowling at the diamond of a paper at his fingertips. A thought or two went through his mind that this move was completely abusing his authority but...

Fuck it. Ed's more important than my fucking rank.

'General Tulson. It's Mustang. Listen closely. There's a new lead in the Fullmetal Investigation. I know you have a few soldiers to spare out there at West Headquarters so I want you to send as many as you can to a town called Albupow and that surrounding area. I'll make a few arrangements to have more soldiers headed that way and inform Investigations, I just need you to get as many people there as possible and fast. They need to be on the lookout for Major Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. Description: blonde hair, golden eyes, pale skin. He'll most likely be with someone who might be using the name "Isaac".'

A few questions drifted down the line to Roy but he barely heard them, answering them with a dismissive tone.

'Yeah, yeah, okay Tulson. I know Albupow is on the border and it might raise suspicions. I understand that, okay? Just have groups of your men patrol the streets and canvas the area. We'll deal with the politics later. I take full responsibility if something goes awry with the Drachmans. Our first priority is finding Major Elric.'

A few more commands later and Mustang was hanging up the phone. He needed to find Al.

There was a knock on the door and Mustang gave an absentminded invitation, already back to re-reading the report from Albupow. He was only brought back to the present when an odd feeling started to radiate against his right side. Finally turning to give attention to whoever had entered and was apparently staring at him, he was confused at the outraged look that was darkening Hawkeye's features. The woman was glaring at him with such intensity that he wanted to hide, but the part of his mind that apparently housed his survival instincts was still far off in the West.

'What is it Hawkeye?'

'Sir... your office is a mess.'

Exasperation fell over the General. Of all the things... 'There are things more important than the state of my office right now, Lieutenant.'

'Sir. Yesterday you agreed to hosting a secure conference with Fuhrer Grumman in here today. The Fuhrer is waiting in the outer office now.'

'...shit.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know you all wanted to see more of Ed and I forgot how little there was of him in this chapter so I'm going ahead and posting the next as well. I hope you enjoy! If there's anything you think I need to improve on/anything that's been bothering you, please let me know in a comment :)


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

 

Gray light sputtered down from a sky that was the same color as gunmetal, a chill sweeping through the streets and subtly declaring the entrance of winter on Amestris. Figures huddled deeper into coats and paces fastened on their way to retreat from the skirmish of the wind.

 

Wispy traces of golden blonde escaped the hood of one such figure that stepped closer to the tall man at his side when a particularly harsh breeze blasted by. The redhead smiled down at the young man and tightened his hold around his shoulders briefly in response.

 

‘You’re not too cold, are you Edward? I told you that you should have worn two coats! Imagine how bad it would be if you had worn your red one?’

 

Mumbling quietly under his breath, Ed shot Artabanus a look of amused exasperation, ‘What, you want me to carry everything AND be weighed down by a million layers of clothes? I’m not a pack mule, you know!’

 

The blonde indicated the bags in his hands with a brisk shake and then ducked behind Artabanus again when the wind howled.

 

_Fucking winter had to sneak up like that!_ Ed grudgingly pulled his sleeve down further over his automail arm. He just knew his metal limbs were going to give him problems this year. Already the areas around the ports were stinging with the chill, creeping through his nerves like the shock of sugar on a cavity-riddled tooth. They’d only been walking around town for half an hour and already the pain was becoming unbearable in his limbs.

 

It took him back to the time he spent in the North at Briggs. That awful, constant, burning cold seeping from his automail had made sleep practically impossible after long days of stress and planning. It was both better and worse now… on one hand Artabanus did his best to keep the blonde warm and sheltered. On the other hand, Ed’s automail had degraded. It still functioned perfectly fine, of course, but the ports definitely needed maintenance and the problem was becoming rapidly more severe.

 

Lost in wondering if the older alchemist would eventually remove the automail altogether or try to find a way to do maintenance, Ed nearly walked right into the man’s back when he stopped on the sidewalk. A sliver of a smile was flashed at a confused Fullmetal Alchemist before Artabanus abruptly steered them in the opposite direction.

 

Ed tried to peer back over his shoulder to see what caused that reaction but Artabanus shoved him lightly, silently communicating for him to move forward. Seeing the beads of sweat that were forming on the redhead’s brow, Ed swallowed nervously. Something was definitely off now. The morning had been going just fine before… but now Artabanus was reverting back to that angry, sarcastic person that Ed had become slightly fearful of.

 

They darted into an alleyway and kept moving until they reached the street beyond. Artabanus hesitated a moment, and Ed recognized the sharp, militaristic scan of their surroundings for what it was. The man was looking for enemies. Swallowing tightly, the blonde stepped closer to his companion and waited in silence. Finally, after many tense minutes, they moved forward onto the street, heavy quiet echoing between them. Ed was still confused and trembled with the pass of an especially chilly wind.

 

All those good feelings about finally getting out of the bunker for a while- the buzzing excitement and velvety relief that had soothed his haywire nerves- were swiftly vanishing in the face of the turn of events. The imbalance in his emotions puzzled and shook him, sending him teetering on the edge of panic once again. He didn’t even realize that his hands had buried themselves in Artabanus’ coat until worried azure eyes caught his.

 

‘Maybe we should just go now,’ was Ed’s hushed suggestion. Missing the warmth of the bunker and overwhelmed by the unexpected turn, he wanted nothing more than to leave as soon as possible. His mind just couldn’t keep up with everything it was being bombarded with and was shutting down, leaving his body to the mercy of his volatile feelings.

A sigh brought Ed back to the present, and he looked up to see Artabanus’ fond smile, ‘Edward the only thing we need now are the smell salts that Nowalski recommended. We cannot leave until we have those. Candy isn’t going to be able to distract you enough to keep you in the present on its own. Understand?’

 

Ed’s head nodded and he let his eyes fall to the frosty cobblestones as they continued on, letting the firm arm around his shoulders guide him.

 

As they walked he tried his best to collect his scattered thoughts and emotions and bottle them back into the tight cage they’d somehow escaped from. He’d been doing so well that morning and it took only one tiny incident to knock him completely off kilter. He hated being so… fragile. Coming undone so swiftly and without warning… it just wasn’t like him…

 

Thoughts drifting no matter how far he stretched to grasp the runaway emotions, the blonde soon found himself zoning out of reality completely as odd images fluttered through his mind’s eye. Usual day by day scenes gripped him- sitting at a table and sipping from a mug of bitterly sweet tea while watching Artabanus flip through some journal or text, laying in a bath and focusing on the feather-light touches that skimmed his body and trying his hardest to ignore the numb sickness inside, laying in bed and feeling an arm wrap around his waist possessively…

 

And suddenly the scenes became… not so usual.

 

_Artabanus smiled and laughed at something as they were sitting in bed before cold fingers gripped his jaw and tilted it upward for a brief kiss. A random, tight embrace that left Ed feeling breathless and numb afterwards, relying on Artabanus’ foreign alchemy to keep him moving afterward. Hands sweeping down his side and questing fingertips pressing into his hips before venturing further…_

 

A hand gripping his wrist so tightly that he felt his bones scrape together had Ed ripping himself from the memories. Vacant golden eyes stared ahead at the short line of people in front of him, then slowly scanned up to Artabanus, whose expression was both placid and troubled.

 

The man’s lips moved soundlessly but Ed’s mind was still whirling too much for him to want to try and understand what was being said.

 

Brushing past him with a biting caress, he could no longer feel the chill in the wind- could barely feel the stinging burn of his automail ports. Everything was being swept under that comforting wave of numbness once again and all that scratched at his soul was a faint tingle of gratefulness. Warm hands cradled Ed’s face, tilting it back up from where it had apparently fallen to stare down at the ground. Again, the older alchemist was saying something, but no sound reached the blonde’s ears over the whispers of the wind.

 

A body tumbling between the two alchemists snapped Ed fully back to attention, making him struggle to keep his balance. He watched the little girl smile briefly in apology before continuing on her way, followed moments later by a young boy. Ed stepped back, giving the boy more room to pass, barely noticing that his hood had fallen back and an icy breeze was now flitting through his hair. Looking up after the kids were gone, he immediately froze.

 

The look of complete and utter panic on Artabanus’ face had a sudden mirroring effect in Ed, making his heart clench in prickling fear. The blonde tried to identify what was causing the horror in his companion’s expression and had no sooner opened his mouth to ask what was wrong when he came to a grinding halt once again.

 

At least six feet separated the two of them. They were so far apart, yet Ed could feel the elbows and coattails of strangers brushing him as they passed.

 

_‘NOW! Run!’_

Ed physically flinched at the combined shouts of both Hughes and Mustang that resounded from behind both of his shoulders.

 

But his legs wouldn’t move…

 

_‘Ed, MOVE DAMNIT!’ ‘Fullmetal, get your ass out of there NOW!’_

_I… I can’t. I can’t move. Artabanus is-_

_‘ARTABANUS ISN’T CONTROLLING YOU! GO!’_

_But…_

A shrill, girlish voice rose above the crowd, and Ed darted his eyes to the girl that had burst between him and Artabanus. She was halfway across the street but was standing still and staring at him with a finger directed at him almost accusingly.

 

‘Hey! Isn’t he the Hero of the People?’

 

Other murmurs began to arise as people turned his way.

 

‘The Fullmetal Alchemist? Edward Elric?’

 

‘Yeah, it is him isn’t it! Look at his hair and his eyes- golden like the ancient Xerxians.’

 

‘No way, he’s been missing for over a year.’

 

‘But all these military personnel… it would explain a lot.’

 

‘Major Elric…?’

 

Looking beyond all the stares, Ed craned his neck to peer over his shoulder, where a group of soldiers was tentatively approaching. The soldier that had called out his title was in the lead, the man’s eyes darting over Ed’s features. An expression of stunned recognition washed over the soldier’s face and suddenly the group’s pace increased.

 

Everything was happening too fast.

 

_Could it be considered fate?_

 

‘Edward…!’

 

_The stranger in the military uniform at the back of the class that day…_

 

Swinging back around, Ed stared into those crazed blue pools that were beginning to brim with hysteria, now closer than before. Adrenaline struck through the blonde, an old familiar feeling that put his heart into overdrive, his pulse pounding hard in his eardrums and nearly drowning out the cacophony that had sprung to life in the street around him.

 

_The ominously insightful warning from Mustang that became a reality…_

 

All he could see was Artabanus. The man that had been his world and his life for… how long? All the memories, both known and forgotten, lingered at the edge of his mind.

 

_James appearing at the door on the very same day for tutoring…_

 

‘Edward, listen to me… come here. Please. _Edward_ ,’ Artabanus pleaded as he moved closer.

 

_The Drachmans attacking that very night…_

 

One step backwards was followed naturally by another before Ed’s body froze once again. Retreating had been completely instinctual and now his mind was tripping over his heart in sorting the situation out. He had no time to think whatsoever, though, and that became clear when Artabanus’ body tensed.

 

_And then… Artabanus…_

 

Ed’s eyes widened and a sharp breath hissed down his throat. His heartbeat stuttered and he finally just… let go. Letting his body take over completely to the adrenaline coursing through it, his hands rose in front of his chest. Artabanus lunged forward just as gloved, mismatched hands clapped together. Blue and gold crackled and exploded against the cobblestone street, following the palms that slammed the energy into the earth, causing a giant wall of stone to rise up. A blur of red and fiery blue disappeared behind the gray and the impact of Artabanus’ body against the wall vibrated through Ed’s hands.

 

_Maybe it was fate._

 

Everything stopped. Ed was stuck; eyes wide, palms planted to the ground, mouth slack in disbelief as he stared at the gloved hands that were undeniably attached to his body. Cold sweat tickled at his temples and ran down his flushed face to collect at his jaw line- just a tiny tinge of aggravation in the whirlpool of raging emotions that was consuming him slowly.

 

_But if that was all fate… then what is this?_

 

The seconds ticked past until something finally… clicked.

 

‘Artabanus! Wait!’ Ed shoved off the ground and scrambled to the edge of the wall. His breath was knocked out of him as if by a fist when he frantically searched the frightened crowd at the other side. There was no sign of the redhead. Something crushing, maddening, disjointed and sick took over Ed, ‘ARTABANUS!’

 

One foot went forward, his body intending to sprint after the man, when a hand wrapped around his wrist and pulled him back. More hands joined the first and his body lost all its energy, dropping him to the ground and making him oblivious to the soldiers that were both questioning and attempting to comfort him.

 

_No. No no no no. Artabanus, oh god. I didn’t mean to. Shit. No! Come back!_ An ugly blackness swirled in his gut and consumed his thoughts, blanking out everything else. _ARTABANUS!_

 

The cold stone disappeared from under his knees as he was hauled to his feet, but everything around him was spinning, was invisible, insignificant. The blonde’s lips were moving but he couldn’t hear his own voice as it babbled on unconsciously. All that remained to Ed was the empty spot that Artabanus was just standing in.

 

_‘You're perfect just the way you are- nothing could make you better than who you are right now, Edward.’_

 

A  sharp prick against his neck had his blank eyes turning to meet that of the soldier’s that had first recognized him. The man’s face was schooled into a perfectly blank mask. Truly it was a gift to have that much control over one’s own emotions.

 

Mustang would be proud of this soldier, Ed thought, his gaze getting both dark and hazy very quickly. Warm gray eyes remained on his even as his vision went completely black, leading the way into the peaceful waves of oblivion.

 

_‘I can take care of you, protect you. You will love me, dearest Edward. We're meant to be, after all. No one could ever love you like I do.'_

 

The last thing he was aware of was gravity failing him completely as his body was lifted away from the ground, and a rough voice murmuring, ‘Sergeant, notify Central. The Fullmetal Alchemist, Major Edward Elric, has been recovered.’

 

* * *

 

 

The phone barely made a sound as it was set back in its cradle, for all the care and softness that the gloved hand handled it with. Fingers remaining glued around the slender arch of the telephone, Mustang stood stock-still and stared out the window of his office, eyes not seeing the roiling gray clouds forming for a winter storm.

 

_They found him… they actually found him…_ The shock had crept its way into every nook and cranny of the General’s body, broadcasting disbelief into his mind. He wasn’t sure he would be able to believe that… _he_ … had been found, until Mustang laid eyes on the young man, himself.

 

_Warm golden eyes smiling at him as a honeyed jaw tilted backwards and amber liquid touched bow-like lips… white teeth flashing in laughter while steel gleamed from one shoulder… the amusedly irate crossing of steel and flesh and upturn of a perfectly shaped nose… shadows and light…_

Swallowing and shaking himself roughly, Mustang had to focus on one action at a time; robotically removing his fingers from the telephone and measuring his steps to the door of his office, barely giving a glance to the mess of papers that were piled on the coffee table from Alphonse’s late night research.

 

_Alphonse… I have to get Alphonse and then take the first train to West City. It’s only a ten hour train ride and then…_

_And then…_

Well he would figure things out as they came. His mind was too dazed and exhilarated to process much more than the set objectives he had lined up.

 

The door opened under his hand and he walked into the outer office slowly. His team was busy, as always, rifling through paperwork or holding phones between their shoulder and ear. The only one absent from the picture was Warrant Officer Falman.

 

Strange how the pale, pastel yellow wallpaper that engulfed the room and hugged the edges of windows and doorways seemed so surreal today. Just like the gray blue that could be glimpsed past the wooden blinds slanting against the glass of the windows. Everything felt far away, unfamiliar, even though he’d been seeing these things every day for a long time now.

 

Hawkeye rose immediately at the sight of him and gave a quick salute, which soon faltered when Roy could only stare blankly past her. Their commander’s unusual demeanor had everyone lowering their phones and looking up from paperwork. Havoc was the second to jump out of his seat and take a couple of steps closer to the General, concern on his features.

 

‘General…?’ Hawkeye tilted her head so that she could grab Mustang’s attention.

 

The man blinked and cleared his throat, torn from his haze. Straightening and folding his hands behind his back, he beheld his team with no little amount of pride, his heart swelling at the worry they all now were directing at him. Finally. Finally, he could face them without remorse once again.

 

‘Edward Elric has been recovered in the city of Albupow, just south of West City,’ the looks of overwhelming relief and joy were further strengthened when Mustang continued, ‘He is alive.’

 

There was a small commotion when Fuery’s command board got knocked to the floor in his excitement but after a minute the office calmed down enough that the General could turn to Hawkeye, ‘I am going to see him now… Lieutenant, where did Alphonse say he was going?’

 

Misty russet eyes stayed locked on his even as Hawkeye saluted once more, ‘He headed down to the mess hall twenty minutes ago, sir. He should be there now. I will secure transport for you on the next train heading west.’

 

‘Very well,’ turning towards the door to the hallway and beyond, Roy was then confronted by an extremely solemn blonde, ‘Lieutenant Havoc?’

 

‘I would like to request permission to accompany you and Alphonse to West City, sir.’

 

Mustang took a moment to appreciate the utter expression of conviction that was fixed to his subordinate’s usually cheerful disposition. Remembering all the months of tension between the two of them, ever since Ed disappeared and Mustang had to refuse the Lieutenant’s request to search for him, there was no way the General could deny him this.

 

‘Permission granted, Second Lieutenant. Gather some overnight clothing for both of us and Alphonse before you prepare the car. We’ll meet you in the parade grounds in ten minutes,’ Mustang rifled through his pockets before withdrawing a keychain and handing it over. Pointing out the key that would allow entrance to the General’s private dormitory at Central Command, Roy gave a sideways glance at Hawkeye, who already had a phone glued to her ear.

 

When Mustang was finally at the door, he paused to look back at his team. Something began simmering inside of him, melting the iciness of shock and causing a glow to bring a smile to his face. His men, all standing at attention, blinked at the quirk of his lips, but immediately gave grins in return.

 

‘Let’s bring him home,’ Roy smiled, his spirits only lifted higher at the responding cheers that echoed around the room.

 

Once he was out the door he was half-sprinting to the mess hall, dignity be damned. He ignored every odd look thrown his way and barely gave pause to salute the one superior he came across. Internally he was a mess of emotions and thoughts that he couldn’t put in order or make any sense of.

 

_What has Ed been enduring all this time? What will we find when we get to West City? Who was holding Ed captive in the first place?_

_When I find out who it was…_

 

Roy’s fingers tingled and he resisted the urge of rubbing his fingertips together, trying his best to push everything to the back of his skull as he arrived at the mess hall. His entrance went mostly unnoticed by the three or so dozen soldiers milling and lounging around and he took that moment to scan the room for that dark golden hair.

 

 

He worked his way swiftly between the tables, nodding at soldiers as he passed but never taking his eyes off of that mop of blonde for a moment. Within seconds Roy was beside the table in the right-hand corner of the mess, clamping a hand down onto Al’s slumped shoulder. The boy jumped in his seat and jerked his head up, eyes wide as he took in Mustang’s expression.

 

Now that he was there, Mustang didn’t know how to proceed. He hesitated and then took the seat beside Al on the bench, releasing his hold on the boy’s shoulder to take his hand tightly in replacement. Fear, concern, and trepidation played across the younger Elric’s features as Mustang gathered himself.

 

‘Alphonse… they found him. He’s alive.’

 

Those weary slate gray eyes slowly widened as they searched Roy Mustang’s. It all boiled down to that moment- all those difficult nights the two of them spent up together, pondering over Edward’s fate. All those times that Roy awakened in a cold sweat, body shivering and heart clenching at the sound of sobbing from his living room. Alphonse spending day after day poring over maps and visiting Intelligence for any possible information while Roy watched from behind his desk, burdened by his overwhelming regret and guilt.

 

All that darkness, all those shadows that haunted the both of them no matter where they went or what they tried to do…

 

_That all ends right here, right now._

Roy barely had time to brace himself before he had both of his arms full of the tall, lanky teenager. Mustang’s arms closed and held tightly, feeling the boy’s body shaking uncontrollably and trying to hold his own emotions in check. The sobs being wrenched out of Al were interrupted by the occasional laugh. The laughs are what stung Mustang the most- they were so full of relief, light, and just pure happiness. He couldn’t remember the last time he heard Alphonse laugh…

 

Roy held Al for a couple of minutes, allowing the moment between them to draw out and letting himself take comfort in the shared relief. Gently prying Al off after those few long minutes that seemed to have contained an eternity, Roy took his shoulders so that the boy looked at him with tear-reddened eyes and a quivering smile.

 

‘He’s in Albupow, you know where that is right?’ At Alphonse’s slight nod Mustang smiled, ‘We’re heading there now. I don’t know about you but I need to see him for myself.’

 

The air turned heavy between them and a world of thoughts and conversation was communicated through their locked gaze. After a few long seconds, Al’s brow tightened in resolve and he gave a hard nod, hanging onto the General’s arm as they rose together, as if the boy couldn’t move on his own after this long-awaited revelation.

 

Mustang wanted nothing more than to carry the boy out of the cafeteria but he was aware that most of the soldiers were now regarding the two of them curiously. He wasn’t ready yet to broadcast the news, and so he put a supportive arm around Al’s shoulders and lead them to the hall.

 

Havoc was waiting at the main entrance, leaning against a car that was already humming and ready. The Lieutenant strode forward to meet them halfway down the steps, clasping Al’s shoulders before enveloping him in a strong embrace. Roy waited patiently, occupying himself with stitching his mask back together before they moved to the car and got in.

 

The ride to the train station was short and getting on the correct train even quicker. Hawkeye had made sure they had their own transit no matter what- and if that meant depriving a train traveling south of its original course, then so be it. Few others got on the train so the trio had the freedom to set their sparse luggage on the empty seats around them.

 

Strangely enough, they didn’t speak much at all, other than Mustang filling them in on all that General Tulson had told them.

 

‘Edward was spotted in a market in Albupow and was taken into custody. He is now being transferred to West City Hospital for treatment. Tulson refused to give out any further information than that. We’ll get more details once we arrive at West Command.’

 

Mustang watched as his words seemed to both absorb and deflect off of the younger men sitting across from him in the rickety booth. He could understand completely.

 

They were all in a state shifting between reality and some dazed surrealistic land.

 

‘Is Brother hurt? Do you know?’ Al asked- the first thing he’d said since finding out Ed had been found.

 

Sighing regretfully, Roy shook his head, ‘All I know is he was put in immediate medical custody and is being transported to West City for medical attention. I am not sure if he is harmed, or how badly, if he is. We will just have to wait and see. Just focus on the fact that he’s alive. He’s safe now.’

 

Alphonse nodded and turned to stare blankly out the window. Roy’s lips twitched briefly as he could practically see the cogs in the boy’s mind turning. And then he turned to face forward, only to meet Havoc’s serene gaze.

 

‘Thank you, sir,’ the blonde murmured quietly, leaning forward, ‘this means more to me than you know- letting me come along.’

 

‘I owe you this and so much more, Lieutenant… I can only hope that you will one day forgive me for my weakness and incompetence.’

 

Mustang took in his subordinate’s stunned look and smiled briefly before turning away once again. It had always been hard admitting his own faults to others, but Havoc deserved to see that Mustang knew when he fucked up. He should have just let Havoc search for Edward. Havoc was by no means stupid and with his stubbornness, Ed probably would have been found much sooner.

 

The Flame Alchemist truly had his priorities backwards. Blinded by his militaristic ambition, he continually failed himself and those closest to him by not listening to his own heart. He was just so tired of failure.

 

‘Sir, excuse me for saying so, but you’re an idiot,’ Havoc intoned, making Mustang’s attention swing back around to where the man was smiling smugly, ‘of course I forgive you. I have no idea what you have to deal with day to day so who am I to judge your bone-headed decisions? Yeah, I was angry as hell before, but I know how much you care about Chief. We found him. That’s all that matters now, right?’

 

Turning that over, Mustang understood everything that was not being said, but nodded nonetheless. He and Havoc did not have so different views, the General knew. And perhaps the blonde knew that as well. Yet another weight began to slide off his shoulders at the knowledge that all those months of frustration and resentment between him and his subordinate was ending.

 

Of course it would be Edward to make everything alright again, no matter how indirectly.

_Damn brat._

 

The rest of the ten hour train ride was endured in silence, each of the men lost in their own thoughts. Somewhere around the six hour mark, Mustang’s own thoughts began to turn darker. The euphoria and total relief was morphing into gut-wrenching worry as those questions from before began to plague him.

 

What were they walking into? Just how badly was Ed injured and what had he been through in the past year?

 

It was rare, but Mustang remembered seeing cases of victims held captive for a year or longer. Every single one of those people were subjected to torture of some form. Oliver Campbell, a young soldier taken hostage back when the Ishvalan rebellion was beginning, came to mind. He was held for over two years and tortured to such an extent that when he was rescued, he had changed completely. The poor man didn’t even remember his own name and was eventually committed to permanent hospital care because of attempted self-harm. It was a terrifying thought that something similar could have happened to Edward.

 

Mustang wasn’t sure what he would do if Ed was so damaged.

 

_No. Ed’s stronger than that. He could withstand the harshest of tortures and survive it with his spirit intact,_ Roy’s thoughts assured him.

 

He could only hope that it was true.

 

Outside the dingy, warped glass of the booth’s window, the hills began smoothing out into flat fields, green slopes transforming into stretches of wild brown grass. The West always seemed so barren and sucked dry compared to the East or South of Amestris. Even during the best rises and falls of summer the grass was rotten brown and longer than a man’s leg.

 

_In what conditions was Ed kept? Did he ever get to walk around in these fields, or was he confined to a cell for a year?_

They passed through two more small, countryside train stations devoid of any prospective passengers before finally reaching West City. The sun had long since set, making the silhouette of West City a beautiful spattering of geometrically-contained lights.

 

The trio shared one long, lasting glance that communicated their excitement and unease before making their way off of the train and into the bustling train station- oddly brimming with commuters for the late hour. Although smaller than the one in Central, there was a definite sense of animated elation that reverberated in the air. Several people saw them and cheered as if in celebration and Mustang immediately understood.

 

Word of Edward’s recovery had already been spread all around West City, no doubt. By now it was probably being circulated to Central as well. In any case, there was nothing they could do about the hysteria now other than smile politely and weave their way through the crowd. Mustang headed the group, trying his best to use his body to shield Alphonse from all the excitement. It was already an emotional day for them all, especially for Al. The poor boy didn’t need these crazy people battering him for information on top of everything else.

 

Luckily once they got past the thickest of the crowd, the throng of people that remained parted to let them through, respectfully passing along their well-wishes. Mustang, with his mask firmly in place, nodded his gratitude and let out the smallest of relieved breaths when they made it to the street outside the station. A military vehicle awaited them, bathed in the ethereal glow of streetlamps, only undisturbed by a crowd of bystanders because of a soldier holding a rifle in front of the doors.

 

‘General Roy Mustang,’ he greeted as they approached the car.

 

The soldier dipped his chin and moved to open the back door of the vehicle for them. Before he knew it they were speeding through the streets of West City toward Western Command. Mustang looked at Al and Havoc, the latter of whom was concealing his tension admirably.

 

‘As soon as we get to the command center I’ll get you to a telephone so that you can contact Ms. Rockbell and Madam Pinako,’ Roy told Al quietly.

 

Graced with a grateful smile in response, Roy was left to struggle with sitting still for the rest of the ride.

 

General Tulson was waiting outside the command center when they arrived, and happily pointed Al to a phone. Havoc stayed back with the teenager while Mustang fell into step with Tulson.

 

The anxiety that curdled in Mustang’s abdomen multiplied tenfold when Tulson waved off all his questions, insisting that they move to a secure room before beginning this conversation. It only took a minute for them to reach a private room and lock the door behind them, but by that time Roy was practically shaking, desperate for details about Edward. As much as he had wanted to rush right to the hospital, he knew that he had to talk to Tulson first. This was just taking too much time.

 

Tulson went across the somewhat barren room to take a seat on one of two couches that faced each other- the only furnishings other than a long, slim table between the brown leather monstrosities.

 

‘Please come and sit with me, Mustang,’ Tulson said kindly.

 

Tulson had always been a softhearted man that seemed to actually care about his subordinates. He was quiet and unimposing despite a tall stature and sharp features. Those dark hazel eyes regarded Roy warmly when the alchemist sat across from him.

 

Curling his fingers into the legs of his pants, Mustang straightened his spine and took large, calming breaths as he maintained eye contact with the western General. The apprehension was gripping him tightly enough now that he felt as if he wasn’t getting oxygen from the air he was inhaling with discrete desperation.

 

_Shit, it’s bad isn’t it… how am I going to tell Al?_

After a few long seconds that he recognized as Tulson giving him a moment to collect himself, Mustang nodded.

 

‘Tell me.’

 

Tulson folded his hands on top of his knees as he leaned forward, rocking slightly from side to side as he began to speak,

 

‘At approximately 1130 hours this morning, a group of patrolling soldiers- as ordered by you, General Mustang- were alerted to a disturbance on the corner of Autres and Catte Street in the town of Albupow. Apparently onlookers recognized Edward Elric as the Fullmetal Alchemist, and as my soldiers approached they noticed a few things,’ Tulson looked down at this and began rubbing the inside of his wrist with something like discomfort, ‘Major Elric was with a man- tall, auburn hair- who appeared to be trying to coax the Major away. Major Elric began to retreat and when the unknown man tried to follow, Major Elric activated some sort of array, creating a wall between them using the street as compounds…’

 

Tulson abruptly looked back up at Mustang, who had been sitting perfectly still and silent to absorb every word, ‘Now remember, Mustang, this information is purely through eye-witness accounts. I don’t claim to say this is exactly what happened. You’ll have to get the whole story out of your Major when you go and see him but…’ the man sighed, ‘My soldiers reported that the Major seemed to go through an immediate reaction of regret. The Major tried to run around the wall and into the crowd to search for the man, who he was calling “Artabanus”. When my men reached him they immediately stopped him from chasing after this Artabanus character. Major Elric then began to call out for the man, and apparently was in a state of shock. He was saying strange things and was unresponsive to my men, so he was sedated and hurried to Albupow’s Mercy Hospital.’

 

‘Is he injured?’ Mustang managed to ask, head whirling with all the information and trying to piece the scenario together in his own way. Why in the world would Ed try to run after this Artabanus guy? Was he another captive of whoever had taken Ed? If so, why didn’t he try to escape with Edward? Mustang was honestly not too surprised that Ed had gone into shock after the soldiers got to him. He’d seen worse reactions in many prisoners of war after they were freed.

 

_Yet it feels wrong to put Ed in that same category… Ed has the strongest spirit I’ve ever seen._

 

‘Major Elric was hospitalized due to shock and emotional trauma mainly. There were no obvious physical injuries that my men reported. However they did say that the Major has scars around his wrists and neck. They could not see more than that. You will have to talk to the doctors at the hospital for more information about any injuries that my men might have missed.’

 

A thoughtful silence fell over them as Mustang leaned back and released his stressed hold on his uniform. The anxiousness was still there, but had been dampened considerably, thankfully. Now Roy could actually organize his thoughts without panic disrupting and scattering them. He was slowly starting to relax back into himself.

 

_Scars around his wrist and neck. Most likely due to being restrained. But if they were just scars that means they’re old injuries._

 

Breathing a long sigh of relief, Roy met Tulson’s sympathetic eyes once again.

 

‘Is that everything you know?’

 

The man’s expression darkened a bit and he rose to his feet, Roy immediately following, ‘Mustang… he’s not right. He came out of sedation a few hours after being recovered and began to panic, yelling at the hospital staff that he needed “Artabanus” or he’d lose his memory and never wake up again. Something about fate and alchemy was mentioned as well. He continued ranting nonsense and terrifying the hell out of the nurses before he was sedated once again. Excuse me for overstepping my boundaries a bit, but I would highly suggest that Major Elric undergo therapy immediately. That was his brother Alphonse that walked in with you, correct?’ Mustang nodded after a moment’s hesitation, ‘Good. I think it’ll be helpful for Major Elric to see his family.’

 

‘Agreed,’ Mustang murmured, following Tulson to the door and remaining at his side as they returned to the front of the command center, where Al and Havoc were waiting with questionable patience.

 

The General wasn’t sure how to feel now. He had feared that Edward would be affected by his captivity but maybe…

 

_Maybe Ed is just confused right now. He must be overwhelmed at being free after so long, after all. Why would he think he’d lose his memory if he doesn’t see that Artabanus man?_

It was a concerning thought but Mustang pushed it away in favor of joining back up with Al and Havoc.

 

‘Winry is taking the next train out of Resembool,’ Al notified him. Roy was further put at ease by the blinding smile that was adorning the younger Elric’s face again.

 

Havoc smiled and winked as well, ‘I also called Hawkeye so Ms. Rockbell should be arriving within just a day or so.’

 

Smirking at the two of them, Mustang nodded and motioned for them to follow as he went back outside, giving a wave to Tulson, who followed them out and gave a sympathetic farewell.

 

Sliding into the backseat of the car once again, Mustang faced a more relaxed and highly exuberant Alphonse Elric and couldn’t help smiling. The pure celebration of finding Ed was addictive, and Al was like a sun that was shining on all of them. Blinding, golden, soaking into Mustang’s dark, most somber of thoughts and chasing away the shadows.

 

Alphonse really was so much like Edward…

 

Mustang resolved to stay quiet about Tulson’s concerns until he spoke with Edward himself.

 

_Until I talk to Ed…_

Something bright and hot flared in his chest, roaring like the flames of his alchemy and searing away every remaining doubt he had. His fists clenched and eyes narrowed at the sleeping city beyond the windows of the car, ears becoming deaf to the lighthearted conversation flowing between Havoc and Alphonse.

 

_Ed is safe. He’s coming home. That’s all that matters now. We can work everything out later. All that matters is that he’s alive and I can see him again. Talk to him again. Hear his voice and see him smile again…_

_Nothing else matters._


	15. Chapter 15

Puppet Chapter Fifteen

 

_Sunlight and warmth radiated down in golden, comfortingly enveloping light on the green countryside, reflecting off the occasional iron silo and giving a sense of calm to the fields of grain. Laughter ebbed and flowed, echoing across the slopes of empty farmlands as three children tripped over each other in an effort to be in the lead._

_‘Ed, slow down! It’s not fair! Your legs are longer than ours!’ a shrill, girlish voice called from the rear of the group._

_The blonde at the front obediently began to lag and gave a brilliant grin before tackling his brother to the ground, giving Winry a chance to catch up. The Elric brothers laughed and whined at each other as they attempted to disentangle their limbs, all the while haloed by the tender sunshine. The blue-eyed girl finally reached them as the two boys climbed unsteadily to their feet. With a pout, she crossed her arms and glared at Ed,_

_‘Where are we going anyway? It’s almost dinner time and Mommy doesn’t like it when I’m late!’_

_‘Come on Winry,’ the older Elric smiled, ‘it’s just over that hill.’_

_They moved on again, pointing out the birds that soared through the effervescently shifting clouds, squealing when a crow landed a few feet away from them, and then laughing when it took off with a startled squawk. Scaling the large hill that was more like a miniscule mountain, the children’s young eyes beheld the sun’s slow descent towards the horizon with wide eyes. The light bathed the hillsides and fields in golden orange, yet cast a dense and dark shadow on the other side of the hill that they finally crested._

_The wide grin on Ed’s face slowly began to fade as he tilted his head and looked down into the depths of the creeping shadows…_

_‘A bit deeper, Edward, if you would.’_

_Ed’s face jerked up and he stared at Artabanus’ placid expression. The hand on the blonde’s shoulder tightened a fraction, making Ed nod obediently and turn back forward._

_The crater- just one amongst many in the wide, barren landscape- was widened with a touch of steel and flesh against the edge, pushing the earth away and down, past the usual seven feet that he was used to. He wanted to ask why this one was bigger than the others before it, but was given his answer soon enough when a few adult Ukreytans approached with small bodies dangling from their arms. One… two… three… four dead children were dropped carelessly into the hole. Ed wanted nothing more than to tear his eyes away but he was trapped, staring as dirty, lifeless limbs tangled amongst each other at the bottom of the ditch after rolling like ragdolls down the sloping sides._

_Artabanus said nothing,  and the next tightening of fingers against his collarbone had the blonde reaching back down and pressing his hands together before touching the packed dirt of the ground once again. Ed could only watch as the ground caved inward to bury the nameless children, sparing only the slightest guilty thought that he was grateful._

_Grateful that James’ face wasn’t among them._

_The sun burned bright and proud above the morbid scene, and Ed resented the warmth against his back, feeling betrayed. It should be raining or at least overcast, but the gods had the nerve to smile down at the horrendous actions of these people._

_Tap... tap… tap._

_Ed’s brow furrowed at the all-too familiar sound of water spattering against glass and turned his head slightly, trying to locate the source of the noise. The barren, dusty landscape still remained around him, an ancient steeple or two rising out of the earth like half-buried skeletons. No apparent water source around that he could see…_

_‘Edward. Edward Elric.’_

_The blonde whipped back around and raised a brow at Artabanus, who was just smiling at him idly._

_‘Can you hear me, Major?’_

_Pivoting once more, Ed stared outward towards the barren landscape, utterly confused now. It sounded like there had been someone right there at his shoulder…_

_Suddenly a physical force fell on his shoulder, but he was sure it wasn’t Artabanus. Shouting, he tried to stumble away but felt frozen- all he could do was swing his arms in that direction, shoving the force away. A muffled curse and the separation of the object rewarded him. He stared incredulously in that direction before blinking once, hard._

A white world greeted him upon opening his eyes and he winced away from the lights, hands immediately rising up to cover his face.

 

‘Edward, are you with us? Can you hear me?’

 

‘The lights! Artabanus turn the damn lights off!’

 

There was silence for a moment and the numb drowsiness of sleep slowly began to leach away from Ed’s muddled thoughts, enough for him to realize that something was definitely off. The material that was covering his body from feet to chest wasn’t the thick duvet he was familiar with. It was so paper-thin he could feel a draft brushing against his stomach and the air was far too cold to be the mild temperature of underground.

 

And the voice… it was a bit deeper than Artabanus’ wasn’t it? And not accented at all.

 

‘Edward, I’ve dimmed the lights. My name is Doctor Nelson but you can call me Isaac if you would like.’

 

Ed’s hands dropped into his lap and his eyes snapped open as he sat up on his elbows. The room was definitely familiar in an awful kind of way. It was identical to practically every hospital room he’d ever been in before- white and washed-out pastel green covered everything. Craning his head, the alchemist looked up at the man that was hovering by his bedside; middle aged with gray streaking through his brunette locks, the man smiled down at Ed, as emotionless as metal.

 

‘Where…’ Voice failing him, Ed’s eyes shifted past the doctor to the window, which was the only source of light in the room now. The sky outside was black but bright streetlights stood just outside the glass, blurred by the messy splash of rain against the transparent pane.

 

_This isn’t anywhere near the compound… how did I get here?_ Ed let himself drift inward, mind prodding at those blank spaces before giving up and reaching past it, trying to locate the last thing he remembered. _I was yelling… why was I yelling?_ Straining himself to the point of gaining a headache, he quit and focused on the doctor once again, who was eyeing him closely.

 

‘Where am I? What happened?’

 

‘We’ll get to that in a moment, Major. First I would like to do a few tests if you don’t mind,’ the doctor went to the stretch of cabinets and counters on the wall opposite of the closed door and began rifling through a few drawers. Ed pulled himself all the way up into a sitting position, head spinning and stomach lurching as a sudden realization finally hit him. If he’d been totally aware of himself, he’d have been shocked he hadn’t realized this sooner.

 

_Am I… I’m free… right? Artabanus is nowhere to be found and this doctor is obviously Amestrian…_

_But…_

Ed followed through the doctor’s commands- follow the pen with both eyes, close one eye, left one leg then the other, repeat with his arms- while mainly still fighting to grasp the situation. Glimpsing the man’s carefully constructed smile, a cold lump formed in the blonde’s chest and trilled up his spine.

 

_No. There’s no way Artabanus would be so careless as to let me free. This has to be some kind of test- a setup by Artabanus to prove my loyalty to him._

That’s right. That made more sense. The consistent flutter of panic slowly began to ebb away as he nodded a silent confirmation to himself. Scolding himself for even beginning to hope, he redistributed all his attention to the “doctor”. After the brunette gave a pleased approval at Ed’s overall health, the alchemist finally crossed his arms lightly and narrowed heated golden eyes on the man, making him fall silent.

 

‘This is great and all, but obviously I’m okay. I’d like to go back to Artabanus now. He’s outside isn’t he? Can you bring him in here?’

 

Doctor Nelson’s expression shifted minutely, revealing something like unnerved concern. It was the first real emotion Ed had seen from the man and it made the blonde’s heart contract painfully.

 

‘Major… who exactly is Artabanus?’

 

With an exasperated scoff, Ed forced his darker emotions away and let the harmless clutch of annoyance take hold, ‘Listen, whoever you really are, I don’t like playing these sorts of games. Alright? I am in no way an idiot so go ahead and fetch Artabanus before I start getting pissed.’

 

‘There is no Artabanus here, Major. And I am not playing a game. Is Artabanus the man who abducted you?’

 

Pausing, Ed let those words sink in before narrowing his eyes once again, a feral sort of look creasing his features.

 

‘No.’

 

‘Right,’ the doctor gave him one final, measuring look before taking a step closer and folding his arms, ‘listen very closely and answer me honestly, Mr. Elric. You are acting civilized and logical now, but just hours ago you were saying some pretty worrying things and became a bit violent, forcing us to sedate you. Apparently you were acting that same way when you were found in Albupow. Do you remember any of that? Do you recall the soldiers finding you in Albupow and bringing you here? It is very important that you answer me with total honesty. What is the last thing you remember?’

 

_Albupow? That town that Artabanus gets supplies from? No, I was never there. He’s wrong. He’s just messing with me. This is a really weird test that Artabanus is doing… I don’t get it. What is this supposed to prove? And what soldiers? What in the hell…?_

Swallowing tightly, Ed shook his head and had to struggle for a moment before he could speak, ‘No, I don’t remember any of that. The last thing I remember…’

 

_A hand tangled itself in his hair, yanking hard enough to bring tears to his eyes as his neck craned backward, exposing his throat to teeth that immediately clamped down hard enough to make him yelp. His muscles ached, instinct wanting him to escape- ESCAPE, GET OUT, I CAN’T GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN, FUCK!- but an invisible force held him in place, like he was some kind of fucking statue that couldn’t move a single inch, no matter how hard his thoughts and adrenaline urged him. It was a painful and exhausting feeling. Hot, wandering hands slid over his shoulders and down his back as a chin settled itself on his shoulder._

_‘Tell me that you love me, Edward dearest,’ was the warm whisper that tickled against his cheek, breath reeking of peppermint._

_Something inside Ed cringed horribly when his lips mouthed the word and his monotone voice obeyed the command, and jolted even harder when those strangely familiar hands found their way to a part of his body that he would never have allowed to be touched if he had any control. But he was forced to sit perfectly still as the man that was practically curled around his body amused himself. The whole ordeal was mostly silent, with a few teasing remarks in a smooth, candy-sweet voice occasionally shocking Ed out of the emotionally-wracking turmoil. It was like the blonde’s soul was ripping itself apart with each passing minute, a darkness sprouting and blossoming like some monstrous weed throughout his body. His heart was rotting, and was soon followed by a numbness souring in his mind. Any thoughts he had were forgotten the moment they came, and replaced with unspeakable pleas for it to end. For a long time, it felt like it never would. Minutes passed like hours in the torturous silence, with only the touches and the knowledge of what was occurring to keep him company._

_But it did end, eventually, and Ed was treated to another type of torture when Artabanus pulled him closer, so that their bodies were connected from head to foot, and began whispering bittersweet complements and declarations to him like some fucked up apology._

_‘You’re so perfect, Edward, so beautiful. I will never let anything tear us apart- you are my world and my life. Without you I am absolutely nothing. You are my reason for existing now. If I hadn’t seen you, hadn’t met you, maybe I would be dead and gone by now, having nothing to keep moving forward for. But you have changed me, Edward. I never thought I could love something as much as I love you. I love you more than life itself and will never… ever… allow us to be separate, ever again. It was a folly of the fates to have kept us apart for so long. If only I had met you as a child. All those wasted years apart. But perhaps that was a test of the gods- to keep you away from me so that I could learn on my own and experience the horrors of humanity, so that I could recognize a truly pure soul when I saw it. I am so grateful to be able to experience your light and perfection every day of my life. Edward… I love you. Do you love me?’_

_The fingers detached themselves from the blonde’s hands, giving the alchemist a chance to answer for himself for once. Ed opened his mouth in a snarl, but a quiet, sardonic yet serious voice at the back of his mind whispered about reasoning and logic._

_Damn you, Mustang._

_‘Yes, I love you,’ Ed murmured as quietly as possible, so the broken and furious tone that was sure to be present in his voice was concealed. A happy hum resonated into his back and he was glad that the hands returned to his, silencing his speech and keeping him motionless; lest the bubbling agony and hatred were to break free of the fissured walls of Ed’s heart._

_Yes, I love you…_

‘Major… Mr. Elric? Edward?’

 

Snapping back into the present, Ed was greeted by a man that was hovering over him, just a foot away from his face. The blonde jerked backwards, barely wincing when his skull connected hard with a wall, too overwhelmed by a monsoon of panic that struck him at the sight of the stranger.

 

‘Who the fuck are you? Where the fuck is Artabanus? _DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME_!’ Ed scrambled to the side when the man stepped forward, hand outstretched. Not even realizing when his hands met air, the short fall and then crash onto the floor was stunning for the blonde, momentarily paralyzing him. His heart was slamming against his ribs, making it hard to breathe and hard to hear through the thundering of rushing blood in his ears. And so he only realized that the man had come around the edge of the bed when a hand holding a needle was just a few feet from him.

 

Ed stumbled to his feet, hands automatically coming together in a dull clap of metal against flesh. Blue and white sparks exploded before dissipating to reveal a blade where his automail arm had once been. Running completely on instinct alone, as all thought process had gone out the window as soon as that soul-jarring alarm took hold, Ed’s body moved into a low crouch- a fighter’s stance that was ingrained into his very bones by now.

 

The man practically fell over himself in his retreat, shouting something as he fled the room without a backwards glance.

 

Thrown off-guard yet again, Ed maintained his stance while he rapidly took in his surroundings with a quick dart of his eyes.

 

_White room, tacky bed, guy in a white coat. Is this a hospital? What the hell? I was with Artabanus just a second ago…_

His vision then fell on the single window of the room, and of the storm raging outside.

 

_There! I can escape through there._

Straightening, Ed moved forward towards the window, but before he was even halfway there the door to the room burst open once again, and this time over half a dozen men came swarming in. Ed whipped around to meet the new threat, raising his automail in front of him like a shield as he took in the men in what appeared to be… Amestrian military uniform?

 

He opened his mouth to speak… to ask something, demand answers, _anything_ , but was slammed with adrenaline once again when the men lunged forward as one. Throwing himself to the ground as hands reached for his upper half, his legs kicked out, bringing at least three of the soldiers to the floor. Ed rolled to the side as two more men grabbed at him, punching backwards with a metal elbow when a hand successfully caught his shoulder. A loud shout of pain sounded and Ed was released, giving him enough time to jump to his feet and engage the remaining men in hand-to-hand combat.

 

Needles of pain bloomed in the knuckles of his left hand whenever they connected with a jaw or temple, but it was easily ignored in his current state. He dared not initiate his alchemy or else he would really hurt someone in this tiny, confined space, so he was left to silently bluff with his automail blade and then dodge through any attacks with his left fist, taking advantage of the speed advantage he had over his opponents.

 

One by one they dropped, until he was just facing one man. This man had his gun drawn and was leveling it at Ed with a face so blank it was like a mask. Ed scoffed and straightened, wiping at his face, where a stream of blood was dripping slowly down his chin.

 

_Huh. I don’t remember getting hit._

‘Major Elric, cease and desist at once, please.’

 

‘You really are military, aren’t you…’ Ed glanced at the ribbons and stars that adorned the man’s rumpled uniform, ‘First Lieutenant Amsel?’

 

‘Yes sir,’ was the immediate response- that of a soldier answering the command of a superior officer. Discomfort and confusion began to rise in Ed, and that all-too-familiar sense of panic was edging back into prevalence, darkening the edges of his vision. The alchemist bit it back and blinked, locking his eyes onto Amsel and trying to read the man’s expression in an attempt to keep the panic at bay.

 

‘Where am I?’ Ed meant to ask the question with some form of authority in his voice, but it almost sounded like begging when it past his lips. Immediate frustration and shame with himself made Ed want to roll his eyes.

 

Maybe it was the begging tone to the question or maybe it was because of the question itself, but Amsel cautiously began to lower his pistol back to his side, ‘This is the West City Hospital. It is September nineteenth, around 2200 hours. My name is First Lieutenant Rainor Amsel, under Major Conway and General Tulson of West HQ.’

 

_I think I remember Artabanus saying it was September tenth, right…? Did I seriously lose nine days…? How?_

 

‘What happened?’ was all Ed could voice, thoughts scattering as the darkness crept further into his vision. Unconsciously, his palms pressed together and the automail blade disappeared back into the shape of an arm.

 

‘I was hoping you could tell us, Fullmetal.’

 

Heart stuttering and breath catching, the panic disintegrated and the blackness was scorched away by a brilliant heat. Ed whipped around to the door, eyes widening in disbelief as the shocking reality finally crashed down on him.

 

General Roy Mustang stood in the doorway, casually surveying the wreckage of the room with an obvious smile planted on his lips. When those dark eyes returned to meet Ed’s perplexed golden ones, time seemed to halt completely, giving Ed a chance to take the man in completely.

 

The first thing that became abundantly clear to Ed was…

 

_Damn. He looks like absolute hell._

Mustang’s dark eyes were deepened further by dusky shadows that creased his skin, betraying the fact that the man apparently hadn’t gotten much sleep lately. He was paler, somehow, and looked as if he’d lost about twenty pounds by the jutting of his cheekbones and jaw. Add the unprofessional slump to his shoulders and the fact that his ribbons were upside down, and Ed could only conclude that Mustang had just crawled his way out of some hellhole or other. But still, even run-down and exhausted-looking, Ed was transfixed by those eyes; the ones that had been haunting his dreams during the entire length of his captivity.

 

Mustang’s intense gaze seemed to be burning right into the blonde’s very soul, which should have made him uncomfortable and want to look away, but Ed was trapped in that stare. His heart beat quickly in a very different sort of way than earlier, stinging and swelling. It felt like some kind of communication was passing between them, from gold to burnt silver and back again, but Ed couldn’t decipher it. It was just… warmth, relief, weary amusement, and overall, fear.

 

_What can I tell him… what should I tell him… I need to…_

As the stare lengthened and the silence began to thicken, Ed’s heart pounded harshly, reminding him of all those emotions he’d bottled up. Something that had been gripping tightly onto his chest slowly began to loosen- he could feel it like the straps of boots being undone- and he struggled to tighten it once more. There wasn’t time for that, he wasn’t ready yet, but his soul unashamedly disagreed; finally releasing the seal entirely at Mustang’s next words.

 

‘It’s been awhile, hasn’t it, Fullmetal?’

 

Ed didn’t remember his legs giving out, nor did he remember covering his face with his hands after his knees slammed into the tiles. All he could do was fold in on himself and _sob_. Crippled heart aching and cracking while his mind shut down completely, Ed found himself slipping into a state of hysteria. He was faintly aware of whispered commands given, followed by the sound of several pairs of footsteps receding from the room, but didn’t even attempt to understand what was going on outside his bubble of agony.

 

_It’s so fucking painful. God damn it, Mustang! Why now, of all times…? Maybe this isn’t real at all and I’m going to wake up in a minute._

Contradicting that thought, the feel of a hand hesitantly clasping his shoulder and the scent of burning oak filled his senses, enveloping him like a soothing blanket. Many moments passed as the pain continued on in Ed, making it seem like there was a knife being twisted in his chest agonizingly slowly with no end in sight.

 

Everything that had happened… everything Artabanus had done to him… it all came rushing to the forefront of his mind, closing his throat and not letting him speak.

 

The hand on his flesh shoulder disappeared suddenly, and Ed couldn’t help but mourn its loss. That is, until it was replaced by a firm, almost harmfully tight embrace. Those strong arms wrapped themselves around his waist and forced him to unfurl, to lean on the shoulder being so unapologetically offered.

 

‘It’s good to see you, Ed.’

 

Barely able to connect that shaking, emotional voice with the proud man that he knew so well, Ed didn’t know how to respond other than grabbing onto Mustang’s shoulders as hard as he could. He needed to cement himself here, in this moment, to calm down.

 

Touching him, inhaling him, Ed reflected on all the times they spent at the bar, heads practically touching as they hovered over an alchemy journal that had become more equally _theirs_ than one or the others’. Remembering the more common nights in which either he or Mustang became so inebriated that they practically stumbled over each other when walking home, Ed smiled through the tears.

 

Eventually the sobs quieted and the lurching stabbing in his chest subsided enough that the blonde could take a few deep breaths without the stinging pain accompanying them. Still, they remained in the same uncomfortable, yet tremendously soothing position for many long seconds after his sobs died away.

 

_I need to tell him about James and Artabanus and the Ukreytans and the children… I don’t remember how I got here but I can’t just let this chance pass me by. Even if all of this is some twisted dream._

 

When Ed finally did attempt to pull away, he was surprised when Mustang just held him even tighter for a moment- enough that Ed almost grunted at the bone-crushing force of it- before letting him go.

 

The blonde smiled, meeting Mustang’s eyes once again and understanding the fear in them. Mustang must have been so troubled those couple months that Ed was missing. Poor bastard General must have missed having a drinking partner that wasn’t afraid to set him in line- whether he was drunk or sober.

 

_‘Another scotch and a... what were you having, Pintmetal?’_

_The cacophony of the densely populated and smoke-filled bar nearly drowned out Mustang’s taunt, but Ed just managed to catch it, whilst in the middle of throwing back the remainder of his whiskey. He surfaced coughing and gagging on the burn of alcohol being inhaled._

_‘Fucking… bastard… jus’ get me another whiskey,’ the blonde spat between coughs._

_After recovering and with a fresh drink in his hand, Ed mindlessly tore the binding out of his hair and raked it back away from his face, completely forgetting his mild irritation when it fell back in his face in favor of swallowing a mouthful of liquid fire. Although, the alcohol had become a lot duller by now. It pretty much tasted like water. Weird. Tilting his head back, he swallowed the entire contents of the tumbler in one go, head spinning wildly when he set the glass back on the table._

_A mumble to his left made him turn his head, one hand still in the motion of running through his hair. He blinked and stopped mid-swipe when he realized that Mustang was staring at him fixedly, those dark pools of pale onyx vivid and heated with something passionate. Swallowing hard, Ed tried to figure out if the sudden heat in his own face was due to the alcohol or the way Mustang was absorbedly analyzing him._

_‘What was that, bastard?’ Ed asked, totally unaware of the slur in his voice until a few seconds after speaking. Which made him laugh to himself even as Mustang leaned closer to him, eliminating the foot of distance between them._

_‘I said you’re already being mistaken for a woman, Fullmetal. I think you should put your hair back up before one of those drunks try to steal you away.’_

_‘Yeah, ‘cause that’s your job, right?’ Ed shot back without thinking, before the General’s words caught up to him, ‘HEY. I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A FUCKING GIRL.’_

_That infuriatingly charming smirk was curling itself across Mustang’s lips with all the contentment and smugness of a spoiled housecat, ‘You certainly don’t act like one. That much is certain. However, with your hair down, and the alcohol-vision these drunks are going to see you with, I am positive one of them is going to try and take you home.’_

_Scoffing, the blonde just shook his head, pulling his hair over one shoulder before glaring at Mustang’s amused and somehow fond chuckle, ‘Fine you bastard. I bet nobody will mistake me for a girl. I DO NOT look like a woman.’_

_The older alchemist set his chin in his hand after leaning an elbow on the tabletop, ‘And what are we betting, pray tell?’_

_Ed’s thoughts muddled sluggishly, taking several seconds to comprehend the question being asked before taking even longer to search for an appropriate answer._

_‘Drinks.’_

_‘Drinks? I think you’ve had enough already, Ed.’_

_‘No, I mean you’re going to pay for all of our drinks when nobody tries to take me home.’_

_‘Ah, I see. So you are going to pay for everything when somebody DOES try to take you home, then?’_

_‘Not gonna happen, Mustang,’ Ed downed the rest of his new glass and set it aside, vowing to himself that it was the last one._

_It wasn’t quite midnight yet, so the alchemists let their conversation wander from topic to topic, mainly alchemy but sometimes drifting to Mustang’s team and Ed’s family- Al, Winry, and Pinako. For a few rare minutes, Mustang actually got Ed talking about his childhood, when he and Al used to make statuettes for their mother by using alchemy. The Flame Alchemist was appropriately impressed by the skill level being described when the boys were just five and six years old._

_There were strange moments that occurred every now and then that paused the conversation and made the men just stare at each other for a few moments. Something teasing or fondly insulting would be said and their eyes would meet, and Ed’s heart would stumble over itself for some inane reason. It was ridiculous. Worse yet, it had been happening more and more frequently since it first started nearly a year before._

_Luckily they always just… moved on, as if nothing had happened. It really was a relief. After that night that Mustang had taken Ed home and they almost… well… it had been a little odd after that. Mustang didn’t really drink so much when they went out after that night. It was both frustrating and relieving for Ed._

_Shortly after one such locking of eyes and jittering swell in Ed’s stomach, Mustang rose to get himself another drink at the bar. Ed let out a deep breath and sat back, lifting his hand to his burning face and pressing his fingertips against his cheekbones, feeling the apparent blush radiating outward. Sighing and mind wandering, he didn’t notice the man that approached the table until he was leaning over Ed’s shoulder._

_‘Hey beautiful. I just wanted to say that you have the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen.’_

_Said eyes were now wide as saucers as they stared up at the extremely intoxicated man, ‘Um… thank you?’_

_The man grinned crookedly and put an arm around the blonde’s shoulders, ‘Say, my house is just a few blocks from here. Why don’t we go-‘_

_At that point a red-emblazoned glove forcibly removed the man’s arm from Ed before gently shoving the stranger away. Ed looked between Mustang and the man, head spinning as he tried to add two and two together. All he knew was that Mustang’s expression was close to angry, and that was never a good sign._

_‘I think you should go back to the bar, sir,’ the General said kindly, the grating undertones barely noticeable, ‘my companion here doesn’t want to go anywhere with you, understand?’_

_The stranger then said something along the lines of, ‘She can make her own decisions.’_

_To which Mustang promptly responded with a dangerous smirk, ‘HE is in no way sober enough to make HIS own decisions right now. Goodbye.’_

_Giving one last, long, shocked look at Ed, the drunk fled as quickly as was possible in his current state._

_Mustang sat back down across from Ed and laced his fingers together under his chin, a victorious grin lighting his features in place of the dangerous smile from before. The General’s eyes practically sparkled with righteousness as he jovially addressed Ed,_

_‘Looks like everything goes on your tab tonight, Fullmetal.’_

Ed raised a curious brow at Mustang, who was staring at him intensely, before the blonde burst into laughter.

 

‘You bought me lunch… because I paid for our drinks last night… because I lost a bet?’

 

The blonde shook his head, still chuckling at the fact that Mustang hadn’t already gloated over that situation. Warm amusement blossomed in Ed and he felt calm, which felt odd for some reason; almost as if he’d been extremely stressed or just went through one of his binge-training days. Pausing to think about that, he looked back up at Mustang and immediately tensed at the shock and deep worry etched across the man’s features.

 

Wait… why did Mustang look so different? He was skinnier, somehow, his face leaner and eyes underscored with shadows.

 

Just as Ed opened his mouth to say anything or ask the General what was wrong, the pounding of boots echoing between the walls of a narrow hallway interrupted him.

 

Moments later a young man skidded through the doorway, and Ed immediately jumped up, grinning widely as excitement and a bright happiness washed over him like a tidal wave. Everything else was erased as he looked at his younger brother, who seemed just as shocked as him.

 

_Al can be such a dunce sometimes…_

 

‘Al! What the hell? You’re home early and you didn’t even call ahead?’

 

Without giving his brother a chance to respond, Ed bounded forward and enveloped the younger- yet taller- Elric in a hug, ‘Please tell me you at least told Winry! You know she wanted to meet you at the train station when you got back! So tell me how it was, give me the details, did you bring your research journals or did you leave them at the apartment?’

 

The words were spilling quickly out of his mouth but he just couldn’t stop himself. Al had been gone for so long! All those worries and doubts of letting his brother go alone fled Ed’s mind as soon as his arms wrapped around the warm, breathing, shaking body before him.

 

_Wait. Why’s he shaking?_

‘Al…?’ Ed stepped backwards, hands still like clamps on the teenager’s shoulders as golden eyes danced over the pale face, ‘Al, what’s wrong? You’re really white. You’re not sick are you?’

 

But then Ed met Al’s eyes straight on. The look in those miraculous blue-gray pools of perfection…

 

Ed’s heart dropped into his stomach as quickly as it had risen. The gears in his mind quickly began turning as he stared at the- for some reason- paralyzed Alphonse.

 

_Mustang’s sudden appearance change, Al’s early return from Xing… and it looks like they’ve both been through hell and back._

_And Al… why is he looking at me like he’s seen a ghost?_

‘What… what happened?’

 

It was probably the somberness in his voice that finally roused the two of the most precious people in his life. And suddenly Mustang was at his side, expression matching the apprehension that Ed was feeling.

 

It was then that the blonde finally realized that he didn’t even know where he was.

 

_This looks like a hospital room. But I was just with Mustang at that café…_

‘Ed,’ Ed numbly turned towards Mustang, ‘Ed, sit down. I’m going to go get the doctor, okay?’

 

Ed wanted to protest, wanted to demand what the hell was happening, but something made him stop. He couldn’t explain it, but as soon as that order was issued, he was already making his way to the hospital bed and taking a seat on its edge. This apparently concerned Mustang and Al just as much as it confused him. Before he knew it, Mustang was out the door and Al was sitting beside him, grabbing his flesh hand and lacing their fingers together.

 

The older Elric’s eyes trailed down to their joined hands and he concentrated on the faint course of blood he could feel in Alphonse’s fingers. That pulse was all the reassurance Ed needed for now. As long as Al was okay, Ed was okay.

 

‘Brother…’ Al couldn’t say much more than that before the tears started falling.

 

‘It’s okay, Al,’ Ed murmured, gently folding his brother to his chest with a careful curl of his automail arm, ‘I don’t know what’s going on but it’s going to be alright. We’re together and that’s all that matters, right?’

 

For some reason, saying that seemed to cause the younger Elric to just cry harder. Clearing his throat, Ed tried to brush away the confusion and worries and just held the larger body to his own, doing his best to reassure Al with physical contact. In most cases, ever since regaining his body, this usually worked on Al. Not today, it seemed.

 

_Just what could have happened to make Al like this? Did something happen to me, or someone close to us…? I just don’t get it!_

Finally having enough of being uninformed, Ed swallowed tightly, ‘Al, what-’

 

‘Major, it’s good to see you uh… back to normal,’ said a voice from the doorway. Ed looked up to see what could only be a doctor, although he looked a bit wary already. Usually doctors didn’t make that face until a few hours into trying to treat him, ‘I would like to begin testing you immediately, if you don’t mind. If you follow me we can get a scan of your brain- a new alchemic invention that will let us see any abnormalities on the surface of your brain. It should be a fairly simple process, as long as you cooperate with me.’

 

‘Wait, wait, wait,’ _this is all way too fucking sudden. Have I already met this man? I don’t remember it,_ ‘what’s going on? Why do you need to look inside my head?’

 

The doctor flinched infinitesimally before coughing slightly in discomfort, ‘I’m not comfortable disclosing much information until we get those scans, other than that you’ve been losing time… or uh, I guess it would be more accurate to say you’re suffering from some sort of memory loss. But I need scans before I say anything else.’

 

_Memory loss…?_

A sinking feeling weighed in Ed’s gut, thick and heavy like a ball of iron, ‘…what’s today?’

 

Pressure squeezed his fingers and he glanced over at Al, who shook his head, tears still glittering in his eyes, ‘Not now, Brother, please. Just let Doctor Nelson do what he needs to first. Please.’

 

Mustang, who had been stationed behind the doctor the entire time, appeared to feel the same way as Al, judging by the turmoil in his dark eyes. Taking a moment to meet his superior’s eyes, and seeing all the emotions laid blaringly out for him- fear, sorrow, regret, anger, guilt, and something tender and fragile that Ed couldn’t name- Ed’s decision was made.

 

He followed the doctor obediently, Al’s hand still laced with his own as they made their way to the room with this alchemically devised machine. The walk was totally silent, but Ed couldn’t help glancing between Mustang and Al, who were walking on either side of him and almost uncomfortably close. Al kept staring right back at him, tears shimmering in those blue eyes every time they met with confused gold. But Mustang, on the other hand, stared straight forward, jaw set with all the hard immobility of stone. That kind of stiffening to the jaw meant that Mustang was extremely pissed about something and wanting to go on a quest for retribution, Ed knew. Even in the smallest of circumstances those same indicators were present. Like when some lowly private misfiled an entire day’s worth of paperwork that Mustang had rushed to complete on time. That poor private had ended up resigning after the talk Mustang had with him. At the time, Ed had blown up at Mustang for scaring the kid half to death, and still got a little upset when he thought about it.

 

_That just goes to show; when Mustang decides that he actually does want to feel about something, he usually takes it to an absurdly high level._

Ed felt sorry for the poor soul that Mustang directed his rage towards this time.

 

So distracted by his inner monologue, the blonde almost ran into the doctor’s back, only avoiding collision because of Al’s hand yanking him back to reality. Doctor Nelson hesitated just a moment, giving him a final evaluating look, before ushering him inside the dark room. Mustang and Al were barred from entering, and before Ed could protest the door was shut and locked, leaving just him and the doctor alone.

 

With an apologetic smile, the man started over towards a large blocky machine that took up half of the room, with a wooden cot underneath and halfway inside it, ‘Sorry, Major. If more than two people are present in the room, especially if they have alchemic abilities, the machine could give out false readings. And we want to be as accurate and as quick as possible. And with any hope, this will be the only time we’ll have to do this. Sound good?’

 

‘Sure,’ Ed said, moving toward the machine, undeniably curious about its function. It almost looked like half of a coffin- the top part of the cot being closed inside the giant rectangle that was suspended from the ceiling by thick chains. He could faintly feel the energy of alchemy, but didn’t think there was an array that needed to be activated for the machine to work. There was just an energy array in there somewhere; a different sort of energy array that powered several different functions of the machine. It was very interesting, and Ed would love to have seen the particular array being used, but there were more important matters that needed to be dealt with, as indicated by the doctor when he asked Ed to lay on the table and slide up so that his upper half was inside the rectangle.

 

Apprehensive, with his head spinning from the insanity that was currently going on, Ed obeyed the command without argument.

 

As he lay down and moved up the table so that the darkness surrounded his head, he thought about his students and who was teaching his classes at the moment. How many days had he been having this supposed memory loss? Had all his students finished their assignments correctly? Would his temporary replacement be competent enough for the course he’d set in place?

 

Worrying his lip with his teeth as he wondered about those things, blood was quickly drawn when a sudden, intense pain shot through the ports of his automail.

 

‘Shit! What the fuck was that,’ he shouted, his flesh hand flying up to cradle the burning automail shoulder. It felt like ice had been applied directly to the raw wiring, sending sparks and shocks of white agony searing through his torso and up his left thigh, making even his teeth ache in response.

 

‘Major, are you alright,’ called the doctor from somewhere beside Ed’s head.

 

Blinking back tears and gritting his teeth, the blonde muttered curses under his breath before responding shortly, ‘Hurry up with whatever you’re doing, alright?’

 

There was the faint sound of papers whispering against each other, and then footsteps crossing the room and back again, ‘We’re all set, Major. You can come back out now.’

 

It took less than a second for Ed to scramble out of the machine, pain coursing through him with every movement. He curled in on himself on the edge of the cot, clutching at the iciness of his metal shoulder.

 

_What the hell caused this? My automail has only acted like this once before._

Back when he was staying at Briggs Fortress, it had been so cold that even his updated automail would sometimes give him shooting, horribly distracting pains. He’d been in constant fear of getting frostbite around his ports and was always careful to pack on layer after layer of clothing. The pain he felt now was exactly like back then.

 

But that would only make sense if his automail had been through hell and not been maintained for a long time. It should not be this painful.

 

_There must be a crossed wire or tangled nerve distributors somewhere,_ the blonde thought with a furrowed brow, fingers probing around his shoulder and port to see if there was anything protruding. Nothing became obvious, and it didn’t actually hurt to put pressure against the outside of his automail, but whenever he moved, the shooting agony returned full-force. Definitely something inside the automail, then. When was the last time he went to see Winry…? About a year ago maybe? It was probably just time for some adjustments.

 

_Maybe she has a new model ready,_ he smiled at the thought of the beautiful girl’s bright face whenever she succeeded in even the smallest of modifications to her designs. All of a sudden, he really wanted to see her. Stare at her expressive sky-blue and ocean-deep eyes and be totally assured that she was alright.

 

The sudden urge made him a bit uncomfortable and yearning for Mustang and Al once again. Barely hearing the doctor’s concerned question, he rose and hurried to the door, throwing it open.

 

Mustang was the first to reach for him with steadying hands, and then Al’s arm was wrapping around his shoulders. But something wasn’t right. He felt… itchy, in a completely metaphysical sense, jittery. Lost. All of a sudden he had no idea where he was and all form of thought fled from his mind, leaving him completely barren and alone.

 

Dark eyes were joined by watery gray ones above him, darting over his face.

 

‘What’s happening?’ Came a harsh, frantic bellow from the man with obsidian rings where his irises should have been.

 

Another, distant voice mumbled a reply, ‘It looks like a seizure. Just don’t touch him- wait for it to pass.’

 

‘Brother! Can you hear me? Ed!’

 

Reality began to fade away as a violent fear overcame him, leading him into the awaiting grip of unconsciousness.

 

‘General, please don’t touch him! Don’t-’

 

Warmth edged the cold dark lines that were constricting further upon the blonde, surrounding him and dampening the terror for just the shortest of moments. Something inside him reached for that touch, tangling intangible fingers in it, desperate to keep hold of that light of hope. But then everything faded away completely, the warmth retreating with it, and Ed was enclosed by a chilling gloom that was almost deeper than sleep.

 

‘You’ll be okay, Ed. Everything’s okay. Do you hear me, Fullmetal? You’re stronger than this. Fight it.’

 

_‘Fight it.’_

_…fight it…_


	16. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody, welcome back! I just wanted to give a brief background for this chapter. This is an Interlude to the story- a special chapter, celebratory almost.
> 
> So it's going to be a bit different in that Artabanus shall be featured as the main POV! I hope you enjoy. :)
> 
>  
> 
> ATTENTION: words and sayings taken from the Turkish language will be used in this chapter. These terms are as follows:
> 
> -Evren (universe, cosmos, creation, the infinite)
> 
> -Sevgili (dear, beloved, darling, loved, well-beloved, pet)
> 
> -melek (angel) / melegim (my angel)
> 
> -seni seviyorum (I love you)

* * *

 

 

_Masks. There were masked faces everywhere. Smiling, crying, sneering, laughing, evil, kind… they were different on every single person, but still they were masks. Like some kind of ghoulish play taken to the streets, to the markets, to, well… everywhere._

_The rain pattered down upon the gray world  and he stood alone, umbrella close to his head as he stared out over the masked crowd, face completely blank with his mind to match it, fixated on the figures of falsity that passed before his eyes like thoughtless sheep._

_A sick blackness roiled inside him, darker and angrier than the clouds that swelled in the gloomy sky, and despite his best efforts the thoughts forced themselves forward._

What is the point in all this… when will it end…?

 

I cannot do this anymore.

 

There are only ever orders and blood and death. And even then, I feel nothing.

 

_He still felt nothing. As if a great hand had reached inside of him and stolen whatever had made him human… before…_

This rotten country has ruined me. It infected me and now I’m no better than them…

 

_Glancing slightly to the right, he gazed at his reflection in the window of the store he’d been standing outside of for the past hour. A shadow hovered over his pale features, fitted to his face and barely allowing the vibrant blue of his eyes to shine through. There was nothing in those eyes, and the mask was growing more substantial with every passing moment._

No… I can’t become one of them… I can’t…

 

_But he was horrible at fooling himself. He always had been. And the mask was clear as it formed a mouth-less, emotionless visage over his cold expression, reminding him of years of mindless servitude to an abusive military. The things he’d done… the things that had been done to him… every life he had emotionlessly taken… He tore his gaze away from the window, heart falling deeper into the thorny pit where something light and golden was supposed to be. For perhaps the seventh time in the last hour, he contemplated ending his life instead of continuing to look for the odd waif that would be hunched in an alleyway. After picking up that last one- a pretty young girl who obviously was half-starved and a day away from dying- he just didn’t have the energy, physically or emotionally, to continue this. He could go back to his temporary safe house right now and gather up those children he would be transporting west, but he didn’t want to see their grateful, smiling faces or hear their ignorant gratitude. Just because a stranger gives them food and a place to sleep doesn’t mean they’re a friend, those youths would soon find out._

_Pondering over the boys he had found, and how high of a price they might sell for, while still having the urge to find his rifle and swallow a bullet, a shiver in the air had him snapping back into reality. The tiniest sliver of gold darted out of his vision and he jerked his head around so that he could follow it. Trailing, reaching, mist-like strings flitted through the air, brushing people as they passed and making strangers turn and smile at the young man the golden tendrils belonged to._

_Without thinking, Artabanus’ feet began to move, following the cursing figure through the rain. The redhead tilted his head curiously at the way the young man was using a briefcase, of all things, as an umbrella. The odd limp was also interesting, but at least it let Artabanus keep up with the young man easily. Soon enough he’d caught up with the drenched and muttering figure but kept his distance, remaining close to the storefronts and away from the middle of the street, which was occupied by the strange, golden being._

_Artabanus’ heart gulped when he finally got a good look at the young man and he almost tripped over himself. The golden strings that swept farther than any connections he’d ever seen before matched the striking eyes that were locked in the distance, framed by soaked bangs that hung like melted gold over his face and over one shoulder in a ponytail. The thing that made Artabanus falter the most was the complete and total lack of a mask over the young man’s features. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen anyone without one and… he was gorgeous._

_Something shimmered deep inside Artabanus, something strong and consuming and_ **hungry** _. He needed this man. He needed this blonde, glowing beauty that, even as he scowled and cursed at the downpour that soaked him through, radiated a light that was unlike any other._

_‘Melek,’ Artabanus whispered under his breath, chest throbbing._

_Still keeping pace with the blonde, he darted through the crowd, the desire to offer his umbrella to this amazing creature almost strong enough to make him walk over. But he held himself back._

Not yet… not yet… I need to see him more… it would be sinful to simply walk up to him without knowing a single thing about him. No… when I meet him, I will know him. I will see him, and he will see me.

 

_Heart thundering in his ribcage, he followed the blonde right up to the entrance of Central University before stopping and watching the man hurry through the gates and sprint towards the sciences building. And Artabanus waited, standing in the rain but barely feeling the continued maelstrom that was raging around him. His thoughts were just images and colors and light, all swirling around the golden being that was inside those walls just a few hundred feet away._

_Hours passed and he drifted further away from the gate when a few military officials approached, talking quietly amongst themselves._

_A few more minutes passed in which he switched his attention between the military men and the buildings past the gate they were waiting by, before finally ending with the deep, thundering toll of the bell tower of the college that drowned out the pattering of rain. Students began filing out of buildings, some darting to other buildings and some exiting through the gates. Some of the young men and women greeted the military officers cheerfully before going on their merry way into the afternoon._

_Artabanus didn’t even have to search the crowd for the person he was looking for. That golden essence was like a beacon, surrounding the blonde that was approaching the gate. Focusing intently on the boy, Artabanus eagerly memorized the grin that was lighting the man’s beautiful, angelic features as he spoke with several students that were keeping pace with him. When the man finally reached the gate, his grin brightened even further at the sight of the military men, and the golden strings immediately spread to surround the three blue uniforms, tenderly enveloping them in light._

_One of those uniforms in particular was being wrapped devotedly in that radiance, and Artabanus felt a hard, sudden surge of envy and jealousy that hit him like a battering ram. A scowl etched onto his lips as he stared at the black-haired man that was smiling back at the blonde with something like fond exasperation. Words and an umbrella were exchanged between the military snake and the gorgeous blonde. What were obviously friendly remarks passed between the four of them for a few minutes before the bell tolled again, making the blonde glare back over his shoulder._

_Goodbyes were traded and the military departed. The small smile that curved the blonde’s perfect lips was forever captured in Artabanus’ memory, no matter if that smile was directed at the back of the tall military snake._

_Suddenly, golden, feline-like eyes turned his way and Artabanus’ breath caught in his throat, his heart plummeting into the fluttering of his stomach. Time seemed to freeze as those eyes passed over him, meeting his for just the briefest of moments._

_In that moment, Artabanus knew. He knew, completely, utterly, irrevocably, that this man would be his._

_All thoughts of suicide were seared away by the light. All thoughts of any kind were pushed aside in favor of the blonde._

I want him. I need him.  Evren help me, he must be mine.

 

_The angel’s name was Edward Elric, he figured out later that night while browsing through the Central Public Library. There were already texts printed with the boy’s picture, both from the early age of twelve and the most recent, of him at eighteen years old._

Eighteen years old… so young… so fragile… so beautiful…

 

_From that night on the dreams came. Fantasies of what he could have, what he would have, when the time was right. Some of those fantasies were dark and twisted things that he had no remorse in enjoying immensely, but others were of the feeling of being surrounded by Edward’s pure light. It chased away the darkness, and for the first time in over a decade, Artabanus had a purpose. He wanted to live, if only to obtain what was rightfully his. After everything he had gone through, he realized, Edward was his prize. Evren had handed Edward to him practically on a silver platter; all Artabanus had to do was reach out and take him._

_His countrymen were not as understanding and demanded he continue his work, to which Artabanus briefly fought before acquiescing. It would do no good to lose a place in his countrymen’s secret headquarters under those ruins in the west. That would be the perfect place to keep Edward once he was finally able to retrieve the blonde for his own. And so Artabanus reluctantly carried on, physically and mentally pained when he left the city with half a dozen children._

_With every mile that separated him and Edward, he felt like his heart was dropping lower and lower back into that blackened, thorny pit where his soul should have been. His dreams and plans kept him company though, the thought of holding that golden being in his arms keeping him moving forward._

_During a particularly long stay at the compound, he scrimmaged up a kit of needles and inks from the surrounding markets and carefully began retracing the faded tattoos in his fingertips. Ideally, he would do this every other year but it had been a while since he seriously needed his alchemy’s assistance. For his upcoming plans, they would definitely be needed._

I’ll go to his class one day and just take him afterward. It will be so easy… so simple…

 

_And yet he struggled with taking the man. He attended a few of Edward’s classes over the course of several months, not overly surprised to find out that Edward was in fact the instructor. He had quickly learned that Edward was a genius- perhaps even more so than himself. It wasn’t so hard to imagine, because of the divine nature of Edward Elric._

_When Artabanus sat in on Edward’s classes, always wearing plain clothing and hats to shield his identity- just in case Edward was familiar with the old military secrets- he was distracted from his plan by the blonde’s voice, by his actions, by the smiles, the laughter, the shining brilliance that radiated through the room and washed over him in golden waves. It felt dirty and sinful to think about touching Edward when he was in such a wondrous mood, and so Artabanus continued putting it off._

_Events seemed to fall into place quickly, however, a year after Artabanus first found his precious jewel. The Drachmans kidnapped Edward. Artabanus watched it happen, since he had been lounging around outside of Edward’s apartment like usual when he wasn’t away on a job. Such a boiling, consuming rage had filled him at the sight of those men harming his Edward- his_ melek- _that he could wait no longer. It had been time, and Artabanus didn’t hesitate in notifying his comrades in the west that they would have a new family member very soon. Artabanus set out in the tank-like car he’d been using for two years, easily catching up to the Drachman scum._

_It was all too easy, and for the first time, Artabanus touched Edward._

_It was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, placing his hands on that soft, warm skin and feeling his world narrow down to just the two of them. The light that surrounded him was divine, the body he held in his arms more than marvelous._

This… _he thought as he bandaged the blonde’s wounds,_ this is my future. Edward… my Edward… melegim…

 

I will never let you go.

 

Reaching his hand forward, he traced the soft features of his lover’s face, settling his fingertips on Edward’s lips before leaning down and capturing that beautiful mouth in a gentle kiss.

 

‘Melegim,’ he whispered through the kiss, ‘Sevgili, wake up.’

 

With the lightest of twists to the golden, shimmering string he held between his fingertips and the blonde’s cheek, a tiny moan escaped the younger alchemist’s lips.

 

He pulled back the slightest bit, just in time to see those gorgeous golden eyes flutter open and fix on him with glazed recognition.

 

‘Artabanus,’ Edward murmured, his precious voice husky with sleep and sending heat roaring through Artabanus’ very being, ‘I’m so tired…’

 

The redhead settled his forehead against Edward’s, staring into those golden pools and feeling that tight, icy fire inside him numbing just the slightest bit as he sighed in relief, ‘I know, Sevgili. I know you are tired. I am too… I needed to see you, my dearest.’

 

Edward’s brow scrunched and Artabanus wanted to trace the movement with his lips but didn’t dare look away from the blonde’s wondrous gaze, ‘What’s wrong? Artabanus? What’s happened?’

 

‘You ran from me, my dearest Edward. Why would you do that? Do you not love me?’

 

He didn’t even realize that his anger and that intense betrayal had leaked into his voice until Edward’s eyes widened a fraction. A silence spread between them, and it was obvious to Artabanus that his Edward was on some kind of drug because of the glaze that never receded from his sharp, intelligent eyes. Darkness wound through the man’s chest once again and that calm, numb feeling began to rise again. A feeling he’d become quite familiar with every time Edward got hurt. With it followed the desire to tear someone apart, piece by piece, letting the red of their blasphemous body flow out into the world. Such filth didn’t deserve to be contained in a thinking being. Anybody that dared harm Edward was less than the lowest and filthiest of vermin and needed to be gutted.

 

_I cannot exactly gut my beloved’s physician quite yet though. And those other military snakes… but they will pay for their actions soon enough. Soon enough, Edward, I promise…_

‘I’m sorry,’ Edward suddenly choked, and Artabanus focused back in on the present, pleased by the tears that were gathering in the blonde’s eyes, ‘I tried to go after you, I did… but Al… my brother… he’s home. And my life… but… Artabanus, I…’

 

The regret finally spilled over inside the blonde and his speech was halted by a sudden, harsh sob. Artabanus straightened beside the hospital bed, gazing down and coolly observing the tears that began to make tracks down Edward’s face.

 

A bone-deep sense of satisfaction filled him, and he reached a hand up to let the golden strings wrap around his arm, connecting him to Edward with a tenderness that the blonde would never see.

 

_You do love me, Edward…_

 

A crooked smirk spread Artabanus’ lips and he rather forcefully dropped back down to capture Edward’s face in his hands. The kiss that followed was hard, quick, forceful, and only served to make Artabanus’ lust rise. He let his hands wander over his lover’s body none-too-gently, grinning at the weak protests that began spilling from the blonde when he slid onto the bed between Edward’s legs.

 

He crouched over his angel, gazing down at the fear and hurt and regret and confusion in golden eyes, to the sunlit strands of hair that splayed over the pillow, to Edward’s arms held almost defensively against his chest.

 

Artabanus reached forward, grasping Ed’s jaw and giving barely a thought to activate the transmutations at his fingertips, forcing the strings of gold around them both to waver and tangle themselves at his whim.

 

‘Kiss me,’ he ordered aloud, not moving an inch as Edward immediately dropped his arms and raised himself up to Artabanus’ waiting mouth.

 

That total control, that sense of possession of this beautiful body and soul, filled Artabanus with such energy and exhilaration that he was sure he’d never get tired of.

 

_You’re mine,_ he thought as he straddled the younger alchemist and gripped his jaw hard enough to cause bruising, _you’re mine and once I take you back, you’ll never leave again._

Instinct drove him to suddenly bite down on Edward’s lip, hard, causing the blonde to shout in surprise, breaking the kiss for just a moment before Artabanus shoved Edward back down into the mattress roughly, before beginning to renew the kiss, making it deep and painful enough that Edward’s protests began vibrating loudly through their connection.

 

Artabanus didn’t stop. He knew that despite what Edward was trying to say and how he was attempting to resist, the blonde wanted this. He wanted what Artabanus offered him. Edward wanted that connection that they both felt to one another.

 

Several minutes passed and Artabanus got as far as removing Edward’s shirt before the metallic sound of the door handle being turned and stopped by the lock echoed through the room. The redhead ignored this, mindless of the murmured confusion and then knocking at the door.

 

‘Ed, open up! It’s me, Roy, remember? Al and Winry are going to be here in a few minutes. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.’

 

‘ _Roy_ ,’ Artabanus hissed, withdrawing from Edward to give the shaking blonde a narrow look before scowling at the door, ‘Edward is busy at the moment, _Roy._ ’

 

There was a filled silence, and a dark pleasure blossomed in Artabanus when imagining the man outside’s reaction.

 

‘You know, _Roy_ ,’ he continued almost gleefully, barely noting how Edward was stiffening underneath him, ‘I find your security highly lacking. They let me right in- practically rolled out a welcome mat. Not that I mind… I am truly flattered that you realize you cannot keep my Edward away from me.’

 

‘Artabanus,’ Edward finally whispered, voice twisted and warped with conflicting emotions.

 

_Now that won’t do._

Artabanus returned his attention to his lover in a quick, firm, blood-drawing bite to the neck, making Edward grunt with pain. Apparently that tiny sound was enough to cause the snake outside to snap.

 

 

The door exploded with a burst of flame, shocking Artabanus for just a moment before he was rolling off the bed, dragging Edward with him as a mist of thin smoke filled the room along with the pungent scent of burnt wood.

 

Smirking, he held the blonde in front of him, wrapping his forearm around Edward’s neck and forcing his head up.

 

‘Roy Mustang, I presume,’ Artabanus greeted brightly as the man stepped through the smoking remains of the door.

 

_Impressive alchemy,_ the redhead grudgingly thought to himself, mind spinning through multiple plans of escape. He knew he would have to relinquish Edward since the blonde was not back to full health just yet. It was best to let the boy stay with the physicians that could help him heal. Artabanus was not blinded by his affections enough not to realize that.

 

Even though he despised the thought of having to leave Edward again. That last week had been horrific and torturous.

 

The snake, Mustang, had been saying something and Artabanus forced his mind back into the present, analyzing the man’s mask with distaste. It was an ugly one, for sure. Tortured-looking and yet still smirking, the mask betrayed a soul riddled with scars and false confidence.

 

 

‘Excuse me?’ snarled the deep, graveling voice of the snake.

 

_Whoops. Must have said that last part out loud._

Smirk widening, Artabanus took a few steps forward, closing the distance between them, ‘You are a pathetic creature, Mustang,’ he said cheerfully, ‘such a pretender. Perhaps the biggest liar I have ever seen. And look at those ragged strings… tch. You barely have enough of a soul for me to work with,’ Mustang’s expression was slowly shifting from outraged and murderous to confusion, all the while Artabanus came closer, ignoring the raised gloved hand that was threateningly stitched with blood-red arrays, ‘but I will see what I can do.’

 

Without hesitation, Artabanus threw Edward aside and leapt forward in one motion, barely dodging the fire that exploded just an inch from his face, close enough that the scent of his burning hair filled the room. But a few lost inches of hair was worth the expression of total shock that fell over the man’s hideous mask when Artabanus’ fingers grasped his throat.

 

Mustang was maybe an inch or two shorter than him. Much too close to his own height, Artabanus scoffed to himself. With barely a thought, Mustang’s body stiffened and the man was forced to his knees, sending an excited thrill through Artabanus’ veins, lighting his senses on fire. He looked down upon the general and let his distaste be known in the sneer of his lips.

 

Fury filled the redhead when the man’s dark eyes began to clear of shock and began to take a calculating edge to them.

 

_No, no, no. Where’s the fear? What a foolish snake, to not fear the eagle._

‘Ah, ah, ah, General. Now, now, don’t go thinking anything stupid. Ah, I know just how to fix this!’

 

Artabanus concentrated on the man, pushing energy into the alchemy and mentally reaching out to the sad excuse for strings that surrounded the man in tiny gray lines like spider webs, grasping two of them and twisting them together. The reaction was almost immediate- the snake’s eyes widened and his body gave an instinctual spasm. Artabanus hummed as he continued pressing, forcing the man to hold his breath against his body’s wishes, distantly aware that Edward had climbed to his feet by this point and was standing frozen a couple feet away.

 

‘Watch, my dearest Edward,’ he murmured, never taking his eyes away from Mustang, ‘watch how such a supposedly legendary man kills himself from the most ridiculous of reasons- not taking a breath.’

 

The body under his hand began to twitch harder against the reigns of his control as a minute passed… then two…

 

Pure instinct was such a difficult thing to control, but Artabanus had enough practice that it took merely a fraction of concentration. Proud and thrilled at the thought of this powerful General’s death by suffocation, Artabanus nearly missed Edward’s quiet plea at his side.

 

‘Please don’t kill him…’

 

Exasperated, Artabanus finally turned his eyes away from Mustang, who had by now finally fallen unconscious, ‘And why should I not, Edward?’

 

‘Because… he’s my friend…’

 

Anger struck through him like a whip and he barely registered letting go of Mustang and wrapping his hand around Edward’s throat instead.

 

‘You are mine,’ he hissed quietly, shaking the blonde in his grasp slightly. He kept hold of Edward, merely making the blonde be still as he analyzed the fear and exhaustion in those golden orbs. How could Edward not realize this yet? That he was Artabanus’ and nothing else mattered. All these people… these fools and snakes… they were all fake. How could Edward not see that?

 

After a full minute of silence he finally let go, not bothering to catch Edward when he fell to his knees. The redhead’s emotions were still swinging like a pendulum from fury to adoration and fondness. It caused his mind to switch between thoughts at a lightning-quick pace, from black to white to black again. There was no gray in his mind- just the black and the white.

 

The black and the white of the masks, the black and white of the world.

 

Not another word was said as Artabanus let his eyes scan over the room, stopping on Mustang’s unconscious body for barely a second before moving away from it. The man wasn’t worth his time anyway. Edward could have his little friend for now, before Artabanus came back to retrieve him.

 

Deciding he had outstayed his welcome, Artabanus crouched down to grasp Edward’s chin once more, planting a strong, possessive kiss on the younger man’s lips before rising back to his feet quickly.

 

‘I will come to retrieve you soon, my dearest Edward. Say your goodbyes now before I come back. We will be leaving the country once you are better.’

 

He noticed the paling of Edward’s face and gave a warm smile to try and ease the boy’s distress, not really feeling much of anything at the moment, ‘Do not worry, Edward. I will be back before you know it. I must go now.’

 

Walking to the door was difficult. Looking back and seeing Edward staring bleakly after him was even harder. He wanted nothing more than to grab what was rightfully his and leave the country immediately, but he knew that he couldn’t. Edward deserved to be fixed. He needed to be fixed, or else Artabanus wouldn’t know what to do.

 

What would he do with a broken angel?

 

‘Goodbye, Sevgili. Seni seviyorum.’

 

With that he turned and retreated quickly, not trusting himself to look back again. On his way out of the hospital, he had to incapacitate three men in military uniform, which wasn’t that difficult seeing as how he simply had to touch them to shut off their conscious minds and send them into sleep. Everything was so easy now that he was using his alchemy again. Better yet that he’d had a chance to practice on Edward for the past year.

 

He walked out of the hospital, chorus of shouts, orders, and chaos following him but growing distant with every heavy step he took away from the building. It had been all-too-easy to gain entrance to the hospital because of the military uniform he had donned, but apparently the snake exploding the door on Edward’s room had caused a bit of a ruckus and made everybody realize there was an intruder in their midst. Unconscious General or no, Artabanus knew he would have military dogs hot on his heels.

 

Still, his pace was slow and easy and a calm, charming smile was fixed on his face as he nodded at passers-by.

 

The chaos in his own mind allowed him to drift free of all thoughts, only surrounding images of his Edward. His beautiful, precious, angelic Edward. They would be happy together, maybe in Aerugo. Or maybe they would move back to Artabanus’ homeland of Ukreyt. The best thing was that it didn’t really matter where they ended up, as long as they were together.

 

About two blocks from the hospital he was lost in thoughts of the future and almost missed the couple that was approaching him. They were talking animatedly to one another and Artabanus immediately recognized them from how his Edward described them.

 

A bright smile lit his face as he took in the two people most important to his lover.

 

‘Alphonse Elric and Winry Rockbell! It’s wonderful to meet you!’

 

The teenagers looked up at him, startled from their lively conversation that had something to do with mechanics. The look in those wide, burnt honey eyes had Artabanus falling in love in a slightly different way than he had with Edward, and the suspicious glint in the girl’s ocean-blue irises was a joy to behold. The dark gold and vibrant green tendrils that made up the couple’s energy were focused entirely on one another, enveloping each other in a way that made it clear to Artabanus how close they were. It was beautiful and reminded him of his and Edward’s chemistry.

 

‘Hello,’ the boy’s smooth, timid voice spoke up finally, ‘I’m sorry, do we know you, sir?’

 

‘Ah- no!’ Artabanus grinned, closing the distance between them and bowing slightly, not removing his hands from his pockets. He didn’t want to use his alchemy on his dearest Edward’s brother and childhood friend just yet, ‘I’m a friend of Edward’s. He often talked about you. I just came to check up on him- it’s great to see that he’s getting better!’

 

Both of their expressions remained suspicious and Artabanus felt a surge of affection for both of these handsome teenagers. Obviously Edward’s closest friends and family would be exceedingly intelligent as well. It was a delightful change of pace. Their masks weren’t so awful to look at, either. The Rockbell girl’s was rather neutral, showing both a slight sadness but a positive strength in the lines of the eyes and mouth. Alphonse’s mask showed a lot of previous hurt… but also was nearly overwhelmed with the kindness radiating from the ethereal material.

 

_A kindness that Edward shares, but in a different sort of way. Alphonse is pure, unadulterated empathy. While my Edward has a vengeful sort of kindness. It’s obvious who the more passionate one is. Ah, I just cannot wait to have my Edward back with me again… I miss him in my bed…_

 

‘Yeah, he’s getting better. It’s great. We’re on our way to see him now, actually, so if you would excuse us,’ Winry grabbed Alphonse’s arm and hurried past him, glaring back at him with distrust.

 

_Oh yes. I like her a lot._

And even with the mistrust that was obvious in his eyes, Alphonse had kindness enough to flounder against the sprightly girl’s hold and call back over his shoulder, ‘It was nice to meet you, um…!’

 

‘Artabanus,’ he called with a smile, waving as they receded into the distance, not missing the thoughtful look that came over Alphonse’s face. The boy had definitely heard his name before.

 

_How delightful. This was a wonderful day._

Whistling now, Artabanus maintained his steady pace as he made his way to one of the many safe houses the Ukreytans had set aside in the dingiest and most poverty-rampant parts of the city.

 

_I just need to bide my time and keep checking in on Edward’s status and we will be out of this gods-forsaken country in no time._

_And finally Edward and I can be together, alone, safe, and happy. For the rest of our lives._


	17. Chapter 17

_“Your name is Edward Elric, with the title of Major and known as the Fullmetal Alchemist of the Amestrian military. You are twenty years old and it is currently September 25 th, in the year 1919. You are currently located in West City Hospital and are being treated for memory loss and flashbacks. At approximately 0900 hours you will be woken by the staff, and at noon you will hold counsel with General Roy Mustang. In the afternoon you will see Doctor Isaac Nelson. If you are at any time feeling threatened or concerned about something, your brother Alphonse Elric will be present.”_

Ed lowered the paper into his lap with shaking hands, staring blankly down at the scrawling black script he would recognize anywhere as Mustang’s unique penmanship. It took him back to his teenage years, when he used to stare down at the papers covering the man’s desk to avoid the exasperated or amused gaze. At the time he didn’t realize that all that writing had been from Mustang’s very own hand, and when he finally figured it out he’d gained a bit more respect for his commanding officer. Most people liked to think of Mustang as a lazy, chauvinistic megalomaniac, but over the many years that Ed served under the man, it became obvious that the exact opposite was true.

 

Now the blonde could only stare down at the handwriting, his fingertips brushing over the words as his throat tightened and tears burned his vision. How long had it been since he’d seen those scratched, score-like letters?

 

_Over a year… gods help me._

Heart wrenching painfully in his chest, Ed placed the page back on the nightstand where it had been lying when he’d awoken and scanned the room with his eyes. A hospital room that was vaguely familiar. The window to the outside world revealed a steely dawn creeping over the cityscape, coldly brushing past the sharp edges that made up the boundaries of the houses. It was far different from the barren, grayish landscape that he’d gotten a mere glimpse of every now and again at the bunker. It was so much better- more alive and real, somehow.

 

_Is Artabanus out there, right now, waiting for the right moment to get me back?_

Something oddly mixed swelled in his gut at the thought, tearing him between disgust and anticipation. The latter of which made him even more frustrated with himself.

 

_What the fuck am I thinking? I hate that fucker for what he did to me… for taking me away from Al and my students… and Mustang. I should kill him the next time I see him, for all he’s done to me and those children._

_The Amestrian slaves…_

Ed’s face quickly drained of color and he was frozen, staring out the window. It had already a week since he’d escaped Artabanus in that market, apparently. If he were to go by the letter on the nightstand. That was more than enough time for the Ukreytans to change locations. Had he told anyone about those children? Had they already been rescued? He couldn’t remember, damn it!

 

The cavities filling his memory were large, and rotting even further by the second, he was sure. But today, at least, he remembered everything. Those nine or so months were still a giant blank in his mind, but everything else was there. Ed was smart enough to realize that he couldn’t say with absolute certainty the previous days had been the same.

 

_This is what I was afraid of… damn it…_

And suddenly he remembered the previous day. Yesterday. Artabanus had been there. He’s somehow gotten into the hospital and to Ed’s room, Ed was sure of it. There was no way that was a dream or a hallucination- the total panic and how he was torn in those agonizing minutes was all too real.

 

_He almost killed Mustang._

A tight, hard ball of iron formed in Ed’s throat as the realization sank in. But obviously Mustang was alright if he’d written the note that lay on the nightstand.

With tears of fear and anger burning his sinuses, he untangled himself from the thin hospital sheets and bound to the door, grasping the handle and turning it only to find it locked. Scowling, he raised a fist and banged on the glossy wood, ‘Hey! Let me out of here! I need to talk to Mustang! Hello?’

 

Several seconds passed and Ed took a step back, fully prepared to transmute the door into splinters if he had to. But then a click sounded and the door was swung open.

 

Al stood there, concern in his eyes when Ed immediately reached out and grabbed his hands, ‘Al! Thank goodness you’re alright… I need to ask you something!’

 

‘Brother, let’s get you back to your bed at least, don’t stress yourself out,’ his brother replied in concern, attempting to drag Ed back into the room.

 

But Ed held his ground, anchoring Al in place with the strength of his automail, ‘Al, listen to me. This is important. Did Mustang find James? Did they find the compound in Helltem?’

 

The younger Elric froze and Ed felt his heart sink even lower at the obvious confusion and curiosity in his brother’s eyes.

 

So he hadn’t told anyone.

 

_Fuck! It’s been a fucking week already! The Ukreytans are probably long-gone by now. I can’t let them get away._

‘I need to see Mustang,’ Ed said, abruptly letting go of Al and stepping through the door, barely hearing Al’s protests and questions following him.

 

‘Ed, you’re not well enough yet! Stay in bed and I’ll go get the General, okay?’

 

‘Where is he?’

 

‘Right now he’s probably asleep… he’s staying at the Western Command Center, though… Winry’s there, too.’

 

‘Let’s go then, Al,’ Ed threw back over his shoulder, not slowing his pace until Al finally caught up with him and grabbed his shoulder.

 

Finally Ed let himself be stopped and gave an exasperated look at the taller blonde. Al simply gave a defeated smile before raising an eyebrow, ‘Don’t you want to at least change out of your hospital clothes?’

 

Ten minutes later Ed was stepping out of one of the hospital’s bathrooms, tugging at the sleeves of an Amestrian uniform jacket with irritation, fighting to roll down the stiff material so that it covered his wrists. The ugly marks there were blatant against his tan skin- silvery white scars that were like thick barbed circlets around his wrists. There wasn’t much he could do about the same mark- although thinner and a bit less noticeable- around his neck, but still he had the urge to cover it all. All these marks… they were of shame. Weakness.

 

_Humiliation,_ Ed reflected darkly, mind spinning back through the few things he’d remembered that occurred in that time lapse. Not to mention the gut-wrenching embarrassment of the bite mark on the side of his throat from Artabanus’ most recent attack. That shame, that humiliation, it felt like a dark, sickening fog in his heart every time he saw those scars.

 

_Why hadn’t I been strong enough? Fuck I’m so weak… can I even face Mustang after everything that happened?_

 

Standing outside the bathroom door and staring blankly through Alphonse, who was rambling excitedly about something to do with Winry, Ed suddenly felt something inside him crash. When he’d woken and until just then, he’d almost felt… normal. Like himself again. But now, now something had completely turned in him, and although he was aware of the change he was helpless to prevent it.

 

‘I… Al, maybe you should go talk to him,’ his voice was quiet, tentative, and immediately caught Al’s attention.

 

‘…Ed? Are you alright?’

 

_No._

 

Images began circling through his mind’s eye, causing him to shrink further and further into himself even as his body remained frozen in place.

 

_Blood covering his automail arm while shock reigned his very being into stillness as he looked down at James’ mutilated body. The silent, broken expression on dozens of children’s faces as he was forced to walk stiffly by them without a word- unable to even try and comfort them or assure them that everything would be alright. His body being torn and half and a smooth voice murmuring in his ear as the bed creaked and groaned while his throat hummed with screams and curses that could not escape. White-hot fury, agony like lightning, fear like the entrapping darkness of a coffin, shock like an all-encompassing aura that surrounded him like its own world- wrapping him like a security blanket and blocking out the overbearing emotions._

_The glass was cracking._

_Nothing would be alright._

_What was the point?_

Ed didn’t realize he’d slid to the ground, back against the wall and hands gripping his knees as his eyes stared wide and blankly forward until Al’s hands on his shoulders and concerned face close to his slowly brought him back.

 

His brother’s lips were moving but Ed couldn’t hear his voice. For some reason that was comforting. With a faint feeling of irony, Ed remembered all those years that he could only hear Al’s voice and could never see his body. Now it was opposite, and for some reason that amused him in a morbid sort of way.

 

‘It’s not real… it’s not real…’ Ed mumbled softly to himself mindlessly, not even paying attention to his own words as his mind spun through the last year of memories.

 

_Maybe this all really is just a dream. Or a test. Maybe Artabanus adapted his alchemy to create a false world and is making me live in it. That is definitely something he would do. He cares about me and if he thought I was unhappy, maybe he put me in this place so that I could think I was with Al._

But even as he thought it, another side of him reared up in denial.

 

_No. If that was the case, Artabanus wouldn’t put me in a hospital. He knows how I hate hospitals. And he wouldn’t put himself in this constructed world, either._

‘…Ed? Ed! _Brother_.’

 

Al’s face hovered in front of his and the older Elric finally swallowed tightly, raising his flesh hand to one of Al’s, ‘I’m alright… I’m okay… I need to see Mustang… the Ukreytans… we need to get James…’

 

Cautiously, Al helped Ed to his feet and kept hold of his older brother’s arm while he directed their steps toward the reception area. A small group of men in military uniforms that matched Ed’s were waiting. Al gave them a smile while Ed continued to stare off into space.

 

‘We need a ride to Western Command. Do any of you have a car here?’

 

The Sergeant that Al recognized as being the one to retrieve Ed in Albupow nodded silently, eyes analyzing the glazed quality of Ed’s expression. Three of the soldiers led the Elric brothers from the hospital, leaving two other soldiers behind to guard the hospital. After the last infiltration by Artabanus, nobody was taking any further chances.

 

Al had to help Ed into the backseat of the military vehicle, concern clouding his thoughts when Ed’s blank golden eyes passed over him without recognition. It was like Ed was trapped in some kind of waking coma. A moment of indecision hit the younger alchemist as he hovered between the car and the steps leading up to the hospital.

 

_What if this is some kind of seizure, like the doctor warned us about…? Ed really shouldn’t leave the hospital…_

Al bit his lip, but finally shook his head at himself and slid in beside his brother. Whatever Ed needed to talk to Mustang about was obviously important, and Al’s curiosity was peaked. At least Ed seemed to remember everything today. Despite Al’s concern for his brother, he knew that any information he had about his abduction would need to be taken directly to the General, and as soon as possible.

 

Ed murmured something quietly under his breath, making Al instinctually reach over his body so that he could clutch that flesh left hand in his own.

 

_It’s not right,_ Al thought, eyes beginning to burn as he clenched his fingers around his brother’s hand, _none of this is right. Ed shouldn’t be able to be hurt like this. He’s too strong and with the stubbornness of a mule to match. My brother. This isn’t right, Ed._

‘I’m so sorry,’ Al whispered, his voice almost drowned out by the roar of the engine starting up, ‘Brother, this is my fault. I should have been here.’

 

‘Al… how was Xing and Aerugo? You kept your research notes, right?’

 

The echo-like, distant quality of Ed’s voice was the final straw. That vice-like pressure in Al’s chest constricted tight enough to make a sob slip out past his tenuous control, and just like that he couldn’t hold back anymore. The tears spilled down his cheeks and he covered his face with the hand that wasn’t gripping Ed’s tightly.

 

‘I’ll be alright, Al,’ Ed’s voice sounded stronger this time and the older Elric’s squeezed Al’s in an attempt at comfort, ‘I promise.’

 

‘No, Ed, there’s something wrong! And I don’t know how to help you!’ Al had to practically shout to get the words past his sobs, and felt a moment of shame at falling apart in front of the Lieutenant that was driving the car.

 

Ed fell silent and Al let his hand drop away from his face so that he could look at his brother. Swallowing back a new flood of tears, Al gave a wavering smile in return to Ed’s shallow grin. Al knew his brother way too well to be fooled by that false confidence in his expression.

 

‘Stop worrying about me, okay? It’s my job to worry about you, not the other way around.’

 

Al gave a trembling laugh at the words, comforted despite knowing that Ed’s words were weak and forced. He just sounded so much like himself right then. And even if the tone wasn’t right, it was progress nonetheless.

 

The rest of the ride to Western Command was in silence, with the brothers hanging onto one another as if they would never see each other again if they let go. The Lieutenant gained access to the military dormitories and led them through the silent halls. Dawn had come but apparently it was still too early for most of the officers to rise, other than the drill sergeants whose voices echoed from the parade grounds of the base. After a minute of making their way into the heart of the dormitories, the Lieutenant stopped outside one door and gave a quick, efficient series of knocks to the wood before stepping back to a respectful distance.

 

Al, still having Ed’s left hand trapped in his right, moved beside the Lieutenant and couldn’t help the small smile when they heard grouchy murmuring from inside the room. It hadn’t taken very many nights spent at the General’s house for Al to realize that he was most definitely not a morning person. The temporary stay in one of these cramped military dorms probably didn’t help Mustang’s situation much.

 

While they waited for the man to wake up enough to get on his feet, Al’s eyes strayed to the right. Roy had made sure that Winry and Al’s rooms were directly beside his in case they needed him for anything when they weren’t all at the hospital, so he knew that the room to the right was Winry’s since his own was on the left. He had the urge to go and knock on her door as well and let her know what was going on, but he didn’t want to interrupt her resting.

 

Both of them had had a lot of trouble sleeping over the past week.

 

His decision was made when her door swung open and the pretty- even with her hair ruffled and clothed in ridiculously baggy pajamas- mechanic peered out at them with tired, puffy eyes.

 

‘Al?’ She murmured, her blue eyes straying to Ed. At first there wasn’t any sign of comprehension in her gaze, until a few moments later when her eyes widened and mouth fell open slightly, ‘ED!’

 

In two large steps the girl reached them and threw her arms around Ed, apparently jolting the older Elric from whatever world his mind had drifted off to again.

 

He gave a startled yelp and the three of them struggled to keep their footing when Ed stumbled from the force of the embrace.

 

Warmth flowed through Al at the expression of shock on Ed’s face as he looked down at the sun-bleached wheat hair of the girl that was practically strangling his chest.

 

‘Winry?’

 

Finally a smile began to grow on Ed’s face and he let go of Al’s hand to wrap both arms around their friend.

 

‘It’s so good to see you out of bed I’m so happy you’re alright and how dare you leave us like that and I know your automail’s screwed up so we’re going to have to get that fixed soon but we didn’t want to do anything until you were comfortable enough and how are you feeling Ed?’

 

Both of the Elric’s blinked at the long string of words that were garbled into Ed’s chest at a rapid-fire pace and there were a few moments of silence before the words finally sank in completely.

 

They both laughed lightly as Ed replied, ‘I’m alright, Winry. I definitely need a tune-up though. Maybe later today since I’m sure you brought all your tools here with you.’

 

Another swell of happiness and relief rose in Al when he noted the clearness of Ed’s eyes. Those attention lapses were beginning to really scare the younger Elric and he couldn’t help wondering where Ed went in his head when they happened. The expressions he had on his face were sometimes downright haunting.

 

_What did they do to you all that time, Brother?_

Swallowing down the grim thoughts, Al refocused just in time for Mustang’s door to finally swing open, revealing the rumpled General that was already pulling his uniform jacket over his shoulders- the rest of his ensemble already in place.

 

‘What hell am I waking up to this time… Ed,’ Mustang’s graveling voice turned blank at the end when the General caught sight of the blonde in question.

 

The emotions that played out on the General’s face were obvious to Al and he smiled with both understanding and sorrow. Sometimes Al wondered if Ed would ever realize how much Roy cared about him. There was a pungent silence as Ed and Roy regarded each other, Ed’s expression clearer than ever and his golden eyes lit with something achingly familiar and intense.

 

Winry silently retreated to Al’s side, giving him a confused look. Shaking his head with a small smile, Al wordlessly informed her that he would tell her later. Winry hadn’t seen many of Ed and Roy’s interactions, so this quiet, intense moment would no doubt puzzle her. The Lieutenant was ever expressionless.

 

What surprised them all, however, was when Roy stepped forward and pulled Ed into his arms.

 

‘Damn brat, I was worried about you,’ the General admonished fondly before moving back to analyze Ed at arm’s length. Those dark, coal-like eyes ran over the blonde’s body from head to toe and Al didn’t miss the slightest shift that Ed gave at the attention.

 

Apparently Ed wasn’t back to himself enough to respond with one of his typical witty comebacks, and so another hush began to stretch out before the older Elric shook himself suddenly and grabbed Mustang’s arms, making the General startle.

 

‘The compound. I was kept at an underground compound in Helltem- the ruins south of here. You know where that is?’

 

Roy nodded wordlessly, expression already darkening.

 

‘There’s this whole group of Ukreytans that live down there. They use it for human trafficking. We have to get there as soon as possible, Mustang. There are dozens of kids that they’re planning on selling.’

 

A chill passed through Al at the revelation and he inhaled sharply. Of course he’d heard about things like people selling drugs and people on these mysterious black markets, but for Ed to have seen it first hand…

 

Roy’s eyes locked onto the Lieutenant behind them all for a moment, ‘Go wake General Tulson immediately. Inform him what is going on. We need a team of thirty men at least. Grab Lieutenant Havoc on your way back.’

 

With a sharp salute the Lieutenant departed, sprinting down the halls after understanding the urgency in the General’s tone.

 

Roy then turned his attention back to Ed, ‘I want you to go back to the hospital and rest. We’ll take it from here.’

 

In a comforting show of his old self, Ed immediately began to heatedly argue, his golden eyes flashing brilliantly, ‘Absolutely not, Mustang. I’m coming with you. I know exactly where each entrance into the compound is- it would take you guys hours to find one. They’re not exactly in plain sight.’

 

‘You are not putting yourself in danger,’ dark eyes narrowed at Ed before shifting to Al, making the youngest alchemist in the group straighten just the slightest bit, ‘Alphonse, take him back to the hospital and don’t let him leave. Understand?’

 

His words were followed by a quick scoff from Winry, who smiled innocently when Mustang’s look turned on her. Al knew all the Resembool natives were thinking the same thing.

 

_Oh, General. After all this time I thought you knew us better than that._

With a small smile Al shrugged, ‘If Ed wants to go with you I can’t stop him. With all due respect, sir.’

 

Maybe a few years ago Al would have tried to stop Ed from going anywhere, especially with the current circumstances, but this was just too important. Ed would doubtlessly find some way out of that hospital, with Al watching over him or not.

 

Or, and the more likely occurrence, would be that Ed would eventually convince Al to go to Helltem together.

 

‘I’ll go with both of you,’ Al asserted strongly, giving Ed a stern look as soon as the older brother’s mouth opened to protest, ‘and I’ll make sure Ed is alright, General.’

 

With a sharp look at the brothers, Mustang shook his head with something like fond irritation, ‘Well I guess I can’t very well tie both of you down. Just stick close to me and don’t get separated, no matter what. Understand?’

 

They both nodded obediently.

 

A beat passed and Ed’s shoulders slumped all of a sudden, his voice coming out with such a quiet brokenness that it made the small group all fall into its grimness, ‘The compound’s probably empty by now anyway…’

 

Al watched as Roy reached into his trouser pocket and retrieved a pair of red-branded white gloves. The General dragged one onto his hand and a fierce light sparked in his dark eyes, ‘Then we’ll track the bastards. They won’t get away with this.’

 

The dark, powerful authority of his words had Al’s own heart igniting with confidence and a course of gratefulness towards the General choked him up. The hope that was beginning to glimmer in Ed’s eyes made Al want to hug the man.

 

_I knew you wouldn’t give up on us._

The group looked to one another with renewed purpose, even Winry smiling hopefully at the three men and all of their eyes glinting with the promise of retribution.

 

Al gave a glance over his shoulder at the sound of thundering, booted steps, greeted with the sight of the Lieutenant, Havoc, and General Tulson all hastening toward them.

 

Ed’s voice echoed all of their thoughts, ‘Let’s get moving, then.’

 

As much as all of them wanted to head out immediately, over an hour was spent bustling around Western Command; gathering enough men, preparing equipment and getting enough vehicles ready for the two hour drive to Helltem, alerting Central Headquarters. Voices of protest, encouragement, and caution came from all directions, all mixing into some kind of jumble of concerned enthusiasm.

 

By the time Roy was grasping Ed’s elbow and helping him into the back of one of the dozen armored cars lined up in front of the base, much to the blonde’s weak protest, the General was thoroughly exhausted with talking to people. A feeling was bristling along his every nerve like fire ants on top of that irritation, spreading anticipation and unease through him. So many things were vying for his attention that his mind was in a constant state of overwhelming vigilance, fraying his nerves faster than actual combat would.

 

_‘Sir, the Fuhrer is requesting you contact him as soon as possible,’ Hawkeye’s voice intoned over the static of the weak connection._

_‘General Mustang, I really must protest in Edward leaving the hospital! He’s still both mentally and physically in danger! You need to bring him back IMMEDIATELY,’ the doctor’s handwritten message was obviously frantic._

_‘I heard that you found Ed. Is that true?’ Came the many voices of several people Mustang had gotten calls from over the past few days- Gracia, Prince Ling Yao, students of Ed’s classes… his colleagues… they came in every day in such a great number that he’d had to forward them to be dealt with at Hawkeye’s discretion._

_‘I got your message. I’m on the next train out. I should reach Central by the end of the week,’ Doctor Marcoh could barely be heard over the wailing of patients and their families in the background. Even after the heavy rebuilding efforts in Ishval, there was still rampant illness running through its population._

_‘No leads on that Artabanus character thus far,’ General Tulson grimaced._

_‘Ukreyt? It definitely sounds familiar! A country? Okay, I’ll look into it, sir…’the sound of rustling papers already began to sound before Sheska disconnected the line._

Roy sighed, idly rubbing at the side of his head and massaging his ear where he was sure there would be a red imprint from the phone. So many resources taken advantage of, so many things to keep track of… His head pulsed as a reminder of the consistent migraine he’d been suffering since yesterday. A vision of that redhead in the Amestrian uniform flashed before his eyes for the hundredth time and his fists clenched painfully, a swell of red and black rising in him. Such a hot fury came to him every time he relived those few minutes that he surprised himself. The feel of the man’s icy fingers digging into his throat was still lingering on his skin, chasing chills down his spine and blinding anger that rose. The embarrassment and humiliation of waking up in a hospital bed and a teary-eyed Alphonse and Winry gazing down at him was worse than the actually biting, searing pain that had exploded in his lungs and rendered him unconscious from lack of oxygen.

 

Just the thought of that man holding Ed captive for over a year…

 

Roy swallowed thickly and glanced to his left, where Ed was sitting. The blonde was a lot paler from when Roy had last seen him, but had actually put on some weight. Instead of being rail-thin like he was before, there was actually a softness in his jaw line for the first time since he’d stripped off his baby fat. Mustang wasn’t sure whether to take that as a good or a bad sign. It wasn’t the obvious signs of captivity in the pale skin, weight gain, or dark shadow scars above his cheekbones that bothered or worried Roy the most. It was the blank, inattentive look in those usually sharp golden eyes.

 

It was happening a lot less frequently from when they’d first found him a week ago, but still Roy felt something dark and furious rise in him every time those intelligent golden pools dimmed and that brilliant mind obviously receded somewhere dark and haunting.

 

Roy wanted to make that man pay.

 

He didn’t know how to fix Ed- knew that he couldn’t- but the frustration built higher and higher, until he was brimming with a jittering, murderous urge to inflict vengeance on those who had taken Ed from them all.

 

But even with that crimson tint to his thoughts and soul, he finally felt… alive… again.

 

Just being able to see Ed was like a punch to his chest and he found himself catching his breath every time he saw the younger alchemist. That weak, awkward smile that was just a shadow of its former glory was like something otherworldly to Mustang- like a man seeing sunlight for the first time in a decade. The flash in Ed’s eyes and the timbre of his voice… it was like Roy had been missing an imperative part of himself for the past year and finally found it.

 

He actually felt like he had a soul again.

 

Startling when a hand waved in front of his face, Roy shook himself back into reality, realizing that he’d been staring vacantly at Edward for gods knew how long. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, staring out his own window and ignoring the soft chuckles that came from the Elrics.

 

Alphonse, sitting on Ed’s other side was smiling idly at the both of them. Not that Roy could blame him for his joy. Even if they were about to go to a place that would surely be like torture for Ed- reliving everything that had happened there- they were all together again. And Roy would be damned if he’d let anything change that.

 

_Remember;_ he consciously noted to himself, _even if I see one of the scumbags that were holding Ed hostage, I need to stay with the boys at all times._

He wouldn’t put it past that pathetic excuse for a human being Artabanus to snatch both of the brothers if he had to. Just what his relationship and feelings for Edward were was still questionable at the moment, but the look of utter obsession in those blue eyes had been obvious to Roy. But the bite on Edward’s neck that he caused…

 

The General glanced over at Ed once again, looking at the giant, ugly bruise that wasn’t quite hidden by the collar of the blue uniform, and felt that wrath rise up again.

 

_That is more than obsession. It’s like he was trying to_ mark _Ed. Twisted fuck. Just what did he do to Ed…? It was an entire year…_

Suddenly golden eyes swung to meet his, surprise sharpening Ed’s expression at being stared at once again. Roy had the abrupt urge to ask Ed exactly what had been done to him- every single thing that had happened, that he could remember, during his captivity. But even as he opened his mouth, his throat closed in acute objection.

 

_That isn’t going to help the situation right now. The only thing that will do is make matters worse. Ed could outright deny and refuse to talk about it, or if he did, what the fuck am I going to do? I have no idea how to help him, and this kind of issue should wait until AFTER we raid where he was held captive._

_It’s best to just wait…_

His jaw began grinding as soon as he closed his mouth and turned his face away, glaring out at the passing scenery darkly.

 

_One more hour… one and a half maybe…?_

Gritting his teeth and folding his arms stiffly, Roy tried to focus on the events lying ahead before he was trapped in the worries and stress of the past.

 

Something told him that, without a doubt, Ed was going through the same struggle.

 

‘Roy… I’ll be okay,’ Ed’s soft, sincere voice was like a dagger to his heart.

 

_No, you’re not. And I can’t do a fucking thing about it. The one thing I_ can _do is to kill the bastard that hurt you._

_Forgive me, Ed. I’m so useless…_

Roy’s face hardened and he kept his eyes locked on the horizon, forcing him not to look at the blonde even when Ed gave an exhausted, upset sigh.

 

_No. If I look at him I’m just going to start thinking about the past again. I need to focus._

An hour passed and no matter what Roy did, his mind kept looping back right to Edward and the mystery of what had happened to him, and what was still wrong with him. So far he’d had two seizures and his memory just… came and went. The doctor’s best guess was the stress had broken him. Or something so horrible happened nine months ago that he lost all the time since then. A strange, amnesia-like dissociation of the events had occurred. It supposedly explained why Ed was slowly getting better- his mind was healing itself after realizing the trauma had passed.

 

_But who’s to say that Ed isn’t going to wake up twenty years from now and forget his entire life?_

 

A chill spread through his guts, making him feel slightly ill at the thought. But still, the thought that something so horrible that it caused severe memory loss and trauma had happened to Ed was just as distressing.

 

Somehow, Roy had foolishly thought that once they finally had Ed back everything would be instantly _better_.

 

And it kind of was, to him at least.

 

At least now they knew, and at least Ed was alive and safe. Well, a part of him anyway.

 

_We still have a long way to go to retrieve him completely._

Ed and Al began to speak in hushed tones to one another, making Roy respectfully tune out of it as much as possible. He thought he heard something about odd arrays and Empaths, but didn’t think much about it. The shrill, soft roar of dirt crunching under the vehicle’s tires also helped to drown out their words sufficiently.

 

And so Roy was left with his thoughts for the rest of the ride, sometimes glancing forward at Havoc, who was driving their armored car. The Lieutenant had seemed decidedly furious and resistant as soon as he’d realized Ed and Al were going with them, and wasn’t afraid to voice his opinion, which pleased Roy, but had to accept it after a quick, firm order from the General. Havoc was under the same orders that Roy had set for himself;

 

They were not going to allow the Elric brothers out of their sight.

 

‘We’re nearly there, Boss. I can see the top of one of the ruins,’ Havoc called from the front seat, casting him a momentary look of warning.

 

At the words, Ed immediately fell silent and Mustang could feel the blonde’s body stiffen beside him.

 

_With any luck, they’ll be gone completely and we won’t have to deal with any gangsters. General Tulson can deal with tracking them down and I can bring Ed back to Central._

Those hopes were dashed the moment light began to flare in the distance; spurts of flashing yellow, almost too fast to glimpse.

 

‘Well, Boss. It looks like somebody’s home. Enough to start firing warning shots. Should we try and head them off or barrel straight into the ruins?’

 

Roy leaned forward between the front seats, aware of Ed’s hand on his arm for whatever reason. Eyes narrowed, the General surveyed the ruins carefully. They were still several miles off but closing that distance as Havoc pressed his foot harder and harder down on the gas pedal- the engines of the cars behind them roared in response, screaming to keep up.

 

One muzzle flare lit the grayish red landscape, then another, both less than a few hundred feet between them. No other flashes appeared after those. Thinking quickly, Roy pointed,

 

‘You saw where they were shooting from? Get as close to those positions as you can- between them if possible.’

 

The General then fell back into the backseat, fingers gripping at the edge of his window and straining to wrench it open. The glass slid with a high-pitched screech and he braced himself before leaning out, barely hearing Ed and Al’s shouts but definitely feeling their hands grabbing his legs. Ignoring them for now, he pulled himself out as far as he could and faced behind them to the long line of vehicles, fighting against the buffeting force of the freezing wind.

 

Giving a hurried series of hand gestures, Roy then pointed to the left and then to the right.

 

The cars immediately began splitting up, barreling off the road without hesitation, four going left and four going right, rapidly growing distant. The remaining three vehicles stayed behind theirs, keeping pace easily.

 

_Now if they try to run, at least we’ll have teams right on their asses._

 

Roy pulled himself back inside the vehicle, shivering violently for a long few seconds, and gave a small laugh at the two pairs of wide golden eyes gaping at him.

 

‘You’re fucking insane, you stupid bastard,’ Ed scowled at Roy’s smile.

 

‘Not quite yet, Fullmetal.’

 

‘Boss,’ Havoc’s apprehensive voice called his attention back to the front. The blonde Lieutenant pointed at the horizon that was broken with the tattered ruins and…

 

Mustang’s eyes danced across the distant figures.

 

‘About twenty men out there so far, I figure, and I’ll bet there are more coming,’ Havoc sounded thoroughly discouraged, but Roy simply remained leaning forward between the seats, squinting at the group of silhouettes that was growing larger by the second, the noon sun casting them in odd shadow.

 

‘Is there a problem, Lieutenant?’

 

‘That’s a lot of men for just four cars of us. They’re bound to be armed, too.’

 

Coal eyes regarded his subordinate for a beat before Mustang sank back into his seat, ignoring the tickling of gold on his peripherals on his left, ‘Inform me when we’re about half a mile out, Lieutenant.’

 

After a moment, Havoc’s shoulders stiffened in understanding.

 

A warm hand laid itself on the General’s arm, those warm fingers causing the tiniest sparks of warmth to flare under his skin. Roy let his eyes drift shut and tilted his chin downward.

 

The feel of Ed’s hand heavy and burning against his skin and the sound of Havoc’s countdown filled him.

 

‘Two miles out,’ _the feel of Ed’s skin against mine again after so long is still incredible…_ ‘One point five miles out,’ _after this, I’m going to make sure a day doesn’t pass that I don’t touch or see or hear Ed. I can’t live without him, without knowing he’s alright, not again…_

‘One mile out,’ the car began grinding to a halt.

 

‘Roy,’ Ed’s voice was quiet, so full of so many emotions that the General felt his heart clench tightly in response, ‘Please don’t do this.’

 

_I have to._

_These are the people that hurt him. The people that held him captive. The people that didn’t do a single thing to help him._

_These are the monsters that traffic children like cheap objects._

An image of Elicia flashed in his mind- a faded photograph that was still trapped in the clasp of a watch Roy held as closely as his own, even if the watch wasn’t emblazoned with the proud beast of Amestris.

 

_‘Isn’t she just gorgeous?’_

Fire burned in him and reflected in his eyes as he opened them, flaring like burning coals.

 

_Monsters, all of them. Thieves of the most brutal and sick sort. Their deaths will mean nothing._

A gloved hand shoved open the car door and he climbed out, feeling a sudden, intense loss deep inside him as soon as Ed’s hand fell away from his arm.

 

The steps forward that he took seemed to last an eternity, but finally he was far in front of the car, heart settling to a calm and succinct rhythm, his face completely void of emotion as he faced the group of thirty or so men that were gathered in the near distance. He couldn’t make out expressions or features, but the shapes of rifles clutched in arms were all he needed to see.

 

Mustang stood, and he waited, lifting his hand into position and stilling his body.

 

 

He needn’t wait long. After just a minute, the silence was broken by the crack of gunfire and the light of muzzle flash.

 

The screams rose quicker than the vindictive flames that swelled and consumed everybody in the far-off area.

 

Mustang turned his back on the shrieks of agony and the snarl of his fire, meeting blank golden eyes not a foot away from his face.

 

He reached out and placed his hands on Ed’s shoulders, turning the blonde around and taking a step or two back towards the car.

 

The body under his hands trembled slightly and Roy froze.

 

‘What if… what if…’

 

‘Ed?’

 

‘James… I need to find James…’

 

Grief coiled in Mustang’s chest and he gave a comforting squeeze to Ed’s shoulders as they walked together back to Havoc and Al, who were waiting by the car with matching grim stares.

 

‘We’ll find him, Ed.’

 

_Just please stop crying._


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry about the delay, my internet went down yesterday (which it has been doing with unfortunate frequency lately). But this works out perfectly. I kind of like the thought that the chapters are numbered as the same day of the month. Maybe it's just the OCD in me. Ah well. I hope you enjoy! :)

The air was dry and cold, only made harsher by a violent wind that swept over the flat dead lands like a wave of glass dust, scratching the soldiers that dismounted both vehicles and making them tug at their collars. Finding it hard to breathe through the air, Ed wasn’t sure whether to blame the sickening pounding in his chest or the weather. His throat felt constricted and a numbness had washed over his entire body, making him oblivious to Al’s hand on his wrist tugging him gently away from the military car.

 

He’d been more or less alright when directing them through the crumbled and ancient ruins to this particular spot, but now that he was here he felt himself drifting from his body. Golden eyes stared blankly around at the five towers spaced in a large circle around them, jagged and devoid of half of their structures like broken teacups. Like they had just shattered and nobody had bothered trying to transmute them back to life.

 

_Artabanus pointed at one of the crumbled towers, smiling distractedly as he wrapped an arm around Ed’s shoulders,_

_‘See that one right there? The original occupants of Helltem used that as a prayer tower. They would climb right up to the very top and pray while looking out those windows, watching over the city and asking the gods for defense against the hostile brutes that we now call Drachmans. I suppose they forgot to ask for help against the travelers from the East, huh?’_

_Ed glanced at Artabanus’ amused smile and felt his own lips twitch in response, ‘I guess not. But how do you know all that?’_

_With a hum, the redhead pivoted, directing them towards the secret entrance to the compound, the one Ed had never seen before as it was the supply entrance instead of the main west wing entrance._

_‘There were old scriptures around the ruins when the first group from Ukreyt came here. Strange how nobody ever comes here. It’s like they think the land is cursed or something,’ Artabanus gave him a wink that made Ed snort at the thought. Lands, cursed? Laughable. But as they climbed down the steep staircase into the underground fortress, his curiosity began to grow._

_‘You said the first group. How long have the Ukreytans been here, in Helltem?’_

_The older alchemist gave a slight shrug, pulling Ed closer when a small group of Ukreytans walked by with small nods, arms full with empty crates. After the group of men disappeared at the top of the staircase, Artabanus visibly relaxed._

_It must be really hard to be so worried about the intentions of his own “family”._

_‘The first Ukreytans that moved into Helltem were actually archeologists who were just curious about the land and the history. They wanted to see if there were any valuable, forgotten resources or minerals under the earth here. But after staying for a while, they began to grow attached to the old city and went home to retrieve the rest of their families. From there, more and more Ukreytans began to arrive and this underground structure was found soon enough. All that happened around the 1860s I believe. It has been quite a while and no one has ever disturbed us.’_

_Ed thought about this as they moved further into the compound and barely noticed when Artabanus tilted his chin up for a brief kiss before moving on toward the west wing._

‘Edward… _Ed_ … damn it, I told you we should have left him at the fucking hospital. He is in no shape to be out here. Alphonse, I want you to take one of the cars and get Fullmetal back to West City.’

 

His vision slowly came back into focus to be greeted with darkly furrowed brows and panicked coal eyes. Blinking a few times to gather himself, Ed then realized that he was surrounded by Mustang, Al, General Tulson, and Havoc, who were all looking very uneasy.

 

‘I don’t need to go back,’ Ed said before even thinking about it, his voice containing little heat and a lot of disquiet.

 

Mustang’s expression quickly soured and Ed shook, faintly realizing that Mustang had him by the shoulders.

 

_How long had he been grabbing me?_

‘Listen to me, Ed. Just point out the entrance for us and we can take things from there, alright?’

 

A sharp breeze blew by, whipping Ed’s hair in his face as he turned his head and scanned the area inside the circle of towers. The entrance was hidden inside the northernmost tower, and he remembered the doorway of that tower had deteriorated significantly, leaving a giant gaping hole that the Ukreytans covered with a tarp. Through the numbness that was clouding his body and mind, he nodded toward the correct tower,

 

‘There- inside, there’s a metal panel on the ground that opens to the-’

 

A sharp _crack_ ripped through the air and everyone exploded into action. Ed barely had time to flinch at the sudden spatter of warm wetness on his face before Mustang was whirling him around and yanking him towards the car to duck behind it. It seemed so fast but in the time that they sprinted toward the car, two more shots rang out. The other soldiers were already shouting back and forth, pointing at the top of the northern tower. Sniper.

 

Adrenaline surged through Ed and something snapped into place in his mind, clearing the vague cloud of fog that had been smothering his thoughts. Sharpened vision ran quickly over himself and then to Mustang, who was panting and leaning heavily against the side of the car. Cold dark eyes were much calmer than Ed expected as the General peered over the car’s hood, before ducking down at the scream of a bullet glancing off metal just an inch away.

 

‘Damn it, Mustang, keep your stupid head down!’ Ed automatically shouted, finally noticing that a dark stain was spreading on the older man’s shoulder, ‘Fuck, they hit you! Don’t fucking move, you hear me Roy?’

 

At the startled look that he was given, Ed just scowled before glancing over their cover himself, quickly assessing the situation. The other Amestrian soldiers had taken cover behind the other vehicles and on the edges of towers. About three bodies were on the ground where they’d been gathered and Ed identified General Tulson quickly and with a muttered curse. Shots were still being fired from the top of the north tower, and Ukreytan brutes were beginning to pour out of the entrance.

 

_Just how many of these fuckers are down there? I know there were at least fifty men, but fuck it all if they’re sending them all out to die like this._

 

Without thinking, Ed darted out from behind cover, ignoring Mustang’s panicked yelling, and slapped his hands together. Six Ukreytans that stood in the center of the towers now raised their guns toward him, momentarily stunned by his appearance. Ed recognized a few of them but didn’t hesitate in slamming his hands into the dirt. A short rumble shook the area before four giant walls shot up around the Ukreytans, boxing them in.

 

A shimmer of silver streaked through the blonde’s peripheral and he flinched, rolling to the side as bullet after bullet pelted the earth after him. Heart in his throat, he kept his body moving even after the harsh impacts into the ground made every inch of him ache.

 

_Shit this was dumb. But at least it keeps them from getting to Roy._

Voices were shouting at him, sweat was dripping like ice down his neck and tickling across his collarbone, and dirt was digging into his flesh like grains of glass. His hyper-aware senses noted all of this and made him freeze mid-roll, causing him to tumble painfully onto his side, when a familiar snap and pressurized boom split the air. Panting, Ed rubbed at his aching left arm and chest, gazing up at the top of the north tower which was now just a blaze of flames against the cold gray sky. His dazed eyes drifted over to Mustang. The General was standing tall near the box of earth that Ed had created, left hand clasping his right shoulder and right hand poised, ready to snap his fingers again if need be. The power in the man’s stance and the fire in his eyes caused a brilliant strength to run through Ed. The blonde climbed to his feet and headed over to Mustang, who was now addressing the yelling Ukreytans inside.

 

‘You are all under arrest by the Amestrian military. You will stay in this box until another transport arrives here, so make yourselves comfortable. You’ll be in there for a while.’

 

And then those dark, fierce eyes were turning on Ed, making the blonde shiver slightly at the mixture of chaos in them .

 

‘Ed. What the hell were you thinking!’ The sharp, reprimanding tone took Ed back to his teenage years, immediately making him stiffen and a hot, swirling ball form in his chest and begin to rise to his throat.

 

Eyes narrowed, he scowled at Mustang and faintly acknowledged the alien feeling the expression had become on his own face, ‘Listen, Mustang, don’t even start. You’re injured, shit was getting ugly, I did what I had to do. How about instead of arguing we actually move forward before every person in this fucking base runs off.’

 

Fueled by the familiar frustration and anger, Ed stormed past the General, not turning back at the call that came after him or the sharp curse as Mustang went to gather up the soldiers. The heat steadily began to cool and Ed glanced over his shoulder where Al was following him silently as they headed toward the tower.

 

_I know I’m being childish. Shit, why is my mood swinging like this… it’s fucking annoying. I just need to focus on James. I need to get him back, get him help._

 

Thoughts turning to his student, his resolve strengthened just a bit at the same time that some other part of him began to sink back into numbness. It felt like his soul had been thrown into some kind of kaleidoscope and it was constantly shifting, rotating, changing him and yet keeping him the same. Everything was so mixed up and shattered inside of him that he couldn’t even begin to sort things out and piece them back together. So he was left with the only thing he knew with all his heart and soul;

 

_Just keep moving forward._

 

The dirt crunched under his feet, raising the dust and making his nose wrinkle against the grains that brushed his face. It was still cold and the sun was beginning its descent toward the west. They didn’t have much time before it would be dark and he could hear Mustang’s voice quickly giving directions. The ambush would cause a hitch in their plans and Ed knew the soldiers would be waiting a few minutes to regain themselves before moving on.

 

_I don’t have that kind of time. James might not have that kind of time._

With a glance at Al, who was gazing toward the group of soldiers that were dragging the few casualties into one area, Ed froze. It was James’ face shadowed with despair that he saw. A strong constriction wrapped around his throat like iron fingers, creating an instantaneous and all-consuming panic to run through his veins.

 

_Panic. The impact of his boots against hard ground vibrating up his legs. Fingers wrapping around the scratchy, rusted metal bars and lifting. Leaning against the sharp decline into the earth, barely lit by the few oil lamps lining the dirt tunnel. The air becoming dense as he descended, smothering him even more. The ghost breath against his neck and the memory of flashing blue-gray eyes glinting at him through the darkness. A distant, whispered kiss against his throat, hands pushing him against the solid dirt wall, a soft smile curling pale lips dripping with black poison. Adoration and abuse. Love and fear. Brass and gold._

Through vision swimming with the past, Ed stared around the hallway the tunnel led into, barely having to think to remember the path. He swept through the hall, throwing open doors as he went, breath caught in his throat and stress beading his brow with cold sweat.

 

_Empty, empty, empty. Empty storerooms shrouded in memories of transmuting shelves into the walls, of breaking open boxes and separating the contents inside. An image of a red haired man and another Ukreytan talking and laughing with vibrant companionship, blue-gray eyes shifting to him and the smile softening, a wondering look entering those oceanic pools._

_Artabanus… where are you…?_

Room after empty room passed and Ed’s vision swirled more and more chaotically as he searched ruthlessly for a flash of red hair or the glimmer of blue eyes. The northern corridor turned up completely empty, as was the giant circle of the cafeteria. The east corridor was devoid of life, but there were obvious signs of a hasty retreat- tables overturned and medical instruments scattered across the floor of the small clinic rooms. Dull golden eyes took all this in before he turned towards the west hall.

 

_Empty. Empty. Empty. Everybody’s gone…_

He halted abruptly at the doorway into a very familiar room, his right hand braced shakily on the wooden doorframe as he peered into the shadowy space. The familiar shackles were still connected to the wall where the bed was pressed against, the scrapes on the floor and old stains on the walls still present even after a year or more had passed from the struggle of that one day. The massacre that Artabanus had created. It was empty of many things since their move from this compound to their private rooms had been swift, but the reminders and memories were still there- etched into every surface. The room was as familiar to Ed as his old apartment. Maybe even more so.

 

A tumble of dissimilar emotions crashed through Ed and he backed unsteadily away from the room, swallowing thickly before consciously having to force himself to turn away.

 

_Artabanus is… wait, no… I’m looking for James, not Artabanus._

Pausing once more in the cafeteria, he stopped and tried to collect his thoughts for a moment but quickly realized he was failing. Everything was slipping through his fingers as soon as he grabbed hold of a solid train of thought, making him scramble internally which just led to more stress condensing inside of him. It was just making everything worse to struggle against the confusion, but he couldn’t help himself. Finally after what seemed like an entire minute or two he fought his way back into the outside world to find himself gazing down the southern corridor. A sense of creeping apprehension joined everything else that was whirling around inside of him but he put one foot in front of the other and for the first time made his way down the hallway.

 

There weren’t as many doors down this corridor, but it seemed to go on forever with the way the oil lamps dimly lit the abyss of darkness ahead. Stopping by the first door on the left, Ed placed his hand on the knob and swallowed tightly before turning it and swinging it inward. After a tense and heart-wrenching moment, Ed was able to realize that the room was empty other than several empty cots and bathtubs. It was a strange sight for that many bathtubs to be in one room- about half a dozen- but Ed paid it no mind as he moved on down the hallway. Everything he saw filtered through his mind and then instantly fled, making him truly in every single moment. Maybe that was the only way his mind could actually function enough to keep him on task.

 

_Looking… I’m looking for something. No, someone. Artabanus…? James…?_

His hands shook as they flattened against the fourth door of the corridor and a gnawing cloud of nausea was spreading through his stomach and throat, only made worse by the cold sweat that beaded on his brow and ran down his temples like ice. Something was definitely wrong, he noted as he had to force his trembling fingers around the doorknob, but he couldn’t figure out what- couldn’t remember the past couple of rooms.

 

The world began to spin around him and he half-fell against the door, staring vacantly at the grainy stone of the wall as he panted for breath. 

 

_Is this craziness ever going to go away?_ The brief thought was swept away in only seconds, replaced by the clouding confusion that had him straightening himself unsteadily once again. He felt so weak all of a sudden, his head spinning and heart pounding alarmingly hard. Blinking hard, once, he tried to get himself to focus and eventually registered that the door handle was turning under his hand.

 

And then stopped with a familiar click. It was locked. With barely a thought, Ed pressed his hands together and placed them on the knob, envisioning the deadbolt inside and how with just the simplest of transmutation circles it would shift and melt to cling against the side of the door. And within a second, the door was sliding open under his hands.

 

There was a sharp inhale and Ed’s blurry gaze raised to look into the room. Ice ran down his spine when he realized after too many long, silent moments that somebody was on the opposite side of the room, just returning his stare with something like shock in his eyes. The person was obviously Ukreytan by the orange-red hair shimmering like copper in the fluorescent lights above and the pale green eyes. Ed’s attention was caught on the white electric lights for a few seconds, stunned at the advanced quality of the technology. Nowhere else in the facility had the same type of equipment, and as Ed’s eyes dropped to survey the rest of the room, he quickly learned that there was more advanced equipment here. The room was rather large, with tiled floors and walls, everything drowned in a sterile white. There were three metal tables in the center of the room, and all the walls were decorated by large glass tube-like containers that ran from floor to ceiling. Most were empty but there were two or three that were… occupied. Feeling incredibly ill all of a sudden, a shaky hand lifted to his lips as the blonde stared at the decomposing corpses in the tubes. They had all been young women at some point, but Ed had to really stare at the bodies’ qualities through the decomposition to know this. But the worst thing in the room was on the table the Ukreytan man was standing before. A gloved hand held a scalpel that was delving into the opened bloody chest cavity of an infant, which was still connected to its still, lifeless mother. The woman’s stomach was ripped open violently, organs spilling across the shining steel of the table and cold, glazed hazel eyes staring toward Ed.

 

_No… not ‘woman’. Girl._

 

She couldn’t have been older than thirteen.

 

Ed wanted to turn away from the scene, wanted for his mind to focus enough to try and make it seem like anything other than the horrible, twisted nightmare it was. Make it seem as if he had some kind of power here, but he could barely hold himself up against the doorframe.

 

‘Edward…?’ the deep, confused voice interrupted Ed’s hyperventilating, making his golden eyes raise back up to the Ukreytan, who had put down his… projects… and was approaching slowly, ‘Edward, that is you? Are you unwell?’ The words were spoken in broken Amestrian but Ed could understand them and recognized this man as one of the medics Ed had been joking with what just seemed like weeks before in the clinic. Sean was a good man… or so Ed had thought.

 

‘What… what is this…?’ The voice that came from Ed’s lips was not his, he thought distantly. His voice had never been so quiet, never so weak, never so empty and broken.

 

Large, warm hands were taking his shoulders and guiding him out of the room, the door closing on the scene as Isaac lifted his chin. Those pale green eyes gazed into his, glancing him up and down. Ed flinched violently when one of the man’s hands pressed against his forehead. Vacantly realizing that Isaac had removed his gloves at some point, Ed tried to focus once again, knowing that spacing out like this was dangerous.

 

_Isaac is good… but no, he’s bad right? Why is he bad? I came here for… where’s Artabanus?_

 

‘-ward? Edward!’ The frantic calls had him blinking back up at the copper-haired Ukreytan, who was now shaking him lightly, ‘Edward, you suffer from fever! Bad fever! Where is Artabanus? The rest have gone, why do you stay? Who are you with? Edward, do you listen?’

 

‘Yeah…’ the blonde swallowed thickly and squinted up at Isaac, ‘Isaac. Where’s Artab-’

 

Something shifted and the blonde’s emotions switched without warning, him automatically sinking into a new situation.

 

Ed stared down at Isaac, who was flat on his back on the floor. The alchemist was hovering over him, one hand clenched in the man’s lab coat to haul him back up so his automail fist could swing into the man’s jaw once more. Isaac was crying, begging for Ed to stop, but Ed’s shouted anger rose above the Ukreytan’s.

 

The sound of bone cracking was satisfying, retribution like the taste of sugar on his tongue.

 

‘Where is James?!’ he shouted again, fury swirling like a monsoon throughout Ed’s body, carrying all rationality away, ‘I’m asking you a fucking question, Isaac! WHERE IS JAMES?’

 

The last part was a shriek, nearly drowning out the sound of sprinting boots and the shouts of a comfortingly familiar voice reaching him. Hands grasped at his shoulders, trying to rip him away from Isaac’s now prone body, but he screamed and fought against the restraining touch, hands still wrapped around the unconscious Ukreytan’s throat.

 

‘WHERE THE FUCK IS JAMES? WHERE’S MY STUDENT! TELL ME WHERE HE IS!’

 

‘Ed! Ed, I’m here, it’s Mustang, it’s Roy! CALM DOWN! ED HE’S UNCONSCIOUS! FULLMETAL!’

 

The strong arms that wrapped around his midsection finally managed to wrench him away from Isaac, and he fell back onto the heaving chest of the man restraining him. Fighting against the hold, Ed continued to scream, twisting and trying to get back at Isaac.

 

‘Ed, it’s okay. It’s alright. I’m here, calm down. Ed, please. Ed, you need to stop!’

 

 

The constant words streaming into his ears finally began to register, and the blonde’s body slowly began to relax, still gasping and twitching from adrenaline. Many long minutes passed in which the body under his just held him securely, no longer tight enough to bruise, at least. His thoughts were still just a muddled mess of colors, feelings, and vivid memories that shifted one from the next. The one image that kept returning again and again was his own automail arm as a blade swinging downward and a spray of blood. Mutilating James. At first those nightmares had been horrible, plaguing him every waking moment, and now it had returned full-force.

 

‘Ed? Why are you saying sorry? Just… just relax. I’m right here.’

 

He jolted in Mustang’s arms, slowly inching back into reality. Everything that had happened was just blurs and darkness. The last thing Ed really remembered was looking up and seeing Mustang by that box… outside… but they were inside…? He stared up at the ceiling in confusion, suddenly realizing there were arms around him and that he was laying on top of someone.

 

‘What- Mustang? What the hell is going on?’ Ed shifted, trying to get up, but the arms around his middle tightened for a moment, ‘Mustang, let me go!’

 

After another tense few seconds of crippling confusion for Ed, Mustang relented with obvious hesitance, keeping a heavy hand on Ed’s shoulder as they sat up and moved slightly away from each other. The blonde blinked around the room, insides coiling with horror as he noted what it contained. Then the memories rushed back and his eyes immediately shot to the body that was laying just a couple of feet away. More horror swept through him like a curtain being drawn back, showing him exactly what he had done. Isaac’s face was a bloody pulp, features barely distinguishable under the blood, and there were dark bruises already forming around the man’s neck.

 

‘Is he… is he…?’

 

Mustang got to his feet only to kneel a moment later by Isaac’s body, removing a glove and reaching a hand out to the man’s neck. Two fingers probed and stopped.

 

The silence that filled those seconds was becoming thicker and thicker, making it hard for Ed to breathe as he just stared at Mustang with a sort of desperation. Coming out of something like that… he just wanted Mustang to tell him that he was alright. That everything was okay and that this was all a dream. But the evidence to the contrary was surrounding him in glass tubes and the bloody mess on the floor that used to be a man.

 

‘He’s alive,’ Mustang said at last, and Ed’s heart stuttered as he hung his head in relief.

 

Shaking hands raised into his line of sight and he stared at the blood that caked the back of his gloves before ripping the cloth away from skin and metal, throwing them aside and curling in on himself. The hollow apathy was aching and ebbing, emotions boiling under the surface of those calm dark waters and just a shift in temperature away from exploding into a storm again.

 

_I’m not alright. There’s something really wrong with me._

Warmth preceded the feeling of a comforting hand on his back and then another on his flesh one where it was tangled into the sleeve of the military uniform he wore. Ed hadn’t even realized he’d been shaking until that warm touch eased the cold shivers a bit. For a moment he wanted nothing more than to uncurl himself and reach out for Mustang’s safety, for that secure embrace, but he held himself back, not sure how his tumultuous emotions would respond.

 

‘Ed… what happened?’

 

The iron ball in his throat didn’t move when he tried to swallow around it, and the thoughts that were flying through his head at insane speeds were too quick and minute to grasp, so he just let his mouth open and whatever words that came out were what he had to say.

 

‘I blacked out. I don’t remember much of what happened after you took out the rest of the Ukreytans in the tower. I think… I think I was looking for James. Where’s James?’ Golden eyes peered up at Mustang.

 

The General was looking haggard and stressed with those dark circles under his eyes and uniform in total disarray. Not to mention his usually neatly-styled hair, which he’d become obsessive over after the Promised Day for some reason, being a total mess. But , even looking like he’d just crawled up out of hell, he still had a power that resonated off of his frame like some kind of tangible aura, spreading to envelope Ed in its reassuring hold.

 

The dark eyes had just a hint of relief as they stared down at Ed, ‘James is safe. Along with seven other children. The truck we sent East of the city intercepted a car that was attempting to get away. James and the children are safe, we can go back to the hospital now.’

 

Ed had stopped listening by the end of it. Both intense relief and growing dread warred within him as he swallowed again, tightly, still unable to move or shrink that ball trapped in his throat, ‘Just eight, including James?’

 

The gravity of Ed’s weak words crashed down on Mustang visibly and the General’s shoulders stiffened, ‘We’re still searching through the city and this compound, but yes. That’s what we’ve found so far. You’re telling me there are more children?’

 

Nodding numbly, Ed motioned his chin, indicated he wanted up. Mustang helped him without a word, grasping Ed’s elbow tightly when the younger alchemist nearly toppled back over from the lightheadedness, ‘The compound usually holds about two dozen kids at any given time. That means there’s probably at least sixteen kids that they somehow managed to ferry away.’

 

‘Do you know where they may be headed?’ Mustang asked, subtly shifting Ed towards the door and helping the blonde walk into the hall.

 

‘Not exactly, no. Arta- well… I know there’s a place north of here that is similar to this one. I don’t know where, just that it’s north. Otherwise, the Ukreytans might be taking them straight to the Drachman border. They have a uh,’ glancing around the cafeteria that they just walked into, Edward was confused for a moment by the dozen or so soldiers that were spread out around the room, ‘they have a place at the border where the Drachman police will let them pass. Some kind of deal between the Ukreytans and those Drachman police there.’

 

‘So if they get to the border and pass into Drachma before we stop them, we don’t stand a chance in recovering those children,’ Mustang murmured mostly to himself as he headed straight back towards the north wing.

 

‘Wait,’ reaching out, Ed stopped Mustang with a quick tug on the man’s shoulder, ‘let’s go through the west wing. I don’t know the way to my- Artabanus’… personal bunker from the north entrance.’

 

A tense stillness was his only response, but Mustang followed him and didn’t try to stop him when Ed worked his way toward the west wing. They only paused for a moment to allow Mustang to relay a message to his soldiers. The next few minutes the two alchemists walked in silence, until Ed began leading the way up the stone stairwell that would lead them to the top of the hill that Ed used to so love. The way the sunshine used to bathe him in the mornings when he would sneak away from Artabanus… it was so wonderful. Sacred, almost.

 

About halfway up the stairs, after Ed had begun to pick up speed from his eagerness to be out of the dark, cold confines of the compound, Mustang’s hand tightened around his wrist, halting his progress instantly. For a few long seconds Ed continued to stare upward, following the glossy path that the oil lamps painted on the stone stairs, imagining that it was Artabanus’ hand holding him back.

 

‘Fullmetal. You said we’re going to this man’s personal bunker? I assume that is the place you were held?’

 

‘For most of the time, yes,’ Ed glanced over his shoulder in time to see Mustang’s features pulling into something resembling concern, anger, and fear, all mixed together in a poisonous elixir.

 

‘Are you sure you want to go there? You don’t have to, you know. We can leave that for Intelligence when they get out here to investigate.’

 

A tinge of annoyance bubbled in the blonde’s chest, ‘I can handle it, Mustang.’

 

‘Damn it Ed, stop being so stubborn!’ the outburst made Ed jump a bit, shock cooling the emotions that had been rising in the younger alchemist, and Mustang continued, ‘You obviously can’t handle this right now, Fullmetal. You just went through some kind of episode back there and now you want to dive headlong into the place where you were held prisoner for the past two years? No. Hell no. I’m not letting you take one more step. I’m taking you back to one of the transport vehicles and you and Alphonse are going straight back to the hospital, do you understand.’

 

The order was apparent, and for a moment Ed was extremely torn, one side of him instinctively burning at the commanding tone and the hard look in the General’s eyes. But then the other side of him curled into itself and dragged all the remaining will with it. And so Ed just held Mustang’s eyes for a moment before nodding, giving one final glance back up the stairwell as the Flame Alchemist lead him back down into the compound.

 

_Maybe he’s right…_ Ed wanted to fight the thought as soon as it began infiltrating his mind, but the more mature side of him scolded that bratty teenage attitude that was surfacing, _of course he’s right. Mustang would never snap on me like that unless I need help seeing reality. I’m not right… maybe it’s the whole memory thing, maybe it’s something else, but all I know is something’s really, really wrong._

_And I need to make sure I don’t hurt anyone again…_

Ed’s hands began to rub together unconsciously; stiff and hesitant as if the blood was still on them and needed scrubbing off. Why had he attacked Isaac like that? That memory was still a complete blank. He thought of how- through the utter confusion and whatever kind of “episode” that was- he had been questioning Isaac one moment and then reconstructing his face with a fist in the next. The huge leap between and the intensity of the emotions was nauseating and frightening to the blonde.

 

What if this was something he couldn’t stop? What if he was doomed to forever go through these same lapses of time, the same overwhelming fear, hatred, anger, panic, disgust, and numbness? It was either one extreme or another and it had completely exhausted Ed. He couldn’t even really be scared at the thought of this becoming a natural part of his life as the deep numbness began to set in. Following Mustang with half his mind still focused, the rest of him shut down completely and he simply stared at the back of the tall General and forced his feet forward.

 

The brush of wind against his face and the grain of sandy dirt scraping against his flesh hand barely registered to him, as did the frantic voice and wiry-strong arms that wound around his shoulders. Recognizing Al, a tiny piece of him awakened enough to raise his eyes to his brothers’ for a second or two before his gaze fell once again.

 

Words were spoken over his head but he couldn’t decipher them. Some stuck out like ‘starving’, dehydrated’, ‘shock’, ‘sleep’, but he didn’t pay them much mind. He didn’t really care. Not about what was being said, not about how he was being helped into the leather seat of a vibrating vehicle, not that powerful and dark eyes stared into his own while hushed words were spoken directly to him, not when the most comforting presence left his side, not even when Al held his hand and began to cry softly. Ed just couldn’t care, couldn’t feel anything, after the numbness had taken hold.

 

After a while of drifting on the soothing darkness, he heard a voice insisting that he stay awake, and the shift of his body meant that somebody was shaking him slightly. When had his eyes closed? He opened them again to stare out the window blankly, to faintly recognize the small blocky building they were in front of. Al was pulling him up from the car by his arm and his body followed along willingly.

 

And then he was lying in a bed, being coerced into swallowing a mug full of some kind of soup or broth. Not that he needed to be convinced- his body automatically followed the instructions being given. Nothing that passed his lips had any sort of taste whatsoever. Water followed and then the momentary sharp twinge in his arm had him surfacing again, to see that a needle was being inserted. No, an intravenous tube.

 

Al was on his other side, squeezing his left hand tightly as he spoke quietly, explaining that whatever was being pumped into him was to help him sleep. Ed almost opened his mouth, remembering that Al had just told him a moment ago that he needed to stay awake, but was beginning to slip into what was going to be a deep and restful sleep.

 

‘I think I know half of what is wrong with him,’ Ed heard the doctor’s voice murmur to Al as the blonde half-floated midway between consciousness and a complete and total void, ‘war hysteria. We see it a lot in soldiers after they return from particularly harsh wars, in fact the term was coined after Ishval when the coinciding symptoms were found in hundreds of soldiers right after the Rebellion and had to be connected. It’s thought to be a psychological…’

 

Ed’s grip on the words began slipping and after a few more seconds of struggling to stay awake enough to at least hear the rest of the conversation, he had to let go.

 

Sliding into that abyss of sleep, one final thought lit through his mind like a torch in the darkness, searing a trail across the emptiness that would remain there when he woke the next day.

 

_I’m not me anymore. There’s someone else here inside of me and he is not Edward Elric. Edward Elric is not this weak. Edward Elric would fight and have complete control over himself, never letting his friends and family worry. But I’m the exact opposite. Scared and weak and selfish. This isn’t… this is not Edward Elric._

_But then… who_ am _I…?_


	19. Chapter 19

The cold feel of metal under his hand was steadying, strengthening in its firm solidity, even if it was completely motionless. Dancing along the intricate yet brazen design of the automail, Roy’s fingers took in every detail, soaking every tiny scratch and indention of the metal into himself. Eyes focused loosely on Ed’s peaceful face, the General’s mind roamed freely as he leaned forward in the highly uncomfortable metal fold-out chair. The dark lashes that fanned out on the high cheekbones caught his attention now and then, as did the occasional twitch of Ed’s lips during his sleep. After a few minutes Mustang drew back his hand from Ed’s automail one, looking across at where Al was clutching Ed’s flesh left hand. The teenager had been asleep for about an hour but Mustang had no urge to wake the boy.

 

_They’ve both been through so much. They need their rest while this calm lasts._

The tiniest smile tugged at the corner of the man’s mouth as he regarded the slumbering brothers. It felt like it had been ages since he’d seen them both together in such a vulnerable position. Exhaustion had to catch up sometime though. As did other things. And just like that, the General’s smile diminished completely and he leaned back, away from the Elrics.

 

_“Starving” the doctor had said. What kind of commander- no, friend- am I if I ignored such an obvious thing. Of course Ed would be starving when he finally woke up, and dehydrated, and exhausted. But he’d seemed almost… okay._

The image of Ed’s too-familiar scowl flitted through Mustang’s head and he had to set his folded hands in front of his mouth to hold in the helpless sigh. Glancing back over at Alphonse, his frame relaxed. The boy was like some kind of guardian for his brother, clinging hard to his hand even when they were both asleep. Al was such an astounding person…

 

_The coolness of winter was approaching quickly, and it was obvious in the way that the chill was seeping through the house. Roy stared at his ceiling, just waiting. He knew it was almost dawn, and he was glad that the weekend had arrived, even though he would be making an appearance tomorrow for a quick meeting anyway. A quick meeting that would probably keep him in the office for at least a few hours. But he didn’t really have it in him to be stressed about that right now. That would come later. For now, he knew that what was coming was so much more important. Like clockwork, a muffled noise broke through the silence that he had been nestled in like a blanket. He sat up slowly, reaching over and swiftly lighting the candle on his bedside table with the box of matches that waited. Pushing himself to the edge of his bed, he then reached out for his watch, barely giving the military insignia on the outside a glance before flicking it open._

_It was nearing four thirty in the morning._

_Well, this was later than usual, actually. If he’d managed to get any sleep he might have appreciated the lateness of the hour. As it was, he just ran his hands over his face and through his hair, roughly messing the locks of black back into place before he stood with a huge sigh. He tightened the belt on his robe, grabbed the candelabra, and headed downstairs. The staircase creaked softly under his feet and he took a moment to pause and listen, making sure that the sounds were still coming, steadily louder now. He made it to the bottom of the stairs and immediately turned away from the front door, following the hallway that led into the living room of the house. The whispered cries and trembling sobs had his steps faltering but he pressed forward anyway, going straight to the coffee table and setting down the candelabra before finally letting his eyes settle on Al._

_The boy was curled so far into Roy’s couch that the General was surprised he hadn’t yet disappeared completely into the dark leather and pale blankets. The pillow that Al had been using had somehow ended up five feet away from the couch. Mustang rubbed his eyes briefly, almost smiling at Al’s sleeping habits before the next sob from the shaking boy had him crouching down, expression clean of all amusement. It took many seconds of shaking Al by the shoulders before the boy finally began to surface, wide raw umber eyes turning on him with shock before the expression softened to exasperation._

_‘I woke you again, General.’_

_Roy mustered up a crooked smile, ‘That’s alright, Al. I wasn’t sleeping.’_

_The silence then came back, like it had just been waiting for the younger Elric to awaken before wrapping Roy back into its folds. But he didn’t really have time nor want for that right now, looking into Al’s shadowed eyes._

_‘Al, I was just about to make coffee. Would you like that peppermint tea again?’_

_The boy’s features brightened a fraction and the smile came almost naturally to his face, ‘That sounds great! Do you want help?’_

_‘No, I’ll take care of it,’ Roy climbed to his feet and paused before ruffling Al’s already wild and tangled hair, ‘why don’t you fix your sheets and get comfortable.’_

_At the quick affirmative, Roy began making his way out of the room, but not before pausing to grab the pillow and fling it at Al, who gave a startled yelp. Another twitching smile fought Roy’s lips but he wouldn’t- couldn’t give into it. Now that he was actually up and moving around, that blank darkness shifted into a visceral smog that curled inside of his heart and head, blackening and infecting his every thought. Ed was still gone and not only was he left to try and put himself back together, but he couldn’t let Alphonse be alone in this so he had to try and help the teenager as well. Obviously he was helping Al better than he was himself. But that’s just how he was wasn’t he?_

_I don’t really deserve to be helped at all, anyway, he thought bitterly as he began heating water for the coffee and tea._

_Minutes passed and he was just finished putting the liquids into two separate mugs before opening up a bottle and sloshing a fair amount of sharp-scented clear liquid into his own mug. He was going to need some kind of help if he was going to be able to get on his feet and go to that meeting in a few hours._

_He made his way back through the halls and into the living room, being cautious to make sure he handed Alphonse the right mug before he took a seat on the couch beside the boy. Pausing to tug on a glove and snap his fingers, he sat back contentedly and sipped on his bitter, slightly sour coffee while staring into the new fire that was blazing in the hearth across the room. The minutes passed in companionable silence, which had become pretty normal over the past few months._

_Until Al set his mug on the coffee table and drew himself back onto the couch- legs and all- tucking his limbs to his body before resting his chin on his knees and glancing over at Roy._

_‘I dreamed that Ed came into Central Command,’ Al started, voice quiet and so tender, so raw and open that Roy felt a brief stab of guilt for not having the courage to meet the boy’s eyes, ‘he walked right past all of us. We went chasing after him, of course, but for some reason we couldn’t go fast enough. Couldn’t really get to him. We followed him up the steps onto the roof and… well… we were only a step or two away from him but couldn’t stop him. He jumped right off the edge. And the worst… the worst part was that I could hear him hit the ground below, and he let out this kind of scream, like an animal or something, and then there was just nothing. We were frozen and I could only stare at the place where he stepped off.’_

_Roy could picture it clearly, and was disquieted by the choking sounds that Al struggled to get his words through. The tears were flowing thickly down the boy’s face now, and Roy couldn’t do any more than glance over at him before returning his eyes to the fire. Pungent, oily guilt was spreading through his gut, following the sear of alcohol that was burning through him. He took an inappropriately large gulp of his alcohol-infused coffee before clearing his throat._

_‘That sounds horrible,’ was all he could manage, battling for better words, but he just didn’t know how to handle this situation. He wished Hawkeye was there. She was always so great at comforting people._

_There were sharp inhales that signified Al’s attempt to gather himself back up, and Roy felt another surge of regret, knowing that the boy would feel better if he just let himself cry. When the General turned to tell Al just that, though, dark golden eyes caught and trapped his. The gleaming, reddened quality of them had Roy unable to look away. Distress usually made Roy become awkward and want to retreat, but this was Alphonse Elric, and he just couldn’t._

_‘Why… why do you think I dreamed that?’ the wavering of Al’s voice just made that sharp twinge twist painfully in Roy’s chest._

_‘Why do_ you _think you had that dream?’ he answered quietly after a few long moments._

_Al broke eye contact to gaze down at his hands, which were clutching his legs tight enough that Roy could see the shaking of the boy’s muscles, ‘I… I’m scared. About Ed. I’m scared it’s too late. I’m scared that something really bad has already happened to him. What do you… what do you think he’s doing right now? Right this moment?’_

_Tilting his head back, Mustang stared at the ceiling as he contemplated his answer. What did he think Ed was doing right at that moment?_

_An image of the blonde sipping at his honey whiskey and giving Roy a crooked grin across the whole foot of air between them at the bar came into his mind. Of golden eyes lighting with laughter at some sardonic joke Roy had made. Of a wrinkled nose when the blonde helped Roy home from the bar. Arms wrapped around him, his own arms wrapped around Ed…_

_‘He’s probably thinking about you,’ Mustang answered simply, straightening back up on the couch and forcing a smile for Alphonse, ‘he’s probably trying to figure out how to get back to you.’_

_They were optimistic and sweet lies, Mustang knew. All he could imagine was their Edward bound to a chair in some fucking basement being tortured, or lying at the back of a cage somewhere. He couldn’t tell Al that. But maybe there were also other ways to reassure the younger Elric._

_‘I have them too,’ he struggled for another smile when Al’s puzzled gaze settled on him, ‘the dreams. About Edward. They started coming right after he went missing, and I’ve had them ever since. I think they’re normal- they let out our fears during the night and when we’re asleep to make up for trying to hide it during the day. Our dreams show us a lot of what we try to hide from ourselves. It would make sense that you would dream about Ed giving up.’_

_Al nodded slowly, before tentatively reaching out and wrapping his shaking fingers around Mustang’s wrist, ‘What are your dreams about him like?’_

_Thinking about it, Roy quickly filtered out the ones where he raised a gun and shot Ed down in cold blood. That was not something he planned on sharing with anyone, ever. Or the ones where Ed was a cowering child in Ishval that Roy lit on fire without a second thought. Or the ones where Ed was being taken apart piece by piece right in front of him…_

_‘Sometimes I dream that there’s a glass wall between Edward and me. And no matter how much I hit it, shoot it, and use alchemy on it, it never cracks. And I see Ed on the other side, beating against the glass and shouting something. But I can’t hear what he’s saying.’_

_The fingers around his wrist tightened briefly before Al let go and curled back into himself. A chirping began floating along the air distantly and Mustang felt a sudden rush of anger at the coming of the dawn. But then, resigning himself to the approaching sunlight, he let out a sigh and climbed to his feet, just the slightest bit lightheaded and unsteady. He swallowed the rest of his coffee and turned to Al, setting a hand on the boy’s head gently._

_‘You should get back to sleep, Alphonse. I have to go into the office for an hour or two but after that we can start researching again, alright?’_

_The boy nodded but didn’t make any movements to lay down and relax, so Roy just shrugged and headed back towards the kitchen. Before he completely left the room, though, Al’s soft voice floated out to him._

_‘Be careful how much you put in your next cup. Your breath already smells like alcohol.’_

_The words weren’t meant to be rude or accusatory but Roy’s heart stung like a bullet had just shot through it. With self-loathing filling his veins, he dropped the empty mug in the sink before heading straight upstairs to his shower._

_Hopefully all of this will just wash away…_

The strained sigh right in front of him ripped him out of the daydream, and he rose quickly when he saw that Ed was awake and trying to sit up on his elbows. Mustang pressed the blonde’s shoulders gently, pressing Ed back into the sheets and pillows.

 

‘Don’t move yet, Edward. How are you feeling?’

 

‘Like Hawkeye ran me over and Winry beat me with wrenches,’ Ed croaked weakly, squinting as he turned his head towards Roy. The way that golden hair splayed over the stark white sheets had Mustang’s heart seizing yet again in relief and disbelief.

 

_He’s really back. He’s alright._

‘Strange. I can actually see you,’ the murmur was Ed’s voice, but it lacked a lot of something. Confused, Mustang sat back down in his chair after dragging it closer to the bed.

 

‘What do you mean by that?’

 

‘I mean I can actually see you! Not just hear you. I must be really going insane, huh?’ a shadow of Ed’s usual cheeky grin flashed over the blonde’s face before smoothing out into a humorless smile, ‘That means I should be able to see Hughes, then, right? I would really like to see Hughes.’

 

Heart folding into itself so tightly that he could have sworn his breath stopped, Mustang got back to his feet unsteadily and made his way to the door. That… anything but that, he could have handled.

 

_Why Hughes…? Obviously Ed thought I was some sort of figment of his imagination but… why Hughes?_

 

Maybe it’s because Ed just woke up, but Mustang knew he didn’t have the strength to try and bring Ed back to the present this time. Not after that. He swallowed tightly as he left the room, the door clicking shut softly behind him just in time for him to hear Al’s drowsy voice begin to speak.

 

The next few minutes he spent just standing outside the door with the Lieutenants that stood guard. Every now and then he would glance at Hawkeye and Havoc, but they kept their expressions totally blank. It was comforting, and Roy showed his gratitude by leaving to grab coffee for them. Leaving the hospital felt wrong, but the sunlight that was fighting the icy wind felt invigorating against his skin, making him almost feel alive again.

 

_Ed. Is. Here._ He reminded himself yet again, and his spirits did lift the slightest bit the more he repeated it to himself, _Anybody would be damaged if they were ripped from their home and their family for two years. Ed is no different. But he is still Edward Elric._

He went to the closest diner, got four cups of coffee and a vanilla tea before making his way back to the hospital, slowing his pace when he realized he was approaching. He considered the option of going to Western Command to do paperwork- fill out the transfer papers that would get him a secure transport for Ed back to Central. Or he could go see Winry, who was no doubt working on the automail update that Edward needed. He could think of a thousand things to do, and yet his hesitant feet still carried him back through the hospital to Ed’s room. Handing out coffee to his subordinates, who gave grateful nods and a smirk from Havoc, he stalled again.

 

Until Hawkeye gave him this knowing _look_ , her lips pursed and eyes warm but sharp. He knew her well enough to know exactly what that look said.

 

“No matter what you’re feeling, Ed needs you.”

 

He gave her something that he hoped resembled a smile before gathering up his faltering courage and pushing through the door once again. The sight that he walked into made him stop for a moment to take it in, warmth washing away whatever nervous thoughts he had been having.

 

Al had moved onto the bed, squashed against his brother tightly and talking animatedly while Ed smiled, probably more amused by Al’s exuberance than Fuery’s disastrous attempt at an elegant date. When Ed noticed Mustang at the door though, something conflicted fluttered through his eyes, and that made the General a bit anxious. It was like Ed was seeing a ghost. As they stared at one another, though, the look began to fade and apology was clear in those golden pools. That simple knowing and shared grief passed between them. Mustang gave a barely perceptible nod, a silent acknowledgement that he understood. His heart was still struggling between going icy and trying to strangle itself, but he did his best to brush the pesky emotions aside.

 

Moving forward, he dispensed the cups between the three of them and took his seat on the metal chair once again. Ed took one whiff of the coffee before moaning loudly in such a way that had both Roy and Al’s eyebrows rising. But apparently the blonde didn’t care what they thought as he proceeded to tear the lid off of his cup and blister his tongue with the steaming liquid.

 

‘Slow, Edward. This is the first thing other than water that you’ve had in… well, at least a week.’

 

Surprisingly, Ed immediately slowed down to just sipping the drink.

 

‘Thanks, Mustang. This was just what I needed,’ Ed murmured, staring down into the cup.

 

And just like that, this tense quietness swept over the three of them. Al looked lost and concerned as he weighed the sudden heaviness, but Roy didn’t even try to analyze it. They’d talked to the doctor. They knew what Ed’s diagnosis was and it wasn’t a pretty one. He wondered how Ed was going to take it.

 

It’s not as if war hysteria was something that could be easily treated, either, since it was completely psychological.

 

But, like the doctor said, that was only half the problem. Or that was the theory so far. There was still something mysteriously physical going on.

 

‘Ed… how much do you remember?’ Maybe it wasn’t the best question to break the silence with, but Roy had to know.

 

The blonde’s body stiffened and his fingers gave a spasm where they gripped his cup. His voice was light in an obviously forced way when he answered, ‘Everything, more or less. Things get hazy when I try to remember what happened after we got to Helltem. But I remember everything before that… well, except for that year gap.’

 

‘Doctor Nelson believes he knows why you’re struggling with your memory. Part of it at least. And why you might be struggling with other things.’

 

Ed’s eyes shot up to him and again, Mustang’s breath was taken away by the incredible gold coloring. Nobody had eyes like Ed’s. Not even Hohenheim had- nobody had eyes this bright, this so close to being actual jewels.

 

‘Doctor Nelson… Doctor Isaac Nelson…’ Ed became distracted almost instantly and Mustang shared a look with Al, ‘Is Isaac from the compound alright? Did you get him medical attention?’

 

That’s right. The man Ed had beaten over half to death.

 

Roy leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees and folding his hands in front of his mouth, ‘Yes, he’s fine Edward. Don’t you want to know what we think is affecting you?’

 

‘War hysteria,’ Ed shrugged at the surprised looks he received, ‘I heard the doctor talking about it before I passed out that last time. I think I heard about that a long time ago. It has something to do with my mind, right? Not the brain but the actual psychological whatever?’

 

‘That’s right, Ed. War hysteria usually manifests itself in soldiers returning from war or battle, but we’ve seen it before in other cases…’

 

Ed’s brow rose, ‘Such as?’

 

Mustang straightened back in his seat and crossed his arms uncomfortably. Was this too soon for Ed? He’d been through a lot of trauma, so was it really wise to throw all of this on him all at once? But the curiosity and need for answers in the blonde’s eyes had Mustang’s caution crumbling.

 

‘Well, natural disasters, torture, sexual assault, basically anything that traumatically harms a person in some way can cause it. Or so that’s the unofficial theory. Really it is a term that’s only supposed to be applied to veterans but Doctor Nelson has already put the diagnosis for you in his files.’

 

The General’s stomach sank after he finished, crossing his arms tighter against himself at the vacant expression that had come over Ed’s face. The look that had appeared as soon as “sexual assault” had slipped from Mustang’s mouth. He supposed he’d already anticipated it, already predicted what had happened, especially given Artabanus’ behavior when the man came into the hospital. But still, it made something hot and vicious start cracking through his ribcage at the same moment that something cold and nauseous slipped down his body. The fury was hard to contain but the last thing Roy wanted was for Ed to close himself off. He wanted to demand what exactly had happened right at that moment, but the more logical side knew that would be the worst thing to do.

 

Ed was already too fragile. One push and he might break completely.

 

Al’s arms slid around his brother and the Elrics began swaying slightly. It looked ridiculous and awkward, but Ed’s eyes slowly began to clear once again and he smiled over at his brother softly. Roy’s heart reached out to them and he wanted nothing more than to be part of that moment, but he knew better than to come between those brothers. Maybe once he and Ed were alone he would have the chance to show Ed just how much that absence had hurt. How much Ed mattered to him. Chest clenching at the thought of being so vulnerable, he cleared his throat.

 

‘Along with memory loss, stress and high anxiety are signs of war hysteria. So is sleep deprivation, nightmares, flashbacks, things like that. Maybe those aren’t that… apparent, at the moment. But they most likely will manifest eventually,’ keeping his tone neutral was difficult as memories of his own struggle after Ishval tried to surface. Some of that had most likely leaked into his voice anyway, but the Elrics didn’t comment on it, only gave him curious looks.

 

‘So that’s what I have to look forward to. Wonderful,’ Ed said, his words underlined by a darkness that Mustang could empathize with completely.

 

The way  the blonde just looked completely exhausted for a moment made Mustang rethink the wisdom of putting all this on him at once. But other than a short moment that Ed zoned out, he’d been handling it quite well. As in, he wasn’t having another episode from the stress of the situation. Mustang was taking that as a good sign.

 

He was taking anything he could get as good signs, like the way Ed’s eyes were mostly clear when they rested back on his for a few long moments.

 

‘How… how is James and the other children?’

 

Of course Ed would want to know about that. Of all the things Ed could have asked about, of course it was about the safety of others. It was so classically him that the General felt a swell of relief.

 

‘They’re all okay. All here in the hospital with us, in the recovery ward.’

 

Relief radiated from Ed and seemed to fill the previously tense room. A wavering smile plastered itself across the young teacher’s face and he seemed to withdraw within himself a bit, ‘How is James? Is he alright? What has he been saying? What have any of them been saying?’

 

And that was the hard part, ‘Not much,’ Mustang admitted quietly, glancing between Ed and Al regretfully, ‘they’ve all been fairly silent, no matter how much Hawkeye and Breda try to talk to them. You’ve actually been talking more than they are.’

 

Ed’s smile turned self-deprecating as the blonde looked down into his coffee once again, avoiding everybody’s eyes, ‘Well, they’ve been through a lot worse than me. Have you conducted physicals on them yet?’

 

‘The doctors want to wait until the kids are comfortable here in the hospital first before doing something so stressful… why?’

 

Ed sighed and leaned back into his pillows, barely glancing at Al when the younger Elric put a steadying hand on his arm before fixating back on Mustang, ‘You’ll find signs of torture, probably. Maybe sexual assault. And all the boys will be-’ Ed swallowed thickly, wincing and curling his shoulders further inward, ‘-they’ll be missing their genitalia.’

 

Ice and nausea pulsed through Mustang and he had to swallow against the burning in his throat as his head began to spin.

 

At Al’s horrified cry, Ed turned to his brother with a weak smile, obviously still struck with some sort of guilt- _survivor’s guilt,_ Roy’s mind supplied to him, ‘Don’t worry Al, they didn’t do that to me. But I’m pretty sure I was the exception to the rule.’

 

It was just too much. Roy hung his head and raked his fingers through his hair, heart pounding and head whirling.

 

_Just what the fuck did Ed witness over the past year? What he went through… how is he even sitting here, talking and smiling? The scars on his body, the episodes he’s been having, how can he still even fake a smile?_

Roy knew he hadn’t been giving Ed enough credit. Maybe he had, hoping that Ed would return to normal and that Ed was strong enough to battle his way through this. But he’d been way to naïve, or hopeful, or selfish. Now he found himself stunned at the strength Ed was showing right then. Only someone as strong and spirited as Ed could still be acting even remotely normal. How had Roy ever expected something different?

 

It was going to be a struggle, the General acknowledged with pain. It was going to be such a struggle in trying to help Ed back to normality. If there was ever a chance of normality again.

 

_It’s not fucking fair. After everything Ed went through, all that time, for the majority of his life, why is it turning out like this? Why did he have to go through that too? There’s no way to balance that. Not enough joy and happiness in the world could make up for what Ed and those children went through. Where’s the equivalent exchange in that?_

‘Mustang…’ Ed’s voice was soft and strained, and his face was twisted with a silent agony when Roy looked up, ‘I’m going to be alright… eventually. Don’t worry about me. We need to concentrate on getting the rest of the kids back and stopping the Ukreytans.’

 

And here was Ed, again trying to support everyone else and give Mustang a direction to work his frustration through. It made the General want to shake the blonde, to hold him and never let him go, to hide him from the rest of the world. But he could only give a shaky sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose to stall the oncoming migraine,

 

‘Intelligence and Investigations are sweeping through the ruins of Helltem already, searching the compound and the separate bunkers surrounding it. As soon as we have a lead where the Ukreytans might have gone north, we’ll be on the move. We have three teams cycling through sleep and recreation, so we’ll be ready at any given moment. Trust me, Ed, we’re doing all we can to find them. The real question is, what do you want to do? Doctor Nelson has made it clear that he wants you hospitalized for at least another three weeks,’ when Ed automatically opened his mouth to protest, Mustang raised a hand to hold off the boy’s complaints, ‘to avoid another violent episode like the one you had in Helltem. We still don’t know what exactly is going on with you, and although Doctor Nelson believes a lot of it is psychological, he’s been fighting to keep you under his care and not that of some head doctor. But of course it’s your choice, Edward. Do you want to stay here under Doctor Nelson’s care, or return to Central where you would be required to go into inpatient therapy at one of the new mental institutes?’

 

Ed didn’t answer right away, just shifted between glaring around the room as if the very space was offending him, to sinking inward and having darkness flit across his face every now and then. The minutes passed and Mustang let them, wanting Ed to figure things out for himself. The General didn’t think Ed had many opportunities to make choices over the past two years, so that was yet another thing they had to work on. Ed needed to become comfortable taking charge again. It wouldn’t take that long, Roy figured, since Ed had always bounced back rather quickly. The small struggles like making choices, walking on his own, and being free to do what he wanted would be easy to remember for the blonde. It was the rest that Roy worried about. The flashbacks, the episodes, the darkness or blankness that would cloud the younger man’s beautiful features occasionally.

 

Roy knew from personal experience that those would last much longer… years… decades, probably. And it killed him knowing that he couldn’t protect Ed from this. Couldn’t protect him from himself.

 

‘I want to see James,’ Ed finally said, as if completely forgetting about the previous topic. But the strain in his body showed that he’d taken Mustang’s words to heart. A choice would have to be made, and Roy knew which one Ed would take. The blonde was never the sort of person who would willingly go to a place where he would have to talk about himself- his feelings and experiences. There was no way Ed was going to choose to go to Central. For now, Mustang contented himself on remaining predominantly in the West.

 

_Maybe I should just request for a temporary transfer,_ he thought to himself. After thinking it over for a millisecond, he agreed with himself and added it to the long list of things he needed to complete the next time he made it to Western Command.

 

‘Are you sure you’re ready for that, Edward?’

 

A glower fixed itself onto the blonde’s face and Al gave a weak laugh at the look, ‘Of course I’m ready. If I wasn’t ready I wouldn’t have said I wanted to see him.’

 

‘Just like you were ready to go to Helltem with us?’

 

That made both of the Elrics fall into a somber silence. But Ed didn’t appear angry. Instead, he just lifted one of those fine golden brows and shrugged lightly, ‘I need to see James, whether I’m ready or not.’

 

‘Alright then,’ the General murmured gently, smiling kindly at his once-subordinate. Those days at the bar with the two of them talking alchemic theory and trading jibes seemed so long ago… ‘let’s take you to him, then. He’ll be glad to see you, I’m sure. And to hear that the nightmare is over.’

 

_Almost over,_ he corrected himself while analyzing the shimmering, beautiful blonde that was pulling himself off the bed with the help of his loyal younger brother, _we still have to find the other children, the Ukreytans, and stop whatever they’re attempting here. And Artabanus… he has to be taken care of. But the nightmare is almost over. Almost…_


	20. Chapter 20

‘Ed…?’

 

His heart had stopped, his mouth dry and throat constricted as he gazed into James’ hazel eyes. Time had ground to a stop, the gears in his mind going in reverse, taking him back to the last time he’d seen James. Laying on a metal table, sobbing violently as Ed raised an automail blade.

 

_Blood. Hate, so much hate and anger and devastation. The world spiraling inward to ignite itself and leave nothing but soot and wreckage in its wake. Tan skin paling and hazel eyes dulling with shock. The feel of a hand on his shoulder petting him and encouraging him, whispering words of pride and affection. His muscles trembling, hands shaking and the sickening, warm feel of blood speckling his skin all over._

‘James…’ it was less than a whisper but more than a breath, and Ed could only stand frozen as the brunette swung his legs out of the bed and rushed forward. Ed expected a fist in his jaw, for hands to wrap around his neck, so the arms that wound around him tightly and the head that buried itself in his chest was a surprise.

 

James shook violently and Ed embraced the teenager after the surprise had worn off. It had been almost two years since he’d seen his student. Somehow he’d been hoping that all of what happened was a nightmare- that James had never been taken with him- but the trembling mess of the boy in his arms proved him wrong in the worst of ways. And Ed’s heart was wrenching in a dozen different directions, shattering and warming like the remains of a broken bottle being bathed in sunlight upon a gritty sidewalk.

 

James was babbling, clutching onto him in such a way that had Ed falling apart inside, ‘I thought you were de- dead. They told me you died. That they killed you. The doctors said you were alive but I didn’t believe them. Samuel always told me you were dead, but you… you’re alive! I can’t believe it. I’m so sorry, sir, Ed, I’m so sorry…’

 

_What is he sorry for?_ Ed thought grimly, _this is all my fault. The Drachmans and then Artabanus wanted me, not him._

But he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. Floundering for words, he just held James tighter, ignoring the strong smell of antibiotics and chemicals that clung to them both, ‘I’m sorry, James, I’m sorry.’

 

The world held still for a while longer, with just the two of them plastered to each other, sharing so much with just that embrace. All the terror, the stress, the hopelessness of the past year communicated between them, but also the relief and hesitant hope began to blossom. For the first time since being “rescued”, Ed began to feel like this all really was real- that it wasn’t some dream that would end one of the times that he closed his eyes. It was such a strange feeling.

 

He was standing here with James in a hospital surrounded by the military instead of going through his usual daily routine. Instead of Artabanus hovering in the doorway with folded arms and an unreadable smile, it was Mustang.

 

When teacher and student finally drew apart enough for Ed to lead them back to James’ bed, time finally began again. And so did the wild maelstrom of Ed’s emotions. But he’d been getting better at focusing on the present and ignoring the tumultuous struggle in his head, and just in a few hours. Of course that could change at any moment, and he knew that. The fever had probably made everything worse so now that he was on medicine he was feeling more stable.

 

_I’m not sure I could handle a repeat of yesterday. It was too much._

Shaking himself, he focused back on James, who was just looking over him again and again, head to toes, as if he couldn’t believe his teacher really was alive.

 

A tinge of murderous intention worked its way into Ed’s chest as he thought about James’ words, _Yeah, of course they’d tell him I was dead. It would only help in breaking him, in molding him to their desires. Sick fucking animals. They’re lucky Mustang won’t let me out of this hospital._

‘James, how… are you injured at all?’ Asking the boy how he was would be ridiculous and offensive. Neither of them was alright.

 

James shook his head with a watery smile, ‘No, I’m fine. They never hurt me after…’

 

With the trailing off of those words, the gut-gnawing guilt was back, making his heart chill with frost. Ed glanced at Mustang, who was still standing in the doorway but was casually turned toward the hallway as if trying to give them as much privacy as possible.

 

‘James, you know I would never… I would never have done that if I… I didn’t… I’m sorry…’

 

The warm hand that grabbed his shoulder surprised him again, and he met James’ fierce eyes, ‘That wasn’t your fault, sir- Ed. I know that he made you. I saw the alchemy.’

 

Ed’s brows raised, even as the sickness inside him just strengthened at James’ understanding, ‘You _saw_ it?’

 

‘Yeah, it was like this purple glow underneath your skin where he touched you. I remember it looked like there was purple light following your muscles and veins. It was really strange, but I knew it was alchemy. I could _feel_ it. What kind of alchemy _was_ that? I’ve never even heard of it before!’

 

Confusion swarmed through Ed and he could only shake his head a bit in response. He knew what kind of alchemy it was- Artabanus had explained it to him before. Some kind of bio-alchemy. But he’d never noticed any sort of color or anything whenever Artabanus used it on him. How had James seen it but he hadn’t?

 

Purple, huh…?

 

_A flash of violet._

_‘Come now, Edward, stop fighting it.’_

_‘Fuck… you…’_

_Another flash of violet, brighter, his muscles shaking so hard that he could have sworn they were going to rip right through his skin, his heart so labored it was beating out of his chest. Head screaming and the feel of blood trickling down his lips from his nose made him question fighting, but he couldn’t let Artabanus keep winning, keep doing this to him._

_He didn’t want to play into these sick fantasies anymore, not willingly, not when he could fight as hard as he could against the alchemy even if it killed him._

_It was almost like a powerful rebound going at a fraction its normal speed, and happening inside of him. He could almost imagine how the energy from the circles on Artabanus’ fingertips were being interrupted by the sheer denial and rejection of his will. Alchemy, he had learned over his travels, was actually a very spiritual thing. A wonderful, frightening, powerful thing that was both based in science and spirituality. Once Ed had worked that out in his mind and found a way to counteract Artabanus’ alchemy inside his body, he had been practicing ever since. Kept pushing against the alchemy in a way that felt immaterial and useless at first, but after a while he began to succeed, even if it was just succeeding in keeping his eyes on the floor when Artabanus commanded him to look up. Every success was a milestone against this alchemy._

_Except, the very nature of his rebellion technically did cause rebound, an already incredibly dangerous event which was increased thousand-fold by the fact that it was happening inside his body._

_‘Edward, you’re going to kill yourself,’ the words were warm against his cheek and the lips that pressed a kiss there had Ed multiplying his attempts yet again at keeping the alchemy at bay, even as he was distracted by the mouth that began to work against his own._

_The cold, long-fingered hand that was digging into his hip pressed harder, almost breaking the blonde’s concentration completely. But he couldn’t give up._

_‘Artabanus, I don’t like having to fight this, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t let you force me to go along with this.’_

_A soft laugh puffed across his lips, making him want to turn his head away, but he held still. Fighting the alchemy and gently convincing Artabanus to stop was the combination he needed. Eventually he would tire, so he knew he had to talk Artabanus out of this and quickly. Already he’d been fighting against the transmutations surging through him for a few minutes, and the blood that was continuing to roar in his skull and slip from his nose was getting worse. His body was being wrecked slowly, tearing apart and failing on the inside. He wondered how long it would be before his heart stopped from the strain._

_‘Your body tells me that you want to do this,’ the hand that grazed between Ed’s legs made his concentration waver significantly again, and there was another flash of violet from his hip when he threw himself back into focus, ‘it’s your stubborn head that won’t let you enjoy it. You need to just let go, Edward. Don’t you love me?’_

_Another burst of violet, another shuddering gasp from Ed when the hand between his legs became more eager, another agonizing pulse in his head. He couldn’t have answered if he wanted to. He was so weak, so tired. All that he could do was cling to the willpower that he was forcing up against Artabanus’ alchemy like a shield. A minute passed… then another… and the pain in Ed’s skull and body became so severe that he began to tremble violently under Artabanus’ hands._

_He was almost in too much pain to be relieved when the alchemy disappeared completely. Artabanus was scowling down at him now, blue eyes flashing with a familiar exasperated, fond, amused anger._

_‘Fine. If you want no alchemy, we’ll do no alchemy.’_

_Ed wanted to fight against the hands that were binding his wrists behind his back, wanted to struggle when Artabanus began disrobing him quickly and efficiently. Wanted to shout and yell and attack the Ukreytan alchemist when Artabanus began taking what he wanted anyway._

_But he was exhausted. And the only thing he could think of as he fell unconscious from the pain was that at least his body hadn’t become a puppet in Artabanus’ hands again._

‘-d…? Ed. We’re here Ed. Come back to us, you’re alright. We’re in the hospital,’ Mustang’s voice was level and completely calm, unlike the panicked questions that were a background to the General’s words.

 

Blinking slowly, it took several moments before Ed’s unfocused eyes to make out the form of Mustang, who was standing a foot or two away from him with just one hand reaching out and shaking Ed’s shoulder gently. James was behind Mustang, pacing and staring wide-eyed at his teacher with concern set deep into his mouth and brow. Ed cleared his throat and straightened, realizing he was sitting on the edge of James’ bed, left hand so tightly wound around the metal pole that served as the footboard that he had to work on prying his fingers away from it. Even after he set his hand against his knee, the knuckles were still attempting to fade back to their normal color.

 

‘How long was I out?’ he asked quietly, finally meeting Mustang’s dark, calm eyes. The lack of panic or fear there comforted Ed, and he didn’t want to look away from those comforting pools of gray onyx.

 

‘About five minutes,’ the General answered, letting go of Ed’s shoulder and stepping to the side so that James could sit back on the bed beside Ed. The blonde kept his eyes on Mustang, though, not wanting to risk falling back into whatever that was. Even thinking about it was drawing him back, making him feel the same terror, exhaustion, pain, anger, fear, everything. The thousands of tiny things that tore him apart during that time.

 

During that memory that he had no memory of. When had that happened?

 

_During the year I can’t remember…?_

Feeling ill, he did his best to focus on Mustang. The neat quality of the man’s slicked-back midnight hair, the crease on his brow, the narrowness of the his sharp, intelligent eyes. The bold cheekbones and elegant yet strong jaw line. The lips that were shadowed in one corner in an almost-frown. The stiffness of his shoulders and the tightness of his crossed arms. Ed pondered at how the Mustang’s uniform seemed to hang off of him in some places, concave against his stomach where it used to be at least a bit clingy. Just how much weight had Mustang lost in the past couple of years? And why?

 

After just observing Mustang for awhile, which he was sure the General noticed but didn’t choose to comment on, Ed finally began to become comfortable once more, that foreboding and dark panic receding like a storm across the horizon of his soul. Sinking back into himself and forcibly relaxing his own muscles, he let out a stuttering sigh and finally turned back to James. The boy was still looking him over worriedly, so Ed gave him a reassuring smile.

 

‘I’m alright, James, sorry about that. It was just a… what do we call them, Mustang?’

 

The man’s dark eyes lit on his for just a moment before turning away again, ‘Which one of “them” are you referring to? The flashback or the anxiety attack?’

 

‘See, James? General Mustang is being a sarcastic bastard. That means I’m alright for sure- nothing to be concerned about.’

 

The snort that came from Mustang and the choked laugh from James made Ed smile warmly.

 

_Maybe I can do this Edward Elric thing after all._

 

The next few days passed with relative peace. Every morning Ed would wake up around seven or eight, get up and walk around his room or sketch for a few hours before the nurses brought his breakfast, and then he would go see Doctor Nelson in the man’s office. Every day the doctor would ask about what he remembered, what he experienced, and although Ed knew it was all for medical purposes, he hadn’t been very cooperative. Around noon Al and Winry would come in and the three of them would spend hours together talking and just basking in each others’ presence. When they left in the evening, Ed would go and sit with James until it was time for dinner. And then he would be taken back to his own room with hours to agonize in the lonely darkness.

 

Strange how… wrong… it felt not to have a body cradling his when he tried to go to sleep. He’d gotten so used to Artabanus’ arms wrapped around him and the feel of the man pressed against his back that Ed was constantly tossing and turning at night, never truly able to feel right enough to get a good night’s rest.

 

Winry finished updating his automail and the reattachment procedure was the gentlest he’d ever received from his childhood friend. Every time the girl touched or even looked at him, it was like she was memorizing everything about him just in case. Al was the same way the first couple of days but he finally began relaxing around his big brother, letting the bright and ecstatic reality take hold that Ed was there to stay.

 

Mustang came around at least once a day as the days passed into a week, but military matters kept dragging him away.

 

Over the past few days, Ed learned that the class he was teaching had been put on hold since he’d been missing, since the university didn’t really have anybody else that matched his qualifications, other than Alphonse, but they’d rightfully thought it was too indecent to ask the brother of their missing teacher. A few of the Amestrian children that had been rescued along with James were already being let out of the hospital and into the care of their families, who had all sworn to get the children psychological care. Just like Ed had warned, all the boys were mutilated between their legs, and didn’t go home the same innocent kids they once were. Most of the families talked about putting the boys into a private church schooling, which was the darkest irony Ed could think of.

 

James was apparently due to leave as soon as his family arrived from the East. His older sister Veronica was already on her way. She had apparently missed her brother very much, and was distraught on the telephone by what James’ expression showed Ed. Again, that guilt had returned. James would never be the same, and it was all Ed’s fault. Everything. But James seemed oddly optimistic every time Ed sat down to play a game of chess with the teenager before dinner. Ed listened as his student talked about completing his education at the university and then going to travel to Aerugo with Veronica. Curious but not wanting to appear totally insensitive, Ed didn’t voice his queries about how James was ever going to have a romantic relationship- get married… he certainly couldn’t have children anymore. So much from a life, stolen in one swift gesture that Ed had performed.

 

It was almost too much to bear sometimes.

 

The other children weighed on his mind like constant shadows crying for his help as well. He kept thinking about the ones that they saved, who were apparently still being interviewed by the military but were staying quiet. And then the ones that were still missing…

 

Mustang assured him every day that they were looking, that Intelligence was doing their best investigating Helltem, and the Northwest had already increased military presence. Apparently the story about the Fullmetal Alchemist had spread and the fact that he- along with several children- had been kidnapped by a religious, foreign group. The national attention had pushed the Fuhrer to provide more resources to Mustang and the rest of Western command. The abduction of children was always a touchy subject for the public, so Mustang had come forward to several journalists and informed them of a watered-down version of the situation, encouraging the journalists to put in the papers that the military was constantly searching for the children and that anyone who saw anybody suspicious or with a foreign Western dialect should contact the military outpost closest to them. So far there weren’t any hits in that area but Mustang was confident the people would be vigilant and the Ukreytans would mess up eventually. Hawkeye and Breda had come out for a couple of days, making sure that radio signals were set up in the hospital for immediate communication back to Central, but had already departed before Ed barely had time to see them.

 

Ed wished he could join in the nationwide search, and it all seemed so small from where he was laying in the hospital bed. So small and far away, making him more and more frustrated as the days passed without any word about the children. Once or twice Al had hesitantly offered to go and search himself, saying that he would do whatever his brother needed him to do. The gesture was such a kind and warm one that Ed found himself choked up each time, and selfishly telling Al to stay. Ed wasn’t sure he could be apart from Al just yet. Not so soon after they’d just reunited.

 

Winry had become a messenger and errand-runner between the hospital and Western Command, constantly moving between the two. Since everybody was usually up and moving around away from telephones, Winry was the go-to girl now. Ed was amused every time Winry came storming into his room, exhausted, and collapsed onto the side of his bed. She would rant and grumble about how unfair it was that she had been somehow pulled in to help the military, but never really brought Mustang’s name into it directly which calmed Ed. Mustang and Winry had never really gotten along, stemming from the day that the man came to Resembool to offer Ed and Al a future. Maybe that’s what was still bothering her recently. Winry never badmouthed Mustang, no, but sometimes when the General entered the room and Winry was present, she would give the man the strangest look. A look that Ed had never seen on her face before- it almost read as threatened and angry, but not either of them. The frown creasing the corner of her mouth, the furrow of her brows, the simmer of something behind her gorgeous oceanic eyes. Ed just couldn’t figure it out, though.

 

Other than that, the borders had been reinforced with more military patrols- the western and southern borders into Amestris had apparently already been blocked, no immigration or other transport allowed, since the Drachmans’ attempted invasion two years ago. Negotiations and attempted peace between Drachma and Amestris was still continuing, and probably would take another few years to really be on friendly terms once again. It’s amazing the Ukreytans somehow had been getting through the blocked border in the first place, with all the Amestrian military personnel scouring those areas in case of any more Drachman terrorists. There had to be some group of Amestrian soldiers that had been letting them through.

 

Ed mentioned this to Mustang the next time the General visited, and he somberly agreed, promising to get another Investigations unit from Central to take a look into it.

 

So many resources were being thrown into the whole ordeal that Ed wanted to feel like they would get to the children in time and stop the Ukreytans, but he was still weighed down by an inexplicable foreboding and guilt.

 

After talking to Mustang, Ed was surprised by the appearance of Dr. Marcoh, who without preamble began to take a rigorous physical examination of his body. Ed was humiliated when the man lifted a brow at the scars on his leg, abdomen, wrists, and neck, and didn’t say a word until the man left muttering. Apparently whatever Marcoh had discovered during that short physical had him frustrated. Or rather, what he didn’t discover, Ed reflected.

 

In any case, not only did he have Doctor Nelson hovering over him like a hawk, now there was Marcoh. The blonde guessed he was lucky they hadn’t tried to force him to see a head doctor yet. A “psychologist”.

 

_Ridiculous._

Alphonse had remained a constant fixture by his side, which he took strength from when he had difficult moments, moments where he would open his eyes confused about where he was, thinking that he was still in the compound somehow. And although the curiosity was obvious in his younger brother’s eyes, Al never once questioned him afterward when he would ask where Artabanus was.

 

Ed hadn’t told anyone much about Artabanus, even when Mustang patiently asked about the strange alchemy he had used. Ed didn’t know why, but every time he opened his mouth to talk about his captor, an enormous, gut-wrenching sense of wrongness came over him and he couldn’t get a single word out. Like he would somehow be betraying Artabanus by talking about the man.

 

_But what is there to betray? He is the monster here… why should I care…?_

It annoyed and frustrated him to no end but he was determined to try and not think about it as much as possible. He had plenty of other things to think about.

 

Two weeks passed. Weeks in which Ed’s body slowly began to heal, and his mind slowly following as well. The episodes were becoming less and less frequent, now down to just one or two every few days, which was a relief to everybody. The nightmares remained a painful constant, but despite that the days in which Ed woke up knowing where he was and who he was were increasing.

 

And so Ed woke up on a Friday morning, blessedly devoid of confusion and panic for the third day in a row. Staring at the white ceiling of his hospital room, he let a small smile curl his lips before he closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

 

‘I am Edward Elric,’ he whispered to himself, ‘brother of Alphonse Elric, friend of Winry Rockbell, ally of Roy Mustang…’

 

_…teacher of the boy I mutilated. Lover of the man I hate._

He opened his eyes tiredly, focusing on the sunlight that streamed through the window and warmed his legs in golden stripes. The sound of birds still chirping excitedly in anticipation of the new day was nearly drowned out by the occasional passing car. Outside the closed door, the sounds of muffled voices, harried footsteps, and clatter of metal oscillated randomly, indicating the hospital was already in full swing. There was just the slightest of chills that crept its way through the thin blanket that was wrapped around his body like a flimsy cocoon. Although, Ed could barely feel it. His body was feeling strangely numb this morning, and once he began to consider sitting up and reaching for his papers and pen, he automatically felt too exhausted and gave up the thought. A dark, strangled feeling began to take hold of his insides, a familiar feeling from when he’d been held captive. In the same way as back then, he couldn’t find the will in him to move a single inch in bed. And this time he didn’t have Artabanus’ hands to force him up and around like he did back then.

 

_He was curled in on himself, eyes sightlessly focused on the wall, hands limply curled in front of his face. He had awakened like this and felt so tired… so weak… he didn’t want to move. Even as he felt Artabanus behind him begin to stir, the arms tightening around his waist, he couldn’t sit up or untangle himself from the redhead, or even mutter a good morning. It was like he was paralyzed, except he knew he wasn’t. He could do any of those things if he desired it, he just didn’t. Didn’t want to. Didn’t know how. Didn’t. It took a few minutes for Artabanus to finally wake up fully, and the man gave a pleased hum when he realized that Ed was awake but hadn’t moved from his arms. A warm press of lips against Ed’s temple didn’t faze the blonde one bit. His vacant eyes still stared straight ahead, barely registering the burn of them staying open for so long. Words were murmured into his hair before Artabanus began climbing out of bed. A flash of loss dug into Ed’s chest when the arms left his middle, but he quelled it quickly and silently._

_He wasn’t sure how long passed before Artabanus’ concerned and exasperated face crouched down in front of his eyes._

_‘Edward, my dearest. Do you hear me? It is much too late to still be laying around. There is work to be done.’_

_Leave me alone, was the desperate, faint, exhausted thought that flitted through the blonde’s mind, but he could no more speak the words than he could lift himself from the bed. It was impossible to even comprehend doing at the moment._

_At his lack of response, Artabanus sighed and reached a hand out to grasp Ed’s limp left palm, ‘Up we go, my dearest.’_

_It was agonizing to be forced to move, and for a moment his body protested so much that he didn’t move, which obviously surprised Artabanus by the flicker of shock in the man’s blue eyes. But a moment later Ed’s body was sitting itself up, despite the mental, physical, and emotional torture it caused._

_Artabanus was quiet for another few moments after making Ed stand up at his side, gazing calculatingly at his young lover._

_But then he smiled, the critical expression smoothing out into something warm and endearing, ‘Don’t worry my dearest, you will feel better after we have breakfast. Come, let us get your young bones moving.’_

_Strangely enough, Ed had felt better after breakfast, even managed a brief conversation or two with Artabanus throughout the day. The swell of gratitude he felt towards Artabanus was both nauseating and a relief. And when the older alchemist wrapped his arms around his waist that night, Ed turned around and embraced him back, relieved by the lack of cold and numbness that had stricken him that morning. The shaky sigh into his hair and the tightening of those arms made him burrow closer, even as Artabanus’ voice nearly ruined this moment of comfort._

_‘Edward, never leave me my love.’_

The dark shadows dipping in and out of those stone walls receded slowly, being replaced by the sterile, flat whiteness of the ceiling above him. Swallowing tightly, Ed blinked a few times, willing the last vestiges of the memory away and trying to smother the aching in his chest. Again, the emptiness around his waist where arms were once wrapped securely seemed blaringly obvious and lonely. Cold, even. Mentally shaking himself, he almost wanted to summon the strength to sit up so he could bury his face in his hands.

 

_What the fuck is wrong with me? How the fuck could I actually miss that son of a bitch? It doesn’t make sense!_

Frustration burned at his eyes like acid and the ghost of a scowl creased his lips. Still, he couldn’t find the energy to sit up and face the day. He would rather wallow in the idiotic feelings and thoughts he was having.

 

_Well, maybe it’s not that I miss him… maybe it’s just that I’ve grown used to the physical part of him holding me._

A less worrying, but still sickening thought. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, reigning in the emotions that were beginning to run rampant throughout his body again. He’d worked hard during the past week to begin rebuilding whatever it was inside of him that was broken- whatever was causing the chaos inside- but whatever progress he’d made was being crippled at that moment. And now everything was just swirling around in that darkness, like flashes of lightening being swallowed by the black, billowing skies of a hungry storm.

 

Through the thunder inside him, though, he began to hone in on something outside of himself. A steady, familiar scratch of pen across paper, then the occasional pause. The crackle of parchment being moved and the clearing of a throat.

 

It took Ed back to his younger teenage years, when he would sometimes sneak away from Al every now and then and take residence on Mustang’s couch in his office whenever they were in the area. He would close his eyes and settle against the uncomfortable cushions, then just listen to his commander while the man did paperwork. Mustang would never say much about Ed’s random appearances, other than giving a sardonically raised brow and roll of his eyes before returning his attention to the desk. Ed appreciated the silent acceptance. The strangest fantasies would come to the blonde during those times that he would lay on Mustang’s couch and listen to him work. Fantasies Ed now attributed to him going through puberty, a confusing and terrifying experience for him since nobody ever really talked about it to him before, and he was either too busy or embarrassed to ask about the body changes taking place. Of course he had a slight knowledge of the subject, but had no idea the sorts of thoughts that would go through his head.

 

Like imagining Mustang leaning over the couch to kiss him, or how the man would look naked. The kinds of thoughts that made him flush with shame even now.

 

_Speaking of the bastard…_

Bemusement overpowered the debilitating darkness that was finally beginning to fade, and he managed to turn his head to the right, where Mustang was stationed in a metal chair a foot away from the bed, between Ed and the door. The blonde smiled softly at the sight of the dark head bowed over a clipboard balanced precariously on a knee that was crossed over his other leg. An ink pen was being twirled lazily through the man’s gloved fingers, a furrow in his brow that displayed his frustration clearly. It was such a familiar sight that Ed had the bubbling urge to laugh hysterically.

 

Mustang happened to look up just as the bright grin began growing on Ed’s face. The small, relieved smile the man gave in return had Ed’s heart soaring with blazing warmth.

 

_Fuck I missed him…_

‘It looked like you were miles away, so I decided to wait it out,’ Mustang said, voice calm and level even though it held a feather-light undertone.

 

‘I wish you wouldn’t talk like I’m made of glass,’ Ed sighed, even though he was still smiling, ‘when did you come in?’

 

With a glance at the clock on the far wall, Mustang shrugged, moving the papers from his lap and setting them on the bedside table where Ed’s journal lay, ‘About ten minutes ago. I thought you were asleep for a moment but your eyes were open.’

 

‘Maybe I sleep with my eyes open,’ pushing himself up into a sitting position was slightly exhausting but Ed managed it, strength seeming to grow the more that Mustang talked and looked at him.

 

Mustang scoffed loudly, dark eyes dancing with mirth, ‘You used to sleep on my couch, Ed. I know your sleeping habits- from your closed eyes to your steam engine snoring.’

 

Laughing, Ed couldn’t help grinning wider, ‘Speaking of which! I was just thinking about those times.’

 

The smile they shared spoke highly of the fond memories, and a comfortable silence settled between them, in which Ed was perfectly content to bathe in the warmth. Mustang surprised him eventually by rising just to pull his chair closer to the bed, so that his knees pressed against the side of the mattress when he sat down next. This left just a foot of space between their faces and Ed found his heart clenching in a most illogical way. He swallowed, wondering if he was feeling anxious or excited, or both. The shift of Mustang’s smile into something serious and careful made Ed’s chest tighten harder. He didn’t know what he expected, but the man’s next words weren’t it.

 

‘Ed, we’ve had a report come through from Elxomir. You know where that is, in the north?’ At Ed’s nod, Mustang continued somberly, ‘A man owning a shop there reported that he had a group of foreigners come in yesterday who had odd accents that ordered a very large supply of grains. Mass supplies. In such large numbers that at first he thought they were military, but when he saw an article in the courier about the kidnappings he reported it to Northern HQ immediately.’

 

Ed’s heart jerked in a completely different way and relief, anxiety, and fear began to battle inside of him.

 

_That could be it. That could definitely be them. Then…_

‘Ed. Do you think the Ukreytans will follow a similar pattern as before? Holing up in ruins nearby?’

 

‘Yes,’ he answered without even thinking, ‘they feel safest away from public attention, and people tend to avoid old ruins these days. Some kind of fear of the supernatural, is how it was explained to me. Plus, if they had been staying in cities or towns surely somebody would have noticed them. No, they probably have a couple of bases set up in the remnants of old towns around Amestris. And there are plenty to choose from,’ Ed added that last part grimly, which Mustang obviously understood by his empathetic nod.

 

‘If that’s the case, the three closest places they could be hiding are Yeyeim, Haoi, or Xiyhere. Those have been abandoned for centuries; they were old Drachman towns that were decimated as the Xerxians conquered Amestris.’

 

Briefly wishing Mustang had brought a map with him, Ed considered the General’s words before furrowing his brow, ‘Which is closest to Elxomir?’

 

‘Yeyeim. It’s only about twenty kilometers from Elxomir.’

 

‘That’s it. That’s where they are,’ Ed said confidently, straightening up and suddenly feeling a rush of adrenaline, the urge to jump out of bed and rush straight north consuming him.

 

Mustang gave him a long look, one that dragged Ed back to vibrant nights and smoky bars, with those eyes gazing speculatively at him over musing words and confusing smiles, ‘How are you so sure?’

 

‘They always supply at the closest towns and cities. They wouldn’t want to travel more than thirty kilometers away from their base at the very most. They may have good profit,’ at which Ed scowled furiously, ‘but they always hated having to spend it on fuel for their cars. Trust me, Mustang. They’re in Yeyeim.’

 

The General nodded, then hesitated, and Ed had the distinct feeling that Mustang wasn’t telling him something. Something important. But he couldn’t think about that further before the man was rising, dragging the chair away from the bed once more.

 

‘Understood. Thank you Ed. I’m going to be leading two teams to Yeyeim within the hour. With any luck we’ll have this wrapped up by nightfall and this nightmare will be officially over.’

 

Although Ed immediately wanted to demand that he go along, the memory of the last time stifled that request before it could even leave his lips. Discomfited by the fact that Mustang was going without him, but at the same time relieved and worried, he couldn’t really find any words about the situation. Mustang didn’t seem to mind as he simply stood at Ed’s bedside, hands sliding into his coat pockets as he regarded the blonde. So many things danced through the General’s eyes that Ed couldn’t possibly hope to keep up with or comprehend.

 

‘I’ll be back.’

 

It was a promise spoken with conviction and emotion that Ed hadn’t expected. Again and again, Mustang was catching him off-guard. Blinking up at the handsome General, Ed sighed, rolled his eyes, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. For a moment he struggled to stand but Mustang didn’t hesitate to help him on his feet. Usually Ed would be irritated, but the whirlwind of emotion whipping through his soul couldn’t seem to care.

 

His fingers curled themselves in Mustang’s collar and Ed let his forehead fall forward onto the man’s chest, soaking in the feeling of the arms that loosely embraced his shoulders in response.

 

Light and darkness slashed through his ribs like shards of glass and a warm salve, leaving destruction and peace in their wake. Surrounded by Roy, he almost felt like everything was alright. That the chaos inside his heart and mind was okay. 

 

Wishing he could immerse himself in that halo longer, Ed forced himself to just barely lean back, enough to catch Roy’s eyes, ‘You’d better come back.’

 

The man’s pale lips twitched and he leaned down, making Ed’s heart jolt in surprise for a moment before it settled warmly. Their foreheads pressed together, Ed imagined he could almost hear the General’s thoughts spinning around that cunning, manipulative brain of his. With a sigh that ghosted across Ed’s lips, Roy retreated, leaving the room without a backward glance and leaving Ed to drop back onto the bed.

 

Confusion, warmth, and worry remained with the blonde, curling around him as he glanced over at the paperwork that Roy had left. He picked the stack of paper up and let his flesh fingers trace over the General’s scrawling handwriting, a smile creasing the corner of his mouth.

 

_I thought he was going to..._

_Nah, this is Mustang I’m thinking about. There’s no way he would._

_Would he…?_

The heat radiating outward from his chest was odd in that it was almost painful, but at the same time it melted through the iciness that seemed to constantly be coating his insides. It was a welcome relief to the numbness but Ed swallowed, brow furrowing as he realized the source of the almost nirvana-like experience.

 

_Mustang._

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everybody! I just wanted to quickly swoop in to apologize for the delay in updating. On top of full time university, I've also started a full time job at a telephone company which requires 10+ hours per day. So I've been a bit buried in real life and most likely will be updating once monthly for a bit, until I can catch a break. I apologize for that and hope it won't disappoint you all too much, but life is life. I abhor adulthood. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

 

_The water surrounded him, gently numbing his senses in the most subtle of ways. Drifting around him like an aura was the soothing scent of lavender, wrapping around him like intangible arms and giving him a small source of comfort as his mind wandered. The tender hands that rubbed over his skin and automail kneaded gently, turning his muscles lax and an almost-buzz began to come over him. Those hands ventured down his body until they disappeared under the water and a smile shadowed itself across Ed’s lips. Without being urged, he turned his head and tilted his chin up. Lips automatically connected with his and a slow, warm kiss commenced. It wasn’t entirely enjoyable but it wasn’t awful either, and Ed found himself chuckling when Artabanus disrobed and squeezed into the tub with the blonde. It was a tight fit until the older alchemist lifted Ed into his lap. Steam rose from the water and the heat of their bodies together added to the mind-hazing atmosphere. Lavender and peppermint collided in Ed’s senses, and a trail of simmering sparks lit up his body as Artabanus urged his body more. The soft gasps that Artabanus gave were the only noises other than their occasional kiss and splash of water._

_The silence should have been comforting but soon it became stifling._

Ed blinked; focus slowly returning as he stared at the tiled wall opposite of the tub he lay in. Straightening, he scowled at the ache in his neck and steadily began moving his limbs back to life. He felt heavy and tired but pleasantly numb. The faint smell of cheap lavender extract wafted up from the cloudy water he was lounging in and he sighed when he realized that this was the cause of that memory. Or was it a flashback?

 

Roy would know.

 

Quickly regaining himself, Ed had enough mind to worry about the General and how the mission to Yeyeim was going. Glancing around, he realized there was no clock in the tiny private bathroom that adjoined his hospital room. Ed sighed and let his head fall back, ignoring the sharp twinge in his neck at the action. He figured he’d probably been in the bath for at least an hour, judging by the coolness of the water. But he had no will to lift his body from the stark, stainless porcelain tub. It felt like years since he had a good bath like the ones Artabanus gifted him with, even though it was probably just a couple of weeks ago at the most.

 

Time was such a strange thing that had become so scattered and foreign to him recently. It was almost like time had no more place in Ed’s life, and he was content to let it slide away from himself. Except in times like this, in which he had Roy to worry about. Now the minutes seemed to be morphing into hours as sightless golden eyes were trapped, unfocused, on the wall across from the bath.

 

‘ _You haven’t even written down Artabanus’ circles. Haven’t wanted to research them. You haven’t thought about alchemy at all in the past week. That’s not like you, kid…_ ’

 

Ed sighed and let his head fall forward, water licking at his chin as it dipped toward his neck. He closed his eyes and the words washed over him again. It was true, of course. He hadn’t thought about alchemy much at all. He was so consumed by the constant stress and worry about the captive children and the Ukreytans. And Artabanus…

 

Thoughts shifted into a wash of memories and images, flashing before his eyes in a myriad of colors and lines. Everything became disjointed and abstract, his mind shifting back into its defensive state of blurred shapelessness. He saw the innocent, tormented faces of the children he’d failed to protect. He saw James, and Winry, and Alphonse. Sometimes he glimpsed his father and heard the soft, ghostly voice of his mother. But mostly he saw Roy, Hughes, and Artabanus.

 

When a particularly vivid image of Artabanus turning a page in some text or other, a slight smile playing across the man’s lips, Ed found his own mouth mirroring the expression.

 

_‘…you don’t love him, Ed. You know that right?_ ’

 

The blonde automatically stiffened, eyes snapping open and back straightening as he whipped around and snarled, ‘Of course I don’t love that fucker! Forgive me if I have trouble getting out of the act I’ve been playing for so long! Don’t fucking judge me. Not you.’

 

As expected, he found himself yelling at thin air. He began to come back to himself and slowly his muscles began to relax back into the cold water. Chastising himself, he almost missed the breath-soft words that drifted over him, accompanied by warmth around his shoulders that could nearly be identified as arms.

 

‘ _I would never judge you, Ed… I’m just scared…_ ’

 

Chills raced up Ed’s body at Hughes’ words and he swallowed tightly, left hand rising to clasp the warmth that vibrated on his shoulder. Of course there was nothing there, but the warmth remained. Ed pulled his body up, curled into himself so he could set his forehead on his knees and focus on the heat still hovering over his shoulders. His thoughts had completely disappeared and he was left with an impossibly fast kaleidoscope of images that were driving his emotions on a wildly shifting ride. Fear bled into anxiety bled into anger bled into relief bled into something not quite happiness. He didn’t realize he was gritting his teeth and only came back to reality when a sharp crack echoed through the tiny bathroom. Ed jolted and glanced down at the right edge of the tub, where his automail had gripped so hard it had caused a fission to skitter down the porcelain. His heart resumed its normal pace after realizing he was still alone.

 

He sighed and laughed lightly, ‘You worry too much, Hughes. This is me we’re talking about.’

 

‘ _That’s exactly why I’m concerned_ ,’ came the wry response, and the warmth dissipated from his shoulders, ‘ _You, Edward Elric, do not know how to ask for help when you need it_.’

 

‘I don’t need help,’ Ed responded automatically with a strained smile, ‘everything’s over now. Roy will get the rest of the kids back and arrest those Ukreytan bastards and that will be the end of it.’

 

There was a brief silence and when Hughes’ words came again, Ed could practically _feel_ the frustration in them, ‘ _Stop being so damn stubborn, Ed. You know that Artabanus is just waiting for the chance to get you back. Do you really think you’ll be able to fight him alone when he does? Not to mention how screwed up in the head you are right now. I mean, you’re talking to dead people, still._ ’

 

Wincing, the blonde shrugged and swallowed down the acidic guilt and shame, ‘Well I doubt Al or Roy is going to let anyone fuck with me. They’ll help me with Artabanus…  And nobody can help me with my head.’

 

And so what if he was still talking Hughes? It was a small comfort when he was alone. Sure, it had been a while since they’d talked last, but Hughes’ voice was actually firm and lucid this time. Ed hated to admit it, but he would gladly admit himself insane as long as he could continue these interactions with his old friend. It wasn’t hurting anyone to pretend…

 

‘ _You need to talk to Roy_.’

 

Ed remained quiet at that.

 

‘ _Ed, if anyone can understand what you’ve been through, it’s Roy_.’

 

‘How so? Was he abducted and fucked with for a year?’ Ed asked sardonically, rolling his eyes and making an exaggerated motion with his arms that caused the water to lap at the edges of the tub.

 

‘ _No_ ,’ Hughes murmured, voice fading in and out, ‘ _but he’s been through a lot, too. If anyone can empathize with your condition, it’s Roy_.’

 

Suddenly Ed remembered all those years ago, when Mustang’s team had whispered between themselves about his dependence on alcohol. He remembered how Mustang was always careful with how much he drank at the bar. He remembered the darkness in those coal-like eyes and the shadows that never really seemed to completely leave them. Struck silent, Ed sat and contemplated that as the water changed from tepid to freezing.

 

Hughes was gone and coldness replaced his presence along with the chilling grip of reality.

 

What time was it? How long had he been in here? Was Mustang’s skirmish a success?

 

He wouldn’t know unless he got out of the water and went to find out, but he just couldn’t find the will to move. Like the cyclical nature of most everything in life, his thoughts connected to the beginning and his mind played along the same strings that led him to this spot. How was the mission going? How much time had passed?

 

When would he ever begin to feel normal again?

 

Something dark, choking, and oily filled his insides like the thick, greasy smoke from a fire, coating his insides with blackish tar. He felt heavy, thick, fuzzy, and somehow he’d completely forgotten how to move his limbs, how to function his own body. But most of him didn’t care. He just closed his eyes, slumping back against the slick, cold porcelain and focusing on the spots of light that shone through his eyelids like torches in a crimson night.

 

The scent of lavender and faint sound of the dripping tap sent him into a semi-conscious, restless state, leaving his mind blessedly empty.

 

_‘I would never do something if I didn’t think you would survive it. Remember that…’_

_‘All you ever do is raise me up…’_

_‘You are divine, perfect…’_

_‘Be careful…’_

_It really all was fate… wasn’t it._

‘-ther? Brother?’

 

Al’s voice dragged him back and Ed opened his eyes to face his brother’s frenzied movements in draining the tub and draping a multitude of towels over his body. Seeing his eyes were now open, Al gave a loud, relieved sigh before glaring at Ed.

 

‘Are you trying to kill yourself, now?! You’re freezing, Brother! How did you fall asleep in the bath?’

 

Sitting himself up, the elder Elric winced at the sharp twinge in his muscles. He really must have fallen asleep. Still, he laughed weakly when Al began towel-drying him like the mother hen he was, ‘I’m alright, Al. What time is it?’

 

‘Just after midnight,’ Al answered, voice still lined with frustrated worry as he stepped back to grab the clothes hanging from a nearby countertop.

 

Ed decided that drying himself off and getting dressed would be the thing to appease Al the most, so pushed back his questions and began the mechanical motions of dragging the rough, scratchy material over his skin. Hospital towels were so different from the plush, down-soft material that Artabanus made him use. Again he found something that he missed about his time with Artabanus and scowled, returning his main focus back to pulling the shirt over his head and tugging the loose cloth trousers up to his hips.

 

He looked up to find Al regarding him with something of a bittersweet smirk. Raising a brow, Ed crossed his arms in expectation.

 

The younger alchemist just shook his head, smirk widening into his rare shit-eating grin, ‘Nothing, Brother. I was just thinking that you really did get a little pudgy on your stomach.’

 

Ed blanched, hands patting at the softness of his abdomen before scowling at his chuckling brother, ‘Yeah, we’ll see how fit you when you spend a year laying in bed. I swear, once I get out of here I’m going to kick your ass, Al.’

 

Al just laughed harder, prompting Ed to cross the room and slap the taller Elric upside the head. Doubled over at this point, Al just grinned hysterically through his laughter. Finally giving in, Ed smiled and waited it out. He knew this was one of Al’s coping mechanisms. The anxiety of finding him unconscious in a tub had probably been a little panic-inducing. Giving an exaggerated sigh, Ed tilted his chin up and stomped over to throw open the door. Crawling into bed was both an enormous relief on his sore and frozen body and a mentally exhausting experience. He was sick of lying around. The desire to just get up and walk a mile or two was insanely difficult to swallow down.

 

Al followed after a moment and took a seat next to Ed’s bed, still smiling brightly. There was a true happiness that glowed from Alphonse that Ed hadn’t seen in so long, that he couldn’t help but return a small smile of his own. Leave it to his little brother to banish the stress in his soul like a candle to the darkness. A surge of love and gratitude choked Ed suddenly and he reached forward abruptly, grabbing Al’s hand tightly in his own.

 

‘I missed you,’ Ed murmured, smile wavering.

 

Despite the awkwardness that chased the emotion, Al reciprocated quickly, grabbing Ed’s flesh hand between his and tears welled in his eyes, ‘I missed you too, Brother.’

 

Something tight and heavy began to alleviate in Ed’s chest and a comfortable silence filled the room. He focused on Al’s even breaths and the hint of the unique smell that was his brother. He never noticed it until Al retrieved his body, but Al definitely had a special scent that Ed had been missing. No longer the metallic tang of iron, Al’s scent consisted of cotton and earth and the rain. Ed almost began drifting into sleep, the gentle darkness creeping up on the edges of his thoughts, until Al broke the silence.

 

‘I was going to tell you, Brother. Sergeant Fuery radioed Winry. Everything went well in Yeyeim and the General should be back here by dawn with details.’

 

A tsunami of relief crashed over Ed and he let it become audible in a large sigh, ‘Of course everything went well. This is the bastard we’re talking about, Al.’

 

Alphonse snorted loudly and Ed opened an eye to glance at his mischievous grin, ‘Please, Brother. I could tell how worried you were about him. Sometimes I wonder about you and the General…’

 

‘Wonder?’ Ed asked, face starting to heat as his thoughts spun around the odd moment he and Roy had before the General had left.

 

Giving Ed a look that said he wasn’t fooled one bit, Al leaned forward a bit, ‘You know what I’m talking about, Ed. You’ve had heart throbs over him since you were thirteen,’ at Ed’s horrified and stunned look, Al scoffed, ‘How could I NOT notice? You used to say his name in your sleep like some kind of cheesy theater show! And I’m not even including the times your body got really happy thinking about him!’

 

Ed couldn’t respond. His face and head were so inflamed with blood that he could only stammer useless noises that lacked any form of syllables whatsoever. Al continued for him, however, wide grin thinning into a serious but warm smile.

 

‘I just didn’t ever think he felt the same way about you. Until you disappeared at least. I think that’s when I realized the depth of feelings he has for you.’

 

This cut through Ed’s embarrassment. The strange mixture of curiosity and regret made his stomach twist. Yet something airy and light was like helium in his skull. This wasn’t something he’d ever imagined talking about with Al, despite the fact that they talked to each other about anything and everything. And Ed just didn’t think he had the energy to talk about this with Al right now.

 

So he abruptly, obviously, and gracelessly changed the subject, ‘I’ve been having hallucinations.’

 

Al startled and his bronzed tawny eyes shimmered with concern and intrigue, ‘Hallucinations…?’

 

Ed swallowed tightly and sat back, trying in vain to sort through the emotions that were swirling through his being, ‘Yeah… they started after a couple months when I was with Artabanus,’ and damn but why was just saying that name out loud to Al so difficult? ‘at first I thought it was just my own thoughts being reflected in other peoples’ voices, but they started giving insights I hadn’t really thought of before, y’know? They helped me plan; talked to me when I was sure I was going completely insane. Comforted me when everything started to feel hopeless. They started fading away, getting weaker and practically disappearing I think. But a little bit ago, when I was in the bath, it came back. It’s the weirdest thing, Al. I feel like those people are really there talking to me. I don’t know what to think about it all.’

 

Al was quiet for a while, and the air between them seemed super-charged with anxiety and worry. Thick and hard to breathe through. Yet somehow Ed found the atmosphere comforting, probably because it was a familiar feeling between him and Al.

 

‘Who are they of?’ Al finally asked, making Ed jolt at the sudden question.

 

‘Hughes and Mustang,’ he murmured, realizing for the first time that it was a bit strange… ‘those were the only people I ever really heard.’

 

All of a sudden the older Elric began to wonder why he never heard Al’s voice, or Winry’s, or even his mother’s. Those voices would probably have been more comforting than Hughes’ or Mustang’s had been. 

 

Apparently something in his expression revealed his line of thought, because Al’s mouth curled painfully into a slight smile, ‘Your mind probably picked out the father figures that you’ve had. The ones you respected the most, I mean. They were people that were strong and gave you that stability at the time.’

 

Edward snorted loudly but let the logic of the statement sink in. Father figures, yeah. Most of the people he’d looked up to throughout his adolescence had all been women though- his mother, Pinako, Teacher, even Hawkeye. It wasn’t that he hadn’t looked up to Hughes and Mustang… he had, in a different sort of way. They weren’t exactly father figures to him, more like…

 

More like war buddies, in a way, Ed thought with a quiet frown. He respected them completely, no matter the jibes and fights he had with Mustang, and he had felt strangely equal to them no matter the circumstance. At times he would feel immature or childish in front of Mustang, but still that sense of equal footing and understanding between them held strong. It was the same with Hughes. Ed couldn’t classify him as fatherly or brotherly, or friendly, just… something else entirely. But significant in a way that could never be put into words.

 

It was that sort of bond that he held with those two men- something profound and indescribable that he felt with them. Yet his bond with Mustang was growing, expanding out of its boundaries like a vine stretching outside of a flower barrel, seeking more, gaining strength and life as it spread.

 

_Maybe that’s why Mustang’s voice faded completely and Hughes’ still remains. This really all is some kind of subconscious torture that I’m inflicting on myself. Fuck this trauma bullshit._

Again, Ed somehow felt like he was shifting back into his old self, like the slide of a microscope changing ocular lenses. Everything blurred out of one focus… and into an entirely different one.

 

He glanced up to see that Al was watching him closely. Something about Ed’s demeanor had obviously visibly changed, judging by Al’s curious and wary expression.

 

‘Are you alright, Brother?’

 

Ed smiled, then froze when something struck him suddenly. His mind was getting better by the day, repairing itself, seemingly. Many of the supposed psychologists he had talked to told him about how the brain repaired itself after trauma, often starting to heal itself at a slow, steady pace. But most of the time, they had said, things will begin to come crashing back to the surface. Such as forgotten events.

 

_If I’m already getting better, getting back to myself, my mind rearranging itself… when’s the final shoe gonna drop? Is that entire nine months going to hit me all at once?_

The stubborn denial rose up to meet the terror that was beginning to pound in Ed’s throat, but wasn’t quite strong enough to mask the dizzying flood of panicked thoughts. Imagining everything that could have happened in those months…

 

_What is my mind trying to protect me from, exactly?_

A pendulum of emotions crashed back and forth inside of him violently, sending him careening between thoughts quicker than he could keep up with. But eventually something broke through the heavy rasps of breath and the dizzying black ink spotting before his vision, and there was Alphonse, holding his hands tightly and murmuring something softly. Something that lilted and repeated over and over again, until finally it dragged a bark of laughter from Ed.

 

‘Are you reciting the periodic table?’

 

Al smiled at him cheekily, giving his hands another rough squeeze, ‘Of course, Brother. It always calms you down, right?’

 

Ed rolled his eyes but sat back, stretching his limbs out from the tight ball they’d curled into. He kept one hand in Al’s and stroked the warm, slightly damp flesh to reassure himself of his brother’s existence. He didn’t know whether the sweat he smoothed between their palms was his or Al’s, but he cherished it nonetheless as he gazed down at the white sheets of the hospital bed.

 

‘It’s been almost… two weeks, now?’ Ed questioned softly, to which Al nodded, ‘would you believe me if I said I’m ready to go back to Central?’

 

Al’s face, when Ed looked up, was laid with doubt and glimmers of hope. Like he wanted to believe it, but everything else was telling him it was impossible. And so the younger Elric just gave a wavering upward tilt of his lips before squeezing Ed’s hand between his.

 

‘Sitting in here isn’t going to help me, Al,’ Ed practically whispered, feeling like a strange force was pressing down on the room and demanding the hushed stillness it now was filled with, ‘it’s just going to keep me frozen in time, giving me room to think about the past year. I need to move forward. You understand, right?’

 

‘Ed… you could have died. Almost everyone thought you were dead. You haven’t even told me what that man did to you! The scars on your neck, your wrists… your leg and your stomach…! It scares the _hell_ out of me, Brother. And you just want to… move on? _How_?’

 

The outburst had Ed shrinking in on himself guiltily but he just didn’t know how to answer his brother other than, ‘I just need to keep moving forward, Al. I don’t want to look back,’ and if a slight crack in his voice made Al look away with remorse as well, so be it.

 

Words stopped after that, and the chill of the room had them silently communicate the unanimous decision for Al to climb onto the bed beside Ed and slide under the sheets. Their legs quickly became tangled somehow, and Ed found himself breathing a shaky, relieved sigh into the crown of Al’s head, wrinkling his nose at the hairs that tickled his nose. But the earthly scent of his brother grounded him in a way that nothing else could, and he found himself drifting off to sleep with just the slightest feeling of strangeness. The unsettling feeling that the body he was holding and that was holding him wasn’t nearly as tall and slim as he was used to.  But it was still a comfort he hadn’t felt in a long time and his conscious blackened while a smile played on his lips.

 

A grimace stretched General Roy Mustang’s face as he wiped wetness from his brow, his hand containing just the slightest of tremors when his glove came away smeared with brilliant scarlet. The skirmish had lasted a little over an hour and had not gone to plan at all, leaving Mustang shaken in the worst way possible. They had planned to surround the ruins of Yeyeim- more like an old ghost town with its buildings still standing relatively undisturbed by nature other than overgrowth by the sparse northern flora- at five points and then begin to steadily enclose toward the center. They had known their presence would be obvious, was counting on it as they wanted to spook the Ukreytans out of their hiding places so they would attempt to run. Despite common belief, running prey was more easily dispatched than the prey that stood their ground and fought. They had accounted for so many errors, for so many possibilities.

 

But what they hadn’t accounted for was halfway into their tightening ring in the ruins, when they came upon the Ukreytans holding the captive children before them like shields.

 

Mustang’s first, quick, foolishly romantic thought was that they were giving up the hostages, but was proven immediately wrong when gunfire exploded through the air and the Sergeant on his left dropped to the earth with resounding, familiar dead weight. Pain slashed across Mustang’s brow, eye automatically blinded by his own blood, and he was one of the two dozen Amestrian soldiers of that group to duck for the cover of a nearby building. Mustang hadn’t been able to use his alchemy, and was left with a simple revolver as a weapon. His mind spun frantically for ways to get the children out of the way, but was shocked into complete, horrified stillness when the Amestrian soldiers at his side began leaving cover and firing back at the Ukreytans, either oblivious or uncaring of the children.

 

His roaring commands to cease fire were drowned by high-pitched, childish shrieks. Young cries rang out and the sobbing immediately began, which Roy could somehow hear above the boom of gunfire and thunk of metal entering either earth or flesh. He had clapped his hands together and slammed them to the ground, forcing a wall of stone up between the Amestrians and Ukreytans, heart shriveling at the thought that he was having to protect the children from Amestrian gunfire.

 

They were held suspended after Mustang’s orders were heeded, and could only listen to the other groups’ battles throughout the ruins. Finally the Ukreytans began to retreat, and Mustang led his team on a careful pursuit. Eventually an opening was handed to them in the form of First Lieutenant Amsel vaulting over a wall in front of the Ukreytans, grabbing a child, and disappearing between a building’s corner a moment later. Several soldiers followed and Mustang was finally able to unleash his alchemy on the scrambling Ukreytans.

 

Half an hour of messages running between the five teams later, and they all gathered in the center of the ruins with the surviving Ukreytans and Amestrian children.

 

_Nine,_ Mustang scrubbed his hands together uselessly, just further smudging the blood into the cloth of his gloves and giving serious thought to just igniting them completely, his own burnt skin be damned, _nine children dead._

The icy numbness fluctuated in his veins, sending another shiver down his spine as a heavy sickness spoiled his stomach. He felt like vomiting, shouting, razing the crippled buildings to the earth. But he could only stare blankly when a towel appeared to his left, extended by First Lieutenant Amsel. The quiet, still eyes that bored into his made Roy straighten and fix his mask firmly in place.

 

‘Lieutenant Amsel,’ Mustang said, voice scratchy with the smoke his fire alchemy had caused. The scent of charred flesh still hung in the air, more pungent than any funeral procession, ‘I wanted to formally extend my gratitude for your assistance to our team. It was a very effective tactic, although dangerous. Some would call it suicidal.’

 

Amsel didn’t seem to react at all. Just measured Mustang for a moment, making the General’s insides just chill further. Finally the Lieutenant nodded, ‘Thank you, General.’

 

And Mustang was alone again, staring after the Lieutenant’s back as he went between soldiers to assess their injuries. Mustang swallowed tightly and raised the coarse towel to his forehead, not even wincing at the sting and burn of the cloth against the graze of the bullet. If he’d just been an inch to the left…

 

A small noise trapped itself in his chest as he bemusedly realized he’d almost broken his promise to Edward.

 

He didn’t have long to contemplate that or gather himself at all, really, before a Sergeant was hurrying to his side, ‘General! We’ve separated the Ukreytans in the old cathedral. Stuffed ‘em in the old confession booths. Luckily there were about ten. A couple of the other prisoners we put into one of the adjoining rooms in there. Your orders?’

 

Roy thought quickly, glancing up at the already darkened sky. They drove military vehicles out so they didn’t have to await a train schedule, but that also meant they had a little more time if needed, ‘Where are the children at?’

 

‘We’ve already loaded them into the trucks, sir. The medics are looking them over and preparing them some rations and water.’

 

‘Good. Bring a truck into the ruins to load the Ukreytans into. Make sure you check every single one of them thoroughly- I don’t care if you see fit to strip them completely naked to make sure they’re unarmed. And I mean completely unarmed,’ the General flashed his glove’s transmutation circle before the Sergeant’s eyes so he understood, ‘leave one of them in the back rooms. Whoever seems like he’s in charge or at least a position of authority.’

 

‘Yes, General,’ the Sergeant breathed out, hastening back between the decrepit stone buildings. 

 

‘An interrogation, boss?’ a voice asked, and Roy turned to Havoc, who was approaching with a cigarette dangling from his lips. He was thankfully completely unharmed. The blonde soldier collapsed against the stone wall beside Mustang and inhaled deeply on the nicotine. Mustang could see the lines of tension tightening the usually aloof man’s eyes, and the misery was obvious in the blue eyes. Neither of them were pleased at how things turned out, no matter it was technically a success.

 

There were nine dead children being loaded into one of the trucks already.

 

‘I need to know if there are more Ukreytan groups like this. And how they’re getting past the border patrols,’ Roy told Havoc simply, trusting the man to understand. Judging by the vindictive, distressed edge to his eyes, Havoc wasn’t going to complain about an interrogation, no matter what methods were involved.

 

Which brought Mustang to a new struggle. Just how would he interrogate one of these Ukreytan monsters without violence? As part of the enormous reconstruction of the military forces, the clause on interrogation had been heavily amended, making physical violence illegal. Mustang was sure there were still circumstances in which this law was scooted around delicately, but what kind of Fuhrer would he be if he didn’t honor the most moral of codes?

 

At the moment he was not feeling so ambitious.

 

To use children as shields… it was something the General had never seen before and those screams  and anguished cries would only add to the darkness already clouding his soul. Perhaps it was selfish and just as inhuman as their actions, but he had the monstrous urge to just decimate the rest of the Ukreytan group. It was a burning rage bubbling in his veins, something he’d felt only a few times before in his life, mainly when he was facing the homunculi. It was diluted, though, and he was thankful that he could bite back the murderous beast without the presence of Hawkeye or Ed. Just imagining their faces behind his closed eyes gave him a sense of calm.

 

He was in no way mentally prepared for this “interrogation”, but he knew now was the best time, when the defeated Ukreytans were still shaken. Straightening himself, he nodded at Havoc to follow him. As they walked, the General swallowed down the fire and the bile thickening his throat and chest, urging himself to focus on sunlit eyes and brilliant smiles. He thought of that unique voice that held unending expressiveness and passion as it strung together a quartet of simple syllables that created profound and genius musings. He thought about the young and the present, how much that golden figure had changed, had grown, had fought. And how despite everything, that man had kept to his morals and his codes.

 

Roy Mustang still had a lot to learn from Edward Elric.

 

The cathedral had obviously become the center of operations, and Mustang was distantly angry at the fact that they hadn’t informed him of this, until he glimpsed Lieutenant Amsel directing the flow of soldiers as they loaded heavily restrained Ukreytans onto one of the trucks. Catching his eyes, Mustang could only give him a simple nod of thanks and acknowledgement before heading into the crumbling entrance of the once-magnificent church of mauve and gray stone. It was easy to ignore the crawling chill of the breeze scuttling up his arms, simple to push the feel of blood trying to drip down his temples away, and he had already forgotten the pungent scent of smoke that clung to his uniform like a permanent reminder of his sins and salvations. But entering in the cathedral and seeing the blood splattering the stone as medics knelt over pale-faced soldiers brought every tiny sensation back to assault him with unrelenting, unforgiving force. Too-lucid memories of flames bursting through a city gone to hell, the smoke choking him and the scent of roasting flesh filling the air like a viscous smog…

 

And then the heat of Havoc’s arm pressing against his, from shoulder to wrist, had him focusing once more. Without a glance at the Lieutenant, the General straightened his shoulder and entered the open room, tasting the coppery scent of blood on the roof of his mouth as he passed the wounded Amestrians, stopping for a moment to give them his attention. Leadership came with the obligation of forced smiles and strong, encouraging words. Usually Roy would dislike this after a battle, but he knew this one had been just and the words came easier, the glimmer of worship and awe in the soldier’s eyes easier to bear.

 

Moving on to the doorway behind the altar, where the leader of the Ukreytans would have been placed, he tried to stifle any visible response to the soldiers’ conversations behind him.

 

‘To have fought with our future Fuhrer… I’ll never stop telling this one.’

 

‘He thanked me… I can’t believe it. Someday I get to tell my kids that I fought beside the Fuhrer.’

 

‘The scars are worth it for just a fraction of the General’s attention…’

 

Swallowing tightly, Roy put his gloved palm upon the worn wood of the door, feeling the cold seep through the material to settle against his skin in a grounding way. The cold always helped to keep him in line, to create a sharp, icy edge to his thoughts and freeze all the thoughts that tried to seep their way into his tightly controlled masks. It was something he was beyond grateful for as he swung the door open and came face to face with a pale-skinned man with copper hair and brilliant emerald eyes. Mustang glanced at the two soldiers at either side of the absurdly young man and motioned them out. With a nod, Havoc closed the door, leaving just the General and the Ukreytan in the small, windowless room lit only by the crooked and scarred iron chandelier. Crippled shelves lined the room and the Ukreytan sat upon the ragged remains of what used to be a bed.

 

Mustang stood silently, letting his eyes bore into the man who had a false air of confidence and uncaring about him as he lounged upon the ages-old furniture. The Ukreytan’s posture was loose and open, but the tremors in his hands and the twitching of his mouth betrayed his unease. After a full minute of silence had passed, the nervousness spread in the form of the man’s eyes darting between Mustang, the door, the floor, and the ceiling. He was a good pretender, the General had to admit. Especially for his age. The man couldn’t be past his mid-twenties. But a good leader surpassed years, and Mustang could see the sharp slice of intelligence in those glazed green eyes, only just stronger than the insanity lingering within them.

 

_Strange how those two are often interchangeable._

Finally, four long minutes of stillness later, the Ukreytan cracked. In a physical sense as much as a metaphorical one, Mustang mused as he watched the young man rocket off of the bed and begin loudly pacing the room from wall to wall, a good five feet from the General.

 

‘I know you execute us now, yes?’ the Ukreytan said in heavily accented Amestrian.

 

With an easy tilt of his head, Mustang replied, ‘Perhaps. That depends on you, at this point.’

 

Green eyes peered at him sharply from under that fringe of orange-red, ‘How?’

 

‘If you answer my questions, and do that honestly, I may refrain from incinerating your… posse. Hell, you might even get a fair trial.’

 

‘Incinerating? I do not know this word.’

 

The General demonstrated with a quick slide of his fingers together and a funnel of oxygen that consumed the bed in flames. Just as quickly as it ignited, Mustang forced the oxygen away, leaving a billow of smoke and smear of ash where the wood had once been. He hadn’t taken his eyes off of the Ukreytan, and so had seen the paling of his face and the flash of recognition in his features.

 

‘ _You_ ,’ was the hissed response, ‘I know you. You are called a demon by my people. _Seytan enkarne_.’

 

Humming placidly, Roy took a step forward. The Ukreytan stumbled back, hackles raised and a maniacal sneer on his lips. There was madness in his eyes, much clearer now that he knew who Mustang was. Mustang himself was not surprised. He was infamous throughout Amestris, it was likely the same rang true for the countries surrounding their blood-soaked home as well.

 

‘Maybe I am the devil,’ he murmured, measuring the Ukreytan’s terror-stricken expression with an ounce of bitter vindication, ‘but even I would not use children as shields.’

 

Expression filled with something like hostile disgust, a face one would give to something particularly horrid, the Ukreytan simply scoffed, ‘You do not understand.’

 

‘Then explain it to me,’ Mustang offered, shifting to take a seat on the stone floor, seeing as there were no chairs or other surviving furniture. With obvious hesitance, the Ukreytan mirrored his actions on the other side of the room, distrust and fear still thick in the air like the smoke still petering out through the cracks in the walls, ‘tell me what your interest is in Amestrian children.’

 

Standard questions needed to be sifted through and answered before Mustang could get to the ones he actually cared about. He already knew most of what the Ukreytan would tell him about the children and their purpose. It truly was a cruel world.

 

‘No interest, _Seytan_. Simple business. We take, we baptize, and we sell.’

 

‘And how far does your business stretch? Are there more groups like yours in Amestris?’

 

The Ukreytan’s eyes narrowed and he scowled deeply as he hesitated, ‘You… no lies in my people living? You will keep them alive?’

 

‘I swear it,’ Mustang said with complete sincerity, keeping the Ukreytan’s eyes and allowing the leader to see his honesty. The General was a bit confused by the Ukreytan’s absolute belief in his earlier bluffs about killing the Ukreytan group. But if the man considered Mustang some kind of demon… well… ‘Your people will be treated fairly and with respect as long as you cooperate with me here and now.’

 

A few long moments of contemplation commenced, in which Mustang organized his thoughts and observed the shaking Ukreytan. The man truly did have a strong façade, but Roy was a master at the craft and could easily tear apart the mask in his mind, peeling away the layers until he could perfectly see the trembling, anxiety-ridden child cowering beneath the Ukreytan’s charismatic exterior. The General wished he’d been facing somebody older, stronger, and colder, so that he could cling to his rage. But this young man before him just left him feeling empty and exhausted. And so he already knew the Ukreytan’s answer when the orange-red head nodded.

 

‘There are other groups- do not ask where, I do not know. Only in the South and North. They join in Ukreyt every two… what is this word? _Ay_? _Aylar_?’

 

The man squinted at Mustang and the General could only helplessly try to decipher the meaning from the dialogue. He had no grasp of the Ukreytan language whatsoever and suddenly wished he had a direct radio line to Edward. Surely the genius would know after his time spent with the Ukreytans. Then again, perhaps not, knowing the blonde’s broken memory.

 

‘Days? No. It would be impossible for you to all meet up so often without being detected. Months, then?’

 

The man could only shrug, ‘But we do not talk. We only give the _urun_ and return. So I do not know about them.’

 

‘I assume they would be huddling in ruins like your group though, correct?’ Mustang drawled, allowing his tense demeanor to shift to boredom with a strategically placed chin against a hand and his elbow resting on his knee.

 

Scoffing, the Ukreytan quickly objected, body unconsciously mirroring Mustang’s body language, just as the General anticipated. It left an air of confidant between them, almost, as Roy knew it would, ‘I do not know this, but I think they must go in cities. They always have good clothing and fat stomachs. _Obur_.’

 

_That didn’t sound very friendly._

‘You don’t like these other groups?’ Mustang let the surprise bleed into his voice.

 

‘ _Hayir_ , they love too much the Amestrians. They keep most of the _urun_ for lust. _Igrenc_ ,’ he shook his head.

 

Stomach curdling and heart beginning to sink, Mustang gave an empathetic noise. He didn’t need to have a clear grasp on the Ukreytan language to understand what the man was saying.

 

_So instead of product, the other groups are keeping the children as sex slaves. Fucking wonderful. Just when I thought this situation couldn’t get more twisted._

Which reminded him…

 

‘In Helltem there was a laboratory. You were impregnating girls and using alchemy to try and strengthen or alter the wombs. I could understand that much from the notes that we found and the details of the transmutation circles. Obviously it didn’t work, but I’m surprised that none of you died from the human transmutation. Could you tell me more about that? Explain what your endgame was, and how you achieved it?’

 

‘I do not know,’ the Ukreytan murmured, discomfort obvious. It had appeared as soon as Mustang mentioned the laboratory and had only grown exponentially.

 

‘But you are the leader of the group in Helltem, correct?’

 

‘I am. But I do not know. The magic, it is not known to me.’

 

‘You mean the alchemy?’

 

‘Yes, I do not know. That is the _bilim adamlari,_ not me. Isaac and Francis and Artabanus. I know they mean to make a stronger people. Stronger and smarter. Put the circles on the stomach, light them, and the women die. They are not meant to die.’

 

_What the fuck is wrong with these people? Everything has pointed to religion and profit until now. Baptizing children by removing their genitals, selling them to people in their home country as religious items, believing alchemy to be magic, the belief in demons and devils… but this. This is scientific and all-too logical- to use alchemy to attempt to enhance the human race. Somehow they had enough knowledge and skills to not only create the circle, but to use it without being consumed by the imbalance involved in human transmutation. Although the transmutations have all been failures, the only materials we could find in the laboratory were the corpses of other dozens of dead women and just a few ounces of sulfur and iron. The contrast between these two belief systems doesn’t make sense._

_I’ll need to talk to one of the people he mentioned. Isaac is in a coma from Edward’s attack, and I don’t know of a ‘Francis’. Artabanus, however…_

Just the name sent a white-hot, blinding anger searing across his veins, and Mustang clung to this but was careful to hide it out of sight as he spoke, bringing the Ukreytan out of his apparently troubled thoughts, ‘Tell me about this Artabanus person.’

 

The Ukreytan’s lips twisted into something that was indistinguishable between a smile and a grimace, ‘Artabanus, good brother. Good alchemist, you would call. He went mad long ago. His… _takinti_? Deep interest with Edward hurt him. But I still love my brother. Most divine of us all.’

 

Roy’s heart flared with pain and heat but he had to swallow it to ask the next question, ‘You knew of Edward. What did Artabanus do to him?’

 

The Ukreytan’s eyes snapped up to him from where they had been gazing sightlessly at the dusty stone floor, a spark in them that increased the appearance of madness within their depths. Roy’s blood was already freezing before the man even spoke.

 

‘Artabanus loved Edward. Called him a god and the divine being. And but… treated him as… um… would your word be _pet_ possibly? Touched him in lust and hurt him in greed. And but never purified the boy. All _garip_. I do not know how to say.’

 

Frustrated, Mustang gritted his teeth and stood, beginning to pace as he repeated the words over and over again. The term _pet_ was especially lighting the blood in his arteries alight, and his knuckles ached with the urge to shift his fingers and obliterate everything around him. The fury was something deep and monstrous inside of him, like the whirling monstrous force of an oceanic storm, dark and unrelenting. Yet he wanted more information, wanted something detailed so that he could just _know_. The not-knowing every single thing Edward had experienced was clawing at him like a feral animal, sundering his logical mind from the wrath of his emotions.

 

The rare occurrence began to rise in which Mustang threw self-control out the window, his military countenance shifting to purposeful vendetta as his searing gaze pinned the Ukreytan in place.

 

‘There is a nine month period in Edward’s memory that is missing. Tell me what happened.’

 

By the time he stiffly stepped outside into the streets of Yeyeim once again, the dark had long since set in. Three trucks rumbled in front of the cathedral, headlights washing the cold stone in an unfeeling yellow glow. With Havoc at his back and the Ukreytan leader in tow, Mustang approached Lieutenant Amsel. The man stood at attention in front of the vehicles, ominously silhouetted by the artificial lights as he waited silently.

 

Mustang considered the soldier for a moment before scanning the area one last time, ‘Are we ready to head back to West Command, Lieutenant?’

 

‘Yes, sir. The children have probably reached the city by now. We are just waiting on you.’

 

‘I’m ready. Let’s go.’

 

The journey back to Western Command seemed short, with the way Mustang’s thoughts were sluggishly rolling around his mind in an exhausted haze.  His eyes stared out at the night, lingering on the faint lights of the occasional town they passed as he envisioned families preparing their children for bed. So many bright futures lingered there, like promises in the warm glow of candlelight that was held suspended past the panes of glass. The hours sliding by like grains of sand through an hourglass, yet it went like quicksand. Havoc fell into a silent slumber at his side, only apparent by the closed eyes and slouching of the man’s shoulders. Mustang spared a small smile for his trusted friend before turning his eyes back to the stars.

 

So much light… so much malice to extinguish it… the flowers that mourned it with elegant yet silent words. Faces shorn into photographs, flecks of silver grating themselves into the surface of the glossy paper.

 

Roy felt the sudden, breathtaking urge to drown himself in a bottle of something strong and dizzying, the feeling so intense he could feel his chest constricting and eyes burning. His priorities upon their return to West City began to rearrange themselves in his mind even as the soldier at the front of the vehicle announced their approach.

 

Twenty minutes later Mustang was climbing out of the vehicle and ordering Havoc ahead of him to the hospital. He received a bitter, knowing look but didn’t comment on it as he followed Amsel into West HQ. Debriefing the mission lasted only another half an hour in which Mustang’s thoughts constantly strayed to liquid salvation. He left the Western soldiers to the paperwork and bid them goodnight, setting off out of the building and to the first bar he could find.

 

It was in the middle of closing but the owner was happy to give up a bottle of their strongest scotch to the wayward General. And so, on the cusp of dawn, Mustang slid through alleys and side streets, taking large gulps straight from the bottle, caressing the slender glass neck with his gloved fingers as the alcohol burned down his throat and muddled his mind. Every so often he would pass somebody in the streets, mostly homeless men and prostitutes, but passed them without a word or a care for his state.

 

He arrived at the hospital and ignored the shocked and disapproving eyes that followed him through the main area and to the adjoining hallway. He was sliding into drunken oblivion at this point, and didn’t notice Havoc’s approach until the blonde’s hands were on his shoulders and guiding him to the wall so he could stand still and glare into the man’s sharp blue eyes. Havoc’s lips were scowling and moving quickly. Too fast for the General’s hazy mind to process, and so he waved vacantly for Havoc to stop.

 

‘Fucking pay attention!’ Havoc snarled at him, and Mustang was shocked by the sting in his cheek a moment later. Havoc’s hand was still raised, that scowl still pulling his lips.

 

A wash of self-loathing had Mustang’s knees buckling, but the Lieutenant held him up by his collar.

 

‘Roy. Listen to me,’ Havoc said, calmer this time, ‘There was a sighting of Artabanus while we were gone. Sitting outside of Ed’s window in the courtyard. Luckily the patrol on duty spotted him before he could get in the hospital. Get it? The chief is still in danger. You _can’t do this_. If anyone is going to be able to stop that criminal, it’s you. You’re useless like this.’

 

Panic was just a tiny nibble against the tilting and swaying landscape of Roy’s mind. He idly wondered where his bottle of alcohol went, and where he’d lost his military jacket. Then he wondered why there was a cup of steaming coffee in his hands, and why he was sobbing over it like a broken creature, words spewing from his lips that made the man sitting across the table from him pale. Havoc looked ill as Mustang talked.

 

And then Roy found himself sitting in the fold out chair in Ed’s room, stomach roiling viciously and head aching thunderously. The dawn was finally hauling itself over the landscape, and the tender, rosy hues it cast across the room lit on the two bodies huddled together under the sheets of Ed’s bed. The light shown on Ed’s hair, making it shimmer like rose gold. Roy admired the beautiful, angelic face as Ed slept, and he smiled at the portion he could see of Alphonse, where the boy had buried his face in his older brother’s back. They looked so peaceful, so content…

 

These were two souls that Roy had added to the small group of people he would gladly give his life for. So beautiful, so precious… these boys meant the world and more to the General. He didn’t realize he had risen until he was beside the bed, leaning over to brush the strands of honey almond away from Al’s face. He leaned further down to press his lips against Ed’s temple, drawing back when he felt the older Elric shift in his sleep.

 

‘Welcome back,’ the soft, sleep-lined voice spoke, and Mustang looked down into tired golden eyes.

 

A swell of something sharp and spiny and warm and soothing crackled through Roy and he just barely managed to choke back the emotions before they could make themselves obvious in his eyes. Nevertheless, he gave a shaky sigh and threaded his fingers through Ed’s hair before burying his nose in the scent of lavender. Soft muttering was his response, until a tugging on his sleeve had him moving until he was half-laying on the bed, back stationed against the wall while Ed levered himself up to stare at him. Something passed between them, invisible but heavy that crackled between stone gray and glittering gold.

 

But Ed smiled, and everything was alright.

 

Roy shifted one hand over Al’s loose hair, his other was wrapped around the elbow that Ed had thrown across his stomach. The weight of the blonde half on top of him had Roy’s heart stuttering with pain and warmth. Ed was already asleep once again.

 

Roy swiped his thumb across the skin of Ed’s flesh arm, staring at the boy’s sleeping face, gazing at Al’s contented smile.

 

_I don’t deserve this._

He tilted his head back, eyes sliding shut as his muscles began to loosen. Sunlight hit his face and his body let go of the tension completely as he faded into the black. Ed’s breath flushed across his wrist, making a smile twitch at the corner of Roy’s lips.

 

Like the night, his consciousness left with the arrival of the dawn.

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

The morning broke over the horizon in a bumbling struggle of warmth and light, echoing the torment of one blonde Elric as he fought into wakefulness. Groaning deeply in his chest, Ed blinked against the scorching rays of light that fell through the gauzy curtains. He twitched and attempted to move before realizing there was a comfortable weight across his hips. Startling violently when he realized Roy was practically on top of him, he jabbed Alphonse in the shoulder, causing a yowl from his younger brother. Al shot up and stared blearily at Ed, before looking down at what Ed was panicking over.

 

And then he smiled.

 

“Good morning Brother. When did Mustang get in last night? I assume he would have woken you for a good night kiss.”

 

            Ed’s jaw dropped and he could feel his face flush hotly. He shuffled upward more, blanching when Roy’s arm tightened around his hips, and then scowled at his brother when Alphonse’s muffled laughter echoed through the room, “You shut up, Alphonse, or I will tell Winry about that time when we were kids that you stole her clothes.”

“I didn’t mean to, Brother! I thought it was mom’s laundry basket! You wouldn’t tell her.”

 

Ed raised a brow at the dare and smiled slowly when Al’s face morphed into an expression of horror.

 

It was like old times, this sort of banter, and it was a comfort. Ed missed it. Missed his brother. Missed Roy. Suddenly his sinuses began burning and he tilted his head back, feigning a yawn to hide the glazing of his eyes. What the fuck was he trying to cry over? Everything was okay now.

 

Well. Everything would be okay once Artabanus was… behind bars.

 

And why was it so difficult to think that? Why was it so difficult to imagine the man that had stolen a year of his life in an equally trapped situation? It wasn’t fair. Whatever this feeling and twisted thought process was, it wasn’t fair.

 

_Why does this always have to happen to me?_

 

“Brother…?”

 

Coming back into reality, sensations began to make their way into Ed’s consciousness. He realized he’d been subconsciously rubbing Roy’s back but couldn’t feel self-conscious about that. And the smell of alcohol drifted through his nose after the clearing of his sinuses.

 

He glanced down at Roy again, now seeing how disheveled and wrecked the man looked. Dark circles shadowed his eyes and his mouth was a downward slash of discomfort. Ed frowned and stroked the man’s shoulders, feeling warmth flow through him at the loosening of the man’s tight expression and the soft sigh he gave.

 

Mustang had been drinking, then. Something must have happened during the retrieval of the rest of the children. Unease drowned the glow inside Ed and he had the urge to shake Roy awake then and there.

 

He didn’t need to, however, as the man’s eyelashes fluttered and that dark, dark bluish gray began to focus on the world. Mustang winced visibly before his eyes scanned his surroundings and landed on Ed. Something agonized and dark split through the General’s expression and Edward felt himself flinch at it.

 

Something was horribly wrong.

 

‘Roy? Are you alright?’ Ed asked quietly, barely aware of Al stumbling out of the tangle of sheets and tapping his way over to the door.

 

The door closed behind Al, and Roy’s eyes just wavered on him continuously. It was worrying, that look in his eyes. It was something Ed had never seen in Mustang before- like despair mixed with panic and regret. Something hard and cloying built in the blonde’s throat and he swallowed hard, beginning to inch his way away from the man, until that arm stopped him again. Mustang still hadn’t retracted the tight grip around his hips, even as the man began to rise further up to lean against the headboard. In fact, the grasp seemed to tighten, pulling Ed closer to him with a force that brooked no argument.

 

‘What happened?’ Ed whispered, claws of dread raking down his ribcage.

 

Shock shuddered through him icily at the choked sound Roy made as the man gave up all pretense of control and clung to Ed. If Ed didn’t know better, he would have thought the noise a sob…

 

‘Fuck, Ed, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you,’ Roy’s voice shook in a muffled way, as if he was fighting back tears.

 

The blonde put his arms hesitantly around the man, heart clenching, ‘Roy, you’re scaring me.’

 

The General was falling apart and Ed had absolutely no idea how to help, other than awkwardly hold the man with the same strength that he was being held with. It was heartbreaking, and even a bit physically painful that matched the shards of glass shivering through Ed’s chest.

 

What the hell was going on…?

 

The children…

 

‘Roy, what happened? Are the children okay?’ Ed asked sharply, shaking the General slightly.

 

Pausing in his harsh breaths, Mustang finally gathered himself enough to answer, ‘We saved most of the children. We lost nine of them, we couldn’t… it was our fault… my fault, I should have predicted… but the rest are safe.’

 

Stunned, Ed could only stare straight ahead as his head wrapped around that. Nine children lost. In the skirmish, he guessed.

 

_It’s not fair. Fuck, it’s so not fair…_

‘Okay,’ he breathed, steadying himself even as Mustang finally began to calm, ‘That’s not all though, is it? What else happened? What do you know?’

 

A stillness went over Roy that immediately worried Ed. It was a stillness that cried denial and deception. This expression Ed was a bit more familiar with and could identify it easily. Roy was going to be hiding something from him. He would be given a smidgen of truth and the rest would be hidden until Roy decided that Ed needed to know it. Fuck, and Ed knew he would never be able to drag whatever it was out of the stubborn bastard. When Roy wanted something to be kept quiet, it was impossible to give it sound.

 

_What doesn’t he want me to know? What’s he trying to protect me from? Damn it I don’t need protection; I need to know shit!_

‘Artabanus was here last night.’

 

The words shook Ed out of his thoughts and caused a flush of hot and cold to wash down his body, tearing him between eager curiosity and overwhelming fear. He met Roy’s eyes and they just stared at one another for a few long moments before Roy’s eyes slid shut and he sighed.

 

‘He was outside in the courtyard. Apparently the patrol on duty chased him away before he could do anything. I’m sorry Ed. I’m trying my best to keep you and Alphonse safe.’

 

And there it was. It made Ed’s heart swell and constrict with heady pleasure and pain. Just that statement- _‘to keep you AND Alphonse safe’_. Roy knew exactly how to play Ed’s heart, and unintentionally at that. The master manipulator was stringing Ed around his finger and didn’t even realize it. The blonde alchemist laughed to himself quietly, hysterically, mind sluggishly wavering between the present and his own internal struggles.

 

_Artabanus came to see me._

_Roy feels bad for supposedly failing at trying to protect me. I should tell him he’s doing better than I ever could._

_I should ask if Artabanus said anything. I wonder why he was here? Was he planning on taking me away or was he just making sure I was safe?_

_I need to tell Roy how much he means to me._

_I need to see Artabanus._

_I miss our talks – I miss our talks._

His throat worked futilely to swallow past the wad of cotton that seemed lodged, his limbs vibrating with the multitude of emotions that were raining down on him once more. Fuck. For just a moment this morning, just as he woke up, everything had been fine.

 

Now he was here again.

 

‘Ed? Are you alright?’

 

Except now he had anchors.

 

‘Ed, come back to me. I’m right here.’

 

He had Roy and Alphonse, Winry and Havoc and Hawkeye. They were all there for him.

 

‘Ed I’m going to get the doctor. Just sit still.’

 

They were all his family.

 

He came back to himself with a prick of pain in his arm. He whipped around to glare at the doctor injecting a clear liquid into his arm, ‘What the hell you fucker?’

 

Doctor Nelson just grinned and patted his shoulder, ‘There you are. I gave you a mild sedative to slow down those racing thoughts. You should be able to focus better now. It’s something I’ve wanted to try to start.’

 

‘Then pack up some vials,’ Mustang stood behind the doctor, arms crossed, with Havoc and Al at his side. Ed stared at the trio in confusion as Roy continued, ‘We will be heading to Central on the next train at noon.’

 

Doctor Nelson’s eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped in automatic refusal, but Mustang just shook his head in finality. The doctor looked at Ed desperately, as if wanting the blonde to argue. Of course he wasn’t going to. He needed to get the fuck out of here, and a streak of relief and excitement shot through him at the thought of getting back to Central. Back to regularity. Out of this damn hospital and back into his classroom. A year had passed, he would have new students. It was a shame that he never got closure with his previous classes, but he would give anything to just be able to stand in front of his blackboard and pretend that the past year had never happened.

 

His heart was a twist of wanting everything to have been a dream, and wanting to face Artabanus about everything that had happened.

 

He was never a very good pretender…

 

‘Should I get dressed, then?’ He asked, looking to Roy.

 

The General gave a horrific excuse for a smile and nodded, ‘Al has some clothes for you. We still have another hour before the train comes. If you hurry and get dressed, we have time to catch some breakfast at a café.’

 

Just the words sent a thrill of paradise through Ed and he nodded eagerly, already throwing the sheets back and nudging a still frozen Doctor Nelson out of the way. He hurried to the bathroom, grabbing the armful of cloth from Al, and paused just before closing the door when he heard Mustang address the doctor.

 

‘If you have just a moment, I need to ask you something about that medication you just gave Ed…’

 

The two left the room, and Ed glanced back at Al and Havoc questioningly. Al shrugged but Havoc had a grim look to him.

 

What were they hiding…? Obviously Havoc was in on it too, then.

 

It could wait. Food came first.

 

Ed threw the door closed and dressed with a swiftness that astounded Jean when he returned seconds later. The military man shook his head, disgruntled, and led them out of the room. With a final glance around at the place he had called home for half a month, Ed raised a blasé middle finger to it all and departed without looking back.

 

Seriously, fuck hospitals.

 

Nelson was right, he mused as they made their way down the hall towards the reception area, his thoughts had slowed to a sluggish drawl swirling around his skull. He could barely catch what he was even thinking about, the thoughts drifted just out of reach, skittering away each time he tried to touch them. That was fine with him, though. It was a relief from the panic-inducing shit he usually had to deal with. Whatever happened to him being strong? Confident? Himself?

 

Knowing he’d been down this line of thought before, he stopped himself abruptly and regarded Al at his side. How did Al see him? As his big brother still, surely. But there had to be a change in his perceptions of Ed, after seeing how the older Elric had reacted to certain situations recently. Al had to think he was weak now. And he wouldn’t be wrong. As long as they both still had each other, though, Ed didn’t really care.

 

Roy met up with them at the front doors and gave the familiar receptionist a final wave goodbye before they left. The sunlight hit Ed like needles to his eyes and he winced hard under the onslaught of brilliant rays. Hand raised to block out the harshest of the glare, he glared past his automail to scowl at Al, who was chuckling freely. Havoc and Mustang remained eerily sober as they led the way up the street. Havoc’s blue eyes continuously darted about in a calmly frantic fashion. They absorbed every single inch of everything around them, even as his body was mock-relaxed. Ed understood the caution immediately and began his own discrete observation of their surroundings, wondering what he would do if Artabanus did show up.

 

They found a little café halfway to the train station, and somebody must have sent a message to Western Headquarters because Winry was already waiting for them at a table nestled into the corner. Ed walked up to the girl and wrapped her in a hug, speechlessly glad to be out of the hospital and into the world again. The warmth of the girl under him comforted him further, and he was smiling lightly when he pulled away and took a seat. Mustang passed them all to sit in the corner, gaining the best sights of the small café in case of emergency. They ordered sandwiches and coffee and the three friends from Resembool smiled and laughed lightly while the military men remained tightly wound and somber.

 

As Winry and Al fell into a conversation about Granny Pinako, Ed zoned out to focus in on what Mustang was saying to Havoc.

 

‘I promised Lieutenant Amsel that I would personally search for General Tulson’s permanent relief. I’ll have to have Hawkeye present some profiles to me when we get back. I also have to meet the Fuhrer and give a press conference about the ongoing Drachma negotiations, not to mention debriefing the public and warning about these Ukreytan crime rings… so I have a lot on my plate. I would really appreciate it if you could take Ed and Al and set them up at my place when we get back to Central. We can set Winry up at Gracia’s. I doubt Artabanus would go after Winry, but we have to be safe and keep her out of the way.’

 

‘Wait,’ Ed objected, ceasing both conversations, ‘what’s wrong with my apartment? Why do we have to stay at your place?’

 

Roy gave him a plain look that had ‘you’re an idiot’ written all over it before saying flatly, ‘Your apartment is fine, but highly unstable. I have expansive defenses at my home due to the nature of my career and goals, so you will be safer there. In addition, you would also have me to protect you at all times.’

 

‘And this will go on for how long? What if Artabanus never shows up again? I can’t very well stay chained to your desk forever,’ Ed argued, frowning.

 

Roy raised a brow, ‘Is there something wrong with being chained to my desk? I’m hurt, Ed.’

 

‘Why don’t you use those chains for something more useful, sir?’ Al snickered, making all eyes snap to him. Winry gave a scandalized gasp and Havoc’s sandwich dropped from his hands.

 

Silence reigned.

 

Only to be broken by the muffled thwap Ed’s palm made against the back of Al’s head.

 

‘Anyway,’ Ed snapped, face blazing as he turned back to Roy, who wore the most endearing baffled expression, ‘what’s your plan? You have to have one, right?’

 

Roy looked like he was struggling for words for a moment before he shook his head, ‘No, no plans, really. I just need you to be in my sight until Artabanus is caught. I will not allow a repeat of the last year. I will not allow you any more damages…’ he seemed to almost say something else but bit his tongue.

 

Ed scowled, wanting to demand what he was hiding, but held himself back. There would be better times. More specifically, in private with an adequate amount of alcohol surging through the General’s veins. That should get him talking some.

 

‘In that case,’ Al leaned forward, putting down his coffee and smiling tightly at nobody in particular, ‘I’ll stay with Winry at Gracia’s.’

 

Ed opened his mouth to protest loudly, but Al cut him off with a gentle shake of his head.

 

‘I’ll be putting you in danger if I stay with you and the General, Ed. What if Artabanus gets a hold of me? You’d do anything to get him to let me go. So I need to keep out of the way. I’m your weakness, Ed.’

 

‘How do you know he wouldn’t go to Gracia’s to get you?’ Ed snapped, pushing away his food now to glare at them all, ‘Do you want to put Gracia in danger, too?’

 

‘He won’t,’ Roy responded quietly, eyes boring into the blonde. Ed sat back at that and made a motion for Roy to continue, ‘Artabanus’ main interest is in you, Ed. He won’t take the time to go out of his way if he has an immediate opportunity to get at you. Alphonse and Winry will be safe at Gracia’s. I’ll even post soldiers there to guard them if you would like, but I can assure you Artabanus will not go after them.’

 

‘How do you know?’

 

‘I just know, Ed. There’s something much more important than any of us that he’s after,’ with that, Roy stood up, mumbling a quick ‘excuse me’ before heading outside quickly. There was a payphone just outside the window that he went to. Ed stared after him, frustrated and infuriated. Why couldn’t he just tell them all what was going on? Or at least Ed? Everything would be a lot easier if the blonde just knew what Roy knew.

 

Maybe it was about the nine months Ed had missing from his memory.

 

That would explain a lot.

 

He was already terrified about what he could be not remembering…

 

Placing his elbows on the table and ignoring the three remaining occupants, he rubbed his hands over his face in exhaustion.

 

Fuck not even half an hour out of the damn hospital and he was already tired as all hell.

 

_I can just sleep on the train. When was the last time I was even on a train…?_

‘Brother, please finish your food,’ Al murmured at his side.

 

Dropping his hands, the blonde grimaced down at his nibbled-on sandwich and shook his head slowly, ‘Nah, sorry, Al. I’ve lost my appetite.’

 

They finished eating and Havoc threw money down on the table to fit the bill before they made their way back outside. Mustang was still on the phone so they hung back at a respectable distance. Ed, lost in thought, almost missed the tug Winry gave to his short sleeve. He glanced over at her and she gave him a sunny smile before pointing out into the street,

 

‘Look around Ed. Breathe it all in.’

 

His eyes turned in the direction she pointed and he observed the bustling people, the scurrying children, the flight of birds landing and taking off along the street. The cobblestones shone practically porcelain in the searing light of the sun. It was warm for approaching winter, and he absorbed the feel of gold soaking into his skin, and shivered at the slight breeze that spiraled down the tunnel the street created. It was all gray and brown and tan, and so beautiful.

 

He smiled thankfully at Winry, and she simply winked back endearingly.

 

Mustang, finally finished with his call, came back out and immediately started towards the train station once again. His shoulders were tense, and unease rippled throughout the rest of the group as they made their way behind him. Ed raised a brow at Jean, who simply shrugged, as clueless as him. Silence reigned until they reached the train station.

 

By that point, the noise of the multitude of people drowned out any chance of conversation, despite Winry and Al beginning an attempt at small talk over the ruckus.

 

Their train was already boarding so they made their way to the back compartments. They all settled in awkwardly, another silence beginning to stretch. Ed was looking around at the other occupants suspiciously, still unused to so many people at once after a year of solitude. It was uncomfortable and distressing, this feeling of tense unease.

 

‘So big brother,’ Al murmured from beside him, ‘are you alright? How is it being outside?’

 

‘It’s good, Al,’ he responded automatically with a brilliant smile. Because despite the anxiety, it really was good to be out of the hospital. He hated hospitals.

 

‘Good,’ Roy answered before Al had a chance, ‘Because you’ll be by my side in front of the newspaper journalists when talking about the Ukreytans. Fuhrer’s orders.’

 

 

 

 

           

 


	23. Chapter 23

Puppet Chapter Twenty Three

 

**_AN: I will finish this son of a bitch._ **

 

Everything rocked with a gentle, soothing, jolting rhythm; a familiar feel amid the whisper of voices and thick, cloying scent of leather, perfumes, and men’s heady colognes. The feel of the train rocketing over the tracks brought Roy back to a time long ago, to one of his first assignments as a Major and State Alchemist.

 

_ Sitting stiffly, eyes venturing around the train car, alighting upon each stranger with a due measure of suspicion, he thumbed a manilla report and wondered about the two supposedly gifted alchemists in this area. Half of him was eager to meet these alchemists and see if he could coax them to join the military’s ranks, the other part of him was grimly hopeful that they refused. He knew what he’d been getting into, joining the military. _

 

_ They may not. _

 

_ A glint of gold caught the corner of his eye, blinding him for a moment with its silent cry for appraisal, and he acquiesced almost immediately, turning to face the window. The sight was indeed beautiful, the golden saffron sunlight gleaming down like a shimmering veil across the modest, clear green of rolling hills and sparsely spotted trees. The sun commanded him to watch the swiftly passing scenery and he did, for the rest of the ride he let the liquid, untouchable gold devour his thoughts and worries, resting easy in its gentle warmth. _

 

It was similar now, he reflected with a small smile as he looked straight ahead to the opposite booth, where Ed leaned against the window, not so surprisingly asleep. His ponytail had come undone through all his shifting and switching positions so his long, slightly scraggly hair flowed down around him like a silken gold veil. His relaxed features and barely parted lips made him look like a cross between an angel and a pretty cherub, despite his adulthood. He was gorgeous, every bit as vibrant and commanding as the sun. He was a drop of the gods’, or Truth, or whatever’s brightest light and strength; gifted like the venus flytrap- to draw in and destroy. Unintentionally, of course. Ed was nothing but moral and direct, but that invisible, unexplainable  _ draw  _ to him gets him in trouble. The rosy sun suddenly hit on the young man’s blonde hair, consuming it and reflecting a gleaming rose gold. 

 

It was a beautiful sight, only disrupted by Havoc’s constant murmuring as the lieutenant updated him on trivial but necessary matters. Roy didn’t bother listening, it would all end up on paper eventually. The further east they went, the warmer the train became, making Roy sweat and the somewhat bad cut on his brow sting horribly. It was better than his shoulder, which ached and had white-hot pain flashing to it every time he moved. Helltem had indeed left a little hell with him in the bullet would he so kindly received from the sniper. 

 

Shaking himself from the reverie, Roy cut Havoc off, ‘How far out are we?’

 

The rough, blonde lieutenant hummed and checked his watch, before gazing up and calculating silently, ‘About… two hours, I’d say, until we get through the industrial district.’

 

Roy nodded and turned to look back at Ed, Havoc having stopped talking now and was looking out the window, when the feel of someone staring intently had Roy looking over to Alphonse and Winry.

 

The fierce girl’s eyes were locked on him icily, and glanced to Ed and back to him, her eyes narrowing. A sharp feeling rose from Roy’s gut and twisted around inside his chest at the look, and the recognition in it. Something like fear hummed inside his muscles, making them cold and tense as she stood up. Al, asleep at her side, stirred a bit as she passed. 

 

Knowing when a hard conversation was to be had, the General rose as well, letting her meet his eyes hotly again before she started towards the back of the car. He followed close behind, ignoring the puzzled look from Havoc and now Alphonse. At the end of the car there was the door to the tiny ledge outside. Without hesitation, Winry fought the door open and stepped into the thunder of the wind. Roy joined her, yanking the door closed and turning just as she shoved him full-strength against the door.

 

Stunned, he could only stare wordlessly as she struck him hard against the cheek with her palm. Head directed towards the side, he listened through the buzz of hurt as she slapped her hands together and yelled over the roar of the wind, 

 

‘Now that _ that’s  _ over with, you’re fucking  _ disgusting _ !’

 

He slowly turned his head around, neck twinging and the slash across his brow turning sore in the cold, and met those striking baby blue eyes. There was a fire burning in them that was so similar to Ed’s that it took Roy’s breath away for a moment. 

Continuing, she took a step back and crossed her arms, leaning forward slightly to shout, ‘You couldn’t just NOT fall in love with him, could you? It’s bad enough he’s already been through everything he just went through! I swear to the gods if you hurt him…!’ 

 

She stopped, stooped over slightly to take a shuddering breath, before looking up again with watery eyes, ‘I know I can’t stop either of you, but don’t you dare hurt him!’

 

‘I won’t,’ Roy immediately assured, not even bothering to deny the accusation. 

 

Her eyes said that she didn’t believe him whatsoever, but she played along anyway, ‘Good… because if you do… I’ll kill you,’ and it was said so softly a tremor worked its way up Roy’s spine. He didn’t doubt her. 

 

Her round cheeks were rosy in the cool, brisk wind, and Roy felt it just as badly, but for several seconds they both stood silently in the cold still, waiting to see if the other would add anything to the brief, painful conversation. Eventually, Roy smiled slightly, and Winry’s lips twitched back, before the General let the both of them back into the train car, the warmth slamming them in the face like the heat from an oven. 

 

When they got back to their area, Ed was finally awake, his tired golden eyes lighting on them curiously, a tiny bit of concern reflecting back at Roy. He shook his head slightly and dropped back into the seat across from the blonde, crossing his arms and ignoring the last pointed look that Winry gave him. 

 

‘Alright, Fullmetal. When we go in front of the media, we’re going to keep things short and simple, okay? Just a brief summary of what’s happened with the Ukreytans and the human trafficking. Steer questions away from yourself and focus on the Ukreytans. I’ll give the warning about keeping children in sight and the details. I just need you to step up, show yourself as alive, healthy, and strong. You’re still a figurehead and loved by the public. Just showing your face will be good enough.’

 

Ed’s expression twisted with distaste but he slowly nodded, ‘I can do that.’

 

‘Good, we’re almost there. Do you want to go over a specific script? Would that help?’

 

A wry smile was his answer, ‘Come on Mustang, don’t you remember I’m not good with plans? I can improvise.’

 

Roy’s chest warmed at the familiar tone, the sarcasm, Ed’s old expression of teasing irony. It was a comfort unlike any other. After everything that had happened, it was a blessing. But Roy fought to keep these emotions off of his face, just dipped his chin and sat back, crossing his arms comfortably across his chest and letting his eyes drift shut. 

 

Dozing in and out, he was shocked awake at Havoc’s hand warm on his shoulder.

 

‘Almost there, boss.’

 

Roy cleared his throat and sat up straighter. A few minutes passed and they were finally slowing and rolling into the train station… where over a hundred people crowded inside, and a huge group of reporters ran up and down the length. 

 

‘Not here,’ he murmured to Ed, who had a panicked look on his face that made Roy’s gut wrench, ‘don’t worry, Hawkeye will have a group to walk us through.’

 

Which was true. As soon as Roy had one foot off the platform, raising a hand, Hawkeye was at his side, followed by Breda and Falman and about ten other soldiers he didn’t recognize. Military police, he realized as he eyed the ribbons on their shoulders. Nodding to Hawkeye, he waved Ed ahead of him so that he’d be snug between his Lieutenant and him. The rest got in behind him and were branched in by a few military police. The rest drifted away and began pushing and blocking the crowd as they began moving. Questions were shouted in their direction, silver glinting off a hundred sets of gleaming teeth, feverish eyes locked on Ed. And Roy admired the ramrod straight set of the blonde’s spine, the stiff shoulders and raised head. 

 

Anyone that claimed Ed was no longer a soldier would be sorely mistaken. 

 

They reached two private cars on the curb after several seconds of claustrophobia and stress. Roy piled Ed and Al into one and got in the passenger seat beside Hawkeye as Havoc let Winry into the other. 

 

It was a smooth transition from the train station to Central HQ, and Mustang could only watch the emotions playing out on Ed’s face in the rearview mirror with pleasure. Excitement, trepidation, warmth, reverence, they all cycled through the blonde’s features, following one after another as golden eyes flickered around the passing city. Somewhere familiar, it probably helped Ed to see and feel that sense of coming home. 

 

He looked out the window himself, curious and wondering how Ed saw the same things. Would they be painted different colors to the young man? Would it be red and gold, even as Roy saw gray and black?

 

Looking out the window, he tilted his head into a hand, consciously ripping his thoughts from Ed and moving them to review the list of priorities. Do this press review with the media, get the Risembool trio set up, plan the debriefing about the Drachma negotiations, catch up on paperwork… 

 

They piled out at Central Command, where the media was already beginning to gather, the word that they were back obviously being passed around by word of mouth. Just Roy, Havoc, and Hawkeye were there to shepherd the trio inside but it went mostly seamlessly, only having to shove one too-eager reporter to the ground as they went past. They strode straight up to Roy’s team’s office and cheers went round as soon as Ed stepped in the door. 

 

A bottle of whiskey that Roy certainly did not see was passed around in celebration, pulled out from under cheeky Fuery’s desk, and Roy could only watch and soak it all in as his team chattered and Ed openly laughed, rosy life breathed back into his cheeks at the attention and the love poured on him like honey into tea. 

 

The General glanced out the window and saw more press gathering. He didn’t want to break up the celebration, but it was about that time. He could practically picture Grumman’s pinched, impatient face. Rolling his eyes and taking a small breath, he turned back to the team and made the announcement,

 

‘It’s time to face the media. Are you sure you’re ready, Ed?’

 

The blonde looked up, the enjoyment draining from his eyes, but he nodded minutely. 

 

Mustang led the way out the door and the rest of his team ushered Al and WInry into seats. 

 

Just walking side by side with Ed was… difficult. The guilt eating Roy up over having to force Ed to do this was consuming, swallowing him in an anxious tsunami as he glanced over constantly to assess the blonde’s expression. Judging by the look of it, Ed was as nervous as him, teeth tearing at a lip and eyes flickering around the halls as they walked. 

 

Something ridiculous made Roy want to reach out and fold Ed into himself. He had to take a step further away from the blonde, not trusting himself with the urge. Still, he didn’t know how else to comfort Ed, and so they walked in silence. Before they could step out onto the parade ground though, Roy put a hand on Ed’s shoulder to stop him.

 

‘Just the basics, remember? The enemy is from Ukreyt. They abducted you. The one that did so has been eliminated. Others may exist. We have Investigations looking into it. Watch your kids. That’s it, that’s all we have to do.’

 

‘You already said all that,’ the blonde answered crossly, his eyes narrowing at Roy. 

 

_ Don’t treat me like a kid. _

 

_ Okay, okay.  _

 

He let go of Ed’s shoulder and they each grabbed a door, opening them in sync, to the calls of the reporters.

 

They walked out a couple of paces to where the media was, for once, calmly gathered and unmoving. Roy raised a hand and the questions died out into silence.

 

‘My name is General Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist. Today we need to talk about a threat that has arisen that we need to address, for the safety of the public.’

 

A few of the supporters had looks of trepidation, but turned transfixed once Ed began talking.

 

‘My name is Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist. A little over a year ago I was abducted by Ukreytans. Ukreyt is the country to the East of Drachma, apparently a small nation but rich in cotton, a thriving nation that is rich because of its resources. The one sect that I was abducted by has now been eradicated-’

 

‘Major Elric, what happened while you were abducted?’

 

‘In what condition were you kept?’

 

‘Why haven’t we ever heard of any “sects”?’

 

The eager questions were thrown out and Ed cleared his throat to speak over them, just a second before Mustang would have.

 

‘AS I WAS SAYING. It has now been eradicated. However, there are more than one,’ more questions began to spring, but Ed just talked over them, ‘there are more than this one that exist right here in Amestris, right under our noses. We’re not sure how many right now, but Investigations is working on it. They seem to only be after our children,’

 

To which cries of horror arose.

 

‘So we need to keep them safe, keep an eye on them. If they are blonde haired and blue eyed, they are in the most danger, keep them close to you.’

 

‘If they are after children, why’d they abduct YOU?’

 

‘What happened during those months you were abducted? Were you tortured?’

 

‘Major Elric, what are they using the children for?’

 

‘Why did it take the military so long to locate you?’

 

‘How exactly are we supposed to keep an eye on our children twenty four seven?’

 

Mustang finally spoke up after seeing Ed’s lost expression, ‘We’re not certain the exact reason the children are being abducted, although it does seem for ill intent of course. All you have to do to keep your children safe is to always have either yourself there or tell them to stay in public. No sneaking off, don’t go anywhere with strangers, just keep an eye on each other and your children will be safe.’

 

‘But what happened to Major Elric? It was over a year, we have to know! The public wants to know!’

 

The General opened his mouth again, but Ed stepped slightly forward and before Mustang could gracefully pull the blonde away, he began speaking,

 

‘I was abducted by an individual with the Ukreytan unit that had a personal interest in me. I had nothing to do with the children, just happened to be beside them in their situation. The man was interested in my alchemical skills and I was kept mostly safe and without harm…’

 

_ Bullshit _ .

 

‘But don’t let that comfort you. These Ukreytans are  _ sadists _ . They’re disgusting with a religious cause. We’re serious. Watch your children. Keep an eye out for the ones on the streets too; if you’re a human of any conscience, try your best to try and help them get indoors. Thank you.’

 

More questions were called out but Roy was already subtly dragging Ed back inside, unsettled by the stony set of his former subordinate’s features. Those gold eyes were roiling with an oily lackluster daze, the younger man’s lips twitching sporadically, the tense crease between his eyebrows unflinching. It looked like deep concentration, but Roy sensed something else there… pain, concern, stress, he wasn’t sure exactly but it wasn’t good.

 

‘Are you okay?’ Roy asked quietly without looking down at Ed as they made their way back up to the office, ‘I’m so proud of you for going out in front of them and doing that with me, but are you okay? You didn’t have to answer that last part, you know.’

 

A scowl bridged across Ed’s face and Roy wasn’t ready for the head that whipped around, the gold eyes striking him through with fire, ‘I’m not a fucking kid, Mustang. I don’t need your pride or your concern. I’m. Fine. I’ll be okay.’

 

_ Okay then. The old Ed really is coming back bit by bit. Not sure whether to be glad or to wish some parts got left behind _ . 

 

Roy conceded without a moment’s notice, without thought, that that was a lie. He smiled slightly even while Ed was still glaring, causing a riotous huff from the blonde as they walked. Saying nothing more for the rest of the walk, the General pondered the press release and hoped that would be enough to quell too much curiosity and to keep the public aware and wary enough to stay cautious.

 

Everything was still chaotic in the office, with Fuery chattering excitedly with Alphonse and Winry quietly talking and smiling with Hawkeye, who for once wasn’t at her desk doing paperwork or standing above the rest of the team ominously. 

 

‘It’s done,’ Roy announced to the room with a slight upturning of the lips. Everybody sobered slightly but the positive atmosphere did not diminish. Ed was again dragged into the celebration and Roy added, ‘We still need to set up up our golden trio for their stay in Central. I’ll be back out in an hour. Nobody better be drunk when I check in,’ he arched a brow before heading into his inner sanctum.

 

As much as he longed to just lounge back in his chair and close his eyes for the next hour, he fought himself upright quickly enough and started searching through the stacks upon stacks of files, picking out the most urgent to look through and sign. The first ten minutes was difficult, listening to the activity in the other room and forcing his hand to the paper again and again, attention drifting as he read. But eventually it became easier as he sank into the activity. Like always it was a swelling, dunking feeling, like riding a boat through wavy waters covered with a mist. He ebbed and waned into the paperwork and was practically forgetting his outside surroundings completely- even his hand had numbed and was just flowing with his mind. 

 

In the end, two hours passed and it was Hawkeye who came in to retrieve him. She didn’t knock, just cleared her throat when she was in front of Roy, making him blink and look up hazily. Cocking her head slightly to the side, she simply smiled and her eyebrows rose.

 

‘The sun is about to set, sir. I believe now would be an efficient time to get the Elrics and Miss Rockbell to their separate homes. Gracia already has beds set up for Miss Winry and for Alphonse.’

 

Clearing his throat, Roy set down his pen finally and leaned back with exhaustion, letting the length of his spine to crack and relax, ‘Thank you, Lieutenant, I’ll be out momentarily. Would you please make sure everybody’s ready to go?’

 

She smirked, ‘The car’s outside, sir.’

 

‘Excellent.’

 

Gracefully exiting as usual, Hawkeye was gone and Roy’s dry eyes turned up to the ceiling as he breathed in a long breath before exhaling and stretching his arms. All he wanted to do at this point was to drop into bed as soon as he got home, but he still needed to clean up the guest room. He always had it ready for one of his team members if they ever lost their precarious living situations, but after so many years that room had become more of a study. There were papers scattered everywhere and he had alchemic notes covering the entirety of the bed.

 

After just a minute or so, Roy was peeling himself away from the chair unwillingly and straightening out his uniform once upright. He walked to the door and opened it to find the three youngest of the room already stationed around the door, ready to leave, and the rest of his team was gone except for Hawkeye and Havoc. Hawkeye had a set of keys and Havoc was just throwing his jacket back on. 

 

The man gave Roy a sloppy, two fingered salute,

 

‘Night boss,’

 

Before ruffling Ed and Al’s hair and stooping to give a blushing Winry a kiss on the cheek. He turned once more, winked, and was gone.

 

Roy turned to the trio and mustered up a tired, stiff smile, ‘Are we all ready?’

 

They nodded in unison, obviously exhausted as well, and they all filed out the door mostly speechlessly. Hawkeye began talking about how Gracia was already set up and what to expect in the next few days or weeks, but the conversation was quiet and Roy zoned it out without problem. Piling once again into the car, trio in back, Hawkeye behind the wheel, they headed out towards Roy’s house. 

 

The sky was flush with burgundy dusk, soon to turn that smooth cool lavender, then violet, then gray until black stretches from horizon to horizon. He stared out at the picture, letting everything in him relax, letting his mind go under the pink and dusk swirling above them without explanation or reason. Luminous in his head, the colors carried him away, no longer black or gray but exploding into the air.

 

Soon enough they were turning into one of the more affluent neighborhoods, a place where suspicious activity does not go unnoticed, and passed by house after house, which were separated by at least a hundred yards in between with green grass springing up around. It was a rare sight in Central, and so was further out than the usual suburbia, in a small preserved community. There were a few residents milling at the sides of the street, walking dogs or walking as couples with their hands linked. It was that sort of place.

 

A few blocks in, Hawkeye pulled up the drive of one of the houses that looked almost exactly like its neighbors.She eased in behind Roy’s personal vehicle and set the brake on. Everybody but Hawkeye piled out. Roy nodded to her.

 

‘I’ll see you tomorrow Lieutenant.’ 

 

She nodded back and he turned with the trio to walk up the stairs to his door. Closing his eyes, Roy took a breath and focused on the array for manipulating metal to melt the locks within, clapped his hands silently and pressing them a against the door, which immediately swung inward after. Ed didn’t blink but Al and Winry looked a little stunned as they filed inside. Just staying within the entryway, teary-eyed goodbyes were proclaimed between the three, with Ed just being angry for a moment about Al not staying with them. Everybody hugged as Roy ventured a bit further down the hall to give them privacy. He passed through the living room, noticing there was still a pillow and blanket folded up on the couch where Alphonse usually slept, and turned right- to the room beside the fireplace. 

 

The guest room was as messy as he feared, and so he immediately began to clean the papers off the bed, carefully stacking them and cataloguing the topic of each one before ferreting them over to the bookshelf. The bed being cleaned off, he moved to all of the journals and texts on the desk and those joined the ones on the shelves. All in all, five minutes passed, and when he turned around Ed was leaning against the doorframe with a small smile on his mouth.

 

‘How domestic,’ the blonde said cheekily.

 

‘How bratty of you to notice,’ Roy faked annoyance before returning Ed’s smile and waving him away from the door so he could pass through and lead the way to the kitchen. He was hoping Hawkeye had gone shopping for him and wasn’t disappointed to find a couple of premade meat and potato pies in the icebox. Pulling them out, he went about heating up the stove and setting the pans on the burners, aware of Ed’s searching eyes on the back of his neck from where the blonde had seated himself at the round wooden table. 

 

‘Why go about heating it that way? You just need to,’ from his peripheral he could see Ed snapping his fingers and amusement trilled through him, ‘and bam, perfectly heated.’

 

‘Because I like the domesticity,’ he grinned back, making Ed roll his eyes, ‘Sometimes things are better the natural way, Ed. Don’t give me that face- you know what I mean. I put the effort in and even though this meal is already made, it makes it more satisfying to me. It might take longer and take careful attention, but it’s almost like a relief… a break. A look into normalcy.’

 

Ed seemed to ponder this because he fell silent as the pies warmed. 

 

Minutes later Roy was placing the pies on the table, on plates, and handed Ed silverware before digging into his own. Dinner conversation was nonexistent, some dark aura having fallen over them at some point, and Roy didn’t feel like breaking it just yet. He’d been eating so little in the past weeks that he needed this without his appetite being yanked away. Obviously Ed felt similarly, for he didn’t try to break the silence either. 

 

After eating, he moved to the living room and broke up the liquor cabinet. Ed had followed silently and sat himself on the couch right where Alphonse typically sat. With another soft smile, Roy set a tumbler of whiskey in front of Ed and took his own usual seat, to the left of Ed, facing diagonally to the blonde. The younger man angled himself more to face Roy and clasped the glass in his palms as if it was a warm mug on a cold day. They were both quiet for some time before Ed started speaking, his eyes lifting from the floor to glance around the room as he talked, 

 

‘It’s been awhile. Since we were here, I mean. Drinking together. Y’know, I thought a lot about it when I was gone… just going to bars and drinking and having fun with the team. I never realized how much those nights meant to me, but I replayed them over and over while trapped underground in that godforsaken room…’

 

Roy weighed those words, something starting to tense inside him like a balloon taking up the air in his chest. The way Ed was staring off into space, he could tell that Ed was drifting back to the bunker not only in his mind, but in the present as well. 

 

‘That’s good that you had something to focus on… I’m so sorry we couldn’t get to you for so long… it really was my fault and now you’re-’ he cut himself off and swallowed thickly, heart heaving at his own words. 

 

Ed’s eyes snapped onto him with the intensity of a glaring summer sun, ‘I’m  _ what _ ? Say it Roy. I’m  _ broken _ , is that it? I’ve been hurt, yeah, sure, but I’m not a  _ cripple _ ! I’m so sick of people looking at me like a dirty, shattered  _ doll _ !  _ You _ most of all. I don’t want any of your pitying bullshit! Just treat me like before, I’m not ruined so  _ stop acting like I am _ !’

 

Lava throttled at Roy’s chest, ice splashing into and curdling in his ribs and heart. A mix of fury and guilt in such a mix to feel physically ill, ‘Fuck it, Ed, I didn’t say you were broken! You’re so upset that everybody is worried about you? How much of a selfish brat can you  _ be _ ? You were gone for  _ over a year _ , what do you expect from everybody? “Hey Ed, welcome back, oh by the way did you know it’s so and so’s birthday?”  _ You _ cut the bullshit! Stop acting like what you went through wasn’t traumatic! Accept what happened to you! Really take it in because it seems like you’re just trying to brush it under the rug and you can’t  _ do _ that! If you ever want to get back to normal you need to face it. And I can’t treat you normally Ed! Do you not realize how much I fucking  _ care _ about your dumb ass?  _ Think _ about it Ed!’

 

‘Right, you care enough to hide shit from me now. I know that you found something at the ruins that you haven’t told me about. So yeah, you care so much, I can see that.’

 

Roy opened his mouth but the fury was just burning hotter and hotter. He gritted his teeth, tossed back the rest of the whiskey, slammed the glass down, and stood.

 

‘The guest bedroom is open to you. At least use it. Alphonse never did, would rather cry on the couch every night while you were gone.’

 

With that, Roy climbed the steps, already swallowing back the regret after seeing Ed’s haunted features after his words. He didn’t want it to be like this, not on their first night in Central, but the anger on both sides needed to get out. That’s what he told himself, at least, as he was getting ready for bed that night. It was still early but Roy couldn’t go back downstairs now. The shame had kicked in like a slick oily ball rolling around his stomach and bouncing periodically into his throat. 

 

After climbing in bed and shutting off the light, he could only sigh, staring out the window into the dark violet-navy that spread across the sky like silk. Part of him wanted to walk back downstairs and apologize, try to talk to Ed more, but the main part of him decided that was a lost battle already. 

 

He closed his eyes and imagined Ed downstairs, curled up on the guest bed staring into space. What would he be thinking about? His time in Helltem? Old memories at the bar? Even further back memories to before the Promised Day? He couldn’t and didn’t deserve to know. He hadn’t even tried to pause and see it from Ed’s point of view. Or perhaps he could and just didn’t want to. Whatever it was, Roy had one more regret to add to a stack that spanned miles. 

 

Sighing roughly, he buried his face further into the cotton.

 

_ At least Ed is here, home with me, safe and sound surrounded by alchemic traps. Away from the West. Away from Artabanus. _

 

_ For now, at least.  _

 

_ He’s home. _

 

_ Welcome home Ed. _

  
  
  
  



End file.
